21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Logan

Day 9

Nick and I spent the day canoeing along Buffalo National River's glassy water. When we rented the boat, we got a quick lesson so we wouldn't paddle in circles as Nick said we would.

I slowly dragged the paddle along the calm water as Nick lay against me between my legs, dangling his feet overboard. His head was back on my thigh, and his sunglasses rested snugly over his eyes.

He'd taken tons of pictures of birds and other wildlife, and some of me, before lying on me to take a nap. We were up late last night, fooling around. I was tired, too, but this moment, here and now, was the most relaxed I'd ever been.

For most of my life, at least after I lost my mom, I'd been tightly wound and easily agitated. Now, for the first time in years, I finally felt at peace. Not only was I relaxed, but I'd been coming to terms with who I was, and that was all thanks to Nick, who accepted me just as I was. It gave me hope for my future.

I'd never dreamed I would ever have a chance with Nick, yet here we were, falling into each other with an odd and unexpected ease. When we started this trip, I'd already known I was in love with him and resented loving what I could never have. What a joke. That hadn't been love. That had been infatuation. This was love.

Before, my love for him was in perpetual turmoil. Now, it was filled with comfort and ease. It was warm, not cold. That's how love should always feel.

I pulled the paddle into the boat to float for a while as I played with Nick's soft, dark strands. He shifted and curled his arm around my leg, holding onto it, as if it were keeping him tethered to the real world as he got lost in his dreams.

The day had been perfect.

"I love you," I whispered as quietly as the wind.

Nick was waiting for me in a restaurant in Little Rock in the early evening, ordering us dinner after we'd talked to our parents. But I also needed to call Hunter. It'd been almost a week since we talked.

"Hello?" Hunter answered.

"Hey, man. How's it hanging? Is everything good? How's your mom?"

"Hey, Logan! Man, it's good to hear your voice. It's all right here. Mom's… doing okay. She's been weak lately and hasn't been eating much. I'm kind of worried, but she keeps reassuring us that all is fine. Honestly, I don't believe her. There are all sorts of side effects from chemo I keep reading about. It's scaring me, man."

My good mood vanished with his words. I felt selfish for feeling upbeat about this trip since Hunter couldn't go with his mom being so sick.

"Shit, Hunter. Do you need me to come back? Because I will."

"Fuck no. Don't you dare. I totally expect to see pictures of your entire trip. You better finish it, or else I'm going to kill you… Not really, but I'll be pissed."

"Okay, then I'll keep going."

We sat there for a beat, and I didn't know what else to say.

"Lo, tell me something good about the trip. I want to hear about it. I need to hear something good."

"It's been fucking nice, man. We got to see Grand Ole Opry and Graceland like Mom had wanted. But honestly, it's been the camping and nature that's really sucked me in. Just swimming or sitting by the campfire, having a cold beer…"

"Sounds fucking nice. So, you and Nick are getting along, then?"

"You could say that."

"What does that mean?"

I shoved my hand into the pocket of my jean cut-off shorts and gripped the phone tighter, looking around for nosy people.

I sighed into the receiver, debating if I should tell Hunter. He should know because we told each other everything, but I wasn't so sure about this. Not that it mattered, because Hunter was a damn mind reader.

"Oh, hell no… you didn't. Did you tell him how you feel?"

"Shit, it's more than that, Hunt. I blurted out that I was gay, the nosy bastard. He picked up on the fact that I don't really date and shit. So, what did I do? I told him."

"Whoa… no way. How'd he take it?"

I rubbed my smooth face and smiled. "He was epically chill about it all."

"Well, damn. Good on Nick. And you're not fighting?"

"We did a little at first, but now we're… I kissed him."

Hunter was silent for a second before berating me. "Dammit, Logan. I told you not to kiss him. What the hell? I don't mean to sound like a parent, but he's straight, man."

"No shit, he's straight. He's the one who told me to kiss him!"

I quickly scanned the area because I said that way too fucking loudly.

"Wait, wait, wait… back up. That was Nick's idea? And you what? Went along with it?"

"We were drunk one night, and he said he wanted me to practice kissing. One thing led to another… and, well, we're seeing where this is going."

‘Please insert two dollars and ten cents to maintain the phone call.'

"Goddamn it!"

I quickly dropped more money into the coin slot before I lost the call.

"You there, Hunt?"

"I'm here," he sighed. "Are you sure you want to do this? I know I'm stating the obvious here, but you two are stepbrothers who share a sister. This isn't about just being gay, but it's a little taboo, even if you're not blood related."

"You think I don't know that? He does, too. We're just taking it chill-like, exploring and shit. Nothing's been decided."

"Lo, I love you, but there's nothing chill about you."

"I'm trying to be."

I looked at my watch and scanned the area again, pressing the phone receiver closer to my mouth. "You know how I feel about him. I can stop this as much as a speeding train. Superman , I'm not."

"God, Logan. I sure hope you know what you're doing. You're going to get hurt."

I huffed a laugh, painfully aware of the truth of his words. "Probably. This could all blow up in my face, but I'm not stopping this derailing train. I've never been so happy or relaxed in years. Being with him is easier than breathing… All those years wasted fighting with him. For the first time in my life, I'm coming to terms with my sexuality."

"And he's okay with all this?"

"Yeah, that's the thing. He's completely surprised that it isn't bothering him at all."

"Huh, do you think he's bi?"

"He doesn't think so. We don't really know, but we aren't stressing out about it right now. But we are talking about it… talking a lot."

"Well, that's good. I don't know, man. I just hope you don't get hurt."

"Me, too. But I might."

"Well, who knew nine days would be all it took to change two people completely?"

I laughed, loving my best friend even more for not overly berating me and being mildly supportive despite the unusual relationship between me and Nick. "You got that right. Listen, I better go. He's waiting for me, and we're about to have dinner."

"Okay, call me again soon."

"I will. Give your mom a kiss for me."

"I will."

We hung up, and I headed into the diner. Nick was sitting at a table in the far corner, in a booth. I sat across from him and stretched out my legs just so I could touch him somehow. He curled his foot around my ankle, smiling at me, making my heart beat a little faster. His touch always sent a thrill through my body.

"How are Hunter and his mom?"

"She's still sick, but hanging in there. Hunter's fine for now."

I looked through the menu, sipping my water before glancing at him, also reading the menu. "I, ah, told him."

Nick looked up and raised a brow. "How'd he take it?"

I chuckled and shook my head. "I guess I expected you to get upset."

He smiled and went back to reading the menu. "Don't project. I'm not you."

"Yeah, I'm sorry for all that."

"Don't be. We're here and now. So, what'd he say?"

"It's a little weird for him, and I got a short lecture, but other than that, he doesn't care. He'll always be supportive in the end."

I didn't bother mentioning his worries about me getting hurt. Who knew what would happen between us down the road? For now, I didn't want to jinx anything.

"Hunter's a cool dude."

"He really is."

We were sitting in bed across from each other, making out as if making up for lost time. Our fingers tugged at our hair, and our teeth nipped our lips. My other hand explored his shirtless skin as I inhaled his soapy and arousing smell. He also had a distinctive scent that I couldn't pinpoint… something that was all Nick. It was more addicting than any drug.

His hand slid up my thigh and brushed against my cock, straining against my shorts. I groaned in his mouth, so he palmed me a little harder.

"Take these off," he said on my lips.

My breathing hitched at the sound of my zipper going down.

"I want to taste you," I said.

"Jesus… yes."

"Will you tell me what you like?"

"For sure. Totally."

I lunged at his mouth again and shoved him onto his back in the bed, pinning his wrists to the pillow. We waged war with our tongues until I pulled away, kissing and licking his throat, tasting of salt and man.

"Don't move," I said.

When I pulled away, I stood off the bed to remove my shorts and underwear. I got back into bed, unbuttoned and unzipped his khaki shorts, and pulled them off along with his navy-blue briefs, tossing them to the floor with my clothes.

I stared down at his hard cock, in awe that he was even turned on by this. "You have a pretty dick." My face burned at my words, but I refused to take them back.

"I like yours, too."

"So, do I… just go at it?"

Nick smiled broadly, his hands unmoving on the pillow, as if I were still pinning him down. "If you want. Or you can work your way up to it by kissing parts of my body. Just do what makes you comfortable, Logan."

"But I want you to enjoy it."

"Oh, I will. Trust me. There's no wrong way here."

I nodded and sat on my knees between his thighs. My hands traveled across the planes of his chest, brushing my thumb over his nipples before dragging them down through his happy trail toward the prize, but bypassing his cock to move back up his body.

I bent down, pressed kisses to his chest, and curled my tongue around one of his nipples. Nick groaned and punched his hips.

"You like that?"

"Yeah."

I took his other nipple between my teeth and gently tugged, watching his every reaction. His eyes were closed, and his lips were parted.

I pressed my hands to the bed on either side of him. He held onto my forearms as I leaned down and peppered his smooth skin with kisses, working my way down his beautiful body. My stomach flopped and twisted the closer I got to his cock, trembling from nerves and excitement.

When I finally reached the prize, I fisted his hard length, giving it a few tugs, debating how best to approach this.

"Don't think too hard about it. You know where we're the most sensitive, right?"

I nodded.

"Focus on those areas with your tongue, and treat your mouth like it's your hand, sucking and bobbing your head. If you want, you can play with my nuts."

I bent closer to him and pressed my nose between his thigh and dick and fuck … His scent was unreal . I didn't know what it was, but it smelled different from the rest of him. It was earthy and feral.

"Shit, you smell so fucking good," I rasped.

I took another deep breath of him before I lifted his dick upright and ran my tongue over the head.

"Christ! Yeah, uh, sorry. Didn't mean to yell like that."

I snorted a laugh and did it again, pulling out a groan from him. His pre-cum was a bit bitter, but had a surprisingly sweet aftertaste. I wanted more, so much more. Nick was pure temptation, from his thick dark hair and fathomless eyes to his smooth olive skin and gorgeous dick.

Now I was addicted to his smell and taste.

I wrapped my lips around his length, going as far as I could, which was surprisingly far. His dick hit my throat as my nose nestled close to his patch of dark hair.

"Holy fuck… whoa, you can go deep without even trying," he moaned.

I popped off and stroked him. "Is that good?"

"Uh, yeah… very ."

I gave myself a mental pat on the back and did it again, getting lost in the intense heat coming off him and his delicious flavor. It was messy, clumsy, and awkward, but I did my best to please him.

I knew right then that this wouldn't be nearly enough. I needed so much more of Nick. All of him.