45. Xeraphine

45

Xeraphine

Fifteen minutes earlier

I don't pray, but I'm sure it looks like I am the way I'm huddled over myself in front of the fireplace. Every piece of me hurts because how could I have been such a fucking idiot to act that way? I subconsciously begin seeking his scent, his aura, to watch for all the lies he was going to spill the moment he began eluding to that word. That fucking Mundane word.

The look on his face when I stopped him.

I don't think I've ever seen him hurt. Stupid idiot. Stupid idiot prick.

My nose is tingling, and I can feel heat behind my eyes. The foreign feeling of prickling needles across my cheeks, and soon, tears down them.

Why am I so hurt for stopping him? I should be happy that he listened to me for once! Yet, I'm not—I'm angry at myself for doing it. Because, if there was anyone in this world that wouldn't lie to me about how they feel for the sake of my feelings, it would be Kairhyse. He wouldn't tell me he cares about me, likes me… loves me, if he ever had doubts.

He tells me how infuriating I am.

He calls me an idiot.

He doesn't shy away from yelling at me and bringing me back a notch when I get out of control.

Damn him for knowing exactly how I need to be cared for.

I hate myself for being the way that I am, but love him for embracing me as I am.

My eyes are stinging both from the tears, and the intensity of me staring at the fire. He is right, maybe it's me that doesn't understand the meaning.

I never needed to hear it from him to know he feels that way. He made me feel loved in the way that I needed to be.

The moment he chased me across state lines like a fucking stalker, I knew he would be my own undoing.

The time he grabbed me at the club, as if I was some damsel that needed saving, I knew... When I said cinnamon it wasn't because I needed a savior, but subconsciously I knew it was him I needed. Even if just the thought of him to remind myself what I could go back to, because he's obsessed and would open his gates no matter what for me.

My fucking heart knew it was his the moment he held me after finding me fighting Daigo. It's why my demon became his. I became his without my Gods damn permission, and that is what I want.

I'm a fucking idiot for being so afraid of the one thing that is worth fighting for. I was so lost in my revenge before finding him, and I'd be lost again without him. Lost in the thought of suicide after killing all five of them.

That was the future I envisioned for myself—to find a way for Belial to take me home, to bring his child back to the Beyond, and to lead me away from this cruel world.

Now… all I see is him, and that is all I need after I fulfill the promise to myself. To give myself what I want, and then finally give myself what I need: Him .

I needed this moment of clarity with myself because the moment he walks back through that door, I'm going to apologize. I'm going to stop being a fucking idiot when it comes to him.

Bing .

Slowly, I turn my head; the elevator dings, and there is just no way that it could be Kairhyse this quick. Could it? I swipe my arm across my eyes and stand.

I glance at Mister who is stretching on the couch. "Use your kitty senses—is it Kai?" There is no part of me that expects a response, so I move around the couch, slightly laughing at myself for even asking the question.

He said that no one could access the floor without a keycard, and we have the only ones.

I'm no less than five feet from the door when Mister begins hissing. I turn back to look at him, the nape of his neck is at full attention and his tail is completely tucked between his legs. All of his teeth are bared, his eyes focused on the door.

"Hide you stupid cat. Go!"

He leans forward and lets out a low, guttural noise. This cat acts like a damn predator, and I'm slowly beginning to realize maybe he does belong to me.

My heart is racing, and I fumble around looking for my phone. Shit, I'm not even fully turned to run toward the stairs when I feel a sensation tickle against the edge of my mind.

I hear the voice come through the door, "Open the door, Xeraphine."

Initially, I try to fight the sensation that completely takes over my body. The attempt to tug away the strings of my legs putting me into motion back toward the door. I'm just a guest in my body, as the master to this puppet brings me to do its bidding.

When my hand presses down on the handle of the door, I fight back the influence. I've never felt this way, but I know exactly what it is.

"Open, Xeraphine. "

When I do as commanded, my breath is immediately stolen, and I'm suffocating. There is absolutely no way that I am seeing who I am. How?

My eyes are so wide that I wouldn't be surprised if they fell from their sockets.

A smile elongates across her lips, exposing the signature double fangs on either side of her canines. "Xeraphine, it's so good to see you as you."

My jaw trembles, "How…" The chill that crosses from my head to my toes makes my body go numb. "Mom…"