11. Tish

Chapter Eleven

Tish

Griffin: Hey, I haven't seen you in the office at all. Hoping everything is okay.

I stared down at Griffin's text and let out a sigh. Though a part of me wanted to be a coward and just ignore him, that didn't feel right. And yet, I most definitely didn't have the courage to tell him the whole truth.

Before I could chicken out and overthink it, I tapped to open the text screen and replied.

Me: Dealing with some family things. That's why I haven't been in the office. I think you already know this, but it's really not a good idea for me to see you. I'm not sure when I'll be back in the office.

As soon as I hit send, I didn't block Griffin, but I muted him. It had been three weeks since that stupid kiss. I rested my elbows on my kitchen table and tried not to cry. I was beyond startled with the direction my life had taken.

I tapped my phone screen again, this time pulling up the screen into the portal for my doctor's office. I wasn't lying when I said I was out of the office because of family things.

"Oh, my God," I muttered on the heels of a shaky breath.

Three months ago, before I'd seen Griffin again and discovered he was my boss's brother, I'd been dating a guy. I met Paul through a dating app, the scourge of modern humanity. He'd seemed like a nice enough guy, nice enough that we went on multiple dates. In a startling and pleasant surprise, he hadn't sent me dick pics. At all.

I shook my head every time I thought about the overwhelming number of dick pics offered up by guys on dating apps. I'd liked Paul enough to go past kisses, and then that fated night happened.

That night had been the first time in a long time I'd done something other than kissing with anyone. We had all of the responsible conversations about birth control, expectations, and so on. He wore a condom. Until he didn't. The sex had been nothing more than okay. I was cautious about all the shitty things men could do, spiking drinks and more. Hell, in college they'd gone past spiking drinks to carrying around needles to jab girls with date rape drugs. I thought I'd been so on top of it. I did all the things to make sure Paul was safe. I'd checked his background, checked his work history, and so on. Not a single red flag came up. Until he slipped the condom off right at the end. By the time I realized what had happened, it was too late.

He made a show of getting up to dispose of the condom after we had sex. But I was no idiot. I felt the semen running down my legs between my thighs when I stood.

"Did you take your condom off?" I asked.

Paul with his rumpled dark hair and nice brown eyes glanced over, not quite meeting my eyes. "It must've slipped off." His tone was too casual.

I'd known in that very moment that he was lying. With my stomach churning and a discombobulating sense of betrayal rocking me. I'd stared back at him while I stood there naked. "I need you to leave."

"Now?" His eyes widened.

"Now."

I'd made myself vulnerable with him. I'd felt safe enough to actually have sex with him. I hadn't had sex with anyone since my college boyfriend.

Every time I thought about it, which was far more often than I wished, a sense of shame and embarrassment rolled through me. It took a lot for me to let my guard down. I'd gone and done it, and now Paul was nowhere to be found and I was pregnant.

I didn't want to see him again. At all . I'd actually been relieved when I heard he left town for a commercial fishing job. My stomach roiled at the reality that I was pregnant. I knew I needed to make a decision. On the list of things I hadn't really thought about when I moved to Alaska was the state of reproductive rights. I hadn't thought it would be something I needed to worry about. A quick Internet search revealed Alaska protected abortion in their constitution and had even before the recent national upheaval.

Although I didn't know what to do, it was a relief to know I had a choice. I was startled to discover I didn't know if I wanted to have an abortion. I most definitely didn't want to try to parent with Paul. I couldn't trust him at all and couldn't even imagine rebuilding trust.

My gut already seemed to know what my brain wasn't quite ready to accept. I wanted to have this baby even though the situation felt like a little bomb dropped in the middle of my life. It would most definitely blow my life up.

I was still trying to figure out what to do about work. Rhys had graciously agreed to let me work remotely while I handled my "family matter". He was a good boss. I felt betwixt and between about what to do about Griffin. Rhys had no idea how I had met Griffin. He certainly had no idea that we had kissed, and I intended to keep it that way.