13. Jade

13

Jade

The cool night breeze did nothing to ease my frayed nerves as we stepped out onto the private beach behind the castle. Disquiet crawled under my skin like marching ants. Alaric had been quiet since we left my office, and his sudden mood shift worried me. Had the scene been too much for him? The thought of accidentally harming him, physically or emotionally, was too much to bear.

I watched Alaric closely. I'd given him a fresh pair of clothes after the scene, but I couldn't even enjoy seeing him wear my old silk pyjamas. I was too anxious.

After taking a deep breath, Alaric lifted his head to stare at the stars. I followed his gaze, but the dark sky's celestial beauty felt dull while I was concerned for him.

Finally, I couldn't take the inner turmoil any longer.

"Alaric, have I upset you?" I begged.

His round gaze locked onto mine like he'd been snapped from his thoughts. "What?" he asked, sounding baffled.

"You've barely spoken since our scene ended, and you were in a rush to leave," I said. "If something upset you, please tell me. I won't do it again."

Alaric slowly arched a brow, then breathed out a laugh. "Oh, calm down, you dramatic dragon. I'm fine."

The crushing weight of my anguish fizzled away, but it didn't cure my confusion.

"My apologies," I murmured. "You were uncharacteristically quiet, so..."

He smirked. "Contrary to popular belief, I am capable of keeping my mouth shut."

His sassy remark calmed me down further. I breathed deeper, allowing myself to enjoy the crisp air and the water lapping at the shore.

A moment later, I felt the edge of Alaric's hand brush against my own. Warmth flowed from his skin into my body. I fastened our fingers together, noting the thinness of Alaric's digits. I never knew holding hands could feel so nice.

After a shared moment of peace, Alaric sighed. "I'm not trying to be cagey or anything. It's just... difficult for me to talk about this."

"About what?" I asked.

Alaric wrinkled his nose. "What we just did was really intimate. Especially for you, right?"

I nodded slowly. I'd already told Alaric about my lack of experience—and desire—with other people.

"You are my first," I said. "And only."

Emotion flickered on Alaric's face. The evening darkness couldn't hide the blush blooming in his cheeks.

"Don't get me all sappy while I'm trying to tell you something," he complained.

I smiled. "I'm sorry."

"You've never... tied up someone else. Or done any of that other stuff we just did."

"Never," I agreed. "Only to inanimate objects."

His voice was solemn as he skipped the jokes this time. "So, it was deeply personal for you. And vulnerable."

I wondered what he was getting at. Whatever he intended to confess, it was clearly emotionally taxing.

"Yes, that's right," I said.

Alaric grimaced. He squeezed my fingers tighter.

"I haven't been fair," he finally said. "You opened yourself up completely. You shared your deepest desires with me, even though I invaded your privacy and saw things I shouldn't have seen."

Our first meeting seemed like a lifetime ago. Now, I couldn't imagine a world without him.

"It's all right," I reassured him. "Yes, it was complicated at first. But I shared my secrets with you because I wanted to." I stroked the back of his hand with my thumb. "I trust you."

A pained look marred his beautiful eyes. "I forced you to trust me. I blackmailed you. I said I'd tell everyone your secret if you kicked me off the show, even though I was the one who broke the rules." He let out a disgusted sound. "I was so desperate to win, I almost hurt you."

The outburst of pain surprised me. This wasn't like him at all. How long had this agony been simmering in secret?

I turned to face him. "You did not hurt me, Alaric. You've only improved my life. I'm glad you're in it."

There were three more words I wanted to say, but I faltered. I didn't want to derail his moment.

Alaric exhaled shakily, then took a second to compose himself. "I feel the same way about you," he murmured, sounding uncommonly fragile.

My instincts surged. I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him as tight as possible. His shoulders trembled as he struggled to suppress a sob. I stroked his back in soothing motions. After a few moments, he calmed down.

"Ugh. Sorry," he muttered. I could tell he hated crying.

I suddenly recalled something I'd read. "I've heard that BDSM scenes can cause bursts of emotion after they're over. The participants might cry, even if they don't feel upset. That's why aftercare is important."

Alaric snorted. "Good to know."

"I should've provided it sooner," I said, angry with myself.

"No, this is good," Alaric promised, rubbing small circles in my back. "And hey, don't make me comfort you when I'm the one having an emotional breakdown."

"My apologies."

Eventually Alaric broke out of the hug and we sat on a downed log in the sand. Our hands were still intertwined. He seemed reluctant to let go, clinging to me like a baby kitten.

As the dark water flowed to the shore, Alaric broke the silence. "I was raised by a single dad."

The discomfort in his eyes suggested admitting that had taken considerable effort.

"He was a young omega. He wasn't ready for a child, never mind raising one alone," Alaric went on. Each word was slow and deliberate. His usually sharp tongue was blunted by pain.

A long pause followed. I suspected he wanted me to ask about the unspoken information.

"Your alpha father?" I probed.

Fury flared around Alaric like a wildfire. "Never in the picture. My dad was too stupid to use protection, thinking they were in love, that they'd be together forever. So the alpha used my dad and ran."

The revelation shocked and disturbed me.

"I'm sorry," I said.

The hairs visibly rose on the back of Alaric's neck, stabbing upwards like knives. He took a few breaths to calm himself down. His hackles fell.

"It's fine," he said, as if trying to reassure himself. "I'm more angry with my dad than the sperm donor." He spat the phrase like a dark joke. "Anyways, Dad was poor. His parents—my grandparents—were ashamed of what he'd done. They wanted nothing to do with either of us. So, he had no help raising me."

