4. KADENCE

KADENCE

M y eyes fly open. The room is still cloaked in darkness, and the only light is the soft glow around the curtains from the vacancy sign. I roll over to my side, glancing at the clock. 6:32 am. I sigh, not remembering the last time I’ve been able to sleep in. I hate that this is my new normal; that when I wake up like this, my body is covered in a thin sheen of sweat and my chest feels tight in a bittersweet indication of the anxiety dreams I can't ever remember in the morning. A part of me is glad that I can't remember them. Who knows what horror show my subconscious has cooked up to force my body to jolt awake in flight or fight mode.

I throw the scratchy sheets off myself. The smell in the room wafts through the air as I do. The smell doesn’t bother me, it's not a wet musty smell, just a room that has been lived in by travelers and who knows what else. I’m not sure if that’s any better, though, as my feet touch the stiff carpet. I take a few breaths to steady the rapid beating of my heart. I still haven't gotten used to having an entire bed to myself. No matter how toxic Jeremy was, it was one thing I loved; having someone next to me at night, filling that void that pillows can’t.

An empty bed means I’m alone. Which then leads me down a path of what ifs and could-have-been. It was a vicious cycle of reminding myself that what happened wasn’t my fault. Although, to an extent, I feel it is. I allowed myself to stay in that situation. I didn’t leave—couldn’t leave. The all-too-familiar feeling of guilt floods my chest as my fingers splay out over my stomach. Lingering there only to feel nothing.

With a shaky breath I reach over, tugging on the metal chain for the bedside lamp. The pale orange glow gives life to the dull room. My eyes scan the corners, ending on the deadbolt of the door. Still locked. Three thousand miles away and it still feels like he’s on my heels.

I stand, walking towards the window and take a pleat of curtain between my fingers, pulling it back slightly. The sun has begun to rise over the horizon. The black mountains that sit off in the distance are backlit by a violet sky that is quickly turning to a pale blue.

I scan the parking lot, not seeing any vehicles that look strange or out of order to me. I recognize the ones that were parked in their spots last night but other than that it feels quiet. The tiniest sense of relief washes over me. I drop the curtain back, fixing it to make sure no one can see inside, before grabbing my things and heading to the bathroom.

The shower pressure is less than helpful as I try to wash the shampoo from my long, brunette hair. It takes me a lot longer than it normally would and the thought crosses my mind to chop it off. Shorter hair would make it harder for him to find me, but I like my hair just the way it is and I refuse to let him dictate my life any longer.

Once I’ve given up on the trickle that pretends to be water pressure and feel somewhat clean, I climb out of the shower and get myself ready for the day. Cole said he’d be by in the morning but I want to explore and get out of the mindset of running from my past. Even though I am.

I tug on a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt, brush out the locks of my hair and leave it to air dry. Shrugging on a black jacket, I open the door. The fresh morning chill hits my skin and covers my body in goosebumps. The air isn’t humid but has a certain crispness to it that you can only get from being away from the city.

I double-check the lock on the door as I turn, glancing up and down the main road. It's early enough that the shops are still closed, and life hasn’t begun to bustle about the streets. This is where I feel most comfortable. No one to question who I am or where I come from. Just the freedom to discover the town without the third degree.

Over the past two weeks, I’ve stopped at all the places I’ve wanted to go since I was a kid. My favorite of all the places was the Grand Canyon. I drove all night to find the best lookout over the vast trenches. Making it just as the sun was coming up, I parked and climbed out of the car. I felt my soul reset watching the terracotta and rust-colored rock dance with lavender and pink skies. Even as the watercolor skies melted together and I felt truly free for the first time, I screamed. Screamed into the vast canyons and crevices, letting the clay and rock soak up every ounce of pain it was willing to take. For a little while, I was happier.

I begin walking back in the direction we drove last night towards Cole’s garage. Thankfully Cole didn't take too many turns and it’ll be easy for me to find my way back. The less enclosed spaces that I have to be in with the male species, the better right now. His kindness wasn’t lost on me but, in my experience, men aren’t just kind for no reason. There are ultimatums and agendas that don’t end up in my favor.

I whip my head to look behind me, hearing the first car of the morning. My breath catches in my throat as I watch the Pine River County Sheriff’s squad car pull up to the curb next to me. Great, I think. The last thing I need is some small-town cop digging around into my past or, worse, making a curious call to Miami.

The window slowly rolls down as I continue to walk, the car creeping alongside me.

“Excuse me, Ma’am?” His voice breaks through the morning air and for some reason it causes a chill to run up my spine. I stop, closing my eyes for a moment before turning around to face him. My eyes meet his beady ones and I try to hide the unnerving feeling his toothy smile gives me. “I uh-haven’t seen you around here before. You lost?”

“No, Sir. Just passing through,” I say shortly.

The officer nods, his eyes trailing over my body from head to toe like a predator examining his prey. He sucks on his teeth before glancing down the main road. I hear him place the car into park before the door clicks open. I take a step further back on the sidewalk as he climbs out of the vehicle, giving myself space from him and crossing my arms over my chest to barricade my own personal bubble from his. He’s tall, his frame lanky and dull blue eyes that make my skin crawl as he stands before me.

“What’s your name, Sweetie?”

Bile rises in my throat, threatening to spill all over his cheap boots at the pet name. I shift on my heels, standing a little taller as he grips his belt.

“I’m sorry… Officer, have I done something wrong?”

The officer eyes me for another moment, the uncomfortable silence spilling onto the sidewalk around us before he chuckles.

