15.

You forget that I love hard, but I hit harder. It's either unconditional or unconscious. Take your pick.

Text from Amethyst to Lazlo

T AMA'I

"I'm glad everything went smoothly while I was away," I said as I rinsed out my coffee mug. I put it in the top rack of the dishwasher and then closed the door and started the machine. "How was Kai?"

"You act like I'm new at this," Tutu said sassily.

"I know you're not, but I'm the one that took this on for Kiki and . . ." One of Tutu's eyebrows rose menacingly - it was the angry one on the left, not the questioning one on the right. The woman had raised me, and I could identify each of her micro-expressions because I'd tap danced on every single one of her nerves at least once over the years. Most of them twice, and when I was feeling really stupid, I might hit them all in one day. Today, she'd skipped all of her progressions and gone directly to the angry eyebrow, so I knew I was in trouble. "You've done a wonderful job raising all of us, but it's time for you to relax and enjoy yourself. That's why I feel bad for leaving you to go to Amethyst's. This was the third weekend in a row I've spent with her, and I was even at her house for dinner one night last week."

"The relationship is new, so it only makes sense that you are trying to find your rhythm together. I would hope that at some point when the new wears off, you might bring her home to meet the family, but if you're ashamed of me, I understand." I gave Tutu a scowl, and she snickered. "When do I get to meet this woman, Tama'i? I've never known you to be this serious about a girl before."

"We talked yesterday and decided to make this official," I explained.

"It wasn't official after the first weekend you spent alone with her?"

"To me it was, but things are different now than they were when you were young."

"Do you think your great-grandfather traded me for two mules and a dairy cow? No. Your grandfather courted me the way a man should court a woman, and then he introduced me to his family."

"I've been hesitant to do that because things aren't completely in the open between me and Amethyst."

"She's been lying to you?"

"No!"

"Then you've been lying to her."

"Absolutely not. She doesn't know why I went to prison, and she doesn't seem to care."

"Do you love this woman, Tama'i?"

"I think so." I felt my breath catch when I realized that was true and then admitted, "That's the first time I've said that out loud."

"If you love her, then you should tell her so. Our time on earth is fleeting, Tama'i Koa. I lost your grandfather when your mother was just a young girl, and I've missed him every day since. When something happens in my life, it makes me sad that he isn't here to share it - the births of our grandchildren and great-grandchildren, watching all of you grow up . . . those are things that your grandfather and I dreamed about together, but he didn't live long enough to see them happen. Tell your woman that you love her before it's too late."

"I want to tell her why I did what I did and make sure she understands the circumstances before I say the words to her."

"You should do it soon, Tama'i. Kai is restless again."

"What did he do?" I asked.

"What did who do? Why would you think something happened?"

I leaned against the counter and crossed my arms over my chest. "You'd think that since you can spot even the smallest lie from any of us that you'd be better at it yourself."

Tutu's smile disappeared, and she seemed to deflate as she rested her arms on the table and sighed. "He's so bitter, Tama'i. I don't know if it's because his parents are gone or what, but it seems that he's directing all of his anger at you. I don't understand it."

"I think I understand."

"You do?"

"How did he find out?" Tutu's eyes darted away, and I knew there was more she wasn't telling me, so I asked, "What happened, Tutu?"

"Six months ago, he started acting differently toward Bart - he seemed angry at him for no reason. I noticed his disrespect, but Bart blew it off and said it was a surge of testosterone and he was trying to find his place in the pecking order at home and at school. Some days it was fine, but then he was suddenly angry again. Your sister was very worried, so she looked on his computer to see if there were any clues there."

"What did she find?"

"She found that he'd been talking to some members of his father's family."

"Bart's family is awesome. How are they affecting his . . ."

"No, Tama'i. His birth father's family."

"Oh."

"Kiki had a long talk with him, and she thought things were settled. He told her that he didn't have any questions for her, so she left it alone, but she asked that he not talk to them any more."

"But when he did, they poisoned his mind against me," I said simply.

"I think so. Unfortunately, your sister got her orders, and there wasn't any other choice but for her to leave the children with us."

