Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Five

“You’re shitting me.”

Nico sat on the couch, staring at Ford, uncertain he’d heard him correctly. Ford had checked out of his hotel, and Nico had given him the keys to his apartment so he could hang out there instead of sitting in the airport for hours. He’d just walked in the door when Ford sprang the news on him.

Excitement sparkled in Ford’s eyes. “No. I’m not. But it’s something we need to discuss. I know you want to say yes immediately, and I do too, but it might mean a ton of changes for us both.”

“Tell me you’re kidding. You get an offer to buy into a practice that in five years will be yours. Here. In the city. Meaning you’re gonna move and live up here, and we can be together, and you think I’m gonna have a problem with it? Are you high?”

“Let’s sit and talk for a moment. I know you have to get to the restaurant, so I’ll lay out all the facts as I see them.” Ford pointed to the couch, and they settled next to each other. “It’s going to take a significant chunk of my assets, so we might not be able to do all the things we have been. For a while, at least. Would you have a problem living in the city? I know you want to stay close to your family, but the train ride would be outrageously long for me every day to the practice.”

“I don’t care about goin’ to fancy places, you know that. Movin’ to the city…I never thought about it ’cause I knew I’d never be able to afford it. I always figured I’d stay here.”

Leaving the neighborhood was a wrinkle he hadn’t contemplated. Family stayed together.

“Like I said, you don’t have to decide right now. Dr. Sandler’s not on a timetable, and he wants me to think about it. There’s a lot to consider.”

“Like what?” To him, it seemed simple. If Ford’s practice was closing, there was nothing to keep him in Florida. Now that he’d had an offer to join a practice, Nico couldn’t find a single obstacle.

“I still have to get my license here and either sell my apartment or sublet it. Plus, I need to figure out how much I’ll actually end up with after the partnership is dissolved, and buy a place up here. To me, it doesn’t make sense to rent, not at these prices. That’ll also eat into my savings.”

“Pfft. You’ll ace your test.” Nico brushed it off. “Damn, I love that apartment.”

“I do too. But the good thing is that fees are higher here. Sandler has a very exclusive client list, as his wife was an interior designer to a lot of the rich and famous in the city. I’ll be grossing much more than I was in Fort Lauderdale, so if I can sell it, we can buy something else.”

We?

“Uh, there might be a problem.”

Ford’s brows rose. “Such as?”

“I can’t afford to pay for an apartment in the city, and I certainly can’t afford one here and one in Florida.”

“I understand. I don’t expect you to.”

Was he deliberately being dense? “I won’t live with you if you pay for everything.”

Ford leaned over and kissed him. “So you’ll pay what you can. But being in a relationship means give and take at different levels at different times. Sometimes you give more and sometimes you take. We’ll make sure you contribute what you feel comfortable with, but understand this.” Ford held him by the shoulder. “I have more money than you. That’s a given. Please don’t put a wall between us based on that. If I lost all my money tomorrow, would you leave me?”

“No, but—”

“No buts. I mean it. We have to get this out of the way for good. I’m never going to make you feel less than if you have less than me. But don’t make me feel bad about having more. If I want to spoil you or your mother, please let me. It gives me pleasure to do it, since I had so little growing up.”

It made sense to Nico. “I’ll try. It’s something I’ll have to work on, but I won’t let it break us up.”

Ford’s happiness met his own. “Nothing will,” he reassured Nico. “Realistically, it could all be settled by year’s end.”

That brightened Nico’s spirits even more. “This all sounds almost too good to be true. But I’m not tellin’ nobody.” His mother always warned not to say anything to anyone before something was a done deal because you might jinx it. He’d always been a little bit superstitious.

“Right now, there isn’t anything to say. Nothing has been finalized yet.”

Looking at the clock on the stove, Nico saw it was time for him to leave for the restaurant. “I gotta go. Call me when you get home, and I’ll speak to you tomorrow.”

Ford handed him the keys. “Here. Don’t want you to forget these.”

“Keep them. I got an extra set, and so does my mom. No need to spend money on hotel rooms no more. When you come for the holidays, you’ll stay here with me.”

