Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

The next morning, Nico walked out of the hotel with Ford. They held hands and kissed.

“You should’ve stayed sleeping. Checkout is at eleven.”

“Without you, it’s nothing,” Nico said, his forehead resting on Ford’s. “I didn’t want to be there alone.” He didn’t give a goddamn how corny he sounded. Something had changed. Being with Ford at that dinner, being seen for the first time, Nico wanted to be a couple. Wasted nights of aimless hookups didn’t compare to holding Ford’s hand as they walked together or hearing him cry out his name as he climaxed.

The car stopped, and Ford wheeled his suitcase to the rear. Nico waited by the passenger door. Ford cupped his face. “I’ll call you. I’m not letting you go.”

“Sure. I’ll talk to you.” Nico forced a smile, knowing Ford would go home to his million-dollar world and friends, but what could he do?

“I mean it, Nico. We’ll figure this out.” Ford kissed him. “I had the best night of my life with you.”

The little he knew of this man was that he didn’t lie. Nico clung to him, and for a hot second, he allowed the dream to be his reality. “I did too. I won’t forget about you.”

“You better not.”

And then he was gone. Even at five a.m., Times Square had people strolling through, but without the frantic intensity. Nico walked to the train, paid his fare, and wasn’t surprised that there were hardly any seats. The city was alive twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, and these were the night-shift workers coming home. He found a seat in the corner two-seater and settled in for the long ride home.

The entire evening with Ford had made him realize how empty his life was. Joey had Teresa, and Anthony had Sergio. He could hang out with Jack and keep meeting guys at bars or the beach and get laid every night if he wanted. A few months ago, that was his life, and he’d been content.

Until Ford showed him the difference with a single kiss, shooting his life to hell.

“Fuck,” he muttered, and the woman next to him shifted away. She probably thought he was one of those subway nuts who talked to themselves.

He wasn’t stupid enough to think he was in love with Ford, but he sure as hell liked every single damn thing about him. It had been less than an hour since they’d separated, and fucking hell, he missed him already. It had never been like this, and Nico wasn’t quite sure how to deal with it. Usually a hookup was fine, and they parted with a pat on the ass and a hurried good-bye, the guy’s presence swept away like cobwebs with a broom.

Not Ford. The man was unforgettable. The way his eyes crinkled shut with laughter, or turned hot and hazy with lust when he looked at Nico naked. There wasn’t a doubt in Nico’s mind that Ford wanted him. But Nico didn’t want it to only be about sex, though that had been fucking amazing.

Nico wanted Ford out of bed as much as in between the sheets. He just wasn’t sure Ford wanted that as well.

He got home near six thirty, changed into shorts and a T-shirt, and hung up the suit. Aside from the incredible sex—the best he’d ever had, and he could still feel the heat of Ford’s mouth on his dick—it had been an interesting evening. He’d enjoyed talking to the older doctor, Sandler, and most of the other people Ford had introduced him to, but the snotty bitch at their dinner table? Yeah, that was what he’d expected more of.

He turned on the coffee machine, then lay on his couch, waiting for it to brew.

He poured a cup and his doorbell rang. He peeked through the curtain, sighed, and opened the door.

“Hey, Ma. Come on in.” He checked his watch. “I been home ten minutes. What took you so long?”

“Don’t be fresh.” Only five feet tall, Joanne Andretti’s large personality made up for what she lacked in height. “You look tired. How was the party? Tell me about it. The Pierre is fancy stuff.”

“Sit down. You want a cup of coffee?”

“Yeah, sure.”

He brought her a mug and put out some biscotti. “Here ya go.”

“Okay, so tell me. About the party and this man. ’Cause Joey and Teresa both haven’t stopped talkin’ about him.”

“Yeah? What’d they say?” He knew they liked Ford but wanted to hear it from his mother.

“That he’s the only guy they’ve ever seen you interested in. And he talks to you nice. Not stuck up because he’s from money.”

