CHAPTER 11 - Molly

CHAPTER 11MollyKIM AND JOSH LIVE IN A NEW SUBDIVISION ABOUT TEN MINUTES FROM me and Jay. Kim works at Graybridge Elementary School, teaching fourth grade. Lucky for me, she’s still on winter break. I park Corrine’s BMW in the driveway and make my way to the front door.Kim wraps me in her arms. “Come on in,” she whispers against my shoulder.The house, while fairly new and smelling faintly of paint, always looks lived in. Evidence of Willow is everywhere. Tiny ice skates sit dangerously at the bottom of the stairs. Toys and picture books are piled on the foyer table. We walk down the hall to the kitchen, where dishes are stacked in the sink and art supplies lie scattered on the counter. But it’s a comfortable place, welcoming. We sit with mugs of tea and an open box of ginger snaps between us.“It’s so quiet,” I say.“Josh took Willow to the mall,” Kim says, her dark eyes glancing out the French doors that open onto the deck. “She knows something’s wrong, but we don’t know quite how to explain to her what happened.”“I can imagine.” If Jay and I actually had children, how could I help them through something like this? I shiver and change the subject. “Josh didn’t go to work?”Kim shakes her head. “He said he wouldn’t be able to concentrate anyway, so Cal told him to stay home.”Cal got Josh a job a couple of years ago at the medical research lab he runs downtown. Josh had just left the hospital where he had been working. He’s one of those guys who never seems to stay in one place too long, always looking for something new and different. That’s what Jay said.“Cal went in?” I ask.“Laken said he told her work would help him keep his mind off things.”“What’s Laken doing today?”“At the spa. She needed to square things away there. She was just driving herself crazy at home anyway. You know how she is.”I do. Laken needs to be busy all the time. Even when we’ve taken vacations together, she doesn’t know the meaning of “Let’s just chill a while.” Funny, her business is all about relaxation.“When do you go back to school?”“Wednesday.” Kim sighs and covers my hand with hers. “Have you heard anything from the police today?”“No. I guess I should call them.” I almost don’t want to. The cops are just another reminder that Jay is really gone. It’s tempting to pretend, to hide at Corrine’s and make believe that Jay is away at a conference or something. If only. But reality doesn’t work that way. It slaps you square in the face, and you accept it or descend into la-la land.The doorbell rings, and Kim jumps up. “Elise said she wanted to stop by and see you. I told her you were coming over. You don’t mind, right? She had a gap in her schedule.”“No.” Fine, I think, as long as she doesn’t try to psychoanalyze me. I can’t take that right now.Kim scampers down the hall, and I take a deep breath and stand, waiting.Elise is impeccably dressed, as usual, not a hair out of place, but her eyes are red, and there’s a wad of tissues peeking from her jacket pocket. We hug, and she pats my back before letting me go.“How are you, sweetheart?” she asks.I nod and sniff. “Okay.” We sit at the table while Kim goes to the stove. “Tea, Elise?”“That would be lovely.” She turns to me. “Tell me what you need, Molly. Anything. Scott and I are ready to help.”“Thanks. Jay thought so much of you.” My voice catches in my throat, and Elise leans over and rubs my shoulder.She and Kim talk about other things, other than me and Jay, and it’s soothing to listen to their quiet conversation. It almost seems normal. I can zone out, which is about the most pleasant thing I can think of to do right now.But with Elise here, I inevitably start to think about Jay’s practice, his business. What do I do about that?“What about his patients?” I ask Elise. It takes her a second to switch gears, from Kim’s spring landscaping project that Scott’s company is going to do, to me and my problems.“I’ll notify them, Molly. I can probably take on a few of his if they’re so inclined, but most I’ll refer to other therapists.”That’s good. Jay would want them taken care of. “What about his office? It’ll have to be cleaned out, right?” Eventually there will be someone else in Jay’s space, taking his place as everyone inevitably moves on.“At some point, Molly. But there’s no rush.”I sigh and wipe my cheeks with my hands, pick at my sleeve, and pull it down over my wrist. I don’t think I can face cleaning anything out yet.That’s where I met Jay. That very office, five years ago. I was having a rough time. I’d gotten a letter in the mail that totally upended my world. The man who ruined my life, who was safely locked away, had sneaked a letter by the prison censors and found out somehow where I was living. Even though I got an apology from the warden, and he was punished for breaking the rules, it rocked my world and sent me running back to therapy. I had to talk to someone, and that someone turned out to be Jay. He was kind, understanding, and nonjudgmental. After three sessions, he handed me a business card for another psychologist. At first, I was distraught, but he told me he was interested in seeing me socially, and the only ethical way to do that was not to see me professionally. I was thrilled and never ended up calling the other therapist. Three sessions with Jay had been enough, or so I thought at the time. Now, with Jay gone forever, I don’t know how I’ll carry on, how I’ll keep the demons at bay.