CHAPTER FOUR

The next day, Amelia woke up with a headache. It was one thing to kick your man to the curb. It was another thing entirely to feel the aftermath of that kick. She actually did it. She filed for divorce. She was going to leave him once and for all. And it was just sinking in.

She got out of bed, sat on its edge for far longer than she should have, and then got herself showered and dressed in Prada head to toe, put on her makeup, did her hair, and then made her way downstairs. In the mirror she looked good, but she didn't feel good. She thought going to that divorce lawyer was going to make it all feel better. Liberating. But all she felt was loss.

But as she walked downstairs, she heard noise coming from the far side of her house. She pulled her Glock out of the briefcase she carried, sat the case on her foyer table, and then made her way to the sound.

When she reached the noise, she leaned against the wall, both hands on her gun, and then quickly turned the corner aimed and ready to fire. But when Hammer looked up from the stove on her center island, a pan of bacon in his hands, she froze. What the?

Hammer stared at the barrel of that gun. "Should I put my hands up in surrender?" he asked her.

It was so odd to see him standing there that Amelia had forgotten she was still aiming her Glock. She then put it to her side. And walked on up to her island. "Shouldn't you be out there saving children hostages?" she asked as she sat down, placing her gun on the island beside her. She still couldn't believe how he threw that up in her face yesterday as if all of her concerns about his failings were petty and insignificant compared to the life-altering work he was doing.

"I know you're being facetious," he said to her. "So I'll let it slide."

Amelia continued staring at him as he plated bacon and eggs and toast, and then walked around and sat one plate in front of her and one plate beside her. She could smell his fresh cologne when he stood beside her, and her heart began to flutter. If she thought being his wife was hard, being his ex-wife just might be harder. Because those feelings were still there.

And her headache after seeing him, oddly enough, was gone.

Hammer's heart was making him well aware of her presence too. It was like he could be around anybody in this world, but whenever he was around Amelia he felt a jolt of emotion he couldn't even describe. And that surging emotion always reminded him, no matter what woman was trying to get him in her bed – and many were trying - that Amelia was that special one. That Amelia was head-and-shoulders above the rest.

"I don't eat breakfast," Amelia said when he placed that plate in front of her.

"That's why I came over. You need to eat," he said as he sat beside her. "You're losing weight again."

"I just had a miscarriage two weeks ago," Amelia said as she picked up a slice of well-done bacon: the way he liked it, not her. "It wasn't exactly a festive time."

Hammer looked at her when she made that sly remark. "Are you implying I'm the reason you've lost a few pounds?"

Amelia dropped that bacon and looked at him angrily. "What are we doing? Pretending it never happened? Is that what we're doing?"

"We're not pretending anything. But we need to talk this through, Millie."

"What talk? I've been trying to talk to you for years but your ass wasn't listening. You didn't have time for talk. Now I file for divorce and suddenly you wanna talk? Suddenly you got all this shit to say and all this breakfast to fix and I'm supposed to forget the hundreds of times I told you it would come to this if something didn't change? You may have amnesia. I don't."

Hammer was tired of battling with her. Mostly because he knew how he'd been treating her was indefensible. He knew it. But he was afraid to admit it. "How have you been feeling?" he asked her instead.

"Now you wanna know how I feel. Two weeks since the miscarriage and you finally wanna know how I feel."

"I just found out about it two days ago, now get your facts straight." Hammer's temper was flaring too. "I was on my way back from Peru. I called you as soon as the White House phoned and told me. I called you right then and there. You didn't answer."

Amelia slammed her hand on the countertop. "Then why didn't your ass call again?" she yelled. "Wasn't it worth a second phone call to you?"

"I did call again. And again. And again. I told Charles to call you on three-way since it was obvious you weren't going to answer any call with my name attached to it. But he wouldn't do it. He said to give you your space. He felt it was too little too late."

"It was," said Amelia. Then a sadness came into her eyes. "It is."

Hammer's heart was pounding. It couldn't be too late. "I lost that baby too," he said to her.

Amelia looked at him.

"It broke my heart too."

She knew it did. She could see the anguish in his tortured blue eyes. But it changed nothing. She couldn't let their grief change a thing. Because after the grief was gone, after they had to move on, what would they have left? "How's Hannibal?" she asked him instead.

Hammer had to exhale first. "He's fine. He loves school."

"He said those teachers were saying he had what it took to find a cure for cancer."

Hammer nodded. "He told me that too."

"I told him don't let them white folks put all that shit in his head. He's a black man in America with a great head on his shoulders. They aren't going to give him some impossible task no one can achieve that'll make him feel less than if he doesn't achieve it. Because I know our child. That's how it'll shake out. He'll be doing great. At the top of his class. But if that cure for cancer shit don't happen, which the odds are it won't, he'll feel like a failure. Like he let people down. Just do the best he can no matter what it is. That's what I told him."

"I agree," said Hammer, nodding his head. "All that you're the greatest that ever was kind of hype derailed my life. Had me believing the hype. And then I nearly derailed my kid brother Trevor by putting all that crap in his head too. It's a vicious cycle that has to end with JoJo."

"It will," said Amelia. "If I have anything to say about it. He's a good, well-rounded kid with a great future. And he's your son. That's enough pressure to live up to for one person."

Hammer nodded, agreeing with her. They always came together when it came to their child's best interests.

But it was getting common again. And comfortable. None of their baggage unpacked, but they were acting like they always ended up acting: As if all of their monumental problems were no big deal. When Amelia knew better than that. But that was their pattern. They break up. Then they make up without dealing with anything. Hammer was neglectful to the fullest extent, but so what? He was an important man. He was a special man. He was supposed to get a pass. And another one. And another one. And another one until all he got were passes. And all Amelia got was nothing. That vicious cycle had to end too.

"I've got to get to work," she said as she stood up from her seat. It was only then did she notice the gorgeous bouquet of roses on the center island. "Whose?" she asked.

"Yours," said Hammer as he stood up too. "I know how much you love roses."

She did love them. But that was beside the point. She picked up her Glock. "I've got to go," she said as she began leaving out of the kitchen.

And desperation overtook Hammer. "Millie, I'm sorry," he said in a voice she wasn't familiar with.

She turned around and looked at him. His desperation was showing.

"Please don't divorce me," Hammer said.

It felt like a sea change to Amelia. Hammer Reese begging? It mattered. It truly took a lot for him to go there, and she knew it. But him asking her not to do what she told him hundreds of times she would do was nowhere to go. It was nowhere near enough.

And she stood there. Waiting for him to tell her why she shouldn't divorce him. But typical Hammer, he never curved that circle.

But Amelia cared too much to ignore the fact that he at least apologized. "Why shouldn't I divorce you, Hammer?" she asked him. "Because as soon as the President calls you to save more baby hostages or to protect our national security or to do whatever they ask you to do, then what? You'll say no to the President to be with me? To spend more time with JoJo? Is that why you don't want me to divorce you?"

Hammer could never lie to her and claim he would forsake all others for her. That was why he didn't respond to her. She always loved that about him. But love, in their marriage, was never enough.

"Bye Hammer," she said and didn't hesitate. She walked out of the kitchen, through her living room to her foyer, and placed her Glock back in her briefcase. Then walked out that door.

And Hammer continued to stand there. Then he took those roses and threw them across the room.