“No, no, Ma’am. Like I said, never seen you around here before. Not many folks like to walk around the streets in the early morning. You caught my eye, just tryna be friendly is all. I’m Deputy Sheriff Jake Watson.” He glances up and down the road again, and something about the way he moves and keeps peering up and down the road makes my gut twist. It feels like he’s checking for other people and not in an I’m here to protect the town, kind of way.

“Kadence…” I say, reluctant to give my last name to him. “Kadence Smith.”

Watson narrows his eyes at me for a moment, sensing the fact that I’m lying, but thankfully he decides not to press me on it.

“Well, Kadence , is there anywhere I can give you a ride to?” He emphasizes my name and the bile creeps up again.

“No, Sir. Just gonna take a walk.”

“Where are you staying?” He blurts, ignoring my answer. “Girl like you shouldn’t be wandering around alone. Do you have family here?”

His twenty questions are starting to irritate me. “No, Sir. Like I said,” I repeat his own words back to him with a bite, “Just passing through.”

A smirk spreads across his face. “Maybe I can show you around town a little tonight? Give you a proper Pine River welcome?” Watson asks it like a question, but I can see behind his eyes that it's not a request.

“I really don’t think I’m going to be in town all that long. I’d rather just stick to my own if you don’t mind,” I say, trying not to sound so happy about giving him the rejection.

I watch his face twitch slightly before it turns back to a smile, a look I’m all too familiar with, and it only confirms the twist in my gut I’ve felt before.

Watson steps back towards his car. “Understood. Have a great day, Miss Smith.”

I nod once. If this were a month ago, I would feel the urge to apologize, run after him, and give in to his disappointment. Now? The pure adrenaline from watching him walk away courses through my body, my feet firmly planted on the concrete as I hold my own ground. I can feel myself getting back to the person I was before Jeremy. It’s a slow process but my light has started to shine through the hardened cracks around my soul, ready to one day, break through.

Watson gives me a tight-lipped smile through his window as he drives away, his squad car turning left after a few blocks. I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding and continue down the sidewalk, trying not to let the uneasiness of his presence seep into me.

After a while of walking, I find a small diner. The baby blue paint on the outside of the building has faded from many years of the sun gleaming down onto it. Aluminum panels wrap around the bottom half making it look straight out of a fifties movie. As I step inside, there’s a few older couples sitting in the various cherry red pleather booths. The old men scanning newspapers and their spouses chattering away into their eggs.

“Take a seat anywhere, baby, I’ll be with ya in a sec!” I hear the soft raspy voice yell from behind the counter. The woman turns to flash me a smile before turning back to tend to whatever she’s flipping on the grill top.

“Thanks,” I reply, seating myself in one of the empty corner booths, furthest away from any of the patrons.

I set my things down into the booth next to me, between myself and the wall. From this spot I can see the mountains and clouds giving way to the blue sky. I also have a perfect view of the front door and anyone who walks through it. The vinyl menu is that same soft sky blue color with photos of everything they serve here and for some reason I feel comforted.

A few moments later the owner of the voice leans against the edge of the booth across from me and smiles. Her gray hair is pulled back into a French braid, face adorned with smile lines and crows’ feet showing many years of laughter. A black shirt with a name tag that reads Maggie covers her short frame. “Morning, Baby. What can I get for ya?”

I glance up from the menu with a smile. “Morning,” I say, a little exasperated. I’ve stared at the menu for the past few minutes, unable to pick from all of the options. My eyes flick back down to the breakfast side of the menu and the woman chuckles.

“Too many options right?” She asks, as if this is a normal problem. “I keep tellin’ Lee he’s gotta make the menu smaller.” Maggie laughs softly. “How about a cup of coffee and the special?”

I chuckle. “You know what, that sounds great.” We exchange a smile as Maggie nods, taking the menus from the table.

“I’ll get that going for ya. There’s cream and sugar on the table there,” Maggie says, pointing to the small bowl on the edge of the table closest to the wall. “Lemme know if you need anything else.”

“Thank you, Ma’am.”

Maggie laughs. “Oh Sweetie, don’t make me feel older than I already do. Call me Maggie.” She winks, stepping back behind the counter.

I watch her move about the diner, putting in my order and pouring cups of coffee like it’s a choreographed dance that she has practiced for years. A rhythm she knows by heart, bustling about the kitchen and laughing with a few of the other customers. It’s beautiful and warm and something that I’ve not felt in a long time.

I lean over, grabbing the small notebook and pen from my bag, setting it down onto the tabletop and going through my list of stops and finances that I’ve burned through already. The sale from the townhouse did pretty well but my funds are quickly running low. I used it to pay off all my debt I had accrued in Miami and to buy the Comet. It looked just like the one my dad had when I was a kid before he passed, and before Janice sold it for a Coach handbag.

“Life’s all about appearances, Kadie. That car was an eye sore in that driveway.”

I remember the day it sold. My mother didn’t know but I cried in my room for two days. The one last memory of my father was gone. I was only ten at the time but, as my mother began dating and living the social life she’d always wanted, I grew up faster than I should ever have needed to.

“Mornin’, Cole!” Maggie’s greeting suddenly breaks my staring contest with the lines of the notebook as my eyes flicker to the door. Cole’s large frame leans over the edge of the counter, a smile plastered on his face. “The usual I take it?”

“Throw an extra Lee’s special in there for Nash, would ya?”

I watch as Maggie nods, leaning over in close to Cole as they begin talking. The smile falls from Cole’s face and soon so does Maggie’s. Their voices are hushed as they speak and I see the somber look fall across them both. Maggie grabs his chin, lifