Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

Zoe

I sat with my face turned up to the sun and enjoyed the warmth on my skin like I’d done a million times back when I’d been human, before I’d followed my demon husband to Hell and subsequently hadn’t been able to feel anything during my visits on Earth.

Nine years. Almost a full decade of not feeling the sunshine kiss my face. Because even as an angel, when I theoretically would have had all five senses available to me on Earth, I hadn’t had the chance, given that I’d been too low of rank to receive Earth-visiting privileges.

I’d never take this for granted again. The heat of the sun, the wind in my hair, the scents of summer.

Yes, even with the occasional stink of New York City wafting up, from my vantage point at the top of a tall building right next to Central Park, the smells of trees and grass and water warmed from the sun were a potent, pleasant cocktail of nostalgia.

And it was a special, new sensation to feel the sun’s rays caress my outspreaad wings, the black of my feathers all but cooking. I understood now why birds loved to sun their wings.

My feet dangled over the edge of the roof, the street below and the humans and cars rushing past appearing like mice from this height. Good thing that as a result of being turned into a winged creature, I’d been purged of any vertigo. With my luck, I’d half expected to be the only angel/demon in existence with a fear of heights.

“Are you quite done?” Haniel asked from behind me.

With a sigh, I looked over my shoulder to where he stood a few feet away, munching on a donut he’d pilfered from a shop below.

“Because if we’re not doing any more searching today,” he grumbled, “we might as well head home.”

Home .

That word reverberated inside me, evoking all sorts of conflicting feelings. Because the definition of that word had changed so drastically for me over time. Once, this human world sprawling out below me had fit the description. Then, it had shifted to Hell, and for a few years, Heaven had been the place I would have pictured when thinking of home, even if it had felt off just a little.

And now it was Hell again, more so than before.

I could already feel the pull toward that dimension. The niggling urge to return to the realm that was intertwined with my very being. I hadn’t noticed any weakening of my powers yet, though being on Earth in general did feel entirely different from being in Hell, in terms of energy.

In Hell, it was as if the realm itself breathed through me, with me, connected to me on a cellular level. The sensation was one of constant back-and-forth of energy, flowing like waves in the ocean.

Here on Earth, on the other hand, I felt almost a bit disconnected, cut off from the steady flow of energy in this world. It was like I was an interloper, in a way, an energetic oddity in a world not made for me.

Which was why, even though I had immensely enjoyed being back on Earth and experiencing this realm with all of my senses again, I was surprisingly looking forward to returning to Hell.

Of course, the fact that I’d be rid of grumpy Haniel did play into this a little.

We’d barely spoken during the past weeks, and he’d made no bones about being peeved that he had to escort me while I was looking for Lilith. Apparently, he had better things to do than play babysitter for me and make sure I stayed on track. His exact words.

So, yeah, I couldn’t wait to part ways once we were in Hell.

On that note, I nodded at him. “All right, let’s go.”

And without waiting for him, I pushed myself off the rooftop. A few strong beats of my wings and I caught the air current, soaring high over Central Park. The windows and glass fronts of the skyscrapers—many of them newly built over the past years—sparkled in the sunshine as I glided through the modern gorges of this metropolis, the spaces between the towering buildings like canyons of steel and concrete.

Oh, it truly had been great to spend time in this city again. I’d canvassed the entire metro grid in the past three weeks, marveling at the resilience and zest for life of the people here. I’d taken special care to check every daycare, every school, all the playgrounds, the hospitals, but—predictably—I hadn’t felt the slightest stirring of Lilith’s power within me.

Which could mean nothing, and everything.

She might not actually be here.

Or maybe she was, and I’d been close to her, but Lucifer was wrong and that kernel of her energy in me did not respond to her nearness after all.

The only way I’d ever know for sure if this worked was if I did indeed find her at some point.

I honestly doubted that would ever be the case.

I landed on the sidewalk in front of the library, Haniel touching down seconds after me. He activated the gate, drawing the attention of an angel lingering on a rooftop nearby. My gaze had swept the area out of habit, and the white of his wings had caught my eye immediately.

But the angel simply watched, making no move to engage us.

He wasn’t the first of my former brethren we’d come across.

It had been weird, was strange still, seeing angels casually out and about while we were here on Earth. We’d noticed each other’s presence, like one predator sensing another in the wild but refraining from an attack because they knew a confrontation would not be worth it. There was a truce in place, and barring an unpreventable provocation that forced us to act, we all had orders to leave each other be.

We’d seen other demons out here, too, even half-bloods, though we’d steered clear of them as well. It couldn’t be helped that I’d be seen on my mission, but it was better to keep our distance and not encourage small talk or conversations that might reveal more about what I was doing on Earth.

