22. Not A Big Deal

22

NOT A BIG DEAL

" P oor Daphne," Raine said later that night when Aster was sitting down for dinner. They'd had no plans for the night, but she missed him. He'd been busy this week and she was too. So many kids had been out sick this month and she'd been dealing with catching them up and talking to parents and walking them through schoolwork too.

Who would have thought first grade would have so much homework now? But if the kids got behind, it made it harder to move on without losing them at some point.

She never wanted that to happen and put more of her time in when it was needed.

"Yeah," he said. "But at least she will come for a visit. She texted me an hour after the call to say she did want to see me but not to worry about her moving here."

"Are you going to try to convince her?" she asked.

Raine placed the pot of sauce and meatballs in front of him; he'd brought the spaghetti over already after he'd sliced the bread.

She liked how they made such a great team.

Most people she knew just made their plates with the food in the kitchen, but she was old fashioned and liked to put it all on the table and have everyone sit down. Maybe it was because of how she was raised.

Aster never said a word about it and just followed her lead.

"I will," he said. "Will that bother you if she moves in with me?"

"No," she said. "Why would you ask that? Family needs to be there for each other."

"But it might be awkward having you stay the night there if she's around."

She grinned. "Aster, I've got my space here too. It's not a big deal."

"I said that to her. Maybe it would help if you did when you talk to her next."

She stood up and moved over to kiss him on the cheek. "I will. You're a great big brother. I'm sure you offered to help her if she wanted to stay in Texas too, right?"

"I did. She won't take it. I feel horrible for her. She has money put aside if she needs to move out, but the cost of living there, with as hard as she works, everything will go right into that. If she has to get a new car or anything and add that payment, she won't be able to do it and will be dipping into her savings monthly until it's depleted."

"Trust me," she said, "I know that. I lived at home for a long time after I was working to build up my savings and get my salary to raise some. I bought things little by little for the day I would move out so it wasn't such a big hit to my savings. I budgeted and knew what I could afford. I had a part-time job too for a period of time."

"How old were you when you moved out?"

She twirled her spaghetti on her fork. "I think twenty-seven, maybe twenty-eight. My parents' house isn't big. Living there, I didn't have rent to pay, but I have student loans and my goal was to get them knocked down as fast as possible. I was able to put a huge dent in them and refinance the balance for a lower payment with the same remainder of time. Maybe it wasn't smart to do that and I should have stayed to pay them all off, but I couldn't live there another day. Not that my parents aren't great."

"You wanted your own space," he said. "That is how Daphne feels but also feels trapped."

"I got to the point where I knew I could afford it. I'm not rolling in it. When I'm off in the summer, I normally teach summer school so I still have an income."

"There is a summer school in elementary?" he asked, grinning.

She loved that in the past month he was more loose and free with his emotions. He grinned and he smiled so much more. Even joked so that she wasn't left guessing.

"Not much," she said. "But kids transitioning to middle school need it. Or parents want to help those who might have fallen behind. I'm doing more of the higher grades then. Not many of the older teachers want to work in the summer. But I need the money. I would have had to find another job anyway and this lets me do what I enjoy but not full time. It's half days for most of the summer."

"I didn't realize that," he said. "I'm glad Daphne is coming here. She wanted me to go visit her and I figured I'd go this summer when you were off and we could have gone together."

"Ohhh," she said. "I had no idea. I do have some time off. We can do that if you want."

"I'd rather not," he said. "Trust me. I'd only go to see Daphne."

She found it odd that he had such a negative opinion of his parents still when they seemed somewhat nice on the call a month ago.

But she shouldn't judge because she didn't know it all. Even Daphne had made some comments like Aster in texts so there had to be more going on that she couldn't put her finger on.

"Now she will come here. I'll work on her to get her to stay if you want it."

"I do," he said. "But it has to be what she wants. She's worried about money and about depending on me. I know she'll find work somewhere. She's not fussy. And, sadly, she feels she has to do that and not find what she loves, but I understand the need to just survive too. Just like you said before. I survived and didn't live. Daphne is doing that too. I'm pissed now that I know how much she was paying my parents to live there."

"She had to pay your parents rent?" she asked. "I know people who have had to do that but then later their parents gave them the money that had been put aside. Like a savings they didn't know about but in the process helped them learn to budget."

"That would never happen with my parents," he said, letting out a snort. "They use that money as they get it. Daphne even said they have to go smaller with their next place because they won't have her paying half their mortgage. Plus she paid for most of the food and other things. I know the washer broke a year ago and she bought a new one because my parents wouldn't. They were going to the laundromat and Daphne didn't have the time."

"Do you think your parents did that on purpose hoping she'd buy it?"

"I don't want to even guess because it'd piss me off if that was the case. My father wears a uniform to work and the business cleans them, so he wouldn't have cared all that much. My mother never thought much of wearing clothes a few times before she washed them."

