Chapter 5

Rory stumbleddown the stairs and made her way to the coffee pot in a zombie-like shuffle. She slept…horribly. Images of Tyler and Zoe kept flashing in her head. Him catching her; the way she smiled in his arms when he comforted her; their bright, shining faces with Zoe perched on his shoulders.

She hated that it bothered her so much, because it shouldn't. They were supposed to be best friends, and she was supposed to be supportive of his happiness. She wasn't supposed to feel dread or jealousy. Maybe she was just being overprotective? She wondered if that was it—that she was worried the guy who was practically her brother was going to get hurt. That he was going to lose sight of everything he worked so hard for.

Yeah…that made more sense.

"Looks like it was quite the game last night," Gabi said behind her.

Rory frowned and turned from the pot, burning her tongue as she took a greedy first sip of her coffee.

Gabi placed her copy of the Haverport Courier onto the counter, pointing to the image on the front page.

Her stomach dropped when she saw the image—actually, dual images, side by side. One with Tyler holding Zoe in his arms after catching her, the other one of her on his shoulders, crowns balanced on both their heads. The headline in big, bold letters almost made Rory spit out her second sip.

Chapman Catches the Crown!

"Jesus," Rory mumbled to herself. "This nightmare never ends."

"I didn't even know we won the game until the third paragraph," Gabi said. "The reporter is a lot more interested in Tyler's little act of chivalry."

"Probably because it's uncommon these days for a high school boy to do something nice rather than think of himself and his dic—"

"Rory!"

She smirked, taking a sip of her coffee. "Come on, you know I'm not wrong."

Gabi rolled her eyes, shoving the paper aside. "How late were you out last night? You look like hell."

You don't know the half of it, she thought. "Midnight. We went out for pizza."

"But you slept till ten? You're not lying to me, are you?"

She shook her head. Sure, she'd lied to Gabi a handful of times in the past about parties. But she hadn't been to any since that summer. Since everything happened with Tyler and Jay. And Duncan.

Drinking alcohol just didn't seem to have the same appeal anymore.

"No, just couldn't fall asleep," Rory admitted. "Was up…texting all night."

Gabi smirked. "Texting, huh? Texting who?"

This also wasn't a lie. She couldn't fall asleep, sure, but part of it was the fact that Jay started bullet-texting her after she told him she missed him as well. When it hit four in the morning and he was still texting her, she pretended to have fallen asleep and turned off her phone.

For someone who normally "doesn't text," he was texting her an absurd amount. They texted about college and his classes, about Haverport and closing down Scoops for the season. She mentioned the game but only in passing, changing the subject back to Jay and his female conquests. Which, it turned out, were few and far between—an oddity for Jay. He was always the flirty one, an outright player who constantly gave out free ice cream cones in exchange for phone numbers or a peek down the front of a low-cut shirt. But apparently, College Jay didn't play the same game, and was far more interested in texting Rory on a Friday night instead. And flirting with her. Heavily.

She quickly thought back to his last few texts, the ones that led to her calling it a night.

My bed is soooo big. Wish you were here with me.

There's actually room in there with that massive head of yours?

Which head ;)

Gross. Keep it in your pants.

I can't, Rory. I miss you too much.

If he hadn't been clear before, he certainly was now. For some reason, he wanted her. It was something she'd imagined for so long, what it would be like to be with Jay. So why, when she finally had it within her reach, was it making her feel like acid was eating at her stomach?

"Melanie," Rory lied. "She's, you know, still sad and stuff." She felt terrible for using her friend's grief to get her out of a tight spot, but something told her she wouldn't mind.

Gabi nodded, her face turning serious and making her feel even worse. "Makes sense. You never had her over the other night."

"I know. I will at some point," assured Rory.

"Not on a school night though, okay? That was a one-time thing."

She frowned. "And how would you stop me if you're never around?"

Gabi rolled her lips at that but didn't respond. Rory didn't hide her smug expression as she took a sip of coffee.

"Your last soccer game…it's next Saturday, right?"

The smug expression melted off her face. "I, uh, didn't think you'd remember."

"Sweetie, it's marked on the calendar," she said, pointing to the paper calendar Gabi insisted on using to communicate their schedules.

She did write in all of her soccer games, hoping deep down that Gabi might show up at one. She hadn't yet, of course.

