Chapter Twelve A Kiss and a Chance

chapter twelve

A Kiss and a Chance

Lee checked over the gun in his hand. The replica gun. Made of plastic from a 3D printing machine. Still, it felt strange to be holding one again. It had been two years since he'd last held his standard issue firearm. Since he'd pointed a barrel at a man's face. Since he'd had that gun taken from him and been put on gardening leave in order to determine his culpability. The one he held now was nothing like that one. This one couldn't do the damage his could have. Even if it had bullets.

Because his gun shot to kill.

Except when it had mattered.

He sighed, peering up at the commotion coming from the set in between the trailers. Eddie had emerged from make-up, all done up and ready to be Joel in his costume of Wrangler jeans and a plaid shirt, and now in a conversation with Mitch. Probably directing him for the next scene. Lee dumped the gun on the fold-out table with all the other props and tucked his hands in his jeans pockets. He kept an eye on Eddie, though. He enjoyed watching him when he was acting. It was probably because that was his job. Glorified babysitter. But deep down, if he analysed it enough, he knew it was something else. Something he'd long put away.

Why was it Eddie creeping that box open?

It had to be because he looked like Rupert, yet somehow wasn't him. Not that he had any feelings toward Rupert that weren't based on a solid friendship spanning decades. And thinking that made it appear as if he were having feelings for Eddie. Which he wasn't. It was the heat. The desert. The surroundings. Sharing a bloody bed. Why had he done that? He was seriously losing his fucking mind. Which was what the Met had said before discharging him from service. What Cora had said before handing him the divorce papers to sign. What every person here thought since he'd upended Hank.

The only person who thought he was worth a damn was right over there.

Eddie .

He wasn't na?ve. Wasn't stupid. He'd been a young man himself once. He knew the signs. What bothered him wasn't that Eddie was giving off all the hints that he might like Lee more than was appropriate, but that Lee…didn't mind that he did. That he gravitated toward it. That he subconsciously encouraged it.

Eddie's gaze left his director's and found his. He smiled. Lee smiled back. And ignored the flutters telling him to poke and prod inside himself and understand why now, why him, and for him to know . To find out. Explore . And not forever wonder. Suspect. Question .

Lee glanced down to the ground, sorting out his tumbling thoughts, and when he peered back up with a more rational pulse, Eddie was gone, steered behind a load of cameras, people, lighting, umbrellas and whatever else it was they used to create a space to film. Lee hovered closer when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He fished it out to a text message. From his lawyer. Not Rupert. His divorce lawyer.

Decree absolute signed and sealed, papers sent to your inbox. Pleasure working with you. Invoice coming.

Lee didn't know how to feel about that. The hefty cost he was about to fork out for the privilege of separating from a woman he wasn't sure he should have married in the first place, or that a text message had alerted him to the second most devastating thing to have happened to him. It would always end up this way. He'd thought he'd wanted nothing more than marriage and a family with Cora. But now?

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Unsure why, he opened up his social media feed. There wasn't great signal in the backend of Death Valley but the saloon had its own Wi-Fi which Lee had logged into days ago, so he could get the latest in goings on in the lives of people he didn't care all that much about.

He scrolled until he found what he'd suspected he would. Cora . That they were still friends on social media proved how messed up the whole situation was. A recent photo upload. The time difference meant it was early evening in the UK. She was holding up a glass of Champagne on the rooftop bar of the Sky Garden in London, opposite her all-glass sky-scraping office, toasting her new life. Her new single life. The printed out decree absolute on the table in front of her. She looked good. Better than good. Stunning. Her long dark hair scraped up into a severe ponytail, her skin unblemished and a tint of rose to her cheeks, with her bright red lipstick framing pearly white teeth that drew the smile to her eyes.

Did it hurt?

No. Not really.

Cora's beauty had captured him on their first blind date set up by Rupert. Her brains had kept him interested. But she'd been his exact opposite. She cared about appearances. He couldn't give a fuck. She drank herbal tea. He, black coffee. She enjoyed the occasional glass of Chardonnay. He was a beer or whisky neat kind of bloke. She went to bed early and woke up before dawn. He'd had insomnia for as long as he cared to remember. She preferred pristine and immaculate soft furnishings, and he destroyed them with the mud and grit and dirt from his hikes, rock climbs and stank of a bonfire.

He commented on her post.

Congratulations, baby. You look beautiful. Fly free x

It wasn't sarcastic. He meant every word. She would know that, too. Congratulations were for her being free of him. He dragged her down. Always had. Ever more in the last few years. He hadn't been enough for her. She deserved more, and they were still friends. Of sorts. Amicable enough so he could occasionally see Coco, his cockapoo.

She replied. Probably to curtail the laughing emojis that would make that comment go viral.

