49. HOLDEN

HOLDEN

“ W est, slow down!” I yell into my phone. “What the hell are you talking about?”

We’re pulled over into a clearing on the side of the highway. I can feel Cole’s eyes boring into the back of my head as I try to understand what Wyatt is yelling about. I can make out Stokes’s name and then I hear Wolfe cursing in the background. My heart sinks when Wyatt takes a breath.

“ They destroyed the clubhouse, Nash.”

“Kadence?” I ask instantly, my heart threatening to escape my chest as her name leaves my lips.

“ She’s okay, everyone is. Holden, listen to me.” Wyatt pauses for a moment. “ Stokes knows about Kade. He threatened to call Miami and turn her in.”

“Where is she now?” I ask, my voice tight and hoarse from forcing myself to keep calm.

“ Inside, cleaning up with Marlowe.”

My gut sinks and my eyes close. On one hand I’m happy she’s safe, on the other hand the guilt that starts to form a rock in my belly feels heavy.

“Tell her I’m on my way.” I hang up and turn to look at Cole. We haven’t spoken much on this trip. I’m still angry and Cole’s still keeping his distance. But right now, Kadence is right. We have to put aside our bullshit for the good of the club. “Stokes and Watson raided the clubhouse.” As soon as the words fall from my mouth, Cole’s hackles rise. His jaw tightens and I watch as that familiar temper curls itself in his fists at his side.

“He’s looking for a reason for me to kill him,” Cole growls. He swings his leg over his bike and tosses me a pointed look silently telling me to do the same.

I climb onto my bike, anger and guilt tangling together in my chest like some fucked up version of barbed wire. “He threatened Kadence.”

I can feel Cole’s glare shoot over to me again as the sound of our engines come to life. We’ve been so focused on making things right with the Rollin’ Skulls, buying ourselves what little time we can to keep the peace and meanwhile everything has fallen to shit back home. Again. And this time, Kadence has been in the center of it all.

The barbed wire around my heart wrenches again until it feels like I’m bleeding from the inside out. My hands ache with the grip I have on my handlebars but nothing is going to stop me from getting back to my girl. Not even the threatening “E” on my gas tank. We weren’t far from the compound when we got the call from Wyatt and yet it still doesn’t feel close enough.

Light fades from the sky as the gates open, granting Cole and me access to the club once again. I barely kick down the stand on my bike before I’m already off it and storming towards the clubhouse.

Tunnel vision takes over as everything around me fades away. The only thing on my mind is seeing her. Feeling her. Kissing those lips and confirming for myself and with these hands that she’s alive and unharmed.

I can feel Cole hot on my heels, but as Wyatt and Dex step in front of us, a low growl emits from my chest. “Move, both of you.”

“We need to talk,” Dex snaps back.

“No,” I say, turning my glare onto the man who was supposed to keep them safe. It’s unwarranted anger towards Dex, I know that, but it’s either that or I storm my way into Stokes’s office and slam his face through his desk.

“Let him go,” Cole says from behind me.

I glance back at him. A silent understanding passes between us as Cole gives me a nod. I turn back to Wyatt who’s brows look to be permanently furrowed. “Where is she?”

“Inside with Ma,” Wyatt says pinning back his shoulders and putting on a brave face between the four of us. He’s the softest out of all the members. His heart is large and he willingly takes on the role of the club’s brains. But now, he looks like that high school kid in a man’s body. Terrified and hiding it the best he can.

“Thanks,” I say moving past the members.

My legs move into a jog until I reach the clubhouse door, shoving it open hard enough the wood slams against the neighboring wall. For a moment I don’t even recognize the place. Piles of swept-up glass and debris litter the floor. Chairs are tipped over and broken and every bottle of alcohol that was displayed on the wall behind the bar has been shattered. The doors to the Church are torn off and in disarray.

Standing in the middle of it all is Kade. Her hair is pulled up in a messy bun, her cheeks are flushed, and the bags under her eyes suggest that even though she spent the night at Marlowe’s, she barely slept. My stomach sinks as I take a few steps towards her. The sound of my boots causes her to whip around, our eyes meeting for the first time in days.

“Sunflower,” I exhale with a shaky breath.

Her shoulders drop before her hands loosen their grip on the broom she’s holding. I reach for her, her face crumpling as I wrap my arms around her shoulders and her familiar sweet scent washes over me. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper. “I’m so fucking sorry I left you here.”

Kadence slips her arms around my waist, under my cut as she holds onto me. Her fingers tangle into the back of my shirt as she buries her face into my chest. A shuddering breath leaves her before she looks up at me.

“Stokes would have found a way in no matter what,” she says and it breaks my heart. That she doesn’t blame me but that she almost expected it.

“Are you okay?” I ask pulling back to inspect her for any injuries. She’s wearing my sweatshirt and her legs are wrapped in soft black tights that hide her body from me. “I’m okay,” she says but something in her tone makes my eyes flicker to hers. I lift her chin with my thumb and forefinger as tears prick at the corners of her eyes.

