32. Between Us

32

BETWEEN US

" E xcuse me?" Raine asked when Aster walked in her door and dropped a question at her feet that made her want to duck for cover.

"You heard me," he said. "Why didn't you tell me your dickhead ex came to see you last week?"

She pursed her lips, then felt them squirming around trying to form words that wouldn't come. What she wanted to do was shout, but she didn't do that often.

"How did you find out?"

"That's what you've got to say? How I found out? There are only a few ways I could have if you think about it."

She snarled. "My brother," she said. "No way my mother would tell you, but she would have told my father and he would have called in recruitments. River wouldn't seek you out even if he had time to, so that leaves Brooks. No way Ivy would do it. She'd understand me."

"Meaning she'd keep this from Brooks too?" he asked.

"I don't know if she would or not and it's not my business. But I can almost guarantee he kept it from her because I know she would have given me a heads up."

She believed that one hundred percent Ivy would have stood up for her, just like she'd stand up for Ivy if her brother was being unreasonable.

"That's between them," he said. "This is between us. Why didn't you tell me he was here?"

"Don't you trust me?" she asked. That never occurred to her either.

"Of course I trust you," he said. "But what I don't like is that when someone from your past who hurt you and has your family against them shows up and you don't tell me."

"I don't need you to save me."

He walked in past her as they'd been talking by the doorway when he'd shut the door.

"I don't like your choice of words. What did he say that you had to save yourself?"

She was almost scared of him right now. Not that she thought he'd physically harm her or anything, but he was definitely menacing looking. His eyes were darker than normal, his brown hair was a mess as if he'd been running his hands through it, and there was a muscle ticking at his jaw that she could see under his trimmed beard.

She took a deep breath. She'd been dealing with her brother her whole life and could handle Aster too.

"Nothing," she said. "Come in and sit down. First I want to tell you that you have no right to come in here and accuse me of anything. Or of doing anything wrong. I haven't."

He nodded and moved past her to sit down. "Fine. You didn't do anything wrong, but I still want to know why almost a week ago your ex came here to talk to you and you never mentioned it." He held his hand up. "I don't care that he went to see your mother and talked to her. That is out of your control. I do care that he knew you were dating someone and still sought you out. No way it was to catch up on old times."

She wondered if Aster was jealous but decided to not call him out on that just yet until she knew more.

"That's right. Out of my control. All of it was out of my control. I could tell my mother didn't want to tell me about it but felt she should give me a warning. At that time she hadn't told my father. I didn't know she was going to."

"Your brother said it slipped or something in front of your father and he got the rest out of her."

"So it was Brooks?" she asked. She wanted it confirmed.

"Does it matter?" he asked.

She liked he was loyal, but it was misplaced right now.

"It does to me," she said, crossing her arms.

"Fine. He knows you're going to get mad at him and didn't care."

"Do you care if I'm mad at you?" she asked.

"I'll deal with it. Or we'll deal with it after I get more information."

"What? Brooks didn't give that to you?" she asked. No way he knew. She didn't even tell her mother everything. She kept it simple that Colton showed up and she shut the door in his face. Now she was glad that she'd done that.

"No," he said. "I'd want to hear it from you anyway."

" Now you want to hear it from me. But you came barging over prior assuming I've done something wrong or kept something from you."

"Not wrong," he said. "But you did keep something for me."

She couldn't argue that point. "Maybe I didn't want you to know and feel sorry for me," she said quietly.

"Why the fuck would I feel sorry for you over that? Don't tell me you still love him."

"No," she said. "I stopped loving him years ago."

"But not when he broke up with you?" he asked. "You still held out hope he'd come back. You told me that. That you stuck up for him because you didn't want your family to hate him because you still saw a future together?"

Raine sighed and wished she hadn't told him that but wouldn't take it back or deny it now.

"I was hurt and upset over what he'd done. I've told you all of that. I don't need to relive it or say it again and again. I felt like a fool for not seeing what was in front of me, but looking back I don't know that I wouldn't have seen it."

"Tell me what happened," he said.

"Why do you want to know?" she asked. "If you're not jealous."

"I'm not," he said. "Not even close. He's lucky I don't hunt him down and break him in half for coming to see you."

