Chapter Five Beach Games

Chapter five

Beach Games

Eddie had his nose buried in his script as Lee bundled him into the hotel elevator.

Stepping to the other side among other guests ascending, Lee glimpsed Eddie leaning back on the gold railing, chewing on his thumbnail, one ankle crossed over the opposite. There was something about him. Something distinctive. As though he was a whole different person from the kid he'd watched growing up. Yes, he looked like an amalgamation of both Lori and Rupert and sometimes, when he tilted his head and furrowed his brow as he was doing right then, he could almost be Rupert. But not quite. Eddie wasn't as rigid. As particular. Rupert was stern with an air of authority that he commanded without even trying. Nor did Eddie possess any of the self-consciousness Rupert had suffered with in his youth for absolutely no reason. He had his father's determination, sure. He had his thirst for adventure. But Eddie was pliable. Spirited. Feisty .

The elevator dinged open to let someone off and someone else on, and Lee inhaled his apprehension. He wasn't expecting anyone to follow them. Hadn't had a whiff of anyone waiting in the corner, ready to jump. And even if someone or someones did, Lee was confident in his ability to prevent anyone from getting their hands on Eddie. He was under his protection. Lee couldn't let his guard down for a second. And that meant watching him, watching everyone else, and not letting his mind run wild with senseless non-logic.

He'd had to add his name to the room booking, but, unfortunately, there weren't any twin beds available. Hopefully, the rooms had ample floor space to…improvise. Lee wasn't sure it was appropriate for him and Eddie to be sharing a bed. He'd had no issue whatsoever in doing so with other men when the occasion warranted it. He'd shared beds with plenty of other blokes. During his Met officer training, he'd shared rooms and beds with fellow trainee coppers. When he'd been in the Army reserves, both training and when deployed, he'd shared tents with other recruits. He'd shared a sleeping bag with Rupert once or twice when they'd camped during their overnight climbing adventures. None of it meant anything.

Why this was any different, he couldn't place. But it was.

Maybe because he knew Eddie. Because he was younger. Vulnerable. Rupert's son. And maybe the kicker, gay . If Lee had shared a bed with a bloke who liked blokes, he hadn't known. There was that bloke up Kilimanjaro, but that had been different.

Lee peeked at Eddie. Poured into drainpipe jeans ripped at the knees, with his slender but firm figure fitted into the distressed denim jacket, Eddie was casually attractive. With his traditionally handsome face, stubble cutting through youthful skin, prominent cheekbones, brown doe-eyes like his father's and his mother's thick eyelashes framing them as though they were a painting to be admired, and a mound of thick dark hair that looked as though it woke up styled, Eddie was definitely star material. Was that it? Was it because he was…attractive?

To other people.

"Jesus, we have to be in the desert by Friday." Eddie slammed the script to his side and Lee ripped his gaze away to check the illuminated numbers above the door. "The desert . Like, where there's no water. No nothing ."

The doors opened and the other passenger nipped out, leaving them alone again. The doors closed, up they went.

"Did you hear me?" Eddie asked. "The. Desert."

"I heard you."

"Why are you not freaking out?"

Lee looked at him. Face blank.

"You've stayed in the desert before, haven't you?"

"Yes."

Eddie furrowed his brow. "Were you in the army?"

"The reserves."

Eddie tossed his head back and laughed. " Course you were."

"Is that funny?"

"Only if you're me."

Lee drew his eyebrows in, but the elevator doors dinged open and Eddie launched out, preventing Lee from asking what that meant. He chucked a right, passing the fire doors and into their corridor. Lee followed, making a mental note of every way in and every way out of the floor and building. The elevator wasn't the only route to their room. The fire escape stairs opposite led all the way to the basement, which would no doubt have an entrance and exit. There was also another exit both ends of the corridor. Another potential in and out.

"Here we go." Eddie found their hotel room, the number on the door a gleaming gold, and zapped the keycard to it. He opened up and Lee lost him to the room, both presence and mind. His mouth fell open. "Fucking hell."

