20. Tovan

20

TOVAN

M y eyes snap open to darkness.

For a moment, I’m disoriented, my mind hazy and my body aching in ways I’ve never experienced before. Slowly, the fog begins to lift, and awareness seeps in.

I have a kahl .

Deep in my chest is a new vibration. A song that sings only for her.

I blink, letting my eyes adjust to the dim light filtering through the curtains. As my senses sharpen, I become acutely aware of the warm body pressed against me. Donna. My mate. She’s tucked against my side, her breathing soft and even.

Carefully, I shift to look at her. Even in the low light, I can see the marks of our passion on her skin. A wave of tenderness washes over me, mixed with a hint of guilt. I know the rut is intense, but seeing the evidence of it on her delicate human form makes my core-beat stutter, makes my new core-rhythm falter.

I ease myself off the sleeping cushion, wincing at the protest of my muscles. As I stand, I survey the room, taking in the aftermath of my frenzy. The destruction is…substantial. Furniture overturned, drapes torn, personal items scattered across the floor. It’s as if a storm passed through, which, in a way, it did.

Me.

Glancing back at Donna, more guilt fills me. I have no idea how she will react to all this. Yes, she accepted my call. She accepted my bond…but she is human. Humans do not mate like this.

Her soft body accepted my every demand, but that doesn’t mean this was not a great sacrifice for her. For the rest of my days, I will make sure that she is taken care of. That she wants for nothing. That her happiness is profound.

It is a pledge I make as I stagger across the floor, taking a moment to brace against one wall.

I am weak. Need sustenance.

Something clenches within me as I cast my gaze back to the sleeping cushion. Vaguely, I remember pushing food and water into my mate’s mouth, but my memory is hazy. It could all have been a dream.

Leaving her to rest, I stagger into the front room, searching for food. There’s an open energy tab with one missing and I pray to the gods that Donna had been the one to take it before my rut claimed me. Taking the remaining tab, I lean against the wall, waiting for it to work.

Distantly, I hear a comm buzzing. Most likely Donna’s. I have no clue where mine is.

I stagger toward the sound, falling to my knees to retrieve the device from underneath a broken table.

My chest heaves with strained breaths as I accept the transmission.

A human female’s face is on the screen and I blink at it, recalling her visage. I met her once before. I remember now. I’d been in my nestkan, the sounds of her and her mate bonding echoing through the walls and making me yearn for something I thought I would never have.

Only, I have it now.

“Oh, hello Tovan. It’s good to see you. This means…this means it’s over?” Her piercing green eyes rival the color of my mane.

“It is finished,” I murmur, keeping my voice low as my gaze shifts to my mate. She’s still resting and I don’t want to disturb her. “We are one.”

“Fantastic!” The human screeches and I wince. “Oh, sorry. I remember how sensitive everything was after me and Varek…” She makes a sound in her throat. “I’m Catherine, by the way. Might as well introduce myself now, since you’re practically my brother-in-law.” She smiles, but it is hard for me to focus on anything except the fact all my muscles feel like string. I collapse on the floor, holding the comm up so I can see the screen. “Is…can I speak to Donna?”

“No.”

The human’s brow rises in, I suppose, surprise.

“She is still resting. It has been…hard on her.”

This Catherine nods. “That’s fine. I just wanted to check on you guys. Will it be alright if we stop by in a few days? We want to give you enough time to settle in together, but we also want to see her, if that’s okay.”

I want to growl. To tell them I don’t want to share my mate for the next few sols. That I want to tend to her in peace. But I am not barbaric. Donna needs these females. And…it is not only Arnak and me, anymore. She is right…I have new family now.

“A few sols, yes,” I breathe.

“Great,” Catherine flashes her blunt teeth. “It’s nice meeting you, Tovan.”

I tilt my head slightly in respect and the ping ends. The device slides from my claw to rest on the floor again as I settle back against the wall.

But there’s a grunt. A slight shifting of the female wrapped in the covers on the sleeping cushion. I’m moving without even thinking, crawling over to her, my gaze searching every inch of her that I can see.

“Tovan?” It’s a soft whisper, so unlike my Donna that for a moment, I fear the worst. Only, when my gaze snaps to her face, Donna’s eyes are still closed. She’s still sleeping, but calling out my name.

Warmth spreads through me as I dip my face into her neck, inhaling the scent of us and the many sols of our mating.

“I am here, my kahl.” I stay there for a few moments, enjoying the feel of her before I rise with a sigh.

It is slow going, but I set about putting things right. I move quietly, not wanting to wake Donna. Once the room is somewhat presentable, I return to the sleeping cushion. Donna hasn’t stirred. Gently, I lift her into my arms, cradling her against my chest. She mumbles something incoherent but doesn’t wake.

Moving slowly, I carry her to the washroom. The bath is large enough for both of us, and I fill it with warm water, adding some soothing oils I find on a nearby shelf. Their scent reminds me of Donna’s cottage, of comfort, and for a brief moment, I wonder if she’ll want us to return there.

I never discussed this with her. I have enough credits to get somewhere else. A bigger place. One where she doesn’t have to worry about a farm or animals. I also didn’t tell her that while I was working on her homestead, I surveyed part of the soil, found traces of the ore. That she will have enough to survive on for a long time, if she chooses to give up on the farm.

I know she’s been trying to think of a way to support herself. Saw how she worried about the bluebread she was making.

