6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Logan

When Hunter opened the door after I knocked, I stood there, blinking several times, trying to comprehend what I was looking at.

"Dude, what happened to your hair?"

Hunter's smile was sheepish as he ran a hand over his shaved scalp. "Yeah, Dad and I shaved our heads in solidarity for Mom." He stood aside and let me in. "Man, she cried when she started losing her hair from chemo."

I ran my hand over his stubbly head and smiled. "Looks good on you, Hunt. How's she doing?"

He shrugged as I followed him upstairs, knowing I came by not only to hang with him, but to see Mrs. McKnight before I headed out to California.

"She's hanging in there, I guess. She comes across as strong. You know her. She doesn't like to show she's struggling."

I'd seen her a couple of times before her chemo and once after her surgery a month ago. She'd been in so much pain, but she still put on a brave face for me. I didn't want to be intrusive in their lives as she went through her treatment, but I also needed to see her.

"Are you sure she's up to visiting?"

"Yeah, man. Mom insisted she see you before you headed out. She's doing okay… just tired and shit."

We headed up the stairs, and at the end of the hall was the guest room where she'd been staying to give her the bed alone, along with all her meds.

"Where are your dad and Julia?"

"He took her to the movies because she's been pretty stressed out about Mom. I mean, she's only seven and doesn't understand, so she's been really clingy with Mom, who needs her rest."

Hunter knocked on the bedroom door before opening it. "Hey, Mom. Logan's here."

"Well, tell him to come in."

When I stepped inside, she lifted her hand. I went to her side and held it before sitting down on the edge of the bed. Her room was pretty, with flowers in vases and the sun shining in the windows, but it definitely had that aura of sickness.

She looked tired, and she wore a pretty pink scarf with white flowers around her head. All that thick, brown hair was gone now. She'd recently turned forty, but she looked older.

"How are you feeling, Mrs. M?"

"I'm good, and I'll recover just fine. You wait and see."

The prognosis didn't look good at all, according to Hunter, but at least she seemed positive about everything.

"Do you feel sick and all?"

"Chemo makes me a bit sick and tired, but I feel pretty good right now."

I nodded and stared down at her cold, long fingers resting on mine. If she died, it would feel like I'd lost a second mom, but it'd be so much worse for Hunter. That was something I had first-hand experience in.

"Now, tell me about your trip. I wish Hunter would go with you, but he insists on staying."

"Yeah, but we both know he'd rather be here, and he should. The trip's fine. I'm still going with Nick, though I'd rather it be someone else or by myself."

She squeezed my hand, and I looked into her dark blue eyes that matched Hunter's. "Don't be so hard on him. I know you had a rough time after your father remarried, but Nick lost a parent, too. Maybe his father didn't die, but he may as well have the way he abandoned that poor boy."

Honestly, I hadn't thought about it that way. He seemed to have handled the marriage a lot better than I had.

"I guess."

"Where's your first stop going to be?"

"Uhm, just outside of Nashville."

She smiled, showing the crinkles around her eyes that were more pronounced than usual. "How exciting. Take lots of pictures, okay? I want to see them when you come back for the holidays."

"I will."

Would she still be here by the time I made it back? I swallowed the thick lump in my throat that threatened to expose my raw emotions. I didn't want to get upset in front of her. She deserved better than that.

"I'll miss you," I said.

She reached for my face and cupped my cheek. "I'll miss you, too, sweetheart, but you're a man now, on your way to do great things in life. Eventually, you'll move on to have a family of your own. I look forward to seeing what you become, Logan. Same with Hunter."

Fuck, my eyes burned. Swallowing was getting harder to do. I doubted she'd see that future Logan because I wasn't destined to have a family. I'd never get married because it wasn't legal to marry a man, not that I had anyone I wanted to marry. There would be no kids, either.

"You're leaving the day after tomorrow?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Good. Call if you need anything, okay?"

