Chapter 38

38

28 years old - Nick

I arch my back and stretch my upper body, yawning in the process. The time on my watch says that it's almost midnight. Lily and Bryce arrived not long after Birdie showed up at the apartment. After that, Bryce went back to his place and Lily and Birdie went inside Birdie's room to talk things through. Judging by the video on Instagram playing on my phone that I have no recollection of watching, I guess I must have fallen asleep on the couch. I stand up to stretch when I see a figure approach me from the hallway that leads to the bedrooms and bathroom.

"Sorry," I say to Lily. "I wanted to wait for you to say goodbye, but I must have fallen asleep at some point. Everything okay?"

Lily gives me a small smile. "Yeah. I'm the one that's sorry. Your last night here got ruined. She's okay though, better at least. It's been a long time coming. I should have told her about Logan the moment the questions started coming." She walks toward the kitchen and pours herself some tea. "Want one?" she asks me, lifting her mug so I see what she's offering.

"Yeah, sure." She pours me a cup of hot water and drops a tea bag inside before handing it to me, our fingers grazing.

"Hey, Nick," she says softly. "I heard what you said to her."

I rest my hand behind my neck. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to overstep. I'm, uh, I don't have much experience with kids." I let out a forced laugh. "I hope I didn't cross a line."

"I'm sorry if her questions made you uncomfortable."

I put both hands inside my front pockets and slightly sway back and forth, letting out a small chuckle. "Nothing I haven't gotten from you before when we were that age."

"She likes you."

"I like her, too. She's a good kid." And I really do. I didn't know what I was expecting when Birdie invited me to dinner using Lily's phone. I froze when I realized who it was. I had only seen her pictures, and I only noticed one thing in all of them— her emerald green eyes . The same color as her father's. But when I met her, they no longer intimidated me. She might have Logan's eyes, but everything else about her reminds me of Lily. A younger version of Lily that I spent my childhood with.

"Did you mean what you said?"

"Every word."

"Nick." Lily puts her mug down and pinches the bridge of her nose. "I have to be honest with you. I don't want our story to be over yet, and I would love to be a part of your life again, but I have Birdie now to think about. I hope you understand." She's offering me an out. In case this is too much for me. She thinks I might bolt.

"I know that. And I really do mean every word. Lily, I didn't want to admit this to myself for the longest time, but I still want you. I didn't allow myself to think about it and I actually made myself believe it, but I'm not going to lie to myself anymore. I know you and Birdie are a packaged deal, and it's okay."

"She's not your child, Nick," she says, her voice breaking. "I had her with someone else. With someone who forced himself on me while we were together. Can you really accept that?"

I put her cheeks in my hands and kiss her, tasting a hint of chamomile on the tip of her tongue. "I already did," I answer her. "It's just you who needs to forgive yourself and move past it."

Lily grabs the coupons that are sitting on the table together with our half eaten dinner. The coupons that were the main culprit of Birdie's confusion. "If you would be so kind as to make me one more of these, Nicholas Johnson," she says with a wide smile, "I promise you it will be the last one that you'd ever need to make."

"With a few adjustments," I say with a grin that matches hers.

"I love you, Nick. Since forever," she whispers to me and I return the words to her. The same way I have professed it to Lily throughout my life, with absolute certainty, with no hidden agendas, in the purest form it could ever be.

The Coupons

Happy B-day, Lillian Lee! You're 18, finally legal! Congratulations, if you've found this, that means you found your gift that I slid into your locker.

IMPORTANT! Before you chuck this in the bin, read the next two sentences first. IMPORTANT!

Don't worry. I'm not trying to make a move on you, and I know you're not available anymore. Things change. People change. I respect that. Love comes in many shapes and sizes. Some philosopher probably said it. I don't know who, though.

You were my best friend, and I miss you. You were the most important person in my life. I can't just erase the memories.

I might not want to marry you and raise our kids together anymore like I promised I would do when we were seven, but I still want to hang out with you. You've been avoiding me. Don't think I haven't noticed.

So here is your birthday gift: This letter doubles as a coupon. 1x truce. If you also miss me and want to be best friends again, just text me the word TRUCE and cash in the coupon. You can have the old one back.

Nick.

P.S. I've been secretly hanging out with Taylor and Tabitha again. They also think it's ridiculous that you've been avoiding me. It's only the beginning of senior year, we still have many months to waste. Let's go on wild adventures together.

Dear Thumbelili,

Happy birthday :)

For your presint you get a coopon. Underrline the 1 that you want. My mommy and daddy say you can only cash it in when we are 18 and not 1 year yonger.

Summer/ Winter / Spring/ Fall wedding

How many childrin are we having?

1 /2/3/4

Nicky