“He’s not, actually. He didn’t grow up with money, but he’s a doctor, and I’m guessing he makes a lot. He’s also older than me.” Not that it made a difference. His body was gorgeous, and Nico couldn’t stop thinking of how good he’d tasted.

“Yeah, they said.” She sipped her coffee and nibbled a biscotti. “How old, exactly?”

“He’s forty-two.” It occurred to him that Ford was as close to his mother’s age as he was to Nico’s, but he didn’t want to think about that at the moment. “I mean, he’s a doctor, rich and successful, and I’m just a tour-bus guide.”

“Don’t you put yourself down.” She set her mug to the side and wagged her finger in his face. “You got lots of things going for you—a successful business in the restaurant, and you own a house, and you’re gonna go for a management position.”

“Ma, come on. It’s your house that you put in my name along with yours. Same with the restaurant—it’s yours and Aunt Justine’s. And I gotta apply for the position. Which reminds me, I need to do that today. Deadline’s tomorrow.”

“You’ll get it. You’re a smart man.”

He sighed. “I dunno. I’m feeling like everyone knows what they’re doing in life. Joey’s a manager at HM, Anthony’s going back to school to be a physician’s assistant, Teresa’s a nurse, and Jack’s got the contracting business. Why am I so unsure?”

His mother gazed into his face. “Maybe I shouldn’t have kept you from your father. Maybe he could’ve been positive for you, even though he was a big negative for me.”

“No,” he snapped. “I don’t want to know anything about him. A guy who can walk out on his fiancée right before their wedding is no good. And did the son of a bitch ever ask to see me? No.”

His mother paled and twisted her hands in her lap. “Look, Nico. There’s something you need to know.”

Cold sweat popped up on his skin, and his stomach dropped. “Is…are you sick again? Tell me. Please.”

“No. I’m fine. My last scan was clear.”

The room, which had gone gray, brightened and came into focus. He took several deep breaths. “Thank God.” He crossed himself. “So, what is it? Nothing else matters.”

“It’s about your father.”

“I told you I don’t wanna hear about that bastard. He doesn’t exist as far as I’m concerned.”

“But he does,” his mother whispered. “God forgive me for what I did to you.”

Nico started to shake. “Ma, what’re you saying? Just tell me.”

“I…lied to you. I’ve been lying all these years.” She stared at the floor. “He…he never knew about you. I didn’t tell him—couldn’t. My father forbade it.”

“What? No. Ma, what’re you sayin’?” His teeth began to chatter.

“I’m sorry. Per favore, perdonami, Nico. I’m so sorry.” She crossed herself.

He was cold, yet sweat poured from him. His heart pounded, and his chest hurt. He struggled to take in air as the enormity of her words slammed into him. Like he’d been hurled headfirst into a brick wall.

“You said he didn’t give a damn. That he didn’t want me.” His stomach cramped, and Nico thought he might throw up. “You…Nonna and Nonno…you all said he wasn’t interested in having a baby.” The words caught in his throat. “You said he never cared.”

Teary-eyed, his mother played with the ends of her hair. “We thought it would be the best for you. Your father…he never contacted me after he walked out before the wedding. Why would he care?”

Nico’s head spun. “But maybe he woulda. If he’d known.” He sputtered, “I can’t…I don’t understand. All these years you let me think he didn’t give a damn about me.”

“I’m sorry. It was me he didn’t give a damn about. I have no idea if he would’ve wanted to know I was pregnant, but I was so hurt and angry. It was almost thirty years ago. Things were different then. I couldn’t go against my parents. They said if I told him, they wouldn’t help me. My father would kick me out of the house. You can’t imagine…where would I have gone?”

She began to cry, and he sat on the arm of the chair next to her. “Ma, it’s okay. Don’t get all worked up about it. It’s okay.”

“It’s not.” She wiped her eyes. “I’m sorry. I shoulda said something to you years ago, but they died, and I got sick, and…I was such a coward. I was afraid you’d hate me for what I did.”