Besides, the few times that one of our own had tried to speak with us, I’d effectively chased them off with my social awkwardness. For once, my special talent of horribly tangling two phrases vying for dominance in the speech-processing center of my brain had been an advantage. So, when some demon had approached us asking if we had a moment, and I couldn’t decide between “We need to fly on” and “We’re in a rush,” of course, it had come out as “We need to flush.”

The demon who’d approached us had stared at me in bewilderment, then raised her hands and slowly backed away.

I went through the gate first, with Haniel following me a few seconds later.

The moment I stepped out into the whirring, hot air of Hell, my entire body and soul seemed to heave a sigh of relief. Home, truly.

Above, the clap of thunder rolled through skies churning with red and orange clouds, intermittent lightning bathing the black stone of this courtyard in flashes of the darkest violet. Somewhere in the distance, a dragon roared, and from nearby answered the goosebump-inducing howl of hellhounds.

Yep, home sweet home.

Next to me, Haniel rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck. “Well, let’s get you to His Grace so I can be rid of you.”

“You know,” I said as I fell into step with him as he strode toward the palace, “you really could put in some effort to be more-pleasant company.”

He shot me a dark look. “The words ‘pleasant’ and ‘company’ do not mix in my vocabulary.”

“Of course,” I muttered. “Just my luck. Out of all the demons to be stuck with during my missions, it has to be a misanthrope.”

“Now that’s just not true.” He clucked his tongue. “I don’t hate only humans.”

“A misanthrope and a nitpicker.”

“I prefer quibbler. If you’re going to insult me, at least be precise.”

I rolled my eyes.

We made our way through the palace and to Lucifer’s rooms without interruption, and when we reached the door, Haniel gave me a salute and turned on his heels.

“Have fun being a jerk!” I hollered after him.

“Always,” was his dry reply as he disappeared round the corner.

I’d have to prank him. He definitely needed to be taken down a notch.

Turning to the door, I knocked and waited for the call, then stepped inside.

Frosty air whispered over my skin, seconds before a giant hellhound ran me over. With a squeak, I tumbled down, losing the fight to keep Vengeance’s tongues from slathering me good and well.

“Venny! Sit!”

At my command, my trusty dog let up and plonked her butt on the floor, though her balance was off because one of her heads tried to chew her left hind paw.

“Good girl,” I crooned and then scratched all six of her ears in succession. “Did you miss me? Yes? I missed you, too! Sweet puppy pup!”

When I finally remembered that I was supposed to greet the ultimate ruler of Hell instead of smooching my hound, I cleared my throat and snapped to attention. Facing Lucifer, I went down on one knee and bowed my head in deference, then rose again at his prompt.

He lay half crumpled on a divan that gave me serious doubts about its integrity. The room around him seemed to have suffered more destruction in my absence, with more cracks fissuring through the floor and even fewer pieces of furniture still partially intact. Yet again, a lone candle fought against the oppressive darkness in here.

“So, uh,” I began, creeped out by how his energy once more held a prominent note of otherness, “I searched all of New York City, Your Grace.” I grimaced and reached inside my top to wipe away the glob of slobber that had been making its way down between my breasts. “I haven’t felt even an inkling of her.”

Silence.

Next to me, Vengeance whined.

“Your Grace?” I ventured when he still wouldn’t say anything.

Was he dead? No, he couldn’t be dead, or else I wouldn’t sense his energy, not to mention his body would have dissolved into sparks of light, leaving only his clothes behind.

He was, however, doing an admirable job of miming a corpse.

Quite fitting with the whole mausoleum theme of this room and his palace in general.

When he finally spoke, the toneless whisper of his voice sent a chill down my spine. “It was to be expected.”

I shifted from foot to foot. “What was, Your Grace?”

A twitch of his hand, the slightest indication of a dismissive wave. “That it will take time. That you wouldn’t find her immediately.”

“Well…yes.” I rubbed my nose. “It would have been a miracle if?—”

“I did not expect it,” he interrupted me quietly, though it almost felt as if he wasn’t quite talking to me. More like he was voicing his own thoughts to hear himself. “I did not think it would happen so soon.”

From the way he lay there, though, from the choking weight of disappointment that stole the air from this room, he’d been hoping for it.

And I knew all about how bitter hope could be.

Unbidden sympathy lacerated my heart.

“You have managed eight years without her,” I softly said. “I am sure you can bear her absence a little longer.”

For the first time since I’d stepped into the room, his eyes of primordial darkness focused on me. “She was my light,” he said in a voice of shattered glass. “The beat of my heart. I have not felt joy since the moment she breathed her last. Every day without her is unceasing torture. I do not bear her absence—it kills me, minute by minute, yet this cursed existence of mine knows no end.”