“No, you aren’t,” I whisper, pressing my lips to hers with a soft kiss. One that lingers but that’s filled with heartache. I break the kiss to look at her again. “How are you really?”

Kadence lets out a soft hollow laugh that stings every inch of my skin. “Terrified, exhausted, worried.” She shrugs in my arms. “Take your pick.” Her green eyes glisten as we stare at each other for a moment. Her lip worries between her teeth. “He threatened to call Jeremy, actually, he threatened to let Watson call Jeremy. Stokes said he’s been obsessed with me and that if Cole didn’t meet with him and didn’t get in line with what Stokes wanted, he was going to call Miami and turn me in.”

Her body shakes as she nervously rambles. No wonder she’s fucking terrified. Her worst nightmare is closer than ever and I wasn’t here to stop it and yet the thing that scares me the most is the feeling that Jeremy is going to get what he wants.

“Cole won’t let that happen,” I say trying to reassure her but it only deepens the crease between her brows.

“Then he gives up control of the club, Holden,”

“Let the club worry about that, baby, I can’t–” my voice cracks seeing her wound up and that terrified look in her eye I haven’t seen since the first time we met. “I can’t let you get in the middle of this.”

“Holden,” she whines. “I’m already in the middle of it! Stokes knows about me and if he knows about me there’s a good chance that Jeremy knows where I am!”

My hands rest on either side of her face, doing what I can to slow down her rapid breaths. “I won’t let anything happen to you, Kadence, I made you that promise.”

It breaks my heart to see the disbelief in her eyes. For her to second guess that I won’t die trying to save her. It isn’t the first time that thought has crossed my mind. I’ve lost enough sleep wondering when the other shoe is going to drop on our relationship. I have no doubt that she’s in this as much as I am, but it feels like everything and everyone is trying to tear us apart. Nature, Jeremy, hell for a while I felt like Cole hated the fact that we’re together. But my heart has never beat harder than when she’s in the room. When she smiles at me it’s like a ray of sunshine on our darkest days.

I’ll give anything to have that smile back right now.

“That’s not the only reason I’m scared,” she admits softly backing away from me. Her hands worry at the hem of my sweatshirt she’s wearing. Picking at the frayed ends of where I’ve worn it down. I let her move from my touch, giving her the space to process whatever gears are working overtime in her mind. “I have to tell you something.” Kade’s voice drops to barely a whisper.

“What is it?”

She takes in a shuddering breath, steeling her nerves for whatever she’s about to tell me and every fear I have races to the forefront of my mind. My fingers itch to reach out and touch her. To ground myself to her in case all of this is too much and, while I’m dealing with club shit, she decides to leave, to hide away from everything trying to hurt her.

“I’m pregnant.”

Those thoughts die as quickly as the words race from her lips.

“What?” I ask, not because I didn’t hear her but because I can’t believe it.

Kadence lets out an almost frustrated huff. “I’m pregnant.”

“You are?” I breathe, taking a step towards her as the tears that prick at the corner of her eyes match mine. She nods with her bottom lip back between her teeth. “When?”

“The day you left,” she says and my heart drops again, that I wasn’t here. That she had to do it alone, had to find out alone. “Blake was there,” Kadence whispers like she can sense the dread that fills me, battling the overwhelming sense of thrill that thrums through me.

My hands cup her face again and this time I can’t help the wide smile that slowly grows over my features. “You’re really pregnant?” I whisper and once again she nods.

“I wanted to wait until you got back to make an appointment, but the four tests Blake made me take says I am.” She lets out a laugh and this time, it’s full and sweet.

“Thank you,” I whisper, kissing her again and wrapping my arms around her.

She rests her chin on my chest as she looks up at me. “You aren’t upset.”

I look down at her. She doesn’t say it like a question but more of an observation. It hits me then that this is the second time she’s had to go through this. Telling someone that she’s pregnant and the underlying tone of her words makes me think that the last time went exactly the opposite.

“No, Sunflower,” I lean in to kiss her softly. “I’m happy.”

“It’s soon,” She whispers against my lips.

“Stop,” I say gently. “I’m not him.” I curl my fingers into the collar of her shirt, wrapping a hand around the side of her neck. “I don’t care if it’s too soon, hell I don’t even care if I’m ready. I’m fucking happy.”

The tears that have been threatening to fall down her cheeks finally break. She almost looks pained but I know it has nothing to do with me. It’s everything to do with the asshole who broke her. Who tore down everything she loved to the point that she lost it all. I silently make myself a promise that I will never do that to her. That I will protect her and our child with every fiber of my being. “I’ll die before something happens to you and this baby.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” she whispers. “You have a tendency to be my white knight.”

My eyes search hers. “It’ll take a lot more than your ex to kill me, baby.”

She falls silent and buries her face into my chest again. Holding on as if at any moment I’ll disappear. Fuck that. I’m not going anywhere and neither is she.

“We’re going to be okay,” I whisper into the crown of her hair. Pressing my lips there for a moment. “All of us.”

She nods and pulls back to look at me again, the tears gone and replaced by that soft smile. “At least we did things in the right order.”

I let out a soft laugh and nod. “At least we have that."