Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

Nico woke up early Saturday morning, knowing it was time. Speaking to Ford and seeing him had put his head in the right place, made the hurt easier to bear. Funny how that happened.

After showering and getting dressed, he sent a quick text to Ford.

Taking your advice. Talking to my mom.

Ford responded immediately.

Good. You’ll feel better. Let me know how it goes.

He left his apartment and mounted the steps to the house. Using his key, he let himself in and called out, so as not to scare his mother, “Ma? It’s me.”

She appeared at the end of the hallway that led into the kitchen. “Nico. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. I mean, no, it’s not okay. That’s why I’m here. Can we talk?”

Solemnly, she nodded. “I just made some coffee. Come into the kitchen.”

He followed her, and on the round kitchen table he spotted a box of Entenmann’s doughnuts and a mug of coffee. He picked up a chocolate-covered one and took a bite.

“Put a plate under it. You’ll get the table fulla crumbs,” his mother scolded.

“Sorry.” With a sheepish grin, he put two plates on the table and sat.

His mother faced him. “What did you wanna talk about?” Hopeful brown eyes met his.

“I did a lotta thinking this week. I know…I mean, I can’t imagine what it musta been like for you when you found out you were going to have a baby. But Nonno? He was like that?” Nico had so many memories—good ones. “It’s so hard to believe because he was so nice to me.”

Her lips trembled. “Of course he was good to you. He loved you best of all. You were a boy. To me, he was an ogre. My father never forgave my mother for having only girls. He was so old-school—a woman belongs in the home, cooking, cleaning, and having children.”

That Nico could believe. At home, his grandfather would sit like a king, never lifting a finger, while Nico’s grandmother and mother waited on him. Nonna did all the cooking in the restaurant and took care of him, her children, and the house. Nico’s mother and aunt had worked in the restaurant since they were teenagers, and Nico remembered his grandfather supervising from his table of cronies.

“I’m surprised he wanted you to keep the baby.”

His mother’s eyes widened. “He would’ve never made me get rid of it. That would’ve been a sin to him. But once you were born and he was told you were a boy? He was afraid if I told Ray—your father—he would take the baby from me and insist on giving you his last name.” His mother’s voice broke. “My father would never let that happen.” Her voice dropped. “He became enraged when I argued with him.”

“Argued about what?”

Her hands covered her face. “When I got sick, I told myself it was God’s payback for hiding the truth from you. That he was punishing me.”

“Ma, no,” he protested, hating the harsh tone of her voice. “Stop it. Don’t say that.”

She took a sip of coffee. “I always wanted to tell Ray, not because I thought he’d come back to me, but because it was the right thing to do.”

“But Nonno wouldn’t let you.”

“Oh, no.” Her lips trembled. “When I told him what I was planning, he got so angry. Pounding the table, yelling. He called me terrible names.” Tears fell down her cheeks. “He told me he’d lock me in my room if I tried to go anywhere.”

Something about all this was bugging him. “Ma. What did Nonna do when all this was happening? Why didn’t she try and help you?”

“You don’t understand. Your grandfather, he wasn’t a very nice man. God forgive me.” She crossed herself. “But you?” Her smile was tremulous. “You were the boy he always wanted. He loved you unconditionally and gave you everything. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for you. He loved Joey just as much, but Louie was his father. You had no one but him.”

A chill ran through him. Much as he wanted to deny his mother’s words, Nico knew they were true. His grandfather had doted on him—taken him to ball games, the zoo and toy store, where all Nico had to do was point, and he’d get whatever he wanted. Nico could do no wrong in his nonno’s eyes. He’d spent hours in the restaurant after school, helping and learning, but also listening to Nonno and his friends. From those conversations, Nico had learned it was in his best interest to keep his sexuality a secret from his grandparents. As much as they’d loved him, Nico had known better to have expectations that they’d understand and accept him.

“I think if they knew I was gay, that unconditional love might not have stood up.”

His mother nodded. “You’re probably right. He wasn’t enlightened. Like I said. Stuck in the old ways.”

Nico reached out a hand to her, and she hesitated only a second before taking it. “I’m lucky I had you. And still do. I’m sorry, Ma. It was a shock to hear—something I never expected. I didn’t know what to say, but I love you.”

Her lashes fluttered, and Nico spotted tears. “I know. And I’m sorry to have sprung it on you out of the blue. It was wrong of me, but carrying a secret like that all these years…it was killin’ me.” She paused. “Do you think you’ll wanna meet him?”