I swallowed hard, my throat tight and raw.

“I have tried.” Deep shadows of pain on his face. “My power will not let me finish myself.”

With a hand over my mouth, I stifled the agonized sound that wanted to escape me. To feel such despair, such desolation, as to consider…I shook my head.

He turned his face away from me, away from the flickering light of the candle. “Leave. Take your rest.”

I hesitated, my brows scrunched together, low-level anxiety buzzing in my blood. “Will you…be all right?”

God damn it, I’d never thought I’d one day be worried about Lucifer’s well-being, but seeing him like this, hearing him speak this way, it almost made me doubt whether he could be left alone.

“I haven’t been for a long time,” was his sardonic reply. “Why should I start now?”

And there was a glimmer of his old personality. The relief it brought me was absolutely bewildering.

“May I go visit Azazel, Your Grace?”

“No.” He flicked his fingers without looking at me. “But you may summon him here. You are not to leave the palace grounds, but what you do within them is none of my concern. As long as you’re able to resume the search a week from now.”

“Thank you.” I took a deep bow, cautious happiness at this small victory blooming in my chest.

“One more thing,” he said, giving me a dark look without moving his head. “Do try not to demolish these halls.”

I stopped short, rapidly blinking at him. Was this about me hurtling Samael through a wall? Well, Lucifer was one to talk! Half the palace lay in ruins because of his anger management issues, and he hadn’t even bothered to repair anything. But he was getting on my case about one measly wall?

“With all due respect,” I said, hands on my hips, “what was I supposed to do? Samael was picking a fight, and I simply gave it to him. I’m not going to let him shove me around.”

“As well you shouldn’t,” Lucifer muttered, and I might have died of surprise that he was backing me here. “But you need to learn control and precision. With the amount of power you carry, if you keep flailing around like a clumsy toddler, you’ll end up hurting yourself more than your opponents.”

“Excuse me!” I gasped. Clumsy toddler?

“Exploding like that is a disgrace to your potential,” he said with a curl to his lip. “You want to cut your enemy down with the precision of a scythe, not come in like a wrecking ball.”

Dammit, now that Miley Cyrus song was stuck in my head.

“Report back to me tomorrow.” He waved his hand. “You’re in dire need of training.”

I stared at him for a few ticking seconds, my brain not quite computing. “Are you saying that you’ll train me? You yourself?”

He gave me a flat look. “Seeing as I’m one of the few whom your power won’t be able to accidentally obliterate, yes, it will be me who trains you.”

I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. On the one hand, I really didn’t want to spend more time in Lucifer’s presence than strictly necessary. On the other, though, being trained by the most powerful being in Hell would be very advantageous. And I had to admit that I did indeed need instruction on how to use my new strength with more control. When I’d been an angel, I’d never wielded my innate power all that much because it had been negligibly small. Combat training had needed to focus more on my physical skills.

But that had changed now, and much like Naamah, I could probably rely more on using my magic to fight.

So I bowed and simply said, “Yes, Your Grace.”

“Take your hound with you.” He nodded at Vengeance, who was sitting next to me. “She’s yours again for the week.”

“Thank you for taking care of her,” I said and inclined my head.

“She’s…peculiar.” His brows were drawn together, his face thoughtful as he looked at her.

Two of Vengeance’s heads were currently fighting over who got to chew on her own tail. The third nibbled on her right front paw.

I bit my lip. “She’s special, yes.”

“I’ve never seen a hound this clumsy, yet capable of shredding a dragon carcass within a few minutes.”

My eyes widened.

“She’s very competent.” He waved me off. “Now go.”

With another deep bow, I left, Vengeance trotting at my heels.

First order of business back in my suite was to find a way to send Azazel a message. I summoned a pen and paper and wrote a short note, basically just “I’m back, come see me, xoxo Zoe,” then I stuck it in an envelope and sealed it with wax I found in an old desk that had miraculously survived the waves of destruction brought upon by Lucifer’s wrath years ago.

Now I just had to flag down a demon to play courier.

Which might prove a bit difficult, seeing as I had no idea whom to trust in this palace. Not that this message was top secret or gave away some sort of damning information, but still. I very much wanted to be sure that my note would actually be delivered.

Tapping the letter against my lips, I eyed Vengeance. Could I send her? Would she understand what I wanted from her? She was smart, but by that much?

If only Mephisto were here, I could totally rope him into playing messenger for me again.

I peered up at the gloom-shrouded ceiling. “Mephisto?” I asked hopefully.

A soft rustle came from above, like wings unfolding and refolding, followed by the sound of claws on stone.

My heart sped up, and I made a small hop in excitement. He was actually here!