You too, my incredible hunk. I hope you find what you're looking for x

Lee breathed out a laugh at her using the pet name she'd been calling him for twelve years, then shoved his phone in his pocket. What was he looking for?

He pretended not to know.

A fierce yell of " Cut !" snapped Lee from his drifting mind and he edged closer toward the scene. Quietly, he squeezed in between those standing around doing nothing and got himself to a point amidst the glitz and glamour to see what was going on.

Eddie and Tiffany were atop a sand dune, backdrop of the sweeping, barren desert behind them. Lee had read this scene in Eddie's scripts on the nights he'd been fighting insomnia. It was the kiss . The bit where Tiffany almost leaves, running off into the desert, hurt and wounded from Joel's inability to show his feelings, and Joel has to run after her, at first incensed at her being stupid enough to cross the desert in nothing but high heels, a sundress and a chiffon scarf that was being expertly wafted by the fans to the side. Eddie was then to grab her and kiss her.

Lee folded his arms, watching Mitch talking to Eddie, then Tiffany. Directing them. He looked exasperated. Annoyed . Lee had seen that look on his superior's face more than a few times. On Cora's, too.

Was Mitch telling them to do it ‘harder'?

Lee sniggered.

Mitch flumped back in the director's chair by the lone camera. He said something to the man behind, then put on some heavy duty headphones and watched the scene unfold both before him in 4D and on the screen as it would be for the public. Eddie glanced over at the cameraman. They exchanged a look. A look that had Lee's jaw clenching. Then Eddie noticed him and his face dropped. Lee winked, which he could pass off as being a good old gesture of encouragement and support. But really, he knew exactly what he was doing.

Eddie turned away and Tiffany took up her position on the top of the dune as a clapper board snapped in front of the camera screen and Mitch yelled, " Action! "

Words and lines were fired back and forth between Eddie and Tiffany, or more accurately, Joel and Maya. Lee was like a proud parent. Eddie was good. He switched with ease into the personality of someone else. Joel was a hard man, rough around the edges. A rancher who could shoot and a craftsman who built his lot from the ground up. He wasn't soft and sweet with eyes like melted chocolate and a caring nature born out of necessity. Joel was a man chasing after the woman of his dreams. Unlike Eddie who…Lee decided not to think about what Eddie was avoiding chasing.

Then it happened. Eddie grabbed Tiffany's arm, whirled her back to him. She slammed against his chest in an elegant display of an actress from the old black and white movies his mum used to watch. The camera zoomed in on their faces, Lee could just about see them on the screen Mitch was watching. Then he returned to seeing it unfold in person. It was too familiar, Lee's breath caught. Lee had been exactly like that a day ago with Eddie. Eddie had been looking up at him with the same deep sultry eyes Tiffany was perfecting right then. They'd been as close as these Hollywood lovebirds were and they'd almost nearly—

Eddie kissed Tiffany.

Lee stared at the scene with a thudding pulse.

Did it hurt?

Yes. Yes, it did.

Lee looked away.

Mitch yelled " Cut ! "

Eddie and Tiffany pulled apart with Tiffany stamping her foot with a frustrated growl, and Eddie sighed. "What?" he barked. "I did it like you said that time."

"I'm not feeling it, Eddie." Mitch stood, stamping over the dune toward them. He dumped his hands on his hips. "You kiss her like you've been doing it all your damn life. Boring !"

Lee snapped up at that. Eddie looked crestfallen. Lee supposed it wasn't nice to receive such criticism at work. Especially over something as intimate as a kiss.

"You don't want her to go!" Mitch yelled. "You are desperate . She is the first woman you've ever wanted . So want her!" Mitch shoved Eddie's back then spiralled his hand in the air, stomping over to the Director's chair where another whisper to the cameraman had him nodding while Eddie and Tiffany had their make-up retouched by Jenny.

Then it was back to starting positions.

Jenny rushed out of frame and toward him. "Hey," she said, then looked him up and down. "You're…?"

"Lee."

"Oh!" Jenny bit her lip, standing with him shoulder to shoulder. " You're Lee."

All Lee could do then was watch.

Watch Eddie kiss Tiffany.

Again

Then again .

With a strange lurching in his chest.

After hours and what felt like the hundredth time, where Eddie's lips had to be sore, Mitch pinched the bridge of his nose and yelled, " Cut ! Break for lunch." He shoved off his headphones, dumping them on the chair. "We got one more shot at this. "

He then marched off and the rest of the crew packed up, save for Tiffany and Eddie, who remained where they were. Talking. Far enough away not to hear anything but close enough he could claim he was doing his job. The cameraman didn't scurry off to the catering unit either, and it made Lee grind his teeth. He folded his arms, leaning against a trailer behind him, ensuring his biceps clenched hard enough for him to notice the strain on his sleeves. If he wasn't careful, they'd rip. Like Hulk.

Why did he care?