“Maybe,” he hedged. “I’m not ready just yet. I need to be in the right headspace.”

“I understand. His name is Ray Gargano. In case you wanna look him up.”

Nico thought about how strange it was now to have the name of his father. “Can I ask you a question, Ma? You don’t have to answer. I’m just curious.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Nico bit his lip. “Do you…do you think my father walked out on you because he didn’t like Nonno and the way he was? Because Nonno was so controlling?”

His mother played with her hands, the bright-pink nails flashing when the morning sunlight hit them. “Probably. He didn’t like my father and the way he’d talk down to women. Ray used to say, ‘When we get married, he better not think he can tell you what to do anymore.’”

Nico frowned. “Sounds like he had a bit of a temper too. You never told me how you two met.” They’d never talked about his father at all.

“Me ’n Justine were at the movies. He was on line behind me for popcorn and started talkin’ to me.” A tiny smile flickered on her lips as she gazed at him. “He was so handsome—you’re the spitting image of him. Tall, with wavy dark hair, and the most beautiful blue-green eyes, like the ocean.” She sighed. “I think I fell in love with him right away. He asked for my number and was so respectful when he showed up. Brought me and my mother flowers. I thought he was perfect.”

“Nobody’s perfect. He shoulda never gotten engaged if he had a problem with Nonno.”

“We dated for five years. He was in dental school when we met and wanted to wait until his practice was doin’ okay. Nonno didn’t like it and thought he was stringin’ me along, so we set a date.”

“You shouldn’t have let Nonno push you like that.”

Sorrowful brown eyes met his. “I was caught between them, wanting to please both. Ray had plans. He wanted to move to Long Island—he hated the city.” She sniffled. “My father didn’t want that. He was so set in the tradition, how he was brought up, in Italy. Family stays together. That’s what he’d say, and Ray would disagree. About eight or nine months before the wedding, we were having Sunday dinner here, and Ray told us he’d been talking to real estate people and wanted me to look at some houses with him. My father became so angry, and they had a huge fight. I said we should wait until we were married, and Ray got so mad at me. Said I was takin’ my father’s side over him, and that I was gonna be his wife, so I should be on his side.”

Nico listened, angry for the situation his mother was put in—pulled apart by two domineering men. “Ma, it’s not your fault. And that’s no excuse for Ray cheating on you.”

Her eyes filled again. “He said I wasn’t giving him everything he needed. I was too much of a daddy’s girl and needed to grow up. I shoulda been stronger. Told my father I loved Ray and it was our decision, not his.”

“It’s still wrong, what he did,” Nico said stubbornly, defending her. “You don’t cheat. You break it off. He wasn’t a good man either; I don’t care what you say. You don’t mess around on someone you love.” He left his seat to hug her. “I’m sorry you had it so rough. But you know, you’re still young. You could meet someone.”

She laughed. “I haven’t been on a date in over thirty years. I wouldn’t know what to do.”

Nico thought of Frank and decided he wasn’t above playing matchmaker. “You know Anthony’s Uncle Frank?”

“Yeah, sure.” She selected a cinnamon doughnut from the box and put it on her plate. “Nice man. So awful about Valerie. She was such a nice girl. We all grew up together, like you, Joey, Anthony, and Jack. Shame she could never have children.”

“Well, I think Frank likes you.”

A cute pink blush stained his mother’s cheeks. Despite her illness, his mother looked close to a decade younger than her fifty plus years. She’d lost her thick, dark hair from the chemo, and when it grew back silver, she’d decided to keep it. It only enhanced her rich brown eyes and high cheekbones.

“Don’t be silly. We’ve been friends for years.”

“He told me specifically to say hello and called you beautiful. Said you were always sweet to him at the restaurant. Every time I see him, he asks how you are.”

A self-conscious smile tipped her lips. “He’s very nice, but that doesn’t mean anything. He’s bein’ polite, is all.”

Nico knew better but decided not to push it. He’d talk to Anthony first and see if he agreed.

“I’m glad we talked, Ma. I don’t wanna have secrets between us no more, okay?”

“I agree. No more.”

He picked up his doughnut and took a big bite.

“Have you heard from that doctor?”

“Yeah, we talked last night.”

“That’s an unusual name. Ford.”

He grinned. “No, Ma, he’s not Italian. But I think you’d like him.”

“If you like him, that’s enough for me,” she said with determination. “I’ve learned my lesson not to butt into anyone else’s life.” She drank some coffee. “Are you gonna see him again?”