She laughed at the way he cringed. "I do that," she said. "Not clothes to wear out. Well, not true. I wear jeans a few times before I wash them. That is normal. Even recommended by some brands. But I only wear them a few hours half the time too. Mostly I'm just wearing sweats around the house when I get home for a few days before I wash them."

"That's different," he said.

"I do wash my shirts daily though. Just the thought of sweating in them grosses me out."

"It's the germ thing like me," he said. "Daphne is the same way. My parents not so much. But then, their clothes smell like smoke half the time anyway."

"To each their own," she said.

"That's my feeling," he said. "Anyway, thanks for letting me talk about this. We don't see each other much and I shouldn't be filling you with my family drama."

She reached her hand over and laid it on his. "I want you to talk to me about these things. That is what people in love do. You don't always open up and it's nice you are."

Sometimes she wondered what went through his head and the fact he was talking more made her feel like he listened to what she'd said months ago.

He was silent for a few minutes while they ate and she let him go. Then he said, "Do you want kids?"

"What?" she asked. "Where did that come from?"

He told her about the conversation with Poppy and what Ivy had said to Poppy. She laughed. "Yes, I want kids. I do love them. I know I'm getting up there in age but not to the point where I've got to feel the pressure. I love more what we've got, and where it takes us, it does. I should find out if you want them."

"If I don't, is that a problem for us?"

She frowned. She hadn't thought much of it and should have. "I don't know," she said. "I'd need to know if you didn't want them, why? Just because people want something doesn't mean it's going to happen for a number of reasons."

"I do want them," he said. "At some point. I know I can be a better parent than mine were and I turned out somewhat normal."

She laughed at his dry tone. "You're more than normal," she said. "You turned out just great. And if you want them then why say what you did?"

He shrugged. "Don't know."

"You do know," she said. "Tell me."

"I didn't know how you'd be if things didn't go the way you planned."

She let out a sigh. "Because of Colton?"

"It's been brought up a few times," he said.

"I was hurt at what he did. I felt deeply about returning to my hometown. Did that mean I was going to live the rest of my life here? Who knows? But family is my everything and I want to be here. Maybe if I'd felt strongly enough for him, I would have chosen differently. I decided that was a big part of it too. I wasn't willing to follow him somewhere."

"I'm not asking you if you're willing to do that with me, just trying to figure things out. If having my sister here is going to be an issue?—"

"No," she said firmly. "I told you that. That is silly and I'm not sure why you feel that way. Do you know how many people have to help care for a family member at some point in their lives? I'm almost insulted that you'd think I'd be that selfish just because I spent years with someone that I thought shared the same vision as me and then up and decided he didn't want it anymore. It's completely different. Colton never talked to me about anything. We had a plan and then he just got a job hours away. I didn't even know he was looking."

"Oh," he said. "I don't think I knew that."

"Because you didn't ask. You just assume," she said and went back to eating. Then she lifted her head again. "And, if you think I'd be upset that you were putting your family first when I just said family was my everything, then we don't have as good of an understanding of each other as I thought."

She was quiet for a minute and it appeared he was done talking.

"Is this going to be our first fight?"

"It looks it," she said. "But I'm mature enough to talk it out and not hold a grudge. Are you?"

He laughed and she looked up from her food. She'd been clinking her fork hard on the plate, breaking the silence in the room.

"Sorry," he said. "I didn't know you had it in you to get mad. I wasn't sure you even yelled at your students."

"What did I tell you about assumptions and me? Or judging me for what I did for a living?"

"I'm being put in my place," he said.

"You are. I'm not sure why you think this is funny," she said. It was defusing her anger some with the grin still on his face.

"I like that you're letting go too. Maybe this was a good thing. You know I'm opening up and I know you aren't this ray of sunshine all the time."

She shook her head. "No," she said. "I'm not. Maybe we are past the honeymoon phase where we don't want to be perfect all the time."

"I'm far from perfect," he said. "You know that."

"I'm not either. You're right. We can let it go and say and be who we are. I'm not mad. I understand you were just doing what I asked of you."

"If you're mad, I don't want you to hold it in. I didn't mean to insult you. I'm trying to understand."

"Then I'm sorry. I told you what happened with Colton. You can ask me more if you want. I was hurt. I was heartbroken. Yes, I had these plans and they fell apart. But I learned that is what life is about and pivoted. Just like you did," she said. "Maybe I had this worry when your parents said you had itchy feet, but you explained why you left and I never questioned it again, did I?"

"No," he said, reaching his hand across the table for her to put hers in it. "You didn't."

"Because I trusted what you said to me and I'm asking you to trust what I'm saying to you."

He nodded. "I will. I guess you put me in my place."

"I did," she said smiling. "Yay me."

He rolled his eyes playfully and she realized he had opened up and listened more than anyone else she'd ever dated.

It wasn't about winning but compromising and Aster knew how to do that.