Chapter 26

Calvin offeredto drive Rory home. They remained silent as his truck took them over to Misty Bay, up until he parked the car outside of her house.

"I'm sorry," he said as she unbuckled her seatbelt. "That wasn't my news to share. He just—"

"Makes you want to scream sometimes," Rory finished for him.

Calvin chuckled. "I'm kind of surprised he even asked to meet me and tell me in person. He seems…different."

"He had a lot going on this year," murmured Rory.

Calvin dipped his chin.

"Maybe you should—"

"Yeah," he interrupted. "I'll apologize."

She nodded. "Good."

As she got out of the car and walked up to the house, she sent up a silent prayer into the universe, to whoever was listening, hoping that someday Jay would want to be her friend again. He'd forever be the boy she played spoon swords with, the guy who was always willing to get in trouble with her—like their annual tradition of locking newbies in the walk-in. She wanted to know everything going on with him, wanted to know about this program in Japan. She could only hope things would stop being so weird between them.

Rory reached for the doorknob and let out a long sigh.

She took a lot of chances this year, made a lot of decisions that went against what she thought her life was supposed to be. What she was supposed to do, where she was supposed to go. Deciding against going to a traditional university like her mother had always wanted for her, joining the yearbook, even going after her father. Kissing Tyler. Falling for him.

Her shoulders eased. Whatever befell her as she entered the house, she knew down to her core that she would never regret choosing herself.

She opened the door. Gabi sat on the couch, a box of half-eaten buffalo chicken pizza on the table as she watched Gilmore Girls. She looked up at Rory and paused the show. "How was the party?"

A mess."A lot of fun."

"Good," Gabi responded, patting the cushion next to her. Rory took a seat. "And Melanie is doing okay?"

"As okay as she can be, I think," Rory said. "I don't know that she'll ever be truly okay."

"It's a good thing she has you guys. A family to lean on in the hard times."

She thought back to her conversation with Melanie a few nights ago, sopping wet on her bed, how similar Gabi's words were to what her friend told her. "Yeah, exactly."

"And I think, maybe, it's been good for you, too."

Rory gaped. This was not what she expected. "I don't understand."

Gabi sighed. "I've been so tunnel-visioned about us having enough money to afford college that I completely lost sight of my daughter and what she needed to be okay. And I'm truly sorry, sweetie. I screwed up."

Tears lined Rory's eyes. "But I've screwed up, too."

"Yes, and we'll talk about it," Gabi said with a cock of her head. "But I just needed to start with that. To let you know that I understand why this all went down in the first place. That maybe my actions were the catalyst."

Rory looked down at her hands, twisting them, not sure what else to say.

"So…why'd you skip school?" Gabi asked.

Rory looked up at her. "You're not going to like it."

To her surprise, Gabi smiled wearily. "He called me."

Rory's eyes went wide. "He did?"

Gabi sighed. "Yes, he called me right after you drove off, all in a huff. Said you are just as stubborn as me, that he couldn't believe how low I'd stooped to send you his way."

"Oh god," she whispered.

"I told him that I was proud of my daughter for facing her fears, and glad that my Rory will forever know how much of an asshole he is."

Her tears were falling now, and she let her eyes flutter shut. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done it."

"Gone behind my back? Yeah, definitely not," Gabi said. "But standing up for yourself, for me? I could never be angry at you for that."

Gabi was holding tissues toward her as she blinked her eyes open. She snatched one, blowing her nose.

"How'd you find him?" Gabi asked.

So, Rory told her. How she found her yearbook in the attic and did some online stalking, then about the newspaper clipping and realizing where the estate was.

"They're loaded," Rory explained. "That house…it doesn't make sense. You work so hard, it feels unfair."

"With the Barrys, money always came with strings attached," Gabi explained. "I didn't want to get tangled up with them anymore than I needed to because I did not want that life for you. So I only accepted his child support, and nothing more."

Rory gave her a curt nod, then confessed the rest; about how much she'd thought about her father before that, wondering what kind of man he was, wondering if her life would be any better if he were around.

