Chapter Fourteen Take a Gamble

chapter fourteen

Take a Gamble

Lee had to get a handle on this situation.

The situation being Eddie .

He had to put him in a box labelled work . Or even Rupert's son should do it. Although neither had worked thus far. But it had to from now on. And he absolutely needed to close the lid back on that box. The one he'd left unlabelled for a reason and thought he'd discarded at the top of a mountain. Little had he known he'd been carrying it around all this time, and Eddie would know the combination to break it open.

Eddie.

Eddie Brownlee .

"Which way we heading?" Eddie asked as he slammed the boot after putting his luggage inside the Jeep.

Lee got into the driver's side, avoiding looking at him.

Because when he looked at him, things happened.

Things that couldn't— shouldn't —happen.

He started the engine. "The convoy are taking the I95 route. We'll do a detour at Death Valley Junction."

Eddie slipped into the passenger side. "How long will that take?"

Eddie had doused himself in cologne. The one he said would cause a reaction from Tiffany, yet was causing Lee to lose his train of thought. Was it chemical? An imbalance? Did Lee just like his distinctive scent? That didn't have to mean anything. Pheromones triggered a primal response. That's what they were designed for. It was instinctive.

But Eddie had kissed him, and he'd let him, and he'd liked it.

He started the engine. Again. The almighty crunch producing an eyebrow arch from Eddie.

"You all right?"

"Yes." Lee dipped forward to grab the map he'd swiped from reception and had dumped in Eddie's footwell. He'd already marked out their route with a pen, and he handed it to Eddie. "You're navigator."

"But this doesn't have a blue arrow letting me know where we are."

"No, it doesn't."

"How do I know where we are?"

"You look at the road."

"That sounds hard."

"How do you think mankind got on for thousands of years before Google maps?"

Eddie shook his head with a sigh. "I literally have no idea and I'm beyond glad I wasn't born in the dark ages."

The last of the convoy made up of trailers and trucks, and a couple of cars carrying cast and crew, passed them and left the ranch for their night drive into Las Vegas. Eddie watched them go.

"Are you sure it isn't safer to stay with the convoy?"

It might well be. But Lee needed to talk to Eddie when there were no distractions. When he could focus on how to put it all into words. Following the cast and crew wouldn't give him the time to…figure out how he was going to explain himself. So he used the other excuse,

"If they're following the production, they'll assume you're with the convoy."

Eddie waved out of the open roof. Then they were gone. Leaving Eddie and Lee the last people on the ranch.

"How long is it gonna take?" Eddie asked.

"Three to four hours. Should be there by midnight. We'll stop at a diner on the way for food." Which was where he would lay down the law.

He was about to drive off when Savannah rushed out from the saloon and waved at him.

"Phew. Glad I caught you." She smiled at Eddie, but addressed Lee. "Here. My number. In case you're ever passing by." She handed Lee a folded piece of notepaper, the Haven Ranch logo at the top and her mobile number scrawled on it in biro.

Lee scrunched the paper in his hand, nodded his thanks and drove off, with Savannah waving in the mirror until their exit. Only then did he look at Eddie. He arched another damn eyebrow.

"When are you next visiting the desert, Lee?"

Lee sailed the Jeep off the smooth concrete track, out of the ranch onto the highway, then tossed the paper out of the window. The wind carried it away. Eddie smiled, then settled back in the seat, laying his head on the rest as he gazed at the landscape blurring past. It was late, the sun set, with only the car lights for company, and Lee gripped the steering wheel, knuckles whitening under the pressure of wrestling with how he was going to start the conversation he didn't want to have. The unspoken between them was heavy, and Lee knew it couldn't last much longer.