Jenny leaned closer to him. "I think you got some competition there." She tipped her head toward Eddie talking to the cameraman.

Lee narrowed his eyes at her, to which she winked, then scurried off to lunch.

Lee turned his attention back to what was happening on the fake dune. Tiffany tapped Eddie's cheek, then bounded off down the sand. She winked at Lee as she passed and Lee watched her run off, sundress flapping in the breeze, to join the queue at the catering truck. He turned back to where Eddie was now in conversation with the camera guy. Eddie smiled, camera guy too, and Lee's clenching was going to do him injury. Those smiles, those Eddie smiles, were for him .

Lee cleared his throat into a balled fist. Casually. Like anyone would dislodge an upset.

He was a bad actor.

Eddie ripped his gaze from the camera guy to him. They then said something to each other and camera guy padded off to join the lunch queue. Eddie stood by himself, talking to himself. Reciting lines maybe? Giving his own directions. How to make the scene work. What it was he was doing wrong.

Lee approached him. "You all right? "

Eddie huffed. "No. I can't kiss."

"Should I have been teaching you that instead of the gun work?"

It had meant to be a joke, but Eddie didn't laugh. Nor did he. And he wasn't sure why he'd been so flippant. This was Eddie's livelihood. But taking the piss had worked between them. Until now.

"I'm holding up the production."

"It's not your fault."

"Yes, it is."

"It looked fine to me."

"Fine?"

"Yeah. You kissed her. You're doing what he asked."

Eddie scrubbed a hand down his face. "I'm already on thin ice after…" He didn't need to finish the sentence. Lee knew he was referring to what happened yesterday. Which wasn't Eddie's fault, either. But Lee came with Eddie. So it sort of was. "I need to work this out."

Eddie jumped down from the dune and marched off. Lee trotted to catch up. "You not going for lunch?" He gestured to the mobile catering van serving the cast and crew.

"No."

"Why not?"

"'Cause they're serving tuna fucking melts. As if I need any more ammunition to repel this kiss." Eddie stampeded into the motel, zapping his keycard on the door of their room and letting himself in. Lee slapped his palm to the wood preventing it slamming in his face then pushed it open to Eddie pacing the room. "Go to lunch, Lee."

"I don't like tuna melt either."

"Go to the saloon."

Lee shrugged. "You look like you need help. "

Eddie scoffed. "I need to get into Joel's head."

"Okay."

Eddie glared at him. "I can't do that with you standing there."

"Why not?"

"I don't know!" Eddie flapped a hand. "Could you do your job with me there?"

"I sort of am."

"Your real job."

Lee ruffled his hair. Yes, he'd do his job if Eddie were there. He'd do it fucking well. He'd have done it a lot better had it been Eddie on the ground pleading with him to save his life.

He brushed off the ghosts before they settled on his shoulders by focusing on Eddie. "It's just a kiss, Eddie."

"It isn't just a kiss. It's the kiss. The most important part of the film. If I can't capture this, the whole thing falls flat."

"Okay. Let's talk it through." Lee had learned that from his fellow officers. Talking shit about strategies and how to handle a situation meant they could work as a team, go on and clear up hell. This wasn't any different. Lee edged closer to Eddie and folded his arms. "What is it you can't capture?"

Eddie dropped to sit on the edge of the bed. "I don't know. I mean, a kiss is a kiss. I'm experienced in kissing. On screen and off. I'm kissing like I think I should be. Like I want to. Even though she clearly ate a whole fucking onion for breakfast." Eddie scratched a hand through his hair, then winced. "Shit." He dipped down to look at himself in the mirror on the dressing table, trying to style his messed up hair back to how Joel would wear it and not him .

It was strange. How that one miniscule piece of styling changed Eddie into someone else. As though he could blend into character with a strand of hair facing the opposite way.

Lee edged a little closer. To Eddie . "What is it you're struggling with?"

"I don't know. It's the whole ‘desperation' thing Mitch keeps banging on about."

"And?"

"I think I am desperate to kiss her."

"Are you?"

"Well, not me . Obviously."

"Think of someone else. Someone you have felt like that for."

Eddie opened his mouth, glanced up at Lee, then looked away. "Never mind."

"No, go on. What were you going to say?"

"Joel is supposed to, like, burst if he doesn't kiss her. He's mad at her for not seeing it, even though he has done nothing to show he wants her. He's been avoiding her. Yet, inside he's been hankering for her, someone like her, all his life. Holed up here on this ranch on his own for so long, I think he's scared. I'm questioning why Mitch wants him to be desperate . He should be cautious."

"Why cautious?"

"Because he has no clue what she's thinking. He's not used to it. He's unsure of her. She's way out of his league and he's worried what it'll mean to let her in. To fall for her. She'll be buggering off back to the city and Joel will be left a wreck. Who wants that?"

"But isn't he desperate to find out?"