Anger rose in my chest. I couldn't believe the atrocious behavior of everyone involved, except poor Alaric, and to an extent, his omega father.

"We never had enough money," Alaric continued, sounding more tired than infuriated now. "We struggled. Constantly. At night, I'd lie on the shitty mattress on the floor and fantasize about being rich. That way, I'd never go to bed hungry, or worry if we'd be kicked out of our home when Dad couldn't pay the rent on time."

My heart ached for him. That was why he appreciated luxury so much. His childhood poverty made him appreciate the value of nice things.

Alaric's lip curled. "But my fantasies meant nothing. Dad barely tried to fix the mess we were in."

"He tried to make the best of a bad situation," I pointed out gently.

"By bringing home random alphas every other week?" Alaric shot back.

I winced. I hadn't realized it could get worse.

Alaric scoffed, shaking his head. "The first couple times, I was so hopeful he'd find his true mate. But he never did. And they kept coming. Some of them were awful, treating me like I shouldn't be there, so I flung their bad attitude right back at them. I had to act cold to protect myself." He frowned, lowering his head. "Some of them were nice enough. They helped us afford necessities for a month or two... but in the end, they always left."

Alaric's story formed a cold pit in my stomach. How long had he suffered? I hated myself for not knowing sooner. I could've shifted into my dragon form and flown off the island to save him.

Alaric stared at the water sloshing back and forth on the shore. Each time it crept forward, the tide pulled it right back.

"I promised I'd be different than my dad," Alaric said under his breath. "I wouldn't throw myself at the first alpha I met. I'd be smarter with money. Everything he did wrong, I'd do right. So, I waited. I never let an alpha use me. I saved my pitiful paychecks from crappy jobs. All the while, I pretended to be above it all." His head drooped. "But... I felt empty. No matter how hard I tried, I never accomplished my childhood dreams. I had no loving mate, and I could barely afford rent." His mouth curved into a grim smile, and his voice was agonized. "Then the Dragonfate Games started. I really thought I had the perfect chance. But then I failed, over and over again."

That was enough. I grasped Alaric's other hand and faced him.

"You did not fail," I growled. "You just hadn't met the right alpha until now."

His eyes flashed. "What did you say?"

He looked afraid to believe me. Then I'd just have to prove it.

"You're my fated mate, Alaric," I said, feeling a surge of instinct from deep within me. "I've known it for a while, and I won't hide it anymore."

He sucked in a soft breath. His fingers grasped me tighter, and I felt his rapid pulse through his delicate skin.

"Don't you dare say that if it's not true," he stammered. Tears rimmed his eyes.

"I love you," I told him. "That's the absolute truth."

I kissed him to chase away any doubts. He whimpered and gripped my chest like I'd disappear if he didn't hold on.

I embraced him, letting him tremble and weep quietly until he composed himself with a shaky inhale.

"No one's ever said that to me before," Alaric admitted hoarsely.

Possessive jealousy licked at my insides. "That's for the best. I doubt anybody else would've meant it as viciously as I do."

He let out a wet chuckle. "You love me viciously?"

"Absolutely. I am a dragon, remember?"

He tilted his head, regarding me curiously. "I've never actually seen your dragon form, except once a long time ago. All I know is that it's green."

I winced as I recalled the ‘dragon reveal' during the first season's closing ceremonies. My brothers and I had assumed our dragon forms at the final moment of the first season. It was my suggestion, to drum up interest in our show and to prove the fact that dragons were real, but now I regretted it. Revealing my dragon was intimate. It wasn't that I was secretive about it, but I shouldn't have performed it as a cheap carnival trick.

For Alaric, however... my dragon practically begged to be released.

"Would you like to see it now?" I asked.

He pondered for a second before replying, "No. I want this to be my moment." He tossed back his hair for a dash of tongue-in-cheek drama.

I smiled, falling deeper in love with him and his quirks by the second. "I understand."

Suddenly Alaric blanched, his eyes widening with terror. "The cameras aren't here right now, are they?"

"No," I promised. "I ordered all cameras and mics off after dinner. I couldn't have the whole world witnessing our little scene, could I?"

Alaric heaved a sigh of relief. "Thank gods. I didn't want everyone to know... all of that," he mumbled, waving a hand. Then he met my gaze with warm, trusting eyes. "You're the only person I've ever told about my past, Jade."

My heart clenched with affection. "I appreciate your belief in me. And in turn, know I'll do everything in my power to make myself worthy of you."

Alaric blushed. For a moment my heartfelt words seemed to catch him off guard.

"Hmph... You sure know the perfect things to say, don't you?" His tone was a lightly snarky return to form, but he wore a genuine smile.

"I do read a lot of books," I teased.

The conversation lapsed into comfortable silence sprinkled with the calming sounds of the sea. Alaric leaned against my shoulder and I hooked my arm around him. The bond between us was an invisible tether, stronger and deeper than ever.

In the silence, my mind floated to the previous Dragonfate Games. How many times had my brothers claimed their mates? It was no secret that the omegas were often pregnant before the third challenge even began. Yet Alaric and I hadn't had penetrative sex.

In my old state of mind, I might have blamed myself. It would've been easy to assume the fault, thinking I was abnormal, or unworthy, or wrong.

But now, cuddling on this hidden beach with Alaric, my mind didn't travel down those dark paths. My ingrained doubts released their hold and fizzled out. Right now, I lived here in the moment with my fated mate. We'd take our relationship at our own pace, whatever that may be.