The text from Rupert asking if all was okay then telling him about the second threat on Eddie had slapped Lee back to reality. Why had he allowed Eddie to kiss him? Why had he kissed him back? He'd come to no conclusions, other than maybe he'd been after something to take his mind off everything. Cora. The job. His life in disarray. Rupert's text had come at the exact right time. He couldn't treat Eddie like that. Eddie was Rupert's . It didn't matter one bit what Lee wanted, or needed, or if Eddie had become his own person in his own right. What mattered was what Rupert would say if he knew .

"…those dirty old men who chase him…"

"My dad say anything else?" Eddie asked through the breeze after what felt like an eternity of navigating dark roads by himself, Eddie not taking the job of navigator seriously enough.

"That he hoped you were okay."

"Huh." Eddie bit his lip. "And you said…?"

Lee took his eyes off the road to peek at Eddie. He wasn't looking at him, though. Facing the other way, leaning on the window frame of the car, he stared at complete darkness.

"That all was good."

"Is it?"

Lee drew in a breath. He was hoping to have time to sort through it all himself first, then sit Eddie down in a diner and give him his speech .

"Physically, you're fine, right?"

"Physically, I am alive. Yes."

"Then that's all good."

Eddie twisted to face him. "Is it?"

"Is it, what?"

"All good?"

"Uh huh."

"You didn't mention anything else to Dad?"

"Like what?"

"Like, uh, that we kissed?"

Lee nearly veered off the road and Eddie slammed his hands down to grab the door handle as the car bumped through gravel, sand, and dirt. When he got the Jeep levelled out, Eddie gave him another eyebrow arch. That eyebrow was getting more of a workout than the beefcakes at the gym.

"Sorry," Lee said to the steering wheel.

"No problem," Eddie replied, knowing the apology was for him and not the inanimate object. "I like all this danger, heart in my throat stuff. Adds years on me. Might not have to show my ID in Vegas."

Lee flickered his eyes closed, then opened them quick smart on realising he was in charge of a vehicle carrying precious cargo. His best friend's precious cargo.

"Shall I take that as a no? You didn't tell him."

"No. I didn't tell Rupert you kissed me."

" I kissed you ?"

"You did."

"You told me to."

"I didn't…" Lee stopped himself from uttering the blatant lie. He'd known what he was doing, and Eddie deserved the truth. "I wanted to talk to you when we stopped for food. "

"Why? In case I jump out of a moving vehicle when you tell me it was a mistake."

"It was a mistake."

Eddie glanced away, and after a wave of torturous silence where Lee wondered if Eddie might do what he'd said, Eddie broke it with a sulk so petulant it caused Lee's stomach to twist. "See, not jumping."

"Eddie…I…It's…" Why couldn't he get the words out? Why was this difficult? He was in the right here. Doing the correct and honourable thing. "I'm sorry. You're right. I did kiss you, too. For a moment, I forgot you were Eddie."

"Who did you think I was?"

"Eddie. But not that Eddie. You Eddie." Lee rubbed his forehead. He wasn't handling this well. Because he couldn't understand it himself. Eddie was Eddie. But Eddie shouldn't be conjuring up all these hidden feelings. Not Eddie Brownlee . "For the past week, it's felt like I've been getting to know a different man."

"And you're okay with kissing that man?"

"Yes— No !" Lee glanced at Eddie in time for him to witness his mouth agape. "No," he said calmer, twisting his hands around the steering wheel to compose himself. He'd almost let the unspeakable out then. "I shouldn't be kissing anyone. Not when I'm literally just divorced. Decree came through yesterday. I fucked up my marriage and my career. I'm going through shit right now that you couldn't understand."

"No?" Eddie challenged him.

"No." Lee peeped back at him, and the offense in Eddie's eyes had him backtracking. Eddie understood. He was the only one who did. At least the only one who didn't pity him and ask him to bury it, get a handle on it. Eddie knew what it was like to hold a dying person in his arms and watch the light switch off. It didn't matter the hows and whys. All that mattered was he knew .

Eddie turned away again. "I'm not a kid, Lee."

"I know you're not."

"Then tell me the truth. I'm a big boy, I can handle it. To be honest, I've been expecting it."

