Chapter Nine Rehearsals

Chapter nine

Rehearsals

Rick knew how to put on a front.

As a trained actor, he could hide his feelings behind a mask. It was second nature to bury away Rick Thornton and portray the character he was playing. And this , today, Monday, should be no different. It was nothing more than acting . Delving deep into a character he’d modelled on, say, Simeon, a man who showered nonchalance and oozed self-confidence, Rick would walk into the shopping mall and face Jayden with all the indifference he deserved. As Derek once had done to him.

He’d drawn on him, too, for inspiration.

So why was he trembling ?

Pre-curtain nerves. Opening night jitters. That’s all the shakes were. He could shut them down the moment he walked out on stage, or rather through those sliding doors into Five Mall as if he were in an old episode of Stars in Their Eyes. But without the use of smoke and mirrors to present him as the person he wanted to be, he had to draw on the skills he’d honed and pretend Jayden hadn’t crushed his hope there was life after Derek when he’d scarpered from their date on Saturday to go clubbing, thus proving his flirtations hadn’t been real after all.

Inhaling a calming breath, Rick quashed his nerves and trudged through the doors into the mall. Sadly, there wasn’t any artificial smoke or Matthew Kelly to announce his grand entrance. Only the centre grotto beckoning him with its garish reds and greens, and, perched on the railing, beanie hat on, one hand scrolling on his phone, the other buried in the pocket of his worn jeans and conspicuously empty of the steaming cup of coffee that had become their morning ritual, Jayden.

If the lack of coffee wasn’t telling, the sharp swallow Jayden gave when he glanced up from his phone was.

As Rick approached, Jayden leapt away from the fence, plastering on a dazzling smile Rick now knew to be nothing more than a bullet in his arsenal. “Rick, hey.”

Rick unsheathed his inner Simeon and, clipped and detached, said, “Jayden.”

His voice came out like rough gravel, which was not how Simeon spoke, but now he was stuck with it. It was his character . He didn’t meet Jayden’s gaze, instead focusing on his getaway behind the velvet curtain, but Jayden stood right in the way.

“Did you have a good Sunday?” Jayden asked. Almost cruel in his intent.

Did he have a good Sunday? No, he hadn’t. He’d spent most of it listening to his neighbour fucking a man he’d brought home from the same club Jayden had been in and the rest desperately depressed about how his life had spiralled so out of control he hardly recognised himself anymore.

He couldn’t say that to Jayden. Instead, he threw out a flippant, “Fine. Yourself?”

“Worked a bit on the dissertation.”

“Good to get a head start.”

“Should have had the first draft written by now. Something’s distracting me.” He smiled an all-glitter smile belonging to posters selling something beautiful.

“Christmas does that. You’ll get focused soon enough.” Rick wriggled past him and oh, God , Jayden smelled divine. Sandalwood. Smooth. Creamy. Woody with a hint of ginger spice that Rick wanted wrapped around him like a warm cashmere blanket. It took all his effort not to bury his face in Jayden’s neck and breathe him in as if he were oxygen.

“Rick—?”

“Best get that red suit on.” Rick nipped behind the velvet curtain and exhaled. He didn’t have long before having to shunt back into character, as Jayden followed him in.

“Rick, I wanted to talk to you.”

“Mmm?”

“About Saturday.”

Rick twisted to face him, attempting a smile he’d been using to greet children all week. The one he perfected in front of a mirror. It wasn’t quite fake, but it also wasn’t quite his . “Oh, yes?”

“Yeah, look, I know we didn’t talk about what that was—”

“Because it wasn’t a date.” Rick unravelled his scarf, avoiding meeting Jayden’s gaze.

“It wasn’t?”

“Well, I mean…obviously not.” Had his time away from the stage really affected his ability to act ?

“What was it then?” Jayden folded his arms.

“Two colleagues grabbing a drink after work. Winding down.”

“Colleagues?”

“Fellow actors, then.”

