4. Cassidy

cassidy

. . .

“ I t’s so pretty!” Ingrid coos, then clears her throat. “So, are you sure Zack’s the one? Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great guy, but…”

“But what? I already had Cay’s big brother ‘ if he hurts you ’ speech and Pop’s ‘ you don’t have to get married just because you’re pregnant ’ chat. I’m not, by the way. Please spare me another.” This is supposed to be a celebratory coffee before I take a nap and go to work. Instead, I’m second guessing everything.

I love Zack. I do. Granted, there isn’t fireworks like on New Year’s over the lake, my breath isn’t stolen from me when he kisses me, and there’s the issue that he’s the sweetest man I’ve ever met, while I’m toxic as fuck.

Match made in hell.

Travis and I made a pact that we haven’t spoken about in a decade. He had ten years to choose me and didn’t. His birthday came and went, no one ran off to City Hall. Why shouldn’t I marry Zack? He loves me and will be a great husband and father .

“Cass,” she warns. “I’m not going to lecture you. I’m happy for you.”

“Well, you don’t sound happy,” I grumble, pulling my hand back from her admiring my ring. “Anyway, I’m sure it will be a long engagement.” No matter how sure of myself I sound, my stomach drops every time I lie to my best friend.

Her eyebrow lifts as she brings her coffee to her lips. “What about Travis?”

“Wh-what about him? I don’t see how he has anything to do with?—”

“Cass, come on! Ever since I’ve been back in Sapphire Lake, the tension between you has been electric. I wasn’t going to say anything, but I think he’s really upset you’re engaged. He obviously has a thing for you.”

“The only thing he has is a lonely cock,” I counter. “He’s upset he’s no longer in his twenties with pussy for days.”

Travis never chose me.

“So, if he asked you out, you’d say no?”

I wiggle my hand to show off my engagement ring. “Um, hello? Engaged.”

“If you weren’t, what would you say?”

“No,” I sigh. “You know how I feel about cheating. I’d break up with Zack before I ever considered a date with Travis.”

“Fair enough. Do you think he remembers your little pact? I have a feeling he does. Last night, he looked like the day Blaze di?—”

“No,” I growl. “You cannot compare my engagement to the night the fire pup died. Travis was devastated. We all were. ”

“And the next day he came home with Inferno, and Cay brought home Smitten. Travis was upset yesterday. I have a feeling he’s going to adopt another dog, or”—she gasps—“he’s going to find a wife. Too bad it won’t be you. His loss.”

I can’t do this.

“That’s it. I’m going to work.” I don’t have work, but I can’t entertain her delusions right now.

“Oh, come on, Cass! I was kidding. Sort of… Okay, fine, I wasn’t kidding. I like Zack, I really do, but you’re my best friend, and I see the way you look at Travis. I want to make sure you’re marrying the right guy.”

“You want the truth? Zack isn’t the right guy, but neither is Travis. I’m not going to find a love like you have with my brother. I still stand by him not deserving you, but you’ve been in love with each other since you were kids. Travis?” I shake my head and sigh. “It’s not like that with us. If he wanted to be with me, he would’ve said something— which he hasn’t . It’s been years. Zack is sweet, and kind, and funny, and…”

“And what?”

I rub my hands down my face. “He’s a good man. We shouldn’t be having this conversation.”

If Travis proposed yesterday instead of Zack, I stupidly would’ve said yes. I need to stop reading romance books and watching romantic comedies. No one is showing up at my doorstep with poster boards, there’s no running through the airport shouting, “Stop the plane!” Fairytales aren’t real, even if my brother and best friend are living their happily ever after.

“I’m sorry.” Ingrid places her hand over mine. “He doesn’t deserve you. Neither of them do. But, if you’re happy, I’m happy for you.”

Happy is relative. For the past decade, I’ve consumed a steady stream of caffeine, tried various antidepressants, and even dabbled with the occasional edibles. I work so many hours to help stuff down my feelings far away from prying eyes. The only reason Travis knows I have depression is he caught me picking up my prescription for my SSRI a few years back. Fuck, that was embarrassing. For now, I get through the day… surviving.

Ingrid heads out and as I lay down for a nap, my mind doesn’t stop. As I finally begin to doze off, my phone vibrating on my bedside table wakes me. I peek an eye open to make sure it’s not the hospital and find a text from Zack.

Zack

Hey, beautiful. Have a great day at work.

I love you!

I love you too! I’ll call you when I’m off.

I set down my phone and it vibrates again. I have to do a double take at the message preview on my home screen.

Travis

We need to talk, wifey.

Wifey? What the hell is he up to?

Drunk texting before noon?

You’re not marrying him.

Yes, I am. There’s nothing to talk about. And I need to take a nap before work.

I’ll be there in fifteen.