"Expecting what?"

"For you to tell me to back off. Get the fuck over you. It ain't gonna happen."

"It can't happen." Lee tightened his grip on the wheel, the words ‘get over you' spinning around and around in his head like how his old Michael Jackson vinyl had him repeating how bad he was every time Lee listened to it. Only when he moved the pin over the score could MJ continue.

"Why not?"

"I'm nearly thirty years older than you. I'm here to protect you. Technically, you are my detail. And you are Rupert's son!"

"None of that is about you."

"That's all about me!"

"No. That's not you saying you don't feel this."

True. But how could he admit that? That would mean something huge, and make him a scoundrel, a dirty old man , someone who only cared about himself. It would also make him…a label he couldn't find. Or understand. He clutched for another reason. "What would your mum say?" It was a feeble one, and he hated having to bring Lori into all this.

"My mum is six feet under. She doesn't have a say. And if you're going to allude to my dad…" Eddie folded his arms. "My dad's preoccupied with everything else. Always has been."

"Not if he found out about this. "

"About what?"

Eddie was trying to make him say it. Lee knew the tactics. He'd been a copper. He knew how to ask the right questions to get the right answers out of someone who didn't want to give them. Eddie's father was a lawyer. He must have grown up spilling the beans to Rupert after detailed questioning, interrogation and cross-examination. Lee almost felt sorry for him. Except the spotlight was on him. And he didn't like it.

"We shouldn't have kissed, Eddie. I'm sorry. It was a mistake. I should have stopped it."

"Why didn't you?"

He was good.

Too good.

Or was it because Lee didn't want to say any of it? He didn't believe any of it. He had the devil and angel on his shoulder, each one giving a valid argument.

"It doesn't matter why not. What matters is that it won't happen again. And I would appreciate it if we could forget about it, keep it to ourselves and chalk it up to desert dust, exposing us to poor air quality and affecting our rationality."

"That's a fucking stretch, Lee."

"Then reach for it."

Eddie turned back to the window. "Fine."

Lee's chest squeezed. He hated this. Hated it. When he thought he'd found something, it slipped through his fingers as if it were the grains of sand they drove past. A friendship ruined. But he had to believe this was the right thing, even if it stung. Even if there was something inside him he'd been desperate to explore. A spark that could turn into a flame.

He had to put it out before it set them both on fire .

They drove in silence after that, darkness engulfing them as much as the distance he'd now put between them. After a couple of hours, he stopped at a late night diner along the route where a couple of truckers nursed their coffees to get them through the gruelling shift, and he sat opposite Eddie in a leather booth, stabbing through an apple pie as Eddie picked at a chicken salad with less enthusiasm.

Lee couldn't stand it any longer, nor could he bear to have the words Eddie had said rolling around in his head any longer. Get over you . So he asked, "How long?"

Eddie stabbed a green leaf, miserable and forlorn. He didn't look up. "How long what?"

"Have you…had feelings for me?"

"Thought you wanted to bury it?"

"I do. We have to."

"Then it's best you don't know." Eddie shimmied out from the booth and stood. "I'm not hungry. See you in the car."

He walked out, leaving Lee to consume his large slice of humble pie. He didn't take his eyes off Eddie, though. Allowing him the solitude he needed to digest their conversation, but ensuring he was still there. Still safe.

For the rest of the journey, Lee preferred the all-consuming silence Eddie forced them in.

Because he fell asleep. Or at least he pretended to while Lee drove through the night, berating himself for being an insensitive prick and ruining everything. But he was right. This couldn't be anything. This was all him, in a state of panic and messed up, attaching himself onto Eddie because he was there . Willing. That wasn't fair.

Rupert would kill him if he did anything to hurt Eddie.

Lee would let him do it .

It's why he had to bury it all and get them back to what they were here for. Getting Eddie through this job and back to England.