"Is he still talking to them? Has he had any contact with Leaga?"

"From what Kiki could gather, he didn't ever speak to his father. Leaga is in prison, you know."

"He is?"

"He must have forgotten the lesson you gave him."

I shook my head and not for the first time thought I should have just ended that man's life rather than leave him half-dead, but at the time, I wasn't thinking about the future, just the vengeance that was owed to him.

"Now Kai thinks I'm a monster."

"Deep in his heart, he knows that you love him more than life itself. You gave up so much for him, Tama'i. He shouldn't. . ."

"He doesn't know that, Tutu, and as far as I'm concerned, he never will. He should love me because I'm family, not because it's expected."

"He does love you, Tama'i, he just has a lot of emotions running through him right now. I remember how you were at his age - full of energy and uncertain about the world around you."

I laughed as I walked over and sat down in the chair next to Tutu. "I don't remember anything about those years other than my urgent need to get laid as often as possible."

Tutu frowned and slapped my arm, but there was no heat in it. I'd experienced her anger before, and this was half-hearted.

Suddenly sober at the thought, I said, "My actions back then are affecting him now, and that's exactly what I didn't want to happen."

"You did what you felt was right and just, Tama'i, and none of us fault you for that. You paid the price with years of your life, but you're back among your family now, and I can tell by the light in your eyes that you've found something good here in Rojo."

"I think I may have."

"I haven't seen you smile this much in . . ." Tutu burst out laughing and said, "Well, ever! You've always been my rain cloud, Tama'i, but it seems like the sun is starting to peek through."

"That's a good description of Amethyst. She's the sunshine, and everyone around her can feel her warmth."

"This is new, but I have a feeling that you'd like for it to stand the test of time."

"I think you're right," I admitted, ignoring the fact that it had only been a few weeks, and in the grand scheme of things, I had barely scratched the surface of everything Amethyst Hamilton. We'd been talking for a little less than a month, but I couldn't imagine how dark my life would be if I didn't get to see or hear from her every day. I finally admitted, "I'd like that."

"Does she understand how important family is to us?"

I laughed again as I relaxed against the back of the chair. "Tutu, I'm not sure that anyone could understand the importance of family more than Amethyst."

"What makes you say that? Does she come from a large family?"

"I've met dozens of people she considers family."

Tutu looked skeptical when she asked, "Dozens?"

"Let me tell you about the neighborhood she lives in . . ."

The heat coming off the asphalt paired with the heat coming from the engine of my motorcycle was almost oppressive, but the wind in my face made up for it as I took the gradual curve around the loop that skirted Rojo. Living in Vegas had been difficult for me, surrounded by buildings and throngs of people, but I'd found routes that took me out into the desert. Even though it was hot as hell, those trips helped me find my center and sanity. A few days after I arrived in Rojo, I mentioned to Fain that I wanted to take a long ride but wasn't sure where to go. He told me that when he needed some wind therapy, he rode the loop around Rojo, sometimes over and over.

Since I'd been riding for almost an hour now, taking the route Fain had suggested, I'd had time to gather my thoughts and think about the situation with my nephew, Kai, and my budding relationship with Amethyst. It worried me that she didn't seem to care about my background, but not in the way most people would expect. I'd never tried to hide the fact that I'd spent years in prison, so that wasn't something she could find fault with in the future.

However, I was concerned that she felt fine about my criminal history but would later find out that I'd almost killed someone - and had tortured him mercilessly - and change her mind about me. I'd met people before who seemed like they didn't have a problem with my background at first, but then something would happen and that was the first thing that came up.

Even though I'd never stolen anything in my life and that had nothing to do with my incarceration, the tattoo shop I worked at the year after I was released had been burglarized in the middle of the night. I found out about the crime when the police showed up at my door to question me because the owner had suggested I might have been involved since I was an ex-con. The man I thought was a friend had instantly gone from jovial and trusting to suspicious and hesitant.