I nodded and leaned forward to kiss her forehead, and then I stood and left, unable to take seeing her like that any longer.

Hunter followed me out and closed the door behind him.

"Let's go over to the creek," he said.

I shoved my hands into my jeans pocket and followed him outside.

"Mom appreciates you being here, Logan."

"Of course, I'd be here. She took care of me when I needed it."

"I appreciate it, too."

I said nothing as I pulled out my smokes from my pocket and lit one up.

We crossed the street away from the cul-de-sac he lived in and went to the park in the woods.

The day was fucking hot and humid, and I should've worn shorts. My tank top clung to my sweaty skin. I didn't know how Hunter did it, wearing black all the time.

After hiking for several minutes through the thick trees and plants, careful not to touch the poison ivy, we reached the bubbling creek.

Hunter and I used to go there all the time when we were little. We'd splash in it to cool off or to hunt for crawdads or dragonfly larvae. If we were lucky, we would catch a frog or a turtle.

Now the place, as familiar as my own face, became nothing more than memories of young boys who didn't have a worry in the world with moms who hadn't died or were sick and dying.

"Call me, okay? At least once in a while. I need to live vicariously through you."

"I will."

Hunter sat in the grass by the creek, removed his black chucks and socks, rolled up his black jeans, and dipped his feet into the cool water.

I sat next to him and did the same, filled with such a mixture of emotions and nostalgia that I couldn't sort through them. Excitement filled me from finally getting to go on my trip and that I was starting a new chapter in my life. Yet, it wouldn't be the same without Hunter. I was also slightly terrified that nothing would be the same after this. Life had been a stable and familiar pattern.

While I'd go to college, get a degree, and a job, that was all that I understood. The unknown about my sexuality left this blank spot in my plans, and I hated not having plans. I worried about the loneliness that had already started consuming me. What would it be like in ten years? Twenty?

I wasn't that ignorant. I knew men had secret relationships, but how long did those last? How much could a couple take, living a secret life until it tore them apart? Did some live openly without fear? I had absolutely no experience to base it on.

Hunter looked at me with his denim-blue eyes and a slight smile on his face, bumping my shoulder. "Don't kill Nick, yeah? And maybe don't kiss him, either."

I snorted a laugh and wiggled my toes in the water. "I'll try," I said before I sighed. "This trip is going to be brutal. Not only because you won't be going, but yeah, it's gonna be awkward as fuck with him in the car and sharing a tent for three damn weeks."

"Think of it this way. Nick's giving you the opportunity to live your dream, man. No way your dad would let you go alone."

"So I should be grateful to Nick?"

"Nah, just… you know, don't beat him up anymore."

"He makes it so hard to resist, though."

Hunter shook his head, staring out through the dense woods. "You're just pissed because he's someone you can't have, but you want him. I get it, but I also don't. Anyway, once you two attend different colleges, you won't see him that much, other than for holidays. Whatever you feel for him will wear off eventually, and then you'll find someone you can have. Surely, there are gay men at Berkeley."

"You're probably right. I know of a popular gay bar close by, too. I can always head over there. In fact, I've already planned to make a stop there."

Hunter laughed and shook his head. "I hope so, because you need to get laid."

I fell back into the grass and dead leaves, staring up at the canopy of trees and dappled sunlight. "God, don't I fucking know it. My hand is getting boring."

"You'll be fine. And I'll be there when classes start, then we can find a way to get rid of your virginity."

I burst out into laughter, scaring the birds and squirrels. "You make it sound like I've got a disease."

He laughed with me. "You know what I mean."

"Tell you what. I'll go with you to that gay bar when I get to Berkeley."

I rolled my head to look at my best friend, who had his eyes shut with a small smile playing on his lips. "Thanks… you know… for like being there for me and shit. For not judging."

"Always, Logan. We'll be best friends until we can no longer walk and have no more hair on our heads."

I smiled at that. Hunter was my one true constant in this uncertain world.