The lights of Las Vegas appeared up ahead, beckoning them like a glittering mirage rising out of the darkness. Lee peeked at Eddie, head slumped against the window, breath fogging the glass. He had all the details of their accommodation on his call sheet and Lee needed to wake him to keep an eye out for the compound, but he didn't want to. Because he looked so…peaceful. Sweet . Lee's chest fizzled with an overwhelming urge to stroke through his hair. To touch him. Kiss him. Tell him the truth. See what it would feel like to be that way with him. But as soon as he awoke, reality would crash down around them. While he slept, Lee could pretend. Could kid himself. Could let Eddie dream.

They drew closer, the neon glow of the city enveloping them, and Lee couldn't drive up and down the strip forever. He leaned across and in a low whisper, almost as if he didn't want to be heard, said, "Hey, Ed?"

Eddie stirred, blinking back his sleep and the bright lights in his vision. He'd fallen asleep in complete darkness. Waking up to Las Vegas would be a contrast.

"Welcome to Sin City." Lee gestured to the bustling streets and towering casinos touching the heavens. Even at one a.m. the place pulsated with an energy that seeped into every corner. "Where's our final destination?"

Eddie sat up, rubbing his eyes, then searched by his feet for the map he'd discarded a while back. He switched on the torchlight on his phone, running it over the map.

"We're coming up from the south." Lee took his hand off the wheel to point out where they were, but in doing so, his fingers brushed Eddie's and, fuck , that had to be static. It had to be the car electrics because that spark was not what he thought it was. He clutched the steering wheel, staring forward.

Eddie said nothing, instead he turned on the car dash tablet and went into the sat nav, typing in the address where they were bound. He then dumped the map in the back seat and let the electronic voice guide them, with Eddie gazing at the twinkling lights of the city. A short time later, they were off the main strip and down a residential area comprising houses and apartments. The sat nav told him to stop, but he already knew it was the right place by all the cars and trucks parked up along the street. This time, the production had hired a row of town house apartments for the cast and crew, all contained in a gated community with twenty-four hour security who handed over Eddie's key, giving Lee some assurance that they would be safe within here at least.

Lee parked up behind a sleek black SUV and cut the engine. The silence settling between them felt heavy, pregnant with unspoken words and unexplored emotions Lee couldn't acknowledge.

"Sorry for falling asleep," Eddie said, voice laced with regret.

"No worries. We got here."

"You should have woken me."

"It's fine."

Eddie got out of the car, grabbed his luggage, and made his way up a driveway to the door of an apartment. He let them in and whistled. It was like a show home. Whites and blacks. Sleek and modern. Elevated ceilings and high end appliances with a sophisticated finish that screamed no one lived there. A far cry from the rustic ranch they'd been in before. But at least this time, it was self-contained with a small kitchen. A living space with TV. A bathroom. One bedroom .

One. Bedroom.

One. Fucking. Bed.

Lee dumped his rucksack on the leather sofa that belonged in an office, not a living space. He doubted it even had any sponge beneath the upholstery. "I'll take the couch."

Eddie didn't bother to reply. Nor to argue. Or offer an alternative. Instead, he left him to drag his case to the bedroom along the corridor, the door slamming closed after.

Lee collapsed on the thinnest of thin sponge on the most uncomfortable chair he'd ever sat on.

He deserved that.

* * * *

The next couple of days went along those lines.

Eddie was petulant and Lee was obliging.

Eddie spent the days in rehearsals, then filming at various locations across the city. Lee went along, staying in the shadows and doing his job. Gone were their conversations. Their developing friendship. Any hope Lee could make it all okay again, dashed by duty and loyalty.

By the fourth day, when he woke to clanging in the kitchenette, he hefted up from the sofa, his back in bits. He grunted. Then checked the time. It was early. Usually, Lee was up first and the one to make the coffee, hoping that when he passed over the cup, Eddie would smile at him. Their fingers might brush. Eddie might even say something. None of that had happened. And Lee's insomnia had come back to haunt him again, not helped by lying on a bed of nails. Last night, he'd done an ultimate HIIT workout around two a.m. which must have made him pass out until now. Six a.m .