Ford’s expression grew serious, and Nico became afraid. “What? Did I do somethin’ wrong?” He swiped a hand over his cheeks. “Is something on my face?”

“Nothing’s wrong. It’s so damn right. I’m scared maybe it’s happened so fast that you’re going to wake up and wonder what you’re doing with me.”

“Time for you to take your own medicine, Doc. Enough with that ridiculous talk.” Nico pounced on him, capturing his mouth in a kiss that would have to last through the long weeks of separation. “I know exactly what I’m doin’ with you.” He continued to kiss and touch Ford, mapping out the perfect cut of his cheekbones and the full pout of his lips. “And it’s only gonna get better.”

“Nico.” Ford sighed, kissing him on his neck, his shoulder, while holding him close. Heat poured off him, and Nico knew he had to leave, or they’d end up naked. One final kiss, and he extricated himself from Ford’s clinging arms.

“I gotta go. Sorry.”

Hazy-eyed, Ford rubbed his face. “I’ll lock up and talk to you later.” He brushed the messy hair off his brow and frowned. “Don’t forget what we talked about earlier. Your father.”

At those two words, all the energy and good vibes were sucked out of the room. “Yeah, I guess.”

“What’s wrong? Are you having second thoughts?” He swung his feet over the couch and sat up straight.

Nico had barely given it any thought at all. Every time the suggestion came up, from his mother or Ford, his stomach turned. “You do know he cheated on my mom when they were engaged. He’s not a good person.”

“Nico…I know we’re different people, but if I had the chance to know who my father was, I would take it.”

He cocked his head. “You sure there wasn’t anything your mother said or that you found after she died that could give you a clue?”

Pale-faced, Ford wiped his eyes. “No,” he whispered. “Like I said, all I know is that he drove a Ford.” His attempt at a smile faltered. “Not exactly evidence to go on. I want to feel sorry for her and what she went through, but ten-year-old me still remembers the broken wrist and a concussion from Christmas morning. In my case, I think I would’ve been better off if I’d never known her at all.”

“C’mere.” There was little he could say to soften the horror of Ford’s childhood, so he offered his heart and his arms to hold him tight. Ford clung to him, and Nico felt the warm tears on his neck.

It took only a second before Ford pulled away and put on a brave face. “Sorry. I don’t know why I’m so emotional about it lately. Maybe because you and I are so close, and your family accepted me like one of their own, which brings into stark relief everything I missed.”

“I told you,” Nico murmured, ready to fight and slay whatever dragons Ford had to conquer. “You’re my family. You’re my home.”

Ford’s kiss lingered, and then he pushed him away. “You have to get to the restaurant.”

“Yeah, yeah.” His anxiety gone now, Nico planted a kiss on Ford’s cheek. “I’ll talk to you later.”

He walked around the corner with a spring in his step, and before he entered the restaurant, he checked his emails. His heart pounded at the one from the bus company. He started reading it, and his spirits sank.

“We’re sorry…”

That was all Nico needed to see. He didn’t get selected. “Fuck.” He kicked the wall. “Screw them. I gotta get outta there. Fuckin’ dead-end place.” He scrolled farther down, past all the crap, and saw an email from one of the other places he’d applied to—the marketing department of one of the largest credit card travel companies.

“Thank you for applying for a position as an entry-level social media marketing specialist. We’d like to schedule an interview…” A whoop escaped him, and he didn’t bother to read the rest of the email. He had an interview, and suddenly the world seemed brighter. This was it. He was going to make sure he’d get this job and work his ass off. He wanted Ford to be proud to introduce him to all the fancy-ass people he’d no doubt be meeting, and marketing specialist sounded a fuckton better than tour-bus guide. He slipped the phone into his back pocket and entered the restaurant. His mother beckoned him over.

“Ford left yet?”

“Later tonight. I left him in my apartment, and I gave him his own set of keys.”

“Good.” She nodded with approval. “He shouldn’t waste his money on hotels no more.”

He wasn’t planning on telling her about the offer Ford had gotten until things were more settled. But he did want to feel her out about him possibly moving out of the neighborhood and see her reaction. The restaurant was slow, so he sat across from her as she ate her salad.