I quit working there within the week and moved on, this time to another shop where I was sure I'd be accepted. I was, until there was a rash of muggings downtown that left one man beaten unconscious and I was rounded up as a suspect for the lineup. I knew that I hadn't done that and would never commit a crime like that, but standing in the lineup waiting for a stranger behind the glass to decide my fate was terrifying. What if they identified the wrong man? What if I was charged with something I had nothing to do with? My parole would have been yanked away, and I'd have found myself back behind bars - all because my history put me in the path of suspicion.

I didn't know if I'd be able to handle watching Amethyst's face change when she found out that I was considered a violent felon. Even this early in our relationship, the thought of letting her down filled me with anxiety. I didn't want to ever experience that reality.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a vehicle speeding closer in the left lane, cresting the hill I'd just come down. A speeder wasn't really a problem as long as I watched myself and they had their eyes on the road. However, the police car with lights and sirens that appeared soon after the speeding car was a big problem. I hit the brakes and hugged the yellow line, avoiding the emergency lane where there was gravel and debris that could make the tires lose traction, until both cars passed me. I watched them climb the next hill and disappear and made a mental note to tread carefully when I got that far, just in case the officer had pulled the speeder over on the other side that I couldn't see quite yet.

Because I knew that was likely the case, I moved over into the left lane now so I could avoid any problems and resumed my ride. As I crested the next hill, I wasn't shocked to find both cars at the bottom. The driver's door of the speeding car suddenly burst open, and a man jumped out and sprinted toward the officer who was walking toward the car. The officer had enough time to brace himself for impact before the man hit and they slammed into the ground and rolled out into the right lane of the highway. I hit the brakes, not just because I wanted to avoid them if they rolled further but because I couldn't pass by when an officer, or anyone else for that matter, was in distress.

By the time I stopped my bike in the center emergency lane a few hundred feet ahead of the stopped cars, another man had exited the vehicle and joined the first next to the patrol car. I jumped off my bike and sprinted toward them, making note of just how hard the officer was fighting back even though he was outnumbered and much smaller than the two men.

Without any warning, I barreled into the man who was kicking the officer and crushed him against the patrol car. I heard the glass shatter behind him and saw the light leave his eyes when his head snapped back and slammed into the roof of the car. Without even considering what that might mean for my future, I spun around in time to see the other man wrap his hands around the officer's neck and lift him . . . Holy shit! The officer was a woman!

He yanked her off the ground and slammed her into the asphalt before I could get to him. As he lifted her a second time, I did a roundhouse kick like I'd practiced on the heavy bag at the gym during my workouts and hit the man in the side of the head. He fell, but since his hands were still around her neck, he yanked her down with him.

I could see that she was still breathing as was her assailant. Without a second thought, I kicked him in the head again just to make sure he stayed out and if he happened to wake up, he wouldn't be able to do any more damage.

I dropped to my knees next to the officer and pulled off her mic that was clipped on her shoulder. I took a deep breath and engaged the mic before I said, "Officer down. I need help. Send an ambulance and . . and . . . Send everybody. She's down and needs help."

◆◆◆

AMETHYST

I looked over the chart as I listened to the mother and daughter having an argument behind me. The girl's mother was convinced she was on drugs, but the preliminary tests that I'd had the lab rush showed nothing of the sort. According to her blood work, she was a healthy fifteen-year-old girl with no illegal drugs in her system.

"Just tell me what you're on."

"I'm not on anything, Mom!"

"There's no reason for you to be behaving this way. You fell asleep while you were in driver's training, Emily!"

"I didn't mean to."

"You were the one driving!"

"But I'm just so tired!"

"You slept through dinner last night, and I had to drag you out of bed to get you to school on time. I want you to remember that honesty goes a long way during the punishment phase. You know how I work, Em. Tell me the truth."

"Okay! I've been taking vitamins!"

I slowly turned around and asked, "What kind of vitamins?"

"Who gave them to you?" her mother asked.

"I bought them at the pharmacy."

"What kind of vitamins?" I asked again. The young woman looked at me and then at her mom before she bit her lip and hung her head. Finally, she mumbled something, and I was positive I'd misheard her. "Say that again, honey. I didn't hear you."