So much for not butting in, he thought but kept his mouth shut. “I dunno. We haven’t talked about it.”

Her gaze grew soft. “Don’t wait too long. If you feel somethin’ for him, let him know. Before it’s too late.”

“Ma, he lives in Florida, and I’m here.”

She shrugged. “So? Lotsa couples live together and barely see each other and still make it work. All I’m sayin’ is, it don’t have to be a problem if you don’t make it one.”

“All right. I gotta go. Pulled an afternoon shift. Talk to you later.”

Nico mulled over her words as he got ready for work. It was sweaty as balls and he wished he could wear shorts, but he had to keep to the dress code and showed up in thin gray pants and a light-blue polo. This time he was traveling the uptown loop, which took them past Columbus Circle, up Central Park, to Harlem and the Apollo Theatre and 125th Street. Then down to the Met, Carnegie Hall, and up to Times Square. The hop on, hop off bus company Nico worked for was one of the few that provided live tour guides—most of them used audio in multiple languages, which he knew many people needed, but he loved being able to give the customers his personal backstory to places he’d been to in the city. And if people wanted audio in their language, it was provided with headsets.

The problem was, Nico foresaw that his job would be phased out in the coming years, which was why he hoped for a management position with the company.

At five he finished, turned in his trip sheets, and hustled to the train for the second part of his evening, working at La Dolce Vita. He walked in around six thirty to see his mother and Aunt Justine sitting at their usual corner table with salads. The restaurant was full, and Joey and Bobby were running from the kitchen to the dining room.

“Oh good, you’re here. It’s like a fuckin’ zoo tonight. Everyone and their mother decided they needed to eat Italian. It’s hot as fuck out there. What happened to sushi, for fuck’s sake?” Joey complained, and Nico laughed.

“The two of us can handle it.”

“My mom’s been helpin’ out, but I told your mother she ain’t allowed.” His lips twitched. “That didn’t go over too good.”

Nico cut his mother a look, and she smiled sweetly at him. “I’ll tell her.”

“You’re okay with her, right? You talk it out about your father?”

Hearing those words still brought pain to his heart, but Nico ignored it. “Yeah. We’re cool. I’m just gonna go say hi.”

“Make it quick. We got a lotta orders.” Joey pointed, and Nico waved him off.

“Yeah, yeah.” He hurried over to his mother and aunt. “Hi, Aunt Justine.” He kissed her cheek, then his mother’s. “Ma. Why didn’t you say you’d be here tonight?”

“Eh. I wasn’t sure, but Justine and I decided it’s not right to have you boys work so hard.”

“If the two of us can help, we are. I’ll make sure Joanne don’t tire herself out. Don’t you worry,” Justine pronounced.

“Okay, okay.” He raised his hands in the air. “I’m gonna go work.”

Joey had been right, and he barely had time to go to the bathroom. It slowed down after eight thirty, and Nico finally had a chance to sit for a moment and eat some chicken piccata and spinach. He checked his phone and saw a text from Ford, about an hour earlier.

Was hoping you’d let me know how the talk went with your mother if you had one.

Damn, he’d forgotten Ford had asked to be kept in the loop. Nico pushed his plate away to answer.

Sorry. Been a busy day. We hashed it out, and we’re good. What’re you doing tonight?

Same thing I do every night. Sitting on my terrace, watching the boats.

Sounds good to me. I worked late, and now I’m at the restaurant.

Ford didn’t answer right away, so Nico resumed his dinner and finished the chicken. His phone buzzed.

Next weekend is Labor Day. Would you want to come for a visit?

Nico was simultaneously thrilled and disappointed.

I wish I could, but it’s one of our busiest days, since it’s the end of the season. I’ve already got my hours.

I understand. It was a long shot.

Nico would’ve loved to ask Ford to come visit him, but how could he? With working every day on the bus and then at night in the restaurant, it wasn’t fair.

Maybe in a few weeks, he replied.

I’d like that.

With regret, Nico saw his break was over and a few people had trickled in, waiting to be served.

I gotta go. We’re busy as hell tonight.

He didn’t wait for a response and shoved his phone into his pocket. He wished he could chuck all this and run to Florida, but if he wanted to prove to the company he was management material, he couldn’t slack off and dump his responsibilities on one of the busiest holidays. But damn. What he wouldn’t give to see Ford again.

He laughed to himself. You’re acting like a lovesick idiot. He’s just another guy.

Oh, yeah? the voice inside his head asked. If you believe that, I got a bridge I’d like to sell you.