Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

L ucifer regarded me with an intensity that could have flayed the flesh off my bones.

“Just think about it,” I went on, not knowing where I took the courage from to poke the Devil in his bleeding wound. “You want her to have a good life on Earth, right? You said you want to make sure that she has a good family, that she’s safe and happy, and that nothing bad befalls her. You’ll let her grow up unaware of her former life and the long-lost lover who’s waiting for her. But then you intend to somehow barge into that safe, happy, and fulfilled life she has and uproot her, turning her world upside down and taking her into a different dimension that is foreign and scary. You expect her to just leave her family, her friends, everything she’s ever known to go to Hell and become the Devil’s bride? Can you even fathom how much she’ll have to give up to be with you down here? The sheer extent of the sacrifice you demand of her?”

Muscles jumped and shifted in his jaw as he ground his teeth. “You lived through it, and you’re happy with Azazel now.”

“That is hella different.” I raised my index finger to underscore my point. “First of all, I had no choice but to marry Azazel and follow him to Hell because the alternative would have damned me to Hell anyway. There wasn’t an option where I could have stayed and continued living my human life on Earth instead. Lilith, on the other hand, has that option. She will have to make an actual decision to give up living on Earth and go to Hell instead, which is a completely different premise. Secondly, I only had one year of living in Hell as a human before shit turned sideways and my humanity was ripped away, but mind you that even in that one year, my soul ached from not being on Earth anymore. Now, however, I am basically custom-built to live down here. I’m a demon. My entire metaphysical makeup is different now. With my nature not being human anymore, there’s less chance that life in Hell will drag me into depression over the millennia. The same will not be true for Lilith.”

His fingers curled on the armrest of his chair, and I definitely didn’t imagine the black talons slicing out from his fingertips and scouring the wood.

A shiver ran down my spine, but I pressed on. “And on the point of having lived through it, that is precisely why I understand exactly what it will be like for her to go through that huge transition. I know how much it hurt to leave my family and friends behind, and worse yet was the fact that I couldn’t even visit. I was a ghost on Earth, and there was no way to explain to my loved ones where I’d gone and why I couldn’t keep in touch with them. The same will be true for Lilith. She won’t be able to see her folks in flesh and blood, she won’t be able to show herself, and they will all think she has disappeared without a trace and possibly died. You cannot imagine how painful that will be for her.” I thumped my chest, tight bands constricting my lungs. “But I can. I’ve been through it. It is horrible.”

His jaw hard as steel, he turned his head to the side and closed his eyes briefly.

“When you brought Lilith to Hell all those thousands of years ago,” I said softly, “the situation was vastly different. She had just been banished from Paradise, she was wandering the wastelands alone, and she had nothing to lose. She had no family, no friends, no life on Earth to speak of. Going to Hell with you was an easy choice then. You were her lover, she knew and trusted you, and of course she’d happily choose to live with you even if it meant doing so in an inhospitable dimension of death and torture.” Chewing my lip, I paused, then added, “This time, it will be so, so different. She will have everything to lose. Yes, if she chooses you, she’ll be with the love of her life—but will she even remember that this is what you were to her?”

He wasn’t looking at me, his gaze fixed unfocused on some spot on the wall, his power woven with tendrils of a pain so deep it made me ache.

“You are somehow convinced that she’ll regain her memory of her former life,” I said, twisting my fingers, “and the question of whether that is at all possible aside, even if it were, you couldn’t expect her to choose to go to Hell to be with you before she remembers everything. I mean, just how did you think this was going to work? You can’t go to Earth, so that means you’ll have to send someone else to convince her to leave her human life behind and go to Hell. If she doesn’t remember yet, that will be weird as fuck, not to mention doomed to fail. She’d have no reason to choose you if she doesn’t even know you.”

“She will remember,” he whispered.

I leaned forward, frustration and doubt making me grit my teeth. “How?”

“Same as you.”

“What?”

“You remembered, didn’t you?” His eyes glittered as he met my gaze. “Your memories were buried, but they surfaced again.”

I threw up my hands. “Yes, but that...that was different!”

“Was it? Didn’t you have inklings of your past life already, and then the proximity of the one you’d bonded with gradually broke down the containment of your memories until it all came crashing down?”

I sucked in a breath. “Okay, first of all, how do you know those details?”

A glimmer of the old Lucifer shone on his face. “I have my ways.”

“Naamah,” I muttered. “Of course.”

“Was there a second point?” he asked with a smirk.

“Yes!” I pinned him with a look. “I had Azazel to chip away at the wall that kept my memories contained. But if you can’t go to Earth, who’s going to do it for Lilith?”

His smile was slow and a touch sly. “You.”

“Excuse me?”

“You are bonded with her.” He tipped his head, indicating the spark of her power in my chest. “The way you’ll find her is the same way you’ll be able to rouse the memory of her past life inside her. Your proximity will make her remember.”

I rubbed a hand over my face, trying to process the fact that Lucifer thought the kernel of Lilith’s energy inside me was some sort of versatile super tool.

“You should have some faith.”

At Lucifer’s quiet remark, I looked up at him again, raising my brows. “Faith? You’re telling me to have faith? You ? The Devil, God’s greatest critic?”

He shrugged. “Things have a way of working out in the end.”

I chewed my lip. “I don’t know. I mean, there’s plenty that’s gone shitty over time. Exhibit A—Lilith’s fate.”

“Ah, but that story’s not finished, is it?” He conjured a glass of amrit and took a sip. “That which belongs together will always reunite.”