"Melanin."

I saw the girl's mother tilt her head in question and then she looked at me with her eyebrows raised. "Is there a vitamin for that?"

"You're taking melanin? " I shook my head and asked, "What exactly is the purpose of this vitamin?"

"It's supposed to help me tan without the harsh rays of the sun. I don't want to look old before my time, but my skin is so pale that I need something to help me."

"And you bought this at the pharmacy? Straight off the shelf?"

"Yeah! Me and Tracy each bought three bottles."

"What do the pills look like? Do you remember the brand name?"

"They're gummies. I think mine are supposed to be wild berry or something like . . ."

"I need the brand, not the flavor," her mother snapped.

"Nature something. Nature Worth? Nature Gold? I can't remember. They're all natural, though! They're even vegan!"

I shook my head and closed my eyes as I tried to think of something . . . anything . . . other than the idea I'd come up with, but I found nothing. I asked, "You think these vitamins are going to help you tan?"

"Yes! They're called melanin!"

"Could they be called melatonin ?"

"You are fucking kidding me!" Emily's mom shouted.

I pulled my phone out and used the search engine to look up melatonin sleep aid gummies with a brand name that started with "nature" and found a few different choices, one of which was wild berry flavor. I held the phone out toward her and showed her the screen as I asked, "Is this what you're taking?"

"Yes! That's it! See, Mom! I'm not on drugs."

"Is it bad that, at this point, I'd be relieved if she was?" Emily's mom asked me.

I cleared my throat, and when that didn't completely suppress my laughter, I coughed. Once I had control of myself, I took a deep breath and schooled my features before I said, "Emily, the color of your skin comes from genetics and DNA, not a bottle that you buy at the pharmacy."

"Just weed. I could handle weed!" Emily's mom said in exasperation.

I cleared my throat again and then explained, "Melanin is made by special cells in your body called melanocytes. Everyone is born with the same number of melanocytes, but some people's bodies make more melanin than others. Your melanocytes make less melanin than mine do, that's why my skin is dark and yours is pale. There is melanin in every part of your body, and it works uniquely according to your DNA - your hair and eyes are light and so is your skin. That's because your melanocytes don't work like mine. My body makes more melanin than yours, and that's why my skin is dark and so is my hair and my eyes."

"I want to get a tan, but I don't want skin cancer."

"You have got to be kidding me right now, Emily."

"The gummies you've been taking are called melatonin. That's a hormone that your brain produces to help you go to sleep. It kicks into high gear as the light outside wanes and makes you start to yawn around dusk. You've been taking a synthetic version of that hormone, and rather than darken your skin, it's made you very tired."

"Am I being punked right now?" Emily's mom asked as she looked around the room. "Please tell me someone with a camera is about to pop out and yell, ‘surprise!.'"

"Mom, let's just look at this as a learning experience for Emily that taught her she shouldn't take any type of medicine or pills or gummies that she doesn't completely understand."

"Do you want a Tic Tac?" her mother asked sarcastically. "They brighten your teeth."

I sniffed and looked at the floor as I squinted my eyes and bit my lip so hard I was sure I broke the skin. Emily's mom was on a roll, and I knew that if I laughed, she'd get even more irritated and Emily's feelings would be hurt.

"If I tell you to eat an apple, are you going to eat a Jolly Rancher?"

I snorted and then cleared my throat as I turned back to my computer. When I was sure that I was going to be able to handle myself professionally, I turned back to Emily's mom and said, "We'll bill this as a well visit, and I'm sure your insurance will take care of it. If not, I'll waive the office fee, and you'll only be charged for the labs."

"Me? I'm not paying for shit. She can use her melanin money to pay today's bill!"

"That's between the two of you," I said before I put my hand on Emily's shoulder. "Sweetheart, someday, you and your mom are going to laugh about this until you're both crying. Today is not that day, but this is the kind of story that's going to become legendary in your family. Right now, your mom is understandably upset"

"I just want to be tan."

