Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

XANDER

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 4 P.M.

Things are going well. We're still in the competition. And have a good chance of winning. Erik doesn't hate me. My brother is still acting weird, but he's allowed to go through things. It might even be his turn.

So, of course, I freak out. Self-sabotage? Or are there just too many people around?

It's the end of the day, and our last event went perfectly. Dom and I were in sync, just like old times. Better, actually, because I don't think I've seen him smile this much in a while.

But then everyone converged in the lobby, and I lost track of my brother. I thought I saw him, but he was dressed in a different color shirt, so maybe it wasn't him. I do not people well on a good day. On a stressful day when the people seem to multiply? Not well at all.

It's been a while since I've had a meltdown. A month at least. But when my chest tightens, and I can't seem to get air in my lungs, I know it's a bad one. I take deep breaths…or I try to, but a woman with a huge purse knocks into me, and I can't—anything.

Curling up against the wall, I try to escape. It's either the wall or the floor. And getting trampled is too much of a possibility. My body shakes as my heart tries to burst out of my chest like an alien life form. The pain is sharp and unbearable. I'm dying. I know I'm dying. Even when the logical part of my brain points out I've been through this before and I'm not actually dying. But the rest of my brain isn't listening. It's not been this bad before.

This time, I'm actually dying.

I need my brother. Dom will help me. Why isn't he here? Is he deserting me too? I can feel the tears on my face, but it would take more energy than I have to wipe them away.

"Xander?"

The voice is warm. Reassuring. I lean into it. Needing to feel grounded. An arm goes around me and leads me…somewhere. I don't really care where. As long as there are fewer people and a heart doctor to save me.

"Are you okay?" he whispers, pulling me closer against him as we walk.

"I'm dying."

"Let's find someplace quiet."

I nod because talking takes too much energy. The din of the crowd gets softer. Then the arm is gone and I hear the click of a door shutting. Nothing but my harsh breaths. Did he leave me? My eyes open in panic. "Erik?"

He's next to me in an instant. "I'm here. It's okay."

"I'm dying." This time, I say the words with more sass.

He bites back a grin. "I know."

"Then why did you let go?" I hold out my hand, needing to touch him. To feel his strength.

His eyes soften and he takes my hand. Then wraps me in his arms. "I'm sorry."

I'll be embarrassed later. That thought sits in the back of my mind, but my focus is on feeling safe. Cared for. And that's all that matters right now. "I need you."

He breathes in sharply. "Xander…"

The warning in his voice raises my heartbeat by a thousand percent. "Don't leave. Don't let go."

"I won't." He presses a kiss to my temple. "I should, but I won't." His fingers brush away the tears on one side of my face. His lips brush away the others. As he holds me, the tightness in my chest loosens and breathing becomes.

Awareness returns, bringing with it the sting of shame. "I'm sorry." I start to pull away, but Erik holds me tighter.

"No, you're fine. I've got you." He kisses my temple again. Then my cheek. My jaw. The corner of my mouth. My heartbeat changes. Less frantic and more needy.

"Erik, please." I'm not sure what I'm even asking for, but I turn toward him and our lips brush together, causing a fire inside me. I press my lips against his and he moans. Erik's strong hands cup my face as he kisses me harder. But it lasts only seconds before he pulls away and I try to follow.

"Wait, Xander." He steps out of my grasp and takes my hands. To remain connected? Or to keep me from grabbing him again?

Hot humiliation stings my cheeks. "Sorry."

"Look at me." Erik tugs on my hands until I meet his gaze. "Stop apologizing. You don't have anything to be sorry for. It's my fault." He swallows. "I…shouldn't have kissed you."

That's when I get it. The woman with the braids. They're together. "You're married." I try to pull my hands away before I break down completely, but he doesn't let go.

"What? No. Why would you think that?" He stares at me, and then his face clears. "Carinne? Xander, she's my sister."

All the tension building up again floats away, and I feel lighter. I let out a shaky laugh. "Your sister."

"I shouldn't have kissed you because you were upset and vulnerable." He closes his eyes, his lips pinched together in pain. "I'm so sorry, Xander."

I squeeze his hands. "Erik, hey. I'm okay now."

His eyes dart to my face and away again. "But you weren't?—"

I catch his gaze. "I'm fine." He searches my face, and I give him a reassuring smile. "Do you believe me?"

The tightness around his eyes smooths out and his shoulders relax. "Yes."

"Good," I say, giving him a smile. "I'm going to kiss you again." And before he can protest, I brush my lips against his. It's sweet for a second and then turns searing as he wraps his hands in my hair and pulls me closer. I clutch his waist as I deepen the kiss.