Lee shuffled in after, watching Eddie spin around in the luxurious suite. He'd been in a few upmarket hotels in his time. Despite being more comfortable in a tent in the outdoors, he could appreciate the warmth and comfort of a decent five-star accommodation when the mood took him. His honeymoon with Cora in the Maldives had been the height of lavish indulgence. And this room was on a par with that extravagance he was still paying for in credit cards and loans. Throw a few rose petals over the bedspread, add a bottle of champagne stuck in an ice bucket on the table with two flutes, towels in the shape of swans and it was an almost replica. Yet this wasn't a honeymoon suite. This was bog-standard, any old room. Kingsize bed, huge wardrobe space, a desk, a vanity mirror, an oversized crushed velvet armchair matching the huge ceiling-to-floor thick curtains designed to keep the sun out and make the most of a holiday lie in opened onto a double balcony, overlooking the ocean marina.

"It's fucking massive."

Lee agreed with Eddie's statement and found his out-of-place tatty adventuring rucksack on the floor by the plush armchair. "I'll take the chair."

Eddie popped his head out from having been perusing the bathroom with its Jacuzzi-sized bath and a double walk-in shower. "The bed is the size of a small country, Lee. You can share it. "

"That's not…" Lee shook his head. "It's fine. I don't sleep well at the best of times." The worst of times, not at all.

"Bad back, is it?" Eddie gave him a look that suggested he could call out his bullshit.

Who didn't sleep well on a bed designed solely to immerse its occupier into foam as though back in the womb, safe and cocooned from the cruel world outside? But Lee ignored him to rummage in his rucksack and pull out his wash bag. Eddie didn't need to know about Lee's nightmares preventing him from sleeping on any type of bedspread. PTSD was a bitch. Mostly because he couldn't fake not having it to those in the know.

Eddie wasn't in the know.

"I'm gonna freshen up." Lee snaked past Eddie into the bathroom.

"Then after that, we're going to the beach!" Eddie bounded over to his suitcase, dragging it to the floor and zipping it open.

Lee peeked back out the bathroom door to question Eddie's need to sightsee when they'd done an eleven and half hour flight, had an overly long convo with his agent, and their body clocks were eight hours ahead, meaning it felt like eleven p.m. and not the three p.m. it currently was outside their window. But Eddie ripped off his jacket and T-shirt, revealing a youthful but defined body that screamed he worked out a bit, then unbuttoned his jeans, shoving them down to reveal tight black boxers clinging to a round arse.

Lee shut the door.

He dumped his bag on the shelf over the sink and stared at his reflection. He looked old. Weary. The grey hairs scattered among the light brown weren't added sprinkles anymore. They were taking over. And he normally didn't care about his appearance. He was rough and ready. Take it or leave it. But history had proved everyone did leave it, eventually. Even Cora, and she'd promised to love him forever. Through sickness and health.

Maybe his sickness was unlovable?

He washed up, brushed his teeth, then reemerged into the main room. Eddie stood on the balcony in shorts and a white vest clinging to his slender and sharp back, hair billowing in the light breeze. Hearing the door open, he glanced over his shoulder, dipping down the dark shades covering milk chocolate eyes. He grinned. And it was so playful and infectious, Lee's stomach fluttered. Which he didn't expect. It was knowing Eddie could be happy. Lee hadn't seen him smile like he was a child in a toy shop since he'd been one. After everything Eddie had been through, he deserved to grin. Rupert would agree. Lee felt honoured to be part of Eddie's journey, watching him evolve from a burdened teen to a young man with a bright future ahead.

"You might wanna change," Eddie called to him, waving a hand down Lee's attire of jeans and polo shirt. "It's scorchio out here, and we're about to explore LA, baby!"

Lee tramped over to his bag, where he pulled out a pair of running shorts and a T-shirt. He travelled light, meaning everything inside his trusty rucksack was crease free clothing. A quick shake and they'd do. He then flicked off his trainers, ripped off his polo, and yanked down his jeans to his boxers.