He stood, stretching, cracking his back, then tramped into the kitchen in his boxers. Eddie was already dressed. Showered. Ready to go and looking…Pretty damn good.

"Hey," Lee croaked as he leant against the counter, rubbing his sore neck. Everything hurt, from the inside out. "You're up early. Didn't hear you pass me."

"You were out cold."

"Yeah. Must've been." Lee stretched and his back twinged, ricocheting pain along his spine, down his buttocks and cramping his leg. "Shit."

"You all right?"

"Sciatica. Back's killing me."

"Because you're sleeping on an ergonomic nightmare."

"I've slept on a lot worse."

Eddie rolled his eyes. "In your youth."

Lee chuckled. And for a brief second, he forgot the tension that had been brewing for longer than the coffee. It was nice. As if the air had lifted. Eddie handed him a fresh cup strong enough to strip paint off the walls. In a short time, Eddie had learned how he liked his morning beverage better than Cora ever had. Or maybe Cora had been trying to change him. Make him heathier. Whereas Eddie didn't need to do that. Or want to change him.

Because he liked him how he was—rough, broken and a fucking mess.

He shoved that thought away in the box he'd accepted he carried with him.

Eddie pointed at the cup. "Might wake you up."

Lee took a sip. "Why are you up so early?"

"Early shoot. This one will probably take all day. Mitch wanted an early crack at it." He chuckled into his mug. "Excuse the pun."

Lee furrowed his brow .

"The intimate scene."

"Oh." Lee flinched. "The one where you…" He waved his mug down Eddie's body.

"Flash my bits? Yeah."

"Is that why you've been working out at the gym?"

The complex had a basement gym closed off for the production, and Eddie had been going there each evening with a bunch of the crew. Lee would have joined him, but he'd vowed to let Eddie mingle without muscling in. He was getting close to the camera guy too; them spending time on the treadmill and spotting for each other. Lee had watched through the window, an urge growing to pummel the guy into the ground without the use of a safety mat.

He'd avoided figuring out why that was.

The man grated on him and…because of all those other reasons that he'd locked in that box.

Lee took a gulp of coffee, caffeine hitting him in all the right places. Except for his back and shoulders, which felt as though they were being torn from his ligaments, a combination of the sleeping arrangements and the HIIT workout. He winced.

Eddie dropped his cup on the counter. "Turn around."

"What?"

Eddie stamped over to him, close enough for Lee to inhale the heady scent of Tom Ford meshed with everything that was distinctly Eddie and it hit him with such force, he toppled off balance.

"Turn. Around."

Lee did and Eddie slid his hands up his back to his shoulders, massaging him. Oh, Jesus , Eddie's hands were like magic . Fire and ice. Slicing through Lee's skin to reach deep within. The gentle pressure of his fingers as he skilfully worked the knots in Lee's back and neck sent shockwaves along his spine. Each knead, each soothing stroke unravelled not just the tension in his body, but the walls that had built up between them.

The box creaked open.

Lee closed his eyes, indulging in the hedonistic moment of forbidden intimacy. Eddie was tender and confident. The warmth of his hands seeped into him, the deep-seated longing and desire he'd been denying erupting with each pressure of his fingers into his muscle.

He shivered. Then tried to stop that reaction. Which had him tensing.

"You're tight, Lee." Eddie's coffee breath trickled onto his neck. "You shouldn't be sleeping on that shitty couch."

"Where else am I gonna go?" He closed his eyes asking that, bowing his head, and told himself to take the massage and leave everything else.

"In the bed."

"I can't."

"You can."

"You know I can't."