"But I was wrong," she admitted. "He was a dick, and I can't believe he—"

Gabi now had tears in her eyes, reaching for Rory's hands.

"I can't believe he tried forcing you to terminate your pregnancy," she finished, breathless from the weight of it.

"A woman should always have the right to choose what she wants for her body, for her life," Gabi said. "As soon as he showed his true colors, I knew it would never work between us. Especially if my little one was a girl."

The two of them wept, squeezing each other's hands in between reaching for tissues and blotting away tears. When she finally felt like she had control of her emotions, Rory leaned back, looking at the TV screen in front of them. Ironically, Gabi was watching the episode where Lorelai and Rory visited Harvard. Rory's eyes were bright with promise, Lorelai's with pride as they stood at the entrance leading to campus.

You'll always regret it if you don't try.

One last leap. One last big opportunity to stick up for herself.

She looked back at Gabi. "I know you wish this was our life," she said, pointing to the screen. "That I was the kind of kid who loved the idea of going to college, who wasn't always such a problem, one who followed the rules."

"You clearly haven't seen the whole show," Gabi grumbled.

"I don't think I can do it. Go to college in the way you've always hoped. I-I think it would crush me. And I'm sorry that it'll disappoint you, that I'll never be the Rory you imagined."

"Sweetie," Gabi said, squeezing her hands again. "I didn't name you Rory because I want you to be her."

Rory just blinked.

Gabi sighed. "Oh baby, no. I did watch a lot of this show when I was pregnant with you, but I named you Rory not because of who her character was, but who she was to her mother—to Lorelai. Lorelai made this big decision to be on her own, to raise her child in the way she thought was best. She moved her to a different town and even if she had to live in a shed, she made it work. Rory was like this little beacon of hope through all of the crap she had to deal with, and as I watched, I also wanted my little girl to be that for me. To be the thing that drove me to work hard and do everything I could to give her a life she loved.

"But sometimes, your best intentions don't line up with what the other person needs," Gabi admitted. "And I've realized recently that by forcing you to go to college in the way I've always dreamed for you makes me just as bad as Emily Gilmore."

"Huh?"

"Lorelai's mother in the show…? It doesn't really matter," Gabi answered with a chuckle. "What matters is how I realized trying to force you to do something you don't want would go against this streak of independence I had at your age. Yes, my parents hated that I left Florida while pregnant with you and decided to make a life for myself here, and we fought about it for a while. But it was never because they wanted to force me to be around them—it was because they were so sad about how much they would miss us. But they still trusted me enough to make that kind of decision for myself and for my child.

"And I want to trust you, too," Gabi concluded. "I want to be the kind of mom who supports her daughter's decisions. You're almost 18, an adult. You should decide what you want to do with your life. And if studying graphic design at an art school is going to be what makes you thrive, what leads you to a life you will hopefully love, then I am behind it."

Rory threw her arms around her. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

Gabi pulled away, brushing a strand of Rory's hair behind her ear. "I looked at the tuition costs, and it's not cheap, sweetie. It's a private school, and there's no in-state tuition. Between what your father has sent over the years and what I've saved, I can pay some, but you may need to take out loans or find scholarships."

"I'll make it work. We'll figure it out, Mom. We always do."

Rory felt her mother squeeze her tightly at the use of the title after so many years. She squeezed her back before sitting up, looking up at the woman she'd admired since she was little.

Gabi smiled, tears lodged in the crinkles around her eyes. "Together."

* * *

"He must havea sick sense of humor."

Rory looked up at Jay, his position mirroring hers at the opposite side of the Scoops counter. Arms tense, crossed across his chest, leaning against the counter.

"It was bound to happen eventually," Rory mumbled. "Us working together."

"Yeah, but scheduling us a few days after the party? That was on purpose."

Rory just smirked and dug her sneaker into the rubber mat on the floor. "Yeah, maybe."

They stood there in silence for a bit longer, a sun beam shining through thick-set clouds outside the window. Scoops was dead, but it was early in the afternoon. Crowds tended to rush in when the elementary school let out. But they still had another hour to kill, and there was nothing else to do but wait and stare at their shoes.