But she has ore. Donna doesn’t need me or her farm.

The thought almost makes me stumble. It is hard pushing it away as I lower us both into the water. She doesn’t need me. But I pray to the gods, that after this, after this claiming, she still wants me.

My throat is tight with this turmoil as her eyes flutter open briefly.

“Tovan?” Her voice is thick, husky with exhaustion.

“I’m here, lira’an.” I press my lips against her forehead. “Rest.” My treasure.

She nods, her eyes closing again as she relaxes against me. I begin to wash her with utmost care, my claws as gentle as I can manage as they glide over her skin.

Turning her so her back rests against my chest, I wash her arms, my claws sliding over them and down to her teats as I make my way down to—

I stop, core-rhythm rising in my chest.

“Gods,” I whisper, because before me is something I didn’t think I’d see.

There, etched into my mate’s skin, is a series of carvings, a design that calls to me at the very core. Kahl sigils.

It’s a Kari bonding mark. The symbol of our connection, etched permanently into her being. They say only the truest of mates bear kahl sigils, a blessing from the universe itself that we have found our home. My core-beat swells with a mixture of pride and awe.

Gently, I wash the sigils, using a single digit to trace their entirety. It is…beautiful. Just like my mate. Silently, I vow to always cherish and protect the precious gift the gods have given me.

Her.

Over the next few sols, I devote myself entirely to Donna’s care. She drifts in and out of consciousness, her body recovering from the intensity of the rut. I ensure she eats when she’s awake, help her wash, and hold her close as she sleeps.

As she begins to regain her strength, I see a new light in her eyes when she looks at me. A depth of emotion that mirrors what I feel for her. Something I never realized I was yearning so much to see.

One sol, as the star rises, painting the room in hues of gold and orange, Donna stirs beside me, her lashes fluttering open, those dark eyes, so full of life, meeting mine.

“Tovan?” she murmurs, her voice hoarse with sleep, but there’s a smile playing on her lips, a hint of mischief in her gaze. “Is that you? Or am I still dreaming?”

I can’t help the warmth that goes through me. I’ve never…I’ve never felt like this before. As if there’d always been a piece of me missing, and now I am complete. “It is me, lira’an,” I whisper, my claw tracing the delicate curve of her cheek. “And this…” I lean down, my lips brushing against hers, “is no dream.”

She sighs, a contented sound, and snuggles closer, her body fitting perfectly against mine, her warmth a haven I never want to leave.

“How long…” She murmurs into my chest. “How long has it been?”

“Six, maybe seven sols.” My gaze traces the delicate contours of her face, memorizing every detail, every freckle, every curve.

“Seven days?” She sits up, a sudden panic in her eyes. “Oh Lord, my farm! My oogas! They must be…”

I chuckle, pulling her back down, my arms encircling her, holding her close. “Worry not, lira’an. Your farm is thriving. Arnak has been taking care of everything.”

“Oh god, Arnak?” Her eyes are still wide. “He doesn’t even know me. I’ll have to pay him handsomely for—”

I growl. “You will do no such thing. He was honored to do it. You are his kahlesta after all. Worry not, I will reward him for his time.”

She settles against me slightly. “Did you apologize to him?”

“For what?” I grunt, pressing my lips against her skin, my tongue flicking to sample a taste of her. She trembles, shuddering in my grasp.

“You almost attacked him at the conference center.”

I stop moving, my nose still pressed into her soft neck. There lies the proof of my bite. My claim on her and with her pressed against me like this, her scent, her sweetness, I can feel myself growing hard again. I want to claim her once more.

It’s an effort to control it. My mate must rest. Recover.

I groan. “I was not in my senses. But yes, I did apologize.”

“Good,” she smiles into me. “Nevertheless, I’m glad you came to me instead.”

I stiffen, my claw tangling in her thick coils. “You should have run, lira’an. I would have suffered…but if I had hurt you, I might as well have died.”

She settles against me some more. For a moment, she says nothing. But then, “Tovan…I didn’t run, because I’m tired of running.” Then she looks up at me. “But this is real. I don’t have to run anymore.”

It’s like a question. As if she needs me to confirm something, and as I press my lips against hers, I do.

“You are mine, Donna Johnson,” I murmur against her lips, my voice rough with emotion, with a possessiveness that is no longer a threat, but a vow. “And I will never let you go.”

She smiles against my lips. “Is that why you call me your lira’an? Your melody of the sun?”

I grunt. So she knows what it means. “Your voice…it’s like the first dawn after a long, harsh cold. Warm, radiant, full of life. And you, lira’an…” I pull her closer, shifting so I fall between her thighs, my whole body lighting up as if I didn’t just spend sols buried inside her. “You are like the star itself, Donna. A fiery heart that burns away the shadows, a light that guides me home.”

A soft shiver goes through her as she watches me. There’s a slow smile on her lips, and her body is lax, not an ounce of tension.

“I enjoy your warmth, lira’an.”

Donna snorts but her soft smile is still there as she lifts a hand to trace patterns down my arm. “Don’t you think you’ve had enough of that warmth to last you for a while now?”

I inhale sharply before I release a playful growl. Pinning her arms above her head, I lean in to her, letting her feel just how much I want her right now. I see the moment she senses it pressing between her thighs. The same moment her breath catches.

“Never,” I whisper. “I will never have enough.”