“I could never hate you,” Nico reassured her, and it was true. He loved his mother and couldn’t imagine being in her shoes—in her twenties, reeling from being dumped, finding out she was pregnant, unmarried. He’d always looked up to his grandparents for taking care of his mother when she decided to keep him and raise him on her own. He’d heard the stories—how some old-school families forced their children into marriages to save face. Or made them give up the baby if marriage wasn’t an option. That could’ve been him, and he shuddered, thinking how close he’d come to never knowing his mother. Now he saw the price she paid.

Still…he didn’t know how to feel about this revelation. To discover after twenty-eight years that his father didn’t know he existed left him bewildered and broken. All along he’d been told what a bastard he was. Nico wasn’t sure whether he should laugh or cry. Or throw something at the wall.

And now for the hardest part of all. It was a delicate question, but it needed to be asked. “Do you, uh…do you know where he is?”

She lifted a shoulder. “Yeah. He lives on Long Island, where he always wanted to. I think Merrick or somewhere on the South Shore.”

“Oh.” A thought struck him. “Did…is he married? Does he have kids?” The possibility that he had half siblings freaked him out slightly. There might be a whole other group of people he shared DNA with.

His mother still couldn’t face him and kept her gaze fixed firmly on the floor. “I saw somewhere online he was married, but I don’t know about anything else. I didn’t want to think about it.”

Unable to sit still, Nico paced the room. “I-I can’t believe this. After all these years…”

“Are you…do you think you’re gonna try and find him?”

Nico’s laugh was bitter. “How? I don’t even know his name. You’ve never told me, and everyone always called him ‘that bastard.’”

“Do you wanna know?”

Nico rubbed his face. He’d had such a good weekend—a great weekend—and he’d come home on a high. Now he felt as empty as a deflated balloon, lying in the gutter.

“I’m not sure. I can’t wrap my head around it. I-I need to be alone.”

Head hung low, his mother nodded. “I understand. I’m sorry, Nico. I know it’s not enough and you’re angry with me.” Without another word, she left his apartment, and he heard her slow footsteps on the stairs to the house.

It was a struggle not to run after her and tell her it was going to be okay. All his life, it had been the two of them, and she’d always been his cheerleader, so proud of him to became the first in their family to graduate from college.

“My son, the college man.”

After her diagnosis, he gave up on business school, stayed and helped take care of her so the burden wouldn’t rest solely on his aunt Justine, who wasn’t well herself. It was a bad time for them all, but Nico never cared. She’d always been there for him, made every baseball and soccer game, and she was the first person he came out to, secure that she’d love him no matter what. She needed him, so he was there, no questions asked.

“How could she do this to me? I had a right to know…” Shaking and nauseated, his vision blurry, he sank to the floor. “It’s not fair.” He wiped at his face. “I gotta get out of here.” He stuck his feet in sneakers, grabbed his wallet, phone, and keys, and left.

At just after seven on a Sunday morning, he passed people going to church, along with desperate coffee seekers hitting up Dunkin’ and Starbucks and the corner bodegas. Unfortunately, there were also dog walkers, and he spotted Joey and Teresa walking Lulu, their pit-bull rescue.

“Marone a mia,” he cursed to himself as they waved to him from the end of the block. They’d want to know all about his night with Ford, and he was not in the right headspace for it.

“There he is. How’d it go, dude? Was it awesome?” Joey smacked him on the back as he bent to scratch Lulu behind the ears.

“It was really nice. I had a good time.”

Teresa’s eyes narrowed. “What’s wrong?”

Dammit, she knew him too well. “Nothin’. It’s seven in the damn morning. What the fuck could be wrong?” he snapped.

“Chill out, dude. Don’t talk to Tre like that,” Joey grunted.

Instantly contrite, Nico rushed to make it right. “Sorry, Tre. I’m just in a mood, ya know? I din’mean it.”