Rory held her hands out in front of her, the nail polish chipping around the edges. She usually stayed on top of keeping her rainbow manicure pristine, but with prom two days away, she was spending every spare minute of her time in the computer lab, making sure every facet of the yearbook was ready to go so they could submit the file after prom with ease.

"So…" she started, heaving a sigh. "Japan, huh?"

Jay looked up at her, an unmistakable gleam in his eye. "Yeah, Japan."

"Is it a business program?" she asked, recalling that he was planning on taking classes to get his business degree.

"No, I dropped that major this winter," he admitted. "I'm doing something new."

"Like what?"

Jay didn't answer her, distracted by a pair of cat ears bobbing up to the window.

"You still have ears on your head," Jay deadpanned. Vanessa wore one of her neon skirts—this one purple—with a World of Warcraft graphic tee tucked into the front. Her usual fishnet stockings were gone, and she donned a new pair of slim black combat boots with a slight block heel.

"Yes, thankfully they are still there," Vanessa sassed as she reached up to her human ears, giving them a tug just like their first interaction.

Rory slid closer to the window where Vanessa stood outside. "Hey, Vee. What's up?"

Vanessa beamed, shrugging her backpack off her shoulders. "Brought you a present."

"My birthday isn't for another week, you know."

"Trust me, you want this now," she said, pulling out a spiral-bound book. "You're going to want to kiss my face after you see this."

"I'd pay to see that," Jay mused.

Rory couldn't help herself, she stepped back and shoved Jay in his side, causing him to stumble back with laughter. Seeing him smile made her grin, and he peered around her with intrigue at the spiral-bound book Vanessa was sliding through the window.

Rory flipped it open, and on the inside was a mockup spread of the first page of the yearbook.

"Oh my god," she breathed.

"Print proof of the book," Vanessa said. "The printers offer it as a courtesy in case we hate the coloring of anything. I flipped through it already and think it looks good, but I'll let you make the final call."

Rory flipped through, not able to contain the smile sliding across her face. Each page was perfect, from the designs to the lay of the text and all of Sean's incredible images. So much hard work, now right at her fingertips. She wondered if she would always feel this way about her art at Baybrook, this feeling of pride and satisfaction.

"Wow, Rory," Jay breathed from where he stood right next to her, their shoulders brushing. Almost as if the art had bridged the gap between them. "This is insanely good."

She grinned, teeth and all. "Thanks."

Jay looked up at Vanessa, glancing at her ears before his eyes flicked down to her shirt. "So…you play?"

Vanessa smirked. "Yeah, I play. You?"

"Uh, sometimes," said Jay with a casual shrug, but Rory could see through it. He was nervous. "There's a group that meets at UCONN, Thursday nights, and most weekends. They game, eat pizza, hang out till the wee hours of the morning."

"Is it they or we?" Vanessa mused.

Jay's face flushed, his eyes flicking over to Rory.

Vanessa smile widened, the silver crystals at the creases of her eyes glinting under the sun. The clouds had cleared. "I already know about the group," she explained. "Two former Haverport alumni are in it, friends of mine."

"Terry and Pheebs?"

Vanessa grinned. "You know them."

"I, um…" Jay looked at Rory first before responding. "Yeah, we hang out a lot on campus. They're actually the ones who convinced me to change my major."

"Did they also convince you to transfer to the University of Tokyo?"

Jay squinted his eyes at her. "Who are you, witch?"

Vanessa threw her head back and laughed. Rory watched as Jay smiled at Vanessa, her heart squeezing in pure delight. Well…this was an interesting development.

"We've been dreaming about it for years," Vanessa explained. "We game together all the time. If you play with them then we've probably streamed together before."

"Oh my god," Jay said, palming his forehead. "You're Kitty Cat."

Vanessa curtseyed. "At your service."

"They always talk about you, saying you were the reason they wanted to wait one more year before the move."

