57. HOLDEN

HOLDEN

E verything hurts. My chest, my face, every muscle in my body feels like I was run over by a freight train. I recognize the methodical beeping of hospital machines even before my eyes open. The last thing I remember is Kadence standing over Jeremy’s body. I wanted to be the one to put him down. To have that on my conscience and not hers but the way she stood over him. The look in those green eyes had turned beautifully dangerous.

My eyes slowly open, blinded by the incandescent hospital bulbs, I squint them trying to get my bearings. I know I’m not at the clubhouse based on the smell of bleach clinging to my nostrils but there’s something else that lingers over it. Her scent. Lavender and vanilla bean forces my eyes to open further just to catch a glimpse of her.

Kadence’s long dark hair is splayed over the thin blanket at my side. Her arm is tucked under her cheek and her eyes are closed. She looks exhausted. Even though she’s asleep I can still see the dark bags under her eyes and the harsh smattering of bruises that litter her cheek. The sound of the heart rate machine starts to pick up again as anger swells in my chest. I should have gotten to her sooner, shouldn’t have let her leave the clubhouse the way I did. If I hadn’t, this would have never happened to her.

But Jeremy would still be haunting Kade.

We’d still be running from Stokes and Watson.

I lift my hand, running my fingers gingerly through her soft waves. “Sunflower,” I rasp, feeling the evidence left from a breathing tube in the soreness of my throat.

She stirs softly. That familiar mewl she makes when she doesn’t want to wake up makes me smile. My Kade is still here. My woman who fought like hell for herself, for our baby and for me. My Sunflower.

“Baby,” I rasp again and this time her head lifts. That sleepy look in her gaze catches mine and those green eyes widen when she realizes I’m awake. “Hi.” I say softly.

Kade’s eyes glisten in the light as tears gather at the corners of them. “Hi,” she whispers back so softly that if my focus wasn’t on her I would have missed it.

She stands and that’s when I see the shoulder sling on her other arm. A range of emotions flashes through me as I reach for her. My fingertips brush her stomach. “The baby?”

Kade lets out a small laugh and grabs my hand, pressing my palm gently to her stomach. “The baby is fine. Healthy as can be at six weeks.”

A rush of air leaves me and relief settles in my bones. “And you?”

“Just a bruised shoulder,” she says, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. Her eyes find mine and she knows I have a million questions but judging by the look on her face she’s willing to answer them. “You scared the shit out of me.”

“I’m alive, baby,” I whisper, trying to reassure her although I don't know why. I’m talking and breathing and she can see that.

My words have her shoulders drop and a smile forms on her face. I reach for her again and this time she leans to me as my hand wraps around the curvature of her neck pulling her closer. Our foreheads meet before I nudge her nose with mine and kiss her. Every unsaid I love you , every emotion bubbling inside of us poured into this one kiss and despite my own sling and the overwhelming aches my body feels it’s almost as if her kiss erases it all until it’s just the two of us.

Kade pulls away first and it feels like a rubber band snapping me back to reality. “There’s something you should know,” she says, chewing on her bottom lip.

My brows furrow. “What?”

“Watson disappeared.”

That familiar feeling of rage comes back when I realize what that means. That asshole is still out there somewhere, a monster hiding in plain sight. My eyes find hers and I can tell she’s gauging my reaction. If it weren’t for the drugs pumping through me, her worried eyes and our child–I would probably be off the handle right now. Gathering every man I can find in order to hunt Watson down and kill him myself. My mind wanders to Cole and images of the two of them on the ground fighting flicker through my mind.

“I can see those wheels turning,” she whispers, tangling her fingers into mine. “Talk to me.”

“Are the guys looking for him?” I ask.

Her eyes move from me and she shakes her head. “Scottie and Dex are doing patrols, but Cole gave up this morning.”

“What the hell do you mean he gave up ?” I snap tilting my head to catch her gaze again. “Why the hell–”

“Baby,” she squeezes my hand and her eyes flicker to the heart rate machine that’s rapidly beeping again. “He wanted to focus on the club. Trey’s already taking over the Sheriff’s office with most of the town backing him. He’s doing his best and he was worried about you.”

“He doesn’t need to worry about me, he needs to worry about finding the asshole that killed Becca.”

Kade lets go of my hand to cup my cheek, running her thumb along my cheekbone. “Cole can’t lose another, Nash. He’s already barely holding on as it is.”

There’s something in the words that she says where it sounds like there’s more. Cole and I haven’t been on the best terms. Butting heads every chance we get, keeping things from one another that as kids we wouldn’t dare not share with the other one.

“He’s hurting.”

“We’re all hurting,” I bite and shake my head.

“And we all need a break from the heavy shit,” She says firmly, catching my gaze. “Wyatt needs to heal, you need to heal.” She starts and I can’t help the upturn twitch of the corners of my mouth as she does. “We have a baby we have to prepare for. Dex and Scottie are on a hunting spree,” Kade starts rambling and it only grows the smile on my face.

“Okay, okay,” I whisper, conceding to her. If not focusing on the fact that Watson is gone will help ease the obvious nerves she has, I’ll do it.

Becca was a huge part of my life. Closer than most siblings and been through ten lifetimes' worth of pain. Even now, her sass and the way she loves the club flows through me. If I ever get the chance to avenge her death, I’ll do it with a smile on my face and a trigger finger that’s happy to pull. I know Becca wouldn’t want me to live in the past. My sister would most definitely kick my ass for acting the way I have over the past four months. My grief overwhelmed my need to live and be present in the life I have. It was time to change.

I need to start living for myself, for the things that make me happy and for the woman sitting on this bed who looks like she hasn't had a full night's sleep in days while she waited for me to wake up.

“You killed Jeremy,” I rasp, “are you?”

“Glad he’s dead?” Kadence finishes for me.

“I was going to say okay , but that works too.”

“I’m glad he’s dead,” she says with conviction. “I’m glad I can be sure that chapter of my life is done. He won’t be able to haunt me anymore and…” Her eyes fill with tears.

“What is it?”

“When he had me before you and Cole showed up. He told me he killed my mother.” The words leave her lips in a strained tone. Soft and as if she’s trying to be strong for me. “And that he attacked Maria.”

“The woman who helped you?” I ask.

Kadence nods. I swipe a tear from her cheek. “I have to live with that. That I let this man into my life and he took almost everything away. I had to be the one.”

“You didn’t, Sunflower.” I shake my head, “That’s not a burden I would ever want for you.”

“Killing Jeremy wasn’t a burden.” Her green eyes flicker to mine. “It was inevitable.”

I stare at her for a moment while the words settle in my chest. She’s a lot more like me than I realized. I know Kadence is strong, probably stronger than I would ever be, given what she’s been through and she’s still sitting here with me with her head on straight and not a broken shell.

“You’re a strong woman, Kadence.” I nod. “Stronger than I’ll ever be and what you did to Jeremy…he deserved worse.”

She lets out a sigh and curls her fingers around mine again. “I want to go back to Florida, even under the radar, just to see Maria and bury my mother.”

“We can do that.” I pull her into my uninjured side pressing my lips to the crown of her head. “Whatever you need to do, Kade, I’m there with you.”

“I love you,” she whispers after a moment. The words feel different now, not weighed down by everything chasing us. They feel lighter, happier than before and how they should feel.

“I love you too,” I rasp into her hair. Kadence carefully wraps her arm around my waist, curling into my side, and for the first time since I woke up, makes herself small against me. There still isn’t anything I won’t do for her. I’ll drag my ass through Mosul again if it means bringing me to this point. To have the only woman who ever truly saw me in my arms.

“Marry me,” I whisper.

Kadence lifts her head to look at me with furrowed brows. “We’re already married,” she says with confusion in her voice.

“No, Sunflower. Marry me for real. With all our friends, our family. The cake, you in a giant dress.” A smile creeps over my lips as my fingers comb through her hair. “I want it all with you, Kadence, and I don’t want to wipe away what’s happened the last few months, but I want to start my future with you by my side.”

Tears prick at the corners of her eyes again. The weight of everything surrounding the reason we’re here lifts as she sits up slightly. “How the hell am I supposed to say no to that?”

My hand tangles in her hair and tugs at her roots gently, pulling her lips closer to mine. “You aren’t,” I rasp and press my lips to hers. Kadence mewls softly, the vibration sending a tingle down my spine and straight to my toes. She pulls away breathlessly and grins.

“Us against the world?”

“Us against the world.”