"Find out what?"

"What it feels like?"

"It's best not to know."

"Are you saying that from experience? Or for the character?"

"What?"

Lee inhaled. Exhaled. Shut off his rational mind. "Stand up."

Eddie looked up at him and Lee lost himself in those eyes, which was a good thing, because there's no chance he'd be doing what he was about to if he was all there.

"Stand. Up."

Eddie did, as if he were on a string and Lee the puppeteer.

"Pretend I'm her."

Eddie's lips parted. Not puckering up, more shocked at the request. "What?"

"Find out."

"Find out what?"

"What it feels like."

They stood there. Facing each other. Chest to chest. Breath to breath. Eddie might have been waiting for his next direction. Lee wouldn't give it to him. He wasn't in command here. He was in demand . And he waited for Eddie to find the courage. Find the depths of what he needed to do for his career. To find the character he came in here looking for. Lee couldn't be called a predator then. He was simply a man helping the person he was protecting. Maybe not from danger. But from losing his career. And fuck if Lee knew how that was a lot like losing a life.

Eddie moved. Without words. Without reciting lines. And he grabbed Lee behind his neck, fingertips indenting his skin as he drew him closer to the point their noses smashed together. Lee's heart thrashed so hard he was sure he would break a rib. How was he doing this? How was Eddie doing this ?

Acting?

Eddie tilted his neck, and there was caution. Hesitation. Eddie battling with himself whether he should. Lee wasn't sure either. He'd started this and now he didn't know where the finish line was. The wait was too intense. Palpable. As if Eddie was testing whether Lee would laugh. Back off. Stop it all.

He couldn't

And, for all the reasons he'd avoided for too long, he slanted toward it.

Toward Eddie .

Eddie's fingers tightened around his neck, threatening to leave bruises brandishing him as a possession. Lee couldn't ever remember a time he felt as wanted. Needed . And it hit a primal desire he'd long buried in a sexless marriage and trying for the things he was supposed to want. The things he was told to want. He heard a growl. A whimper. Something innate coming from Eddie's throat. Maybe silently rehearsing the lines from the script to get him in character? But Lee remained still. Piercing his eyes into Eddie's and asking him to, please, do it.

He did.

Eddie smashed his mouth onto Lee's with a force that should have knocked him to his knees. Luckily, he was bulky. Hardened. And did not want this to stop. He thrust into it. Into Eddie's mouth. Set free, he gave Eddie as good as he got. The kiss was a battle between two beasts, desperate to control the fight. Lee hadn't ever had this before. A kiss so enraged. He'd never tasted a mouth like Eddie's. It was like chocolate. Spice. Liquor . With rough stubble rasping him to cause sparks.

Lee lost himself. Lost himself to Eddie and his addictive kiss, and he glided his arms around him, thudding him to his chest, not allowing for a drop of air between them, because he was sure if the oxygen got to his brain, he'd realise how much of a mistake this was.

He was kissing Eddie.

Not only kissing him, devouring him.

Dizzy with it.

Eddie went in with his tongue and it was like he injected a poison to course through Lee's veins because he was a slave to it. To what Eddie wanted from him. He added his tongue into the mix too, twirling it around Eddie's, chasing him down with a kiss that said, yeah, I want you too. Lee couldn't remember wanting anything more in his entire life.

Hope you find what you're looking for.

A knock on the door jolted them apart. "Eddie! Mitch's ready to go again."

Lee stepped back, allowing Eddie space to breathe, and he stared at the floor, desperate for his pulse to level and heart to stop ringing in his ears. Eddie wiped his mouth, breaths laboured.

"Coming!" he yelled at the door. Then he nodded. "Okay, yeah. That'll do. Thanks," he said with speed and irrationality, looking for nothing he'd lost and trying to scamper out from being trapped between the bed and Lee.

"Eddie?"

"Like that." Eddie waggled his finger as he made his way to the door. "Kiss her like that. Thanks."

" Eddie !" Lee rushed up to the door, hand splaying on the wood to prevent him from opening it.

Eddie met his gaze and there was no one else behind those eyes anymore. There was only Eddie. And him. And what they'd done. What they'd inadvertently opened in this room with that kiss .

"Were you…was that…" Jesus, he was a grown man. Nearly fifty. He should get his damn words out. "Was that you acting?"

Eddie waited a beat. More than a beat. A whole fucking lifetime where Lee wanted to crush him against the door and see for himself. But then Eddie eked out, "no."

Lee dropped away from the door, a mixture of surprise and strange, heady sensations pulsing through his body at the realisation. Eddie yanked the door open before anything more was said, and he darted out into the desert heat that wasn't half as hot as it had been inside this room when Lee'd been kissing Eddie Brownlee.

Nor as hot under the collar as he was for enjoying kissing Eddie Brownlee.

Fuck .