“Lemme ask you somethin’—and it’s all hypothetical—but…would you be upset if I ever moved away?” At her raised brows, he hurried to finish. “Not to Florida or another state. But like to the city or a different area of Brooklyn closer to the city.”

“You scared me for a sec. I thought Ford talked you into movin’ in with him.” She took a sip of water. “I don’t wanna be like my father, who made it his way or no way. But I can’t lie, I’ll miss havin’ you downstairs.”

It was exactly his fear. “I’m not going anywhere—”

“But you’re thinkin’ about it.” He didn’t answer, and she smiled. “Don’t feel bad ’cause you want to follow your heart. You know how lucky I am to have a son like you? All these years together, you stuck by me to help. No questions asked. You did more than I could’ve ever hoped for. You were always my blessing from God. But now it’s time for you to find your own way.”

“I love you, Ma. And if I do move, I’ll still see you at the restaurant and come by on the weekends. So it’s not gonna be that different.”

She held out her hand, and he took it. “And if it is, it is. All I want is for you to be happy. Don’t make the same mistakes I did, trying to live your life to please other people. You gotta please yourself.”

“You’re talking about Nonno and my father.” Again, his anxiety kicked into high gear. “Ford wants me to contact him. To have closure either way.”

Hopeful eyes met his. “Are you gonna do it?”

He lifted a shoulder. “Yeah, probably. I’m just not sure how.”

She squeezed his hand. “You’ll figure it out. You always do.”

**

The next morning he woke at seven, and with the information from his mother, found his father’s dental office. Madison and 57th Street. “Not too shabby. You coulda given my mother a good life.”

He’d debated whether to contact him at home or at his office, and decided the former would look weird and stalker-ish. Leaving open the tab with his father’s office info, Nico clicked over to the job interview. That, more than anything, was of prime importance.

“How fucking awesome would it be to tell Ford I got this job? Don’t get ahead of yourself. You don’t have it yet.” He cleared his throat and put the call through. It was over in five minutes, and he had an interview in two days.

“Fuck, yeah.” He couldn’t keep the smile from his face.

Now for the hard part. He downed two double espressos.

“Dr. Gargano’s office. How may I help you?”

“I, uh, need an appointment.”

Smooth, real smooth.

“Okay, sir, are you a patient?”

“No, I’ve never seen him before.”

But he’s my father.

“Is there something specific, or is it a general checkup?”

You should only know.

“Uh, I think it would qualify as an emergency. Is there any way he could see me today?”

“Let me check his schedule. Tuesdays aren’t usually too bad.” He could hear her clicking. “I could fit you in at the end of the day, say around 4:45? Does that work?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.”

“Wonderful. May I have your name, please?”

“Nico Andretti.”

“Very good, Mr. Andretti. Any dental insurance?”

“No, no insurance.”

“Very well. There’s a one-hundred-dollar fee for the consult, which includes an exam. Any X-rays are an additional one hundred and twenty-five dollars, and a cleaning will be another one twenty-five. We do have a new patient special—the exam, cleaning, and X-ray for three hundred dollars total. We take credit cards and cash.”

His head spun. Damn. Dr. Fischetti on Fourth Avenue and 89th Street only charged him $75 a visit unless he had a cavity. “Okay, sure, no problem.”

“All right, then. I have you scheduled for 4:45 this afternoon. Thank you.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

He ended the call, and sick with nerves and the two double espressos, made it to the bathroom in the nick of time before he threw up.

**

The office was bright white with pictures of people showing perfect teeth. Nico had flossed and brushed carefully, not because he expected an exam, but because he wanted to show he took care of himself and wasn’t a bum. He’d made sure to iron a fresh shirt and wear slacks.

The receptionist gave him a clipboard to fill out, and he realized when he wrote the address down, that if his father saw it, he’d know right away. Whatever. He handed it back and waited in the reception area. All day he’d waited for this. From the time he’d called that morning, he hadn’t been able to take a true deep breath.

“Mr. Andretti?” A woman in blue scrubs waited by the door to the inner office. “Follow me, please.”