“That’s how you saw it?”

“Of course.” Rick furrowed his brow, unbuttoning his coat and refusing to look Jayden in the eye. “Is that not how you saw it?”

Of course it was, because Jayden ran away and went clubbing, finding someone else to spend the night with. Someone who wasn’t him. The man he’d been on a date with.

“I…maybe saw it differently?”

Rick dumped his coat and scarf out of view and grabbed the red suit left on the throne, heart hammering at his utter foolishness. “In what way?”

“I thought…we got on.”

“Yes. But, well, I’m quite a bit older than you. Perhaps we like different things. Like, I prefer to share a nice Chianti and you, well, you prefer clubbing .”

Shit . He’d not only pointed at the elephant in the room, but leapt on its back and currently rode it, yahooing, as if it were fucking Rudolph. He was not being very Simeon. And by the look on Jayden’s face, the elephant had trampled on him.

Jayden searched his face. “You been on the sauce again?”

“No.” Rick turned his back to undo the buttons on his shirt.

“I don’t prefer clubbing.”

“No?” Rick draped on the padded red suit, tugging on the wig and beard, pulling on his red velvet gloves, each snap on his wrist punctuating the tension in the room.

He turned to face Jayden. Now dressed as Santa Claus, Rick had thoroughly extinguished any spark of attraction that might have been there prior to their date that hadn’t been a date. Who fancies a middle-aged man in a padded red suit?

Certainly not a gorgeous man in his twenties.

Although the way Jayden looked at him, eyebrows drawing in, lips parting, made Rick squirm. He’d got this right, hadn’t he? Jayden preferred clubbing. He’d ended their date— not-a- date —early because exclusive wine bars and sharing a bottle of nice red just wasn’t really him . And he’d definitely seen Jayden outside Inferno with another man. So Rick was giving him an out. Letting him know it was fine that Jayden wanted to be with men his own age. He totally understood that. But the longer Jayden stared at him, the less confident Rick felt in his plan to make things all okay between them by pretending he didn’t care when, in fact, he cared quite a lot — to the point he’d drowned in the whisky he’d vowed to stay off.

“No.” Jayden seemed to battle with himself for a moment. Maybe trying to figure out how to evidence his negative when all lines drew out the contrary. “So, just to get this clear, you don’t like what you see…?” He ripped his jumper over his head and chucked it on the floor with his bag, then cocked his head in challenge. “No interest in this at all?”

Jayden then edged down his jeans, kicking them off to stand in front of Rick, nothing but underwear clasping teasingly to his hips and straining wickedly over his bulge. Rick could see it. Practically taste it. And when he twisted, the cotton clinging to taut thighs and smooth olive skin stretched over lithe muscles glistening under the twinkling fairy lights, Rick might have whimpered.

Not might. He did.

Jayden was gorgeous and Rick’s treacherous eyes betrayed him by raking over him from top to bottom, mouth parting and pulse racing as they came to settle on the contents hidden within a pair of boxers that should have been one more size up.

Look away.

Turn away.

Stop fucking ogling him as if he were the basted turkey centre stage on the Christmas dinner table and you haven’t eaten all week, saving yourself for it.

Now he needed to deter his inner Simeon because there was no doubt Simeon would seize this moment and have Jayden up against the flimsy wall that concealed the fake workshop from the public grotto in a matter of seconds. But Rick had to get into his character. The man he was playing right then. Father bloody Christmas. He wouldn’t be drooling over his little helper, nor licking his lips over his hidden candy cane. He’d probably be commanding him, telling him what to do with it.

Nope. That did not help.

Rick met his gaze and Jayden’s roguish half smile had him breathless. Had he got this wrong? Was Jayden teasing him? Or was he destined to fall into yet another trap that would destroy his entire world?

A flicker of movement from the velvet curtain startled them both, and Emily popped her head inside.

“Oh, sorry!” She covered her eyes but didn’t remove her head. “Was just coming to let you know there’s quite a queue out here.”