He felt more than saw Eddie come in from the balcony. Lee refused to acknowledge it, or the slight elevation to his pulse from being on display to drag on his shorts, wriggle into his T-shirt, and stick his feet back into his trainers. He finished the look with his Ray Bans and only then did he face Eddie. "Ready?"

Eddie shook his head, as if ridding himself of a trance. "Yeah. Good." He stepped around the bed to the door. "Let's rock LA."

"If you want me to walk two feet behind you so I'm not cramping your style, just say."

Edde yanked open the door, shooting a look over his shoulder. He raked his gaze up and down him in thought. "If you could stand two feet away when there's a cute guy around, that would be fab."

"How do I know when a cute guy's around?"

"You have eyes."

"Yeah, but…" He didn't finish.

"Want a code word?"

"Sure."

"Tomatoes."

"Tomatoes?"

"Yeah. They're a fruit, but no one considers them a fruit. They're sweet, but only certain people consider them sweet."

"That makes zero sense."

Eddie shrugged, then skipped out of the room.

Lee followed, but didn't end up walking two feet behind him. Eddie didn't let him. He waited for him and they travelled down to the lobby together, emerging out to the scorching sun and onto the buzzing free-spirited boardwalk of Venice Beach. He babbled away while pointing out stuff to Lee as if they were on their holidays together and not him on a path to a success story and he, well, he along for the ride, ensuring Eddie got where he was going. Like he had with Rupert. With Cora. Blending into the background to ensure the safety of others was his forte, after all .

They strolled through the lively streets, passing an eclectic mix of shops ranging from trendy boutiques to quirky concept stores, the air filled with the scent of freshly brewed coffee meshed with a salty ocean breeze. Tourists haggled over trinkets sold in buckets, and Eddie admired the kaleidoscope of colourful bohemian murals adorning every wall, raising his sunglasses for a closer look. They grabbed a takeout coffee from a lively vendor along the boardwalk and took his sweetened, syrupy hot drink and Lee's black coffee on a walk through the neighbourhood. Sleek modernist homes surrounded the quaint canals, and Eddie stopped for a moment, lost in thought. Lee watched him, wondering. Would this be where he ended up? Would this film elevate him to such dizzy heights he'd call this place home one day?

Lee didn't want to think what it might do to Rupert if he lost Eddie, too.

They made their way back towards the ocean, stopping to watch a group of skaters showing off impressive moves at the cove park. A scene straight out of a postcard, with crashing waves in the background providing a perfect soundtrack to the vibrant energy of the city. It was London's Southbank and then some. The skaters were skilled here, not amateurs passing the time.

"Reckon I could do that," Eddie said, nodding his head to a bloke flipping his skateboard.

Lee arched an eyebrow.

"I could !"

"I'm sure. But I won't let you."

"Why not?" Eddie pouted.

"I doubt your film production will want their lead in a neck brace."

"Fair enough." Eddie bumped his shoulder. "But that is the only reason I'm not having a go. "

"Course." Lee chuckled. Eddie had an air of confidence about him that he'd had in his youth. Except, back then, Rupert would have encouraged him to take the bull by the horns, to jump in, to climb higher.

Moseying along further to find themselves at Muscle Beach Gym, Eddie's mouth hung open, reminding Lee that he wasn't Rupert. Far from it. And the beefcakes working out on the equipment and free weights had caught Eddie's attention. He even dipped his glasses down his nose for a better look.

"If you want to maintain how straight you are," Lee whispered to him, "wipe your drool."

Eddie clamped his mouth shut and pushed his glasses up his nose. "I could be looking at the women."

Of which there were many. Bikini-clad and muscle ripped, doused in oil. The women were as impressive as their male counterparts. Lee cocked his head, checking the amount of weight one woman carried on a bench press. He raised his eyebrows. He'd worked out with Met police cops, and the women were as fierce if not more so than the men. His ex-girlfriend Megan had challenged him to many a weightlifting competition. But this…this was a pure display of muscle for voyeur's sake and not just fit enough to apprehend criminals.

"Day pass of ten dollars, if you're game," Eddie said, angling his head to the pen of outside gym goers. "Show ‘em how the Brit cops do it."