He was taken not to an examination room, but to an office, where he came face-to-face with pictures chronicling his father’s life: a wedding picture with a blond woman, pictures of two children—both girls—at their college graduations.

Sisters. I have two sisters.

The door opened, and Nico swallowed. Hard. His heart pounded in a wild rhythm. He drew in air, hopeful he wouldn’t pass out.

His father sat in front of him and studied him. “Are you here to see me for a dental appointment?”

His face was all strong lines and stern frowns, his dark hair cut short to prevent the waves Nico struggled to tame and lost the battle with most days. Eyes like blue-green chips of ice stared at him unwaveringly. No warmth or gentleness residing there. But Nico knew he smiled, that was evident in the pictures covering the credenza behind his desk. Especially with his daughters.

My sisters.

Did he not see it? To Nico, it was as if he looked into a mirror—thirty years in the future.

Swallowing his nerves, Nico clasped his shaking hands. “Not exactly.”

“I didn’t think so. You’re related to Joanne Andretti?”

That hostile gaze pinned him, but Nico grew angry as the seconds ticked away. Why should he be on the defensive? All he did was be born. He wasn’t the one who’d cheated and run away.

“Yeah.” He lifted his chin. “I’m her son. And yours.”

“What did you say?” Gargano—because Nico couldn’t think of this angry man as his father—growled even as he paled.

“You heard me. I’m your son. You ran away, and she was pregnant. She raised me with only her parents to help her.” Nico’s words held no warmth. “While you were having your fun with your side chick, my mother was dealing with all the shit you left her.”

A high flush spread over Gargano’s cheeks. “I didn’t know.”

“And if you did?” Nico glared. “Would you have given a shit? No. Because you’d already replaced my mother and had a nice new life. You made a brand-new family.”

A muscle ticked in Gargano’s jaw. His eyes twitched. But he stayed silent.

Nico focused on the pictures behind Gargano. “I see I have sisters.”

“My daughters are off-limits to you.”

Hurt by the obvious slight, Nico concentrated on everything good in his life—Ford, his mother and aunt, Joey and Tre, Anthony and Sergio. Even Jack. All these people loved and cared about him.

“Yeah? Why’s that? I’m not good enough? Or is it ’cause I remind you of what a lousy thing you did?”

“You have no idea what it was like being under the thumb of that man. He made us miserable. And I couldn’t live like that. I told Joanne, but she refused to make a choice.”

“No shit. You wanted her to pick between her father and her husband-to-be? You think that’s fair?”

“You don’t understand.”

“You’re damn right I don’t,” Nico lashed out.

“What do you want from me?”

“What does that mean?” Nico asked, confused. His brows pulled together. “I came to talk to you. You’re my father.”

“And yet you waited all these years to confront me. There must be a reason.” Gargano’s assessing gaze swept over him. “What do you do for a living? Did you go to college? I know the old man didn’t put much stock in education.”

Ignoring the slight to his grandfather, Nico folded his arms. “Yeah. I have a college degree in business. I’m, uh, between jobs at the moment.” He’d be damned if he’d tell him he worked as a tour-bus guide.

“Now I see,” Gargano said, and Nico almost flinched at the contempt radiating from him. “You came to hit me up for money. You think I’m too afraid to tell my family about you.”

“Are you fucking crazy?” Nico spat out. “I just found out recently that you didn’t know. My mother didn’t tell you, but she also didn’t tell me. My grandparents didn’t want you to have anything to do with me because of the way you humiliated my mother.” He bared his teeth in a snarl. “All this time I was told you knew she was pregnant and didn’t care.”

“I didn’t,” Gargano stated, his face shiny with sweat. “I had no idea she was pregnant.”

“Yeah, I know. Bet you would’ve tried to force her not to have me.” Gargano flushed red, and Nico, heartsick, knew he was right. “Yeah, I thought so. And you know what? Up until now, I was so angry with them for lying to me, but I’m glad to see they were right to keep you out of my life. You are that son of a bitch they claimed.”

“I have a family,” Gargano hissed. “I can’t just bring you home and introduce you as the illegitimate son I never knew existed.”

“Can’t or won’t?” Nico challenged, though his head and heart already foreshadowed the answer.