Rory couldn't help it as she butted into their conversation. "I'm guessing this is why you're moving to Japan?"

"Ye—yeah," Jay admitted. "To study game design."

Vanessa started stepping back as she slid her backpack over her shoulder. "I'll see you Saturday, Rory?"

"Yes, text me your coffee order—Mel and I will grab you whatever you want."

She beamed. "Sounds good." Rory caught her friend winking in Jay's direction. She twirled, her purple skirt flowing behind her as she strutted to her car.

Jay exhaled.

"You're in trouble." Rory chuckled.

"Yeah, no kidding," Jay bemused. "That was—so hot."

Rory cackled, and Jay shoved her playfully, the two of them falling into one of their usual fake fist fights like it was the most natural thing in the world. At one point, Jay swung his arm around Rory's neck as part of his attack, giving her a noogie. She poked his side, causing him to squeal as he cowered back.

They were both panting and laughing as they leaned against the counter.

"So that club you joined back in the fall…" Rory began to ask.

"It was the gamers club," Jay finished. "I met Terry in one of my classes and he invited me."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I was embarrassed? For so long I'd acted like this person I wasn't because I thought it would make people like me. Soccer, girls, parties. But then I went to college, and I felt—"

"Lost."

"Yeah, lost," he explained. "At first I thought I was just homesick, and that maybe having some kind of tether to home would make me feel better."

Rory held her breath, realizing where this was going.

"But it just made things worse."

"I'm sorry," she breathed.

Jay shrugged. "I'm the one who brought you into my mess. But I realized as I was with you that I was still pretending to be someone I wasn't. And as I started to discover who I really was—the things I like, the way I want to spend my time—I was scared to show this new side of myself to you. I thought…I thought maybe you wouldn't like me anymore."

"That's ridiculous."

"Please, listen." She nodded, and he continued. "When you broke things off, I thought I was heartbroken. But at some point, I realized it wasn't heartbreak. It was fear. Because when I no longer had this tie to home, I was free to be who I really was. And that really, really scared me. But it was the swift kick in the ass I needed, to stop using others as a way to make myself feel better, to find happiness in who I really am."

Jay reached for her hand, but not in a romantic way. As her friend, as the boy who loved to wrestle and pull pranks and make crude jokes.

Rory squeezed it. "That's huge, Jay."

"I know, how mature of me," he teased. "Do I get a medal?"

"How about a punch in the face? I hear you're gunning for a black eye."

Jay winced. "Okay, yeah, I deserve that."

She crossed her arms. "If you've been doing all this self-reflection, then why taunt him?"

Jay pursed his lips. "It's fun."

She rolled her eyes. "Wrong answer. Try again."

Jay didn't look her in the eye as he spoke. "Finding out you chose him over me made me feel like shit, even if we were never really dating."

Rory rubbed her neck. She needed to speak her truth; she knew she wasn't all that innocent either. "This isn't all on you, Jay. It's my fault, too, and I'm sorry. Part of me wanted to use you as a way to make Ty jealous after he started things with Zoe. I'm sorry."

He nodded. "What's going on with them, anyway? It's fucked up, if you ask me."

"Yeah…I know. Let's just say it's not at all what you think."

"So they're not really dating."

"You said it. Not me."

"But that still leaves you in second place, Rory," Jay said. "And a girl who kisses like that should never be in second place."

Rory let his words roll right over her. She couldn't deal with Tyler right now. One messy boy problem at a time. Instead, she wiggled her eyebrows. "That good, huh?"

Jay shoved her. "Don't let it get to your head."

"Too late," Rory teased. "So…what happened to that girl you posted on Instagram? Are you seeing her?"

"God no. That picture was actually taken at a party last summer. I posted it to piss you off," he said, looking guilty. "I actually haven't seen anyone since."

Rory smirked—she'd suspected as much. "Which means you're wide open for Kitty Cat."

"Shut your mouth," Jay said. In an instant, he had a cotton candy–colored spoon in his hand, ready to pounce. Rory snatched one herself and they started fighting, their battle going on until a line of customers started to form outside the shop.