“That’s mighty optimistic of you,” I murmured, leaning forward to pick up the glass of the amber liquid from the small table he’d summoned.

“Do you not hold the same conviction with regard to you and Azazel?”

I paused with the glass half raised to my mouth. Dammit. He had me there. Deep in my heart of hearts, I couldn’t see a future where Azazel and I weren’t together. It was a belief that went soul-deep, an immutable fact.

I narrowed my eyes while taking a sip, then mumbled, “I sure didn’t have philosophical discussions with the Devil on my bingo card for this year.”

“Why not? That’s what friends do, isn’t it?”

I almost dropped the glass. With my eyes wide as saucers, I stared at him. It took me a few seconds of sputtering, but then I blurted out, “We’re not friends!”

Did I imagine the slight flicker of hurt across his expression?

“No?” he asked quietly.

I opened and closed my mouth several times, then squinted at him and ground out, “Everything you’ve ever done to me aside, the one reason I’d never consider you a friend is that you treated the man I love like shit when he was a youth in your care. He had lost his parents, and you failed him. You might have been a great father to Naamah, but you were a horrible grandfather to Azazel. If you’d only shown him a sliver of the love and consideration you gave his mother…but no, not only did you treat him like dirt back then, you’ve also been sneering at him for thousands of years, actively trying to make his life difficult.”

He blinked at me, his expression unreadable, but the fact that he wasn’t yet hurling threats at me made me dare to lay into him more. I’d kept all these feelings and thoughts inside me for so long, my grudge and resentment festering with time, but I didn’t want to bottle it up any longer. I had no idea if anyone had ever given Lucifer a dressing-down for his behavior toward Azazel, but by the fires of Hell, I would.

“He is the most amazing male I’ve ever had the fortune to know,” I said, my voice wavering with emotion, “and you don’t appreciate him at all. You cast him aside when he is the very best among you. He’s strong, loyal, smart, ambitious, and a damn good leader. He is exactly the type of demon you should surround yourself with and hold in high regard because he plays the political game exceptionally well, he’s wise enough to give good counsel, and he’s proud enough not to spew falsehoods just to appease your ego. He’s got a backbone of steel and will fight to the death for those he loves. He would be such an asset, if only you ever opened your eyes and saw him.”

I sat up straighter, balling my free hand to a fist to hide how it shook. “But all that aside, even if you never saw him for what he was worth, you should have respected and loved him as the child of your favorite daughter. If Naamah has always meant so much to you, you should have raised her son in her spirit, with the affection and care she wasn’t able to show him. The fact that you didn’t is deplorable. You let the hate for his father taint your heart and vented your anger on an innocent boy. And you never even apologized for it .” I stood, setting the glass on the table, my pulse a rolling drumbeat in my head. “So, no, we’re not friends. That is an honor I give only to those who respect the people I love.”

And without waiting for a dismissal, I turned and stalked toward the door, throwing a “Stay, girl!” at Vengeance.

Pensive silence followed me into the hallway.

Outside, once the door had fallen shut behind me, I released a shaky breath. Tremors took hold of my limbs, adrenaline and anxiety coursing through my veins in a toxic cocktail.

God, I’d chewed people out a few times in my life, but this might have been the most nerve-racking. While I’d been on a roll and hadn’t wanted to stop, it didn’t mean I wasn’t a mess of fear and discomfort inside.

Running both hands over my face, I stood for a moment just trying to get my bearings.

“Are you all right, my lady?”

At the soft question, I startled and pivoted to the speaker. My breath left me in a rush a second later as I recognized Shemyaza, the female demon who led the protective entourage Azazel had sent me.

Right, she was here. They all were.

Four demons in total, all of them accomplished warriors from Azazel’s top ranks, most of whom I had seen before, when I’d lived in Azazel’s mansion. They’d shown up yesterday to “visit” me—all of them decked out in weapons—and had followed me around since then.

I’d avoided going to crowded places in order to hide their presence as much as possible, and I’d ordered them to wait outside Lucifer’s rooms, lest he find out.

He might still learn they were here, but I wouldn’t tempt fate by shoving them right under his nose.

“Yes,” I replied. “I’m fine. Thank you. I’ll just go finish packing my stuff.”

With a nod at Shemyaza, I headed back to my rooms, my bodyguards trailing me faithfully.

Now that Vengeance stayed behind in Lucifer’s care, I did appreciate the added security my protective entourage provided me. Those moments when I’d deposited Venny with Lucifer and headed to the gate were the times I would otherwise walk alone, not to mention that on Earth, I’d only be in the company of Haniel.

Azazel had been right—as he usually was. Having guards was the smart choice considering the overall situation.

As it turned out, Shemyaza and her buddies also followed me to the gate and over to Earth, which was the moment I had to explain the truth at least to Haniel. Telling him these were my “friends” wouldn’t cut it anymore, because there’d be no reason for them to go on the mission with me.

There was a brief argument about safety and logistics, but I managed to convince him that these guards were simply additional security that benefited both him and me and that I would only go to Earth if they were allowed to come. They were also bound to secrecy about the nature of what I was doing on Earth, so there’d be no information leak.

In the end, Haniel relented with a shrug, after conferring in a whisper with the demon who was on watch duty for the gate.

I stepped through the portal once more, right back into the busy streets of New York. While I’d scoured the entire city proper last time, and would now widen the search to New Jersey, this gate in NYC was still the closest point of entry on Earth from Lucifer’s palace.

Haniel and my guards emerged behind me, and I gave them a nod and extended my wings. “Let’s go.”