She snorted. "It wouldn't take much. You're much bigger than him." He kept staring at her and she realized that he'd do it all night if she didn't talk. "He came back and said that he was divorced. That he realized I was the one he loved and he couldn't get me out of his mind. That he'd been trying to find that again."

Aster was almost growling over that and she wanted to laugh over his comment about not being jealous.

Probably not the best time to bring it up. "I don't know what he hoped to accomplish. He started out by insulting me that I never wanted to accept things that weren't in my plan. I don't know that that was the case. He felt like I never gave it a chance to not return here and I pointed out that he never even gave me a chance to think about it. He made me feel like crap all over again. All these doubts that maybe I was too controlling and overbearing."

"I don't know that you've got it in you to be controlling or overbearing," he said.

"I never thought I was, but it made me realize that I'm the one that talked about our future. A wedding and kids. All those conversations started with me."

"Did he ever deny them?" he asked.

"No. I told him that years ago too. He was guilty of not speaking up and allowing me to believe things he had no intention of doing. But then I got thinking maybe he had no idea of his intentions. He said he wanted to see what was out there and then the job just happened. Maybe if it hadn't, he would have found something closer."

"So you are still carrying a torch for him?"

"No!" she shouted. "I'm not. I'm telling you that he didn't know if he was coming or going and yet he expected me to know that too. We were both to blame for the way things ended. We were young and immature and didn't communicate well."

"Don't make excuses for him," he said.

"I'm not," she said, throwing her hands in the air. "I'm accepting responsibility for my part in it. Something he never did and never will. He didn't even ask about you or anything. I told him I was dating someone and knew that he was aware. I told him I was in love with you—though right now I'm not so sure. But he kept talking about himself as if you didn't exist."

"All the more reason for me to have known so I can make him aware that I am here and won't tolerate him bothering you again."

"What's this all about, Aster? I don't understand. I didn't tell you about it because it's as I said. I realized a lot of things when he showed up. Maybe it was a good thing too."

She could tell he didn't like hearing that. "What was good about it?"

"For one, he's not the person that I thought he was. Not just in his actions from before but now. I'm not sure what I saw in him other than it was a first young love. He came here looking almost preppy. Like he was someone he wasn't back then. Who is to say who the real him is? People change. But he's not someone I'd be attracted to on the street either. Not the person I am now."

"Who would you be attracted to?"

"You," she said. "I'm not sure how to get you to believe that. Or realize that I'm not keeping anything from you of importance. It's as I said. I've had a few days to think about this. Once I got past the anger at his audacity. What I concluded was that I would have been miserable if he came back here and I married him. He would have been miserable being someone he wasn't too. We weren't meant for each other. End of story."

"He didn't have to be a dick about it to you," he said.

"Nope, he didn't. But he was and he still doesn't see it. That's on him, not me. He's staying with his parents before he can get into his place. He's got a job in New Haven. He's looking for a place I believe. I don't know. I don't care. But if you want to go flex your muscles then I'll give you his parents' address. I believe they are still in the same house."

She was hoping he didn't call her bluff. "I'll take a pass," he said. "Because if I wanted to know where his parents lived I would have gotten it from Brooks. Just remember that."

She wasn't sure why she didn't think of that. "What's the real reason you're all worked up? You say you aren't jealous and I'm telling you there is no threat. What else is there?"

He looked as if he was in thought. Or maybe hesitating and not wanting to say. But she was going to stare him down like he'd been doing to her.

"I didn't want you to get upset again. Brooks said Colton messed you up good. I don't want to think of what you went through and thought I could be there for you if it happened again. But you didn't reach out and I started to wonder if maybe you were keeping it locked in. It's never good to do that. Or maybe you didn't think I was enough to be there for you to help you get through."

"No," she said softly. Guess she was wrong about his intentions too. "Not locked in. There is nothing to lock in at all. It's out. It's gone. That Friday it happened I was pissed. I cried. I had flashbacks all night."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"Because you were working and had things to do. I needed to do this myself and am glad I did. I don't need you or my brothers saving me. And that is a figure of speech. I needed to understand this all on my own and I did. It's better that way. Call it a lesson learned."

"You're never too old to learn," he said.

"No," she said. "Are we good now? If you came over here to see if I was fine, the answer is yes. I am. I have what I want and need in my life. The question is, do you?"

"I'm getting there," he said.

"Then that is better than nothing."