Eddie kneaded down to the small of his back, fingers dangerously low to creeping into his underwear. He had a knot. Right on the side of his left butt cheek. Eddie was heading right for it and Lee wanted him to dig his thumb in and loosen it. Release the knot, yeah. But also him. Free him. Let him out of the tightly wound barbed wire he'd coiled around himself for so damn long.

"I'm not gonna jump you, Lee. I heard you loud and clear."

Lee held his breath. It wasn't Eddie he was worried about.

It was him. Hovering on this knife edge of his resolve .

He didn't say that, though. Eddie already held all the cards. If he didn't know he did, then Lee might salvage all this.

Eddie eased off the pressure, hands smoother, like the soft caress of a tickling feather ghosting down his spine. As though he were simply tracing the outline of his muscle with his fingertips. It was good. Too good. And Lee revelled in his muted touch, despite an overwhelming fear that he might not stop this. Wouldn't stop this. And battled with himself why he even should stop this.

Then Eddie dropped his forehead to rest on the dip between his shoulder blades and Lee couldn't cope. Couldn't think. Couldn't move. Wanting desperately to feel Eddie's velvety lips kissing him right there. If he did, Lee wouldn't be able to stop himself. He'd turn and slam him against the counter to kiss him back. He wanted to taste his mouth again. Wanted Eddie's hands on him. His hands on Eddie . Everywhere. Mostly where all the blood rushed to right then.

He needed this to stop.

But he was too weak. Too broken. Too shameless.

Eddie glided his hands around to his stomach, forefinger circling his belly button, then crept down the trail of hair snaking into his underwear, sneaking lower and lower, teasing his magic fingers inside Lee's boxers' waistband. Lee's head fell back of his own accord because he had no control. Not anymore. Like he'd said, Eddie held all the cards. Had all the control.

Then Eddie kissed his neck, making every one of Lee's nerve endings from top-to-bottom tingle .

" Eddie ," Lee breathed out, meaning to speak his name with caution, instead he rolled it around in a seductive groan. As if he were tasting how it would sound when begging him for more .

"You're hard," Eddie whispered into his ear. "I can take care of that for you."

Taut with Eddie's words reverberating through him, Lee's face flushed. He was hard. Harder than he could ever remember being. At least this side of his life. And Eddie's touch ignited the flame he'd been trying to extinguish for years. His mind raced. Heart pounded. Body trembled. It would only take a minute. Eddie's hand around his cock would be enough. One tug. Two at most. He'd be released. Freed.

He'd never be free.

Rupert would kill him and know how to get off the murder charge.

Eddie bit his shoulder blade, hands delving into his underwear, and Lee had to find the courage. His rationality. As much as the past few days had been hell not being close to Eddie, it was better that than being unscrupulous. Immoral. A degenerate who lost his oldest friend for a hand job.

The friend who'd claimed, loud and clear and on the record, that Lee was an honourable man worthy of a promotion and not ready for the scrap heap he'd been put on.

What sort of man would he be then?

A dirty old man.

He snapped to, jerking away from Eddie and fell into the opposite counter. Hands gripping the surface, he hunched over to breathe through his galloping pulse. "Eddie, this can't—"

"You feel it too, right?" Eddie rushed up behind him, stroking his back. "You feel something . You're fucking turned on!"

"It doesn't matter, Eddie. It can't happen."

"Why not? "

"Because it can't!" Lee's temper flared, and he spun to face him, body clenched and tight and losing control. "You think this is fucking easy?"

"It is. It can be."

"No, it isn't. Not for me."

Eddie stepped back and Lee could see the shutters rising. "Is it because I'm a man or because I'm young or because I'm Rupert and Lori's son?"

" Yes ."

Lee was grateful for the usual rap of knuckles on the apartment door, alerting Eddie to his five-minute call. It meant he didn't have to witness the shutters snapping shut, lock twisting and Eddie, once again, gone from his reach.

Where he should always be.

"Guess I'll go get naked with someone else then." Eddie grabbed the leftover coffee from the cup and slammed it back.

"Ed—"

"I have a scene to film."