Jayden ripped his elf suit from the hanger and stepped into it, zipping it up.

“Give us two minutes, Emily, love,” Rick called back.

“Will do! Oh, and I wanted to thank you.”

Jayden settled his hat on his head, the tip flopping to his shoulder where the jingle of the bell mocked the moment. Rick couldn’t fathom why that made him even sexier.

“We had a lot of compliments last week,” Emily called through. “So thank you. You’re the dream team.”

She popped her head back out, and her clomping footsteps faded, but her voice filtered through the curtain as she spoke to the customers outside.

“I suppose we should get the show started.” Rick took up his seat on the throne.

Jayden remained silent, gaze fixed on Rick with a mixture of confusion and intensity. He then shook his head and peered through the gap in the velvet curtain. He paused. Not moving out, not coming back in. Rick furrowed his brow. Then Jayden draped the curtain closed, turned, and in three swift steps, he was standing right in front of him.

Rick peered up so his eyes weren’t level with Jayden’s groin. “What are you—”

Jayden straddled him, slipping wide-legged onto his lap and wriggling closer until their chests met. Or more, he squashed his chest into Rick’s fake padding.

“What are you doing?” Rick asked, desperate to slide his hands over green-covered thighs, around slender hips and to the oh so luscious arse straining his onesie suit. But how could he? It would be one step too far. Someone could come in. Believe he was something he wasn’t.

“I’m gonna kiss you.”

“Oh?” Rick’s heart thumped. “You are?”

“Yeah, but I’m contemplating whether to take your beard off.”

“Quite the conundrum.”

“Yeah.”

Rick’s hands circled Jayden’s waist of their own accord. With all rational thought lost and protective reasoning hidden behind layers and layers of padding, Rick dragged Jayden closer to clasp him to his unfortunate stuffing. How could he deny it now ? How could he pretend he didn’t want this? Didn’t find Jayden Collins the most striking man he’d ever come across? In and out of the elf suit. Not when he was in his lap. Delightful and inviting. Tempting and teasing. And making the first move. Whether this would ruin him, he couldn’t stop himself from wanting it.

More than he’d wanted anything else in his life.

“I vote for without,” Rick said through trembling lips, warm breath clouding the air between them. “If that aids your decision making.”

Jayden cocked his head. “Could be right.”

Jayden then plucked Santa’s beard under Rick’s chin, the white tails tickling his neck, and gazed at the man beneath. Him. Rick . Jayden smiled, then inched closer, lips puckered. Rick’s heart skipped. Oh, how he wanted that mouth on his. It was going to taste divine. Better than the Chianti. Far better than whisky sorrow. Far, far better than Derek’s, filled with lies and empty promises. Better than anything he’d ever tasted in his life. Because Jayden was inimitable. Matchless. A bright shining star atop the most decorated Christmas tree and shining down on him. Lighting him up.

Giving him his spotlight back.

“Oh, my!” a voice from the curtain startled them both. “Sorry, we were told you were ready!”

Jayden leapt off him as a woman dropped away from the velvet curtain, shoving her little girl behind as she lifted a soft toy up to her eyes. Rick adjusted his beard back over his chin and was almost delving into his normal self and telling the two of them to bugger off, but Jayden gave him a brief glare of close call, blowing out a breath from rounded lips and whipped back the curtain.

“Come in.” Jayden ushered in the little girl and her mother. “We were just rehearsing.”

“Rehearsing?” The mother looked concerned and Rick didn’t blame her. That wasn’t the usual way Santa greeted children. “For what, exactly?”

“Oh, a two-man play we’re doing later.”

Rick appreciated the white beard taking up most of his face right then because he swore his cheeks were the colour of his entire outfit.

The mother narrowed her eyes as she glanced from Rick to Jayden and stepped farther into the workshop.