I've only kissed a few guys over the years. My first at a Homecoming dance when I was fourteen. But never like this. All consuming. Mouths open. Tongues touching. Getting as much of him as I can. He tastes like apples and cinnamon and goodness, and I can't get enough. Erik's hands move to my shoulder. He turns us and presses me against the wall. His body follows, and every inch of him pushes into me. He shifts slightly, slotting our legs together. I gasp as his leg rubs against my erection, catching my body on fire. The need for more consumes me, and I clutch his shirt as I try to get more friction.

"God, baby. Need to slow down. I've wanted you…this for so long."

His words don't make sense, but at this point, I don't care. "Can I touch you?"

A sharp intake of breath. "Xander." He groans.

"Please?"

He takes my hand and holds it to his chest. Not quite what I wanted. His heart is pounding. "First…I need to know. Are you still with Ren?"

"What? I'm not…I'm not with anyone." I don't tell him I've never been with anyone. No need for that added humiliation.

"Thank fuck," he says with a relieved sigh. He moves my hand down to the bulge in his pants, and my breath catches. He's so hard. Because of me? His hand covers mine and squeezes. The sight of both our hands wrapped around him…around his…dick…

A thrill shoots through me as he curls his fingers around mine and guides me until together we stroke him. I rest my forehead on his shoulder, enjoying the sight. The feel of his hard length. His groans of pleasure. He bucks against our hands and gasps. Damn, all these clothes. Frantic energy zips through me. I want to feel his hot, velvety length. Hear his cries of pleasure. Watch his face as he lets go.

All because of me.

"You're so beautiful. Sexy." I kiss the join of his neck and shoulder. When did I get so brave?

His hand tightens, stopping our movement. Is this it? The moment—but he lets go and steps back. I whine in protest. Erik shakes his head. "I can't. This isn't what I want."

Humiliation washes over me. God. What was I thinking? Why would he want me? Did I push him into this? "I shouldn't have?—"

"No, Xander. Wait." He tips my chin to catch my gaze. "I want this more than anything. But not a quick hand job in a dingy office."

"Oh."

He shakes his head. "You don't get it. I've fantasized about this. About you." He pushes my waistband down and brushes his thumb over my mole. "Having my mouth on you right here."

"Just there?" Where is this courage coming from?

His eyes darken and his hand tightens on my hip. "Not just there." His hand cups my throbbing erection. I thrust against his hand, needing so much more.

"Erik, please."

He squeezes and the pleasure has me feeling faint. I let out a sound I've never made before. "God, you're right," he says, his voice rough. "Waiting is overrated. I should just suck you off. Right now. Would you like that?"

I make that sound again. It's high-pitched and needy, and at any other time, I'd be embarrassed. But my mind is preoccupied with thoughts of his hands on me. His mouth on me. What do I want more? I sag against the wall and spread my arms out. Surrendering to him. "Whatever you want."

"Fuck, Xander," he says breathlessly as he surges in and kisses me hard. Then he sinks to his knees, his eyes on me.

I close my eyes, needing to last longer than this moment. He tugs my waistband down, exposing my hips. No belts or zippers. I can't stand the feel of them so there's nothing for him to undo. His warm lips kiss my mole, and I groan. I want his mouth somewhere else. He licks a circle around it, and I gasp, my eyes popping open. His head bent over me. His mouth on my skin. Oh God. I'm not going to last.

Erik kisses down my hip bone, moving my pants down as he goes. The anticipation is killing me. I squeeze my eyes shut and reach for my throbbing erection, but he slaps my hand away.

"Look at me, Xander." His voice is rough, and his hands tighten on my hips. "I want you thinking of me."

Who else would I think of? But that thought is fleeting. Erik's hungry eyes are on me, and then he pulls my pants and briefs down, exposing my leaking erection. I'm not embarrassed. How can I be when he's staring at me like that and licking his lips? I'm about to beg him, but then his mouth wraps around my cock and all thoughts are gone. Just pleasure like I've never felt before. He sucks me down. His mouth hot. His tongue teasing. Pleasure builds, and I press against the wall and thrust into his mouth. His hand cups my sac, and I'm gone. The orgasm hits, scrambling all my circuits. I can only feel as Erik grabs my ass and takes me all the way in, swallowing as I empty my release down his throat. As I come down from the high, panic sets in. I should have warned him.