“I know, don’t worry. You ’n Ford still cool?” She put a hand on his arm. “You didn’t have a fight or nothin’, right?”

“No, we had a great time.” He checked his watch. “Matter of fact, he’s taking off in an hour.”

“Oh, so that’s it.” She winked. “You miss him already. You gotta have some vacation comin’. Why not go to Florida to visit him? After all, me an’ Joey took off for that weekend and you had to cover for us on short notice.”

“Yeah. That would be a good idea,” Joey agreed like a fucking bobblehead.

“I’m not pushing myself on him.”

Joey frowned. “You ain’t thinkin’ he’s like that asshole Prickface, are you?”

“Payson,” he muttered, hating that someone from so long ago still took up space in his head. “No.”

But he must’ve sounded unconvincing, because Joey ignored him and kept on babbling. “Yes, you are. I know you. And I know what’s goin’ through that pretty head of yours.”

“Yeah, what?” He cursed for engaging when he should’ve walked away.

“Because Prickface was a rich dude who led you on, letting you think he was more than a summer thing, you’re thinking Ford is gonna be like that too ’cause he’s a doctor and has money. Am I right?”

“I dunno.” He shrugged. “Maybe.” Not really. After their night together and how Ford stood by his side at the dinner, he doubted Ford would treat him like a boy toy. Good for sex but nothing else. But better to think about that than his mother’s devastating news. That was something he absolutely didn’t want to talk about yet.

“I don’t get that vibe.”

Despite himself, Nico laughed, and Lulu barked and wagged her tail. He petted her. “How would you know?”

“I dunno. Maybe ’cause he took you to that fancy-ass party. Prickface would never. He was only interested in bumping uglies in the dark.”

Nico’s face burned. “Shut up. Don’t talk like that in front of Tre.”

On her phone, Teresa put up a hand. “Don’t mind me. I don’t hear nothin’.”

Joey pulled him aside. “Look. I know Prickface hurt you bad and put all this shit in your head that you’re not good enough ’cause you don’t have a big job and didn’t go to a prep school. But he was a bitch and a dick. You’re damn good enough—the best.”

“Yeah? I dunno.”

“Well, I do,” Joey said staunchly. “And I bet Ford knows it too.”

Even though his shitty mood had nothing to do with his one failed love affair, Nico huffed out an exasperated sigh. “Ford didn’t say nothin’ about seeing me again. He didn’t ask me to come visit. And I ain’t gonna invite myself, so don’t talk to me about headin’ down to Florida.” He rubbed his eyes. “Listen, I’m not in the best mood right now. I’m just gonna walk it off.”

“Fine, we’ll walk with you.” Joey tugged on Lulu’s leash. “Let’s go.”

“Alone, please.” He stood his ground, unblinking.

“Okay, dude. But if you wanna talk, I’ll be home. Alone.” Joey petted Lulu. “Just me and my girl.”

“Yeah, I gotta go in for a shift at noon for twelve hours.” Teresa hugged him. “Whatever it is, it’s gonna be okay.”

“Yeah.” He hunched his shoulders and took off. He was glad they thought so because Nico wasn’t so sure it would ever be all right again.

**

An hour later he returned home and lay on the couch. It pained him to know his mother was upstairs, as wounded and upset as he was, but he couldn’t make himself go talk to her. His phone buzzed, and he tensed, thinking it was her.

He’d never ignored her texts before and he wouldn’t now, but what he saw made him forget his crappy mood.

Hi. I have Wi-Fi, so I thought I’d text. I had a great time last night. Hope maybe you’d think about visiting me the next time you have vacation.

Nico walked around the room with a big, goofy smile on his face. The pain of his mother’s lies slipped from his mind. All he wanted was to return to that hotel room and have Ford hold him and tell him how wonderful he was.

Hi. I had a great time too. I’d love to visit. I can check my schedule.

Ford responded immediately.

Let me know. Any time is good.