"You're right to avoid too much sun, but I'd suggest that you save your money. If it's really something you want to do, make sure you get permission from your mother and consider a spray tan." I started to turn back to my computer and then remembered a fiasco with Bella, Cydney, and Gracy so I put my hands up and said, "From a professional! Not from something you get in a bottle at the pharmacy."

"I have the irresistible urge to call your grandmother and apologize to her."

"For what?" Emily asked.

Emily's mother shook her head. "I have no idea, but I'm sure she deserves one."

"And I believe that I should call my mom and do the same thing. Emily, you understand me when I say that you shouldn't take anything unless you clear it with your mom first, right?"

"I understand."

"I'm sorry we wasted your time," Emily's mom apologized.

"This is in the top three wildest consultations I've ever experienced," I told her. "It wasn't a waste at all. Believe me."

"How long before that stuff gets out of her system?" Emily's mom asked over the sound of her loud yawn.

"I took one earlier when I was in the bathroom," Emily admitted.

"You have got to be kidding me right now!"

"Don't take any more, okay?" When Emily nodded, I smiled at her mother and said, "Let her sleep it off, drink lots of water to flush out her system, and get back to me if there are any problems or changes in her behavior."

"Like . . . oh, I don't know . . . smart decisions?"

"Whenever that happens, we'll just call it a win." I logged back into the computer program and listed the patient as complete and checked my messages as they gathered their things to leave.

I said goodbye to them and started prepping the room for the next patient as my messages loaded. I had just finished replacing the paper on the exam table when Terran rushed into the room with Spruce not far behind.

"We've cleared your patients for the afternoon," Terran said gruffly.

"I only have one, and it's a . . ." When I turned around and looked at him, I gasped at the pain I saw on his face. "What's wrong? Who's hurt?"

"It's Zoey. They're flying her in from a traffic stop she did in the country somewhere," Spruce explained. "I'll take your last patient. You go to the hospital with Terran, and I'll come up when I'm finished."

"Was she shot?"

"Esme said that the good samaritan who saved her explained it was a head injury, but that's all we know," Terran said as he took my hand and dragged me into the hallway. "Obviously, I can't be her doctor, but I can supervise."

I went into my office and used my key to unlock my desk where I kept my purse before I joined Terran in the hall again. "Let's go. Have they called Sam and Carlie?"

"I'm sure Esme's taking care of that," Terran called out from behind us.

"I'm driving," I said as we walked out into the parking lot.

"I don't think so. I choose life," Terran said as he walked toward his truck. He sounded so much like his father that even in my terror at the thought of Zoey being injured, I almost laughed when he said, "Get in or get left."

The ride to the hospital was short and brought back memories of how crazy Griffin Forrester, my cousin Hawk's son, was when he raced on the track behind Uncle Bird and Aunt Summer's house. We parked in the doctors' lot, and I hopped out of the truck and jogged alongside Terran toward the service elevator. Just before the metal doors closed, I heard the whump-whump-whump of the helicopter rotors that signaled Zoey's arrival at the hospital. As the car took us up to the landing pad, I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer for one of my oldest friends. I knew that Terran was feeling the same fear and emotion when he gripped my hand tightly and held it until we arrived on the roof of the building and saw the Life Flight nurses jogging next to the gurney as they told the ER nurses Zoey's stats and listed her injuries.

I tried to remain detached as I watched the elevator doors close behind Terran who had squeezed into the car with the team, but it proved impossible since snippets of memories that all included Zoey flashed through my mind. I couldn't remember a time when she wasn't part of my life, and I couldn't imagine a future without her in it. The sight of her on that gurney, immobilized for her safety during the flight, would be ingrained in my memory forever now.

Even though there was nothing I could do for her medically, I took the elevator down to the ER so that I could listen at the door of her exam room and then report details back to our families and friends that were surely gathering downstairs right now. There was one other thing I could do - hope and pray for my friend to not just survive, but to fully recover from whatever injuries she'd gotten on duty today and become even stronger than she was before.

Just before the elevator doors opened, I wiped my tears away so I could put on a brave front - a facade that was only for show because right now, I was more afraid than I'd been in a very long time.