I search his face for irritation. Anger. But there's none. His smile warms my heart and eases my nerves. "You're incredible," I say, touching his lips. He slowly gets to his feet, his eyes never leaving mine. His kiss is sweet, and I taste myself on his lips. It's different. But not in a bad way.

Ringing startles us apart. Erik pulls out his phone and stares at the screen as if in a daze. Shaking his head, he takes a deep breath and puts the phone to his ear. "Hey, sis." He nods and listens.

Awkwardness starts to seep in. My pants are still around my legs. Should I pull them up? Wait for him to finish? Should I go?

"Is it really?" Erik checks the screen and returns to his call. "Sorry, I lost track of time." His eyes crinkle in a smile as they lock on mine. "Just focused on what I was doing." He winks, and heat floods my face. "Okay, Carinne. I'll be right there."

Okay. We're done. I quickly pull up my pants. There isn't much of a mess since Erik got most of it. My face heats again at the thought.

He hangs up and studies me. "I gotta go. Are you okay?" His eyes are warm and caring, with no regret that I can find.

I nod. My smile grows bigger. "I'm great."

He grins and pulls on the medallion around my neck. His knuckles graze my chest, threatening to start another fire, as his thumb traces the symbol. His eyes return to mine. "Yes, you are." He kisses me again, his lips lingering for a second.

And then he's gone.

I get myself together, checking my clothes, and prepare to walk out among the masses. My anxiety seems to have vanished, and I laugh.

That was, hands-down, my favorite way to recover from a meltdown.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 5 P.M.

My good mood vanishes as soon as I reach the lobby. The crowds are gone but in their place is Paxton. Pacing. I stop and stare at him. What the hell is he doing here? Is this his way of making sure I fail? Or is something wrong with Mom? My pulse increases at that thought.

He spots me, and I have the urge to run back to the dingy office. "Xander. Thank fuck." He rushes over, and I take a step back. "We need to talk. Where's Dom?"

"I don't know."

"Can you text him? Call him?"

I scowl at him and cross my arms. "What's going on? And why don't you text him?"

His hands go to his hips, and he stares me down. "I did text him," he snaps. "He ignored me." Why am I the one always called out when Paxton clearly has an attitude most of the time?

"Look. I need to get cleaned up." Heat floods my face, and I try not to think about what just happened with Erik. "Can I meet you somewhere?"

His eyes narrow as he studies me. Can he tell I had an orgasm less than fifteen minutes ago? Can he smell it? Oh God. I back up, intending to make a quick getaway. He must sense my need to escape because he jabs a finger at me. "The restaurant. Twenty minutes, Xander."

Thankfully, Dom isn't in the room, and I take a quick shower before heading downstairs. The restaurant is full, which isn't a surprise. I spot Paxton at the bar. Great. He's arguing with Dom.

"You're a bit of a prick, aren't you?" Dom says, standing in a sassy pose with his hands on his hips. His nails are now painted a turquoise color. This isn't going to go well.

"What's gotten into you, Dom?"

He waves a finger. "Don't act like you know me, Mr. Tall Dark and Dickish." His eyes rake over Paxton in a way I've never seen before, and he waves his hand. "Although this is definitely working for me, so if you want to get in me, I'll be your Dom any day."

Paxton opens his mouth, but no words come out. His wide-eyed gaze shifts to me, and I shrug.

"This new Dom likes to be called Tor."

He puts up his hands. "Stop. I can't deal with this. I'm here about your mother."

"What's going on with Mom?" Tor asks, all attitude gone from his voice and his body. "Is she okay?"

Paxton sighs. "She's okay. Just depressed. She sits in her office and cries."

Tor nods as if this isn't unusual. "She gets this way every year."

"But never this bad." I've never understood why she always gets sad after our birthday. Dom thinks it has something to do with the picture. But I don't bring it up. Not in front of Paxton.

"Giving birth during a tornado has to be traumatizing and then to lose her best friend," Tor says, sounding more reasonable than he had moments before. Then I catch up with his words. What tornado?

Paxton leans in. "How do you know about that?"

Tor glares, and I've never seen that look on his face. He jabs a finger in Paxton's chest. "How do you know about it?"

How do they both know this and I don't? "This isn't helping." I put an arm between them. "What do we do?"

"Xander is right," Paxton says, and I wish I could record him saying those words because it will never happen again. "It's never been this bad. She needs a break. But to do that, she needs to know her business is in good hands."

Tor tilts his head as if trying to figure out what Paxton isn't saying. But his meaning is clear to me. We need to win this thing and prove to Mom we can do it. I can do it. Or I need to let it go and let Paxton take over.