But maybe this time…

"Are you going to come?" Rory blurted, then winced. She had to rein it in. She didn't want her excitement about receiving a smidgen of her mother's attention known.

"I do have a shift at the diner that day," Gabi answered.

Her chest fell.

"But…I was thinking of asking for it off, if you want me to come?"

She schooled her expression, feigning nonchalance. "Could be cool, I guess."

Gabi smirked. "Cool, then I'll see what I can do."

She lifted her mug to her face, trying to hide the smile stretching across her lips. She couldn't help but expect disappointment when it came to Gabi. At this point, she welcomed the pain like an old friend.

But maybe this time, she thought, maybe this time she'll prove me wrong.

* * *

Her lackof response the night before didn't stop Jay from texting her nonstop.

It was eleven, and Gabi was still out bartending. The house was dark, but she was wide awake, lying in her bed. She sighed and flicked on the twinkling lights that weaved through the pictures she'd printed and hung above her bed. All images from the summer before—her and her friends by the beach, at the bonfire after Haverfest, parties, random pictures taken during slow shifts. She also hung up a few of the random sketches she'd doodled during classes, like her favorite Disney-movie moments or ice cream melting off cones. She enjoyed drawing but would never call herself an artist. Her drawings weren't nearly as good as what some came up with, especially not the animators who created her favorite Disney and Studio Ghibli films. Those people, she admired.

Her phone dinged again. Then again.

You better not have fallen asleep on me.

Seriously, Rory. You can't leave me hanging.

She rolled her eyes.

You know, you're getting really needy. I may need to cut you off.

Please don't do that. I need you.

Her fingers trembled as she held her phone. He…needed her? How was she supposed to respond to that?

Changing the subject seemed like the best option.

Come hang out with us at State and watch Tyler cream everyone.

Does "us" include Calvin?

Yes, he and Melanie are a package deal these days.

Eye roll

He's gotten…better. Not as much of an ass hat.

He will always be an ass hat

Rory laughed at that, shaking her head as she watched Jay's typing bubble bob on her screen.

State is too far away. I can't wait that long. Come visit me next weekend.

Rory sucked in a breath. Could she do that? She closed her eyes and tried to picture the paper calendar hanging in the kitchen downstairs, suddenly remembering the soccer game.

Can't, soccer. When will you be home next?

Thanksgiving. We're supposed to travel and see Abuelita. But maybe I'll come early and surprise you. ;)

It's not exactly a surprise if you tell me about it, you know

Okay but you don't know HOW I'll surprise you. It'll be epic.

Her phone dinged again, but this time, a different banner popped up at the top of her phone. It was from Tyler. She tapped it immediately.

Doom-scrolling again, Ry? I see those lights on. Go to bed.

Rory smiled, sitting up in her bed and glancing out the window. Tyler's room was across from hers, their windows facing one another. His room was also dark, but she saw the brightness of a phone screen through his open curtains.

She leaned back and texted.

I'm not doom-scrolling. I'm happy-scrolling.

It was a lie. But what Tyler didn't know wouldn't hurt him. Right?

No such thing. All social media is doomed.

Cynic. I actually love watching girls show off their fake lives on Instagram.

Sounds like the definition of hell.

She shook her head, wondering what he was doing up. He was usually adamant about going to bed on time. Tyler was notorious for being grumpy if he didn't get enough sleep, and he hated being on his phone. Yet here he was, laying in his own bed, also texting.

Her stomach turned. Maybe he wasn't just texting her. Her fingers flew over the keyboard.

What are YOU doing up so late?

Making sure you're not doom-scrolling

I smell a lie

I smell doom-scrolling

YOU'RE RELENTLESS

GO TO BED, MENACE

She sent him a middle-finger emoji, then turned her phone over and placed it on her nightstand. She stayed leaning against her wall for another moment, watching the window across from hers, the gleam of his phone bright in his dark room. He was still up on his phone. Probably texting someone.

And she really, really wished he wasn't.

* * *

Rory was usedto being alone. Some of her first memories were of her time in daycare, surrounded by other kids her age also ditched by their parents, spending time with a curly, gray-haired woman who smelt like the lemon cough drops she was constantly sucking on. But it was the dread that she remembered the most, that feeling of abandonment that simmered deep in her stomach as she watched her mother leave for the day. She would cry and cry until the lemon-cough-drop lady gave her animal crackers to shut her up. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes she just threw her crackers to the floor.