"My days of pumping that much iron are gone."

"I dunno." Eddie wrapped his hand around Lee's arm and squeezed. "There's some life in the old geezer yet."

Lee couldn't prevent his flex to his biceps and Eddie, " ooo'd ," then chuckled and let go, continuing to ogle those who worked out to an audience .

"This is making me hot and hungry." Eddie licked his lips. "Ice cream?" He then spun and off he went, Lee watching the men work out for a little longer. He missed his days at the gym. The camaraderie of spotting for someone. Feeling that stretch and burn and the need to go faster, longer, harder. It had given him purpose once. Now he didn't need to keep in shape. He'd stopped going. And felt it in his body. And his mind. He should go back. He shouldn't let everything dwindle away.

Realising he was on his own, he rushed to catch up with Eddie ordering two ice creams from a vendor. He paid and handed one to Lee with oodles of rainbow sprinkles scattered over the vanilla ball.

Lee arched an eyebrow.

"What?" Eddie feigned his innocence. "You looked like a sprinkles guy." He licked around his cookies and cream, then stepped over to the beach, finding a vacant spot on the sand.

Eddie lay down on his side, perching up on one elbow as he ate his ice cream. Lee sat beside him, licking the sprinkles off his waffle cone, watching a game of volleyball played by bikini-clad girls and shirtless men.

"Everyone here is beautiful," Eddie remarked through the breeze, and Lee wasn't sure if he was upset about that or enjoyed the view.

Lee shrugged regardless.

"You don't think?"

"Depends on your stance on beauty."

Eddie gestured his ice cream towards the girls playing ball, bikinis hugging their ample chests and taut buttocks, string so thin it barely covered them. "You don't think they are?"

Lee checked them out for a moment, crunching down to the cone of his ice cream. "They're trying too hard. "

"Trying too hard?"

"They're plastic. At least three of them have silicone enhancement and they've probably not eaten," Lee waved his ice cream at Eddie, crunching the last piece, "something like this. Ever. It's not healthy. It's not sustainable beauty."

"Oh!" Eddie nodded, tongue swiping around his cookies and cream. "You like sustainability? That why you kicked Cora to the curb. She wasn't sustainable ? Letting herself go, was she?"

Lee wiped the crumbs from his hands. "No. She was aging like fine wine. But I didn't kick Cora to the curb. She kicked me."

"Oh." Eddie winced. "Sorry."

Lee shrugged. "It is what it is."

"So…if they're not your type. Who is?"

"Can't say I have a type."

"Everyone has a type. Blondes. Brunettes. Tall. Petite. Big breasts."

"Big brains."

"You like a woman with brains?" Eddie pointed his ice cream at the girls playing volleyball. "Just because they have perfect bodies, doesn't mean they don't also do maths for fun."

"I won't rule them out then. And what's your type?" Lee asked, tilting his neck to catch Eddie's gaze behind him. "You spent a long time ogling the beefcakes at the Muscle Beach. That your type? Muscle men? Posers?"

Eddie shifted on his side, dark glasses hiding any truth in the statement behind the blacked out lenses. "Don't really have a type."

"Male and breathing? "

Eddie burst out a laugh. "Breathing isn't even a necessity. Sometimes it's a hindrance. If they can breathe, they can demand stuff from you."

Lee lowered his shades. There was a story there. But Eddie shrugged, smiling sweetly, and Lee could smell bullshit a mile off. "Everyone has a type," he parroted. "Blonds. Brunets. Big boobs?"

Eddie scrunched up his nose. "I'm not into the boob thing."

"No? Missing out. Boobs are great."

"I totally get boobs are awesome. They kept me alive for six months of my life. They have purpose. The lifeblood of humankind. But, well, they're not cock."

Lee choked. "Cocks have purpose too. Without cock, you wouldn't be here at all."

"I refute the accusation that I Californicated my way here."

"I meant that cock breeds life. Gives life."