Gargano huffed in frustration. “I never told Eileen I was engaged before I met her. We met about a year after that. She wasn’t the woman I was with when I called off the wedding. That relationship didn’t last.”

“Relationship? You mean the woman you were cheating on my mother with.”

Gargano shifted in his chair. “Look, I loved Joanne, but that old man was impossible. I wasn’t going to let him tell me how to live my life.”

“And now you have what you wanted, and everything was perfect until I popped up. I don’t fit in.”

Gargano’s eyes darted to a frame on his desk, and Nico snatched it up. It was a family portrait. Gargano’s wife—small, blond, slim—looking up at him like he roped the moon for her. But it was the girls, his sisters, Nico focused his attention on.

“They’re very pretty,” Nico said softly. Dark hair fell in waves to their shoulders, and their father’s bright blue-green eyes—and Nico’s too—stared back at him.

“Tessa and Lucy. Tessa is an anesthesiology resident, and Lucy’s clerking for a state supreme court judge.” Gargano’s pride was evident, and Nico’s throat thickened with grief at possibilities made impossible by lies and heartbreak. He squared his shoulders.

“I didn’t come here to ask you for money. I didn’t even want to come, but my boyfriend said if I didn’t, I’d always wonder what if.”

“Boyfriend?” Gargano blinked. “You’re gay? I-I never would’ve guessed.”

Nico’s smile was bright. “Why, what’d you expect, rainbows or a pink tutu? Bet you’re really happy to have met me now.” Gargano refused to meet his eyes. “Yeah, you’ll go to the grave with your secret gay son. I know you don’t think I’m good enough to meet your daughters. My sisters. That’s your loss and theirs. Because I’m a damn good person, and you’ll never get the opportunity to have me as your son. You know what? You can have all the money in the world, and you still wouldn’t deserve me.”

Without another word, he strode out of the office, ignoring the receptionist calling after him, and pushed the button for the elevator. He began to shake and walked up to the park and found a bench. Tears streaked down his face, and he knew Ford was busy, but he needed to talk to him. He took a chance and made the call.

“What’s wrong?” Ford’s worried voice wrapped around him like a hug.

“How do you know something’s wrong?”

“Because you should be on the way to the restaurant, and you’re calling me earlier, and you sound stuffed up. Nico, are you crying?” A FaceTime request from Ford popped up, and he had no choice but to answer it. “You are crying. What’s the matter, love?”

“I went to meet Ray Gargano.”

It took Ford a second to register the significance of what he’d said. “Oh, fuck. It didn’t go well? I’m so sorry.”

Hearing Ford curse like that had him laughing through the dampness of his tears. “Yeah. Not well. You could put it that way.” He related their confrontation—he hardly thought of it as a conversation—and when he was done, waited for Ford’s reaction.

“Bastard,” Ford swore. “He’s not only a liar and a cheater, he’s a homophobe. I’m sorry you had to go through it, especially by yourself, but now you know you tried. From his reaction, you’re better off without him. He’s not good enough for you.”

“You’re sweet. But I wish…I wish I could meet my sisters. They’re beautiful and so smart—one’s gonna be a doctor and the other’s a lawyer.” He chewed his lip. “Guess they got the brains and the beauty.”

“You had better not be thinking what I think you are,” Ford scolded, his mouth tight with anger. “You’re smart as hell and fucking gorgeous. Having a postgraduate degree doesn’t prove anything.”

“Maybe,” he hedged, remembering their discussion and unwilling to argue. Exhausted, frustrated, and sad didn’t begin to describe his state of mind.

“You could contact them on your own. They’re adults. You don’t need their father’s permission.”

“I couldn’t do that. It wouldn’t be right.”

Ford’s expression grew soft. “I’m sorry. I wish I could be there to hold you and tell you everything will be all right.”

“Talking to you helps.” It wasn’t a lie. As always, Ford’s serenity settled his frazzled nerves, and Nico could now take the train home and talk to his mother. He intended to tell her everything. “I gotta get going. Thank you for being there for me.”

“Always and forever. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

It wasn’t until he was on the train that he realized he’d forgotten to ask Ford how his conversation with Lenny had gone.