So she got used to that feeling. The dread that clamored to the surface each time she woke up to an empty house or ate dinner alone in front of the television. Gabi insisted it was all worth it, that she was doing this for her. But how could something be for her if she didn't even want it in the first place? Didn't she get a say in what she wanted…which, she always hated admitting to herself, was to simply spend time with her mother?

It was middle school when she stopped calling her Mom. Gabi had been an hour late for picking her up, but that didn't stop Rory from sitting on the curb outside in the snow, watching for her red Prius in the sea of white. The after school–care teacher tried coaxing Rory back inside with hot cocoa, but she refused to listen. She just sat there, eyes at the school's gates, hoping the car would round the corner.

When it finally did, the sky was almost dark, the sun set and gone. Rory watched the headlights flash as the car spun around the circle to the entrance, coming to an abrupt stop in front of her.

She whipped the back door open and threw her backpack into the footwell, then sunk into the seat and yanked on the belt buckle to fasten herself in, flurries of snow dampening the cloth interior.

"Sweetie, I'm so sorry, I was—"

"Just go," Rory snipped.

"Do you want to get pizza for dinner tonight?"

Rory shook her head. "I just want to go home, Gabi."

She remembered the look on her mother's face when she said it—anguish, hurt, a hint of realization that things might never be the same again. But she didn't correct Rory, just switched gears as they left the school. It made her feel powerful.

She'd been calling her Gabi ever since.

Rory's distaste for after-school care was what led her to soccer, and eventually, to Scoops. She joined the soccer team in seventh grade and quickly became one of the best players, making Tyler run drills with her in the backyard or taking shots at the net before practice after school. But soccer was a fall sport, and by the time spring came around, the loneliness in her life felt like a gaping hole that needed to be filled. Tyler told her he got a job at Scoops By The Sea. She applied the next day.

Having her job at Scoops and finally getting her driver's license felt like her ticket to freedom. She could work and do as she pleased, filling her days with work, parties, and boys. Her lonely upbringing made her bold. She was loud and obnoxious, wore bright colors, kissed boys without a second thought. She painted each of her nails a different color just to stand out from the rest. She wanted to be noticed. She wanted people to know that she existed.

There were glimmers of good times, of course. Small moments and sweet memories she could cling to when she missed her mom. Disney movie marathons, big stacks of fluffy pancakes at the diner before school, laughing so hard orange juice flew out of her nose.

But because she was seventeen and needed more than just glimmers, she pushed away every attempt Gabi made to have a real relationship, keeping her at arm's length, not ever filling her in on what was going on in her life. Not wanting to deal with the sting of that disappointment any more than she had to. She was done with it. And thankfully, she had others she could rely on instead.

Even though one of her others was now the most popular guy in school.

Rory avoided all social media that weekend and prayed that this would all blow over by Monday. But as she walked through the halls that morning, it seemed the entire school was far from over it. Everyone was still buzzing about the game…and "the big catch." Rory was sick of hearing about it—especially after having to watch a recap on the school's morning show.

Rory was grabbing textbooks from her locker before homeroom when she spotted Tyler heading her way from down the hall. She stood taller and opened her mouth to greet him, only he turned and stopped to lean against another locker. One that belonged to a girl with perfectly blow-dried blonde hair.

The air left her lungs as she watched Zoe smile at Tyler, her teeth somehow sparkling brightly underneath the ugly fluorescent lights of the hallway. He smiled back, saying something to her that made her laugh.

Then he reached for her hand, lacing his fingers through hers.

Rory stopped breathing altogether, the entire world swirling around her in slow motion. She couldn't stop staring at them, at their interlaced hands. People were buzzing again around her, the news already spreading like wildfire. That the Homecoming King and Queen were officially a couple.

She turned toward her locker, forcing short inhalations through her nose. She looked down at her phone and realized the bell was going to ring in two minutes. Where was Melanie? She usually always met her at their lockers in the morning. And right now, Rory needed her. She flicked open her phone and typed out a text.

Hey, you coming in today?

She waited for a beat, then two. No response. She sighed, shoving her phone in her backpack and slamming her locker shut. She passed the happy couple with her head turned down and raced to class, feeling her heart pound in her chest the entire time.