The world looked a little brighter when he set the phone aside. He hadn’t even had a chance to truly appreciate the evening with Ford. Seeing how wild and uninhibited Ford became under his lips and tongue led Nico to believe there was untapped sexuality within the quiet man. What a damn fool his ex had been. His body hummed, thinking of the opportunity to spend time together.

His phone buzzed, and he sighed, seeing it was Joey.

Doing okay? I can call up Anthony and Jack and order some pizzas.

He hesitated, but maybe talking it out with the guys was what he needed.

Yeah, sure. See you at 12. I gotta do some things first.

He got a thumbs-up and thrust everything out of his mind except filling out the job application. He ignored the footsteps outside his window and pulled up his old résumé, concentrating on getting the dates right. He took a few breaks to microwave a breakfast sandwich and gulp some more coffee.

“Okay, that does it.” He double-checked everything, hit Send, and went to take a shower.

At noon, he knocked on Joey’s door and listened to Lulu’s barking. Shushing her, Joey opened the door, and Nico was surprised to see everyone already there, with the pizzas on the table.

“Beer’s in the fridge,” Joey offered after giving him a hug.

All eyes were on him when he took a plate and two slices, then opened a beer.

“What?” It was like being a bug under a microscope.

“How was the date?” Anthony asked. “The suit looked good, right?”

“Yeah, it was perfect. Thanks.” He met Sergio’s eyes. “Especially you, Sergio. I’m sure you were the one with the most input.” He tipped his head toward Anthony. “That guy’s taste is up his ass.”

“Hey,” Anthony barked. “Except in boyfriends.” He wrapped an arm around Sergio.

“Yeah. Except that.”

Sergio smiled at him. “Thanks, Nico. I’m glad it went well.”

“It did. But now he’s on his way home.”

“When you goin’ to Florida to see him?” Jack chewed on his slice.

In the past, after his hookups, he didn’t mind joking about them with his friends. But not now. What he shared with Ford was special and between the two of them only, and he intended to keep it that way.

“I dunno. I got other things on my mind.”

“I knew it,” Joey hollered. “Me ’n Tre said that, but if it ain’t about Ford, then what?”

Nico needed a long swig of beer before answering. He set the bottle on the kitchen island. “My father. It seems my mother and Nonno and Nonna lied to me.”

“What?” Joey’s jaw dropped, and the others stared at him in shock. “Lied about what?”

His hands trembled. “He never knew she was pregnant. She never told him, even though I was told she did. Nonno told her if she let him know she was pregnant, they’d turn her out and wouldn’t help her. So she didn’t. She told me this morning, and I have no idea what to fucking think or do about it.”

“Did my mother know?” Joey questioned.

Nico shrugged. “I dunno.”

“Damn,” Jack and Anthony spoke in unison. Sergio frowned.

“What are you gonna do? Are you gonna see him? Do you even know where he is?”

“Yeah. My mother said he lives on the Island. She said he’s married, but I dunno if he ever had kids…I might have brothers or sisters. How fuckin’ crazy is that?”

“I think you should see him,” Sergio stated unequivocally.

“How come?” Nico was curious to hear his explanation.

“’Cause both of you were done wrong. And he should know he’s got a son, and you should have a chance to have a father. If you don’t, you’ll always wonder what if?”

Anthony dropped a kiss on Sergio’s head. “I think Sergio’s right. You don’t gotta run and do it today, but you should. Eventually.”

“My dad died when I was seven.” Sergio’s eyes filled with tears. “I only got a hazy memory of him, but it’s better than none at all. I can’t imagine any parent wouldn’t want to know his own kid.”

“Maybe,” he hedged, hating that now his personal business was out there for gossip. It made his skin crawl. “How about we watch the pregame show? And I wanna eat my pizza.”

Joey turned on the set, and they resumed eating pizza, drinking beer, and yelling at the sportscaster’s odds for who was going to win the World Series. Nico sat with Lulu’s head in his lap, thinking about his mother, his father, Ford, and what the hell he was going to do next.