The next moment, a sleek black creature flew down from the ceiling in a quick flap of wings, landing right in front of me.

Vengeance whined, the hellcat hissed, and my hound of several hundred pounds and the size of a small rhinoceros tucked her tail and backed away, her heads bowed.

Exhibit A of cat power.

Venny had long ago learned what it felt like to get a paw to the face, claws extended.

I blinked at the hellcat in front of me. Something was off. My first clue that this was not, in fact, Mephisto was the size. This feline here was a bit smaller. The second one was the face shape. More delicate, even more elegant than Mephisto’s, there was something almost soft about the features.

“Who are you?” I blurted out.

The cat sniffed. You don’t recognize me?

That voice was decidedly female . I squinted at the feline. Had I ever seen her before? I rifled through my memories, trying to recall whether I’d ever interacted with a female hellcat to any degree.

Then my eyes widened as it hit me.

“It can’t be,” I whispered.

Her eyes half closed to slits, she looked at me with the feline equivalent of a smile. You gave me a name once. Before I was permitted to have one.

I sucked in a breath. “Purrsephone.”

One of Mephisto’s kittens!

Her feline smile deepened. You used to throw me into the air and catch me again when I flew back to you.

A laugh escaped me, the memory of those moments coming back to me. “I did, yes. It was so much fun.” I laid my hands on my cheeks, grinning like an idiot. “Oh, my God, you were so small and cute, and now you’re all grown up and such a beautiful cat!”

She slow-blinked at me. How beautiful?

My grin widened. “The prettiest cat I ever did see. A queen among peasants. So sleek and graceful!”

She made a show of stretching, her back arching and her wings extending to their full width, and the light of the chandelier played over her silky-looking black fur. Then she padded closer, bumped her head into my hip, and rubbed against my legs.

The maneuver almost made me lose my balance. She was a good bit bigger than a regular house cat.

You may pet , she purred, leaning into me with an expectant expression.

Well, no one ever had to tell me twice to touch a cat. In fact, when I’d been human, I’d totally foreseen myself one day petting one of the big cats you really should not caress, because—why not friend if friend-shaped?

So I lowered my hand to touch her sleek fur, stroking a line from her head over her back, my fingers gliding through the narrow spot between her wings. Her purr rose in the air, the vibration traveling through my hand, up my arm, and into every cell of my body.

Remembering how she liked it when I scratched the area between her wings—that spot was apparently like the one right in front of the tail, sending cats into nirvana—I gave her a good massage there. Immediately, her eyes almost closed, and after a few seconds, she did a flop, throwing herself onto the floor in front of me.

I went with her, stroking through her silken fur, so lost in the enjoyment of petting her that I noticed too late that she’d rolled and presented her belly to me—and my hands were right there , all pushed up against her soft underside.

I froze and stared.

She froze and stared.

Our gazes met, and in that instant, we both knew—by cat law, she should be clawing the shit out of me right now.

Her eyes narrowed. I am going to allow it. This one time.

“Okay.” I nodded with wide eyes.

She looked daggers at me. No one can know.

“No, of course not.” I vigorously shook my head.

Not a word to my father. Her paws, which had just made air biscuits, showed gleaming black claws. And do not tell that demon of yours.

“My lips are sealed.”

She relaxed, continuing to knead the air with her paws. Good. Proceed.

I bit back my grin and carefully stroked her plushy belly fur.

Eventually, she indicated that petting time was over, and I let up. She settled into a contented cat loaf, tucking her wings tightly against her body and purring.

“I was wondering,” I said, kneeling on the floor in front of her, “if you could deliver a message for me?”

I am not a ? —

“Messenger bat, I know, I know.” She really was her father’s daughter. “It’s just…you’re the most trusted being for me here right now. I know that you are honorable and responsible and loyal to the core.” Someone should give me a brush with all that buttering up I was doing here. “You are the only one I can trust to complete this task. And you’d do it so well!”

The tip of her tail flicked back and forth. How well?

“You’d be the best at it. Seriously, all the others suck in comparison to how thoroughly you’d deliver this message. No one flies like you! No one keeps secrets like you.”

I was half tempted to break into an adapted version of Gaston’s song from Beauty and the Beast to drive the point home.

Fine , Purrsephone said. I shall do it. For the honor and glory of my name. None other rivals me in any endeavor I choose.

“That’s the spirit.” I clapped my hands and smiled at her. Ah, flattery. Always the best option when dealing with cats. That, and bribes.

Instead of giving her the letter I’d written, I simply told her the short message, and then she was on her way, flying up toward the gloom-veiled ceiling.

One of these days, I’d find out how exactly hellcats—who weren’t small—managed to slip in and out of rooms that were supposedly secure.