“What’s your name, then?” Jayden crouched to the toddler, hands on hips and delving seamlessly into character. Perhaps he should give him Marianne’s card.

“Lucy,” the girl answered, chewing the ear of her teddy bear. “Are you a real elf?”

“I am indeed.” Jayden did a little skip on the spot that had Rick’s jaw hurting with how wide his smile was. “I am Santa’s little helper.”

“What do you help him with?”

“Whatever he wants me to.” Jayden met his gaze and winked. “He just has to ask, and I’ll do it.”

Rick found it impossible to get into character after that.

But he had to, and the rest of the day was relentless for it.

Which was as much down to it being back-to-back bookings with little time for a break for lunch—Emily did pop in with an M&S meal deal each which they all inhaled, before going right back to it—but also, and probably mostly if Rick were honest, because the sense of promise hanging in the air like the tinsel around the tree.

Jayden had said he was going to kiss him!

Had nearly kissed him.

Rick’s stomach fluttered at the prospect, at the promise of later, aiding him to extract his inner jolly and present it to the paying punters as another full day of children sat on his knee in waves until five p.m.

Jayden shut up the till, gave out the last of his balloon animals, waved a cheery goodbye to the last stragglers, then skipped into the workshop, slapping back the velvet curtain to give Rick a salacious shake of his hips and a flick of the bell on his hat.

It was cute and sinful all at once.

“So…” Jayden said, ripping off his hat, releasing those bouncy curls that were just long enough to grip. “About that play we were rehearsing earlier…?”

Whilst the mere comment had Rick giddy, the niggling at the pit of his stomach—his real stomach, not the Santa stuffing—just below the butterflies was hard to ignore. And he had to ask before he made another mistake costing him everything.

Last Christmas…

“What is this, Jayden?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you playing with me?”

Jayden winked. “Not yet.”

Rick removed the Santa hat, wig and beard, ridding his face of the leftover strands to stand in front of Jayden as himself. As the man who needed to know. Who couldn’t go through the heartache and humiliation again. A man who, despite what a quick Google search might reveal, deserved to be treated with honesty and respect.

“The thing earlier…about kissing me…was it a joke? Are you…” He hated sounding so feeble, especially when he was older, supposedly wiser, and had a string of relationships he should have learnt from. But Jayden made him weak. Made him want again. And that scared his fragile heart. “…serious about this? Because if you’re not, that’s absolutely fine. No hard feelings. I would just rather know if this was all a game to you and you intend to…ditch me again.”

Jayden stepped closer, his lithe body snug in the elf playsuit, and he smiled, those remarkable green eyes filled with honesty and conviction. “It ain’t a joke. I very much want to kiss you.” He tilted his head. “Even without the beard.”

Rick could have melted into the squishy foam flooring of the workshop, but he’d been told things like that before. He’d been duped before. Had sweet nothings whispered to him and told he was everything, only to be discarded as nothing. He couldn’t go through another Derek fiasco.

He might not lose just his career this time.

“On Saturday, you left.”

Jayden drew in a breath, followed by a slow exhale from flared nostrils. “Yeah.”

“Were you not…enjoying yourself?”

“No, God, Rick, no .” Jayden squeezed his arm, then shook his head. “I mean yes . Fuck yes. It was the most romantic date I’ve ever been on. And that wasn’t just down to the location. That was you .”

Rick furrowed his brow. “So, why did you leave?”

“Because that wine you bought cost a month’s worth of grub for me. I’d had to ask my mate to lend me forty quid just to go out, then you went and ordered a forty fucking quid bottle of Chianti .”

“Oh…” Rick fluttered his eyes closed, realisation hitting him hard. How had he missed that? What an utter arsehole. A privileged arsehole. “I didn’t think…”

“No, I doubt you did. People who don’t have money worries often don’t.” Jayden held up his hands before Rick could try to defend himself.