"But it doesn't do it selflessly, does it? Cock makes sure there's some pleasure involved for him in all that. It's like, yeah, okay, I'll give you a baby, but I gotta get something out of this too. It's gotta feel good for me. Whereas breasts don't get shit. They get chewed on and their nipples crack with painful sores and they keep going to keep a child alive. Boobs are selfless. Cock is all about cock."

Lee glanced back out to the beach, the sun dipping behind the horizon to turn day into night. God knew what the time actually was. Or what time he was on. He could fall asleep sat like this. Which would be a miracle considering he hadn't slept in…two years?

But then Eddie brought him down with a bump when he asked, "Didn't you and Cora want kids? "

Lee fell silent, the question hitting him harder than he'd expected. He'd thought he was over it. The decision made. Taken out of his hands. His eyes pinched behind his Ray Bans. The question never got easier and while it hurt him , it pained Cora more. People assumed everyone wanted kids. That there was something wrong if a woman over forty hadn't procreated. No one believed it Cora's choice , no matter how she tried to convince them and herself that it had been. It's why she'd insisted on the dog.

"Lee?"

He bowed his head to stare at the golden particles of sand. "Yeah, Cora did."

"You didn't?" Eddie's voice was light, shedding his playful jesting for the more subdued person Lee remembered. The one who'd taken care of his family when it had fallen apart. The boy who'd grown up too soon.

"I would have," Lee spoke to the ocean, avoiding looking at Eddie. Not even his shades would hide the honesty in his eyes. "We tried." He stretched out his legs. "It didn't happen. One round of failed IVF, and she gave up."

"On a baby?"

"On us."

Eddie waited a moment, then, "Is that why you and she…?"

"You'd have to ask her." He wiped the sand from his shorts. "The divorce papers simply say, ‘irreconcilable differences'."

"Do you think they could have been reconciled?"

Lee glanced over his shoulder at Eddie. "Not anymore."

"But they might have been? "

"I think everything happens for a reason."

"What reason is there for you not having kids?"

Lee looked up at the sky. "Well, for one, if I had had kids, I wouldn't be here now. I'd be at home changing nappies and making my wife miserable."

"And I'd be toast."

"Yeah. You might well have been."

"Wonder what reason there was for mum dying on me."

Lee inhaled. "Same reason."

Eddie looked at him, waiting for the explanation.

"You wouldn't be here if she was alive. You'd have been at home. Looking after her."

Eddie bowed his head, picking at his hands. "Mum died, so we end up here together?"

"Maybe. Who knows? There might be some purpose to all the heartache in the end. Let it be about you. The opportunity you've got here."

Eddie met his gaze, and although it was through two layers of dark glasses, Lee could feel the intensity in his stare and the moisture gathering in his eyes, but Eddie flicked away his hair and returned to normal proceedings. "Room service dinner, then hit the sack?"

"Good shout. I'm practically asleep now." He wasn't and nor would he be later, but Eddie needed sleep if he was to shine like the star he was tomorrow, so Lee stood and grabbed Eddie's hand to haul him up.

They trudged through golden sand back along the boardwalk to the hotel where they ate burgers in their room, Eddie on the bed and Lee in the chair, American sports on the TV. The jetlag hit Eddie like a light switch, and he fell asleep, fully clothed. Lee dumped his plate on the dressing table, turned off the TV, then crept over to the bed where he cleared up Eddie's plate, then covered Eddie with the sheets. He gazed at him for a while. Eddie looked like Rupert when he slept, with that gold sprinkling of Lori on his thick curled eyelashes and delicate skin. Lee felt a sharp pang in his chest.

Before he could examine why he was standing over Eddie in not so much a fearsome and protective way but more like an utter creep, he made his way with silent stealth back to the chair, dragging the cushions from it to slap them down on the floor. There he lay upon them, arms behind his head, when Eddie's voice drifted across the room.

"Do you think my mum was beautiful?"

Lee's sharp inhale rose his chest. "Yeah. She was gold standard. Real beauty." And maybe because he was drowsy, maybe the jetlag was to blame, maybe his loneliness had gripped hold of him too tight, because he felt the need to add, "Like you."