What he would say, he wasn’t sure. Because he’d never had to worry about finances. Not growing up and not into adulthood. He might have started on the bottom rung of the ladder, but he’d had the support of his parents. Then his fast-elevating career had enabled him to earn more for each role he’d landed to where, at the height of his career, he’d had the luxury of turning down roles he didn’t want or taking a fee reduction to play a part he had wanted.

Money was the one worry he didn’t have.

Reputation was his biggest concern.

“That ain’t a dig, by the way.” Jayden released his hand from around Rick’s arm. “It’s just life, innit? Unless you’ve ever been in the situation where you’re literally brassic with no family to bail you out, you learn to be careful with your dough. And I was down to my last few quid and I would’ve been fine living on what I had if I didn’t want to leave my room. But I did. To go out with you. And I couldn’t dump that on you. It’s embarrassing enough to be a care kid with no family. So I borrowed some cash from a mate, but I couldn’t spend it all on one bottle of wine. There’s just no way I can do that. Even if it tastes like heaven. Nor could I invite you back to my place, cause it’s a shit hole. A student Halls of Residence, which at the moment is like a fucking morgue, and I have a tiny room with a single bed that rattles on its metal hinges ‘cause how often it’s got laid. And I don’t mean changing the sheets.” He quirked an eyebrow. “And nor do I mean me getting laid on it,” he added in quick afterthought. “Because, fuck that, it’s way too small. But I ain’t one to throw myself at anyone and beg them to take me back to theirs. Except, now, because you acted like a right doughnut, I am gonna do that. So…” Jayden wrapped his hands around Rick’s neck, clasping his fingers together to keep him at eye level. “Are you gonna take me to your place to have the opening night of that two-man play tonight or am I gonna have to go back to a squeaky bed for some elf pleasure?”

Rick breathed him in, along with the words, and slipped his hands around him to squeeze his delightful pert arse, the elf suit like soft velvet over his cushioned cheeks. Why was that such a turn on?

But then he dipped away. “You went clubbing.” He didn’t phrase it as a question because it wasn’t one. “I saw you. Outside Inferno.”

Jayden sighed. “I didn’t go clubbing . Yes, I went to Inferno, but a mate of mine from the old home in Woolwich called and needed my help. He’s had it rough and I’m the only one he ever turns to for anything, so I knew it had to be serious. I went to talk to him, then left. Saw you. Was about to hop across the road when Aaron came out and jumped on me instead.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. He’s a prick, but I’m all he’s got.”

“What did he need your help with?”

“Money.” Jayden breathed out an ironic laugh. “And yeah, I gave it to him. So I can’t even buy you a bottle of Blue Nun right now. Nor your coffee. Which sucks. Cause I like bringing you coffee. Like making smile.”

Rick drew him closer, then pressed his lips to Jayden’s ear. “Then let’s see if there’s some other way for you to make me smile that doesn’t cost you anything.”

“Money, you mean. Cause it might cost me other things.”

“Like what?”

“Dignity?”

Rick laughed.

Jayden dipped back. Grinned. “Think you better put yourself on the naughty list.”

“Oh, no, no, no.” Rick hovered his lips over Jayden’s, enough to entice, not enough to be considered a kiss. Not yet. He could wait. Patience was a virtue and Rick had little of that left. “I can be very, very nice for the right person.”

“Yeah? Good.” Jayden swayed his hips beneath Rick’s hands. “’Cause I like nice things.”

“Then perhaps you’ll like the gift I’m going to give you.”

“Only if it’s wrapped.” Jayden stepped out of his hold and winked, then slowly, seductively, lowered the zip on his elf suit. “Turn around, Rick. You peek too early and Santa won’t come.”

“Oh, he will. I’ve been very good this year.”

Jayden ran his tongue over his top teeth. “Year ain’t over yet. Who knows, maybe Santa will come more than once this year.”

Rick chuckled, and it took a concerted effort to turn away and get undressed with Jayden at arm’s reach doing the same.

Good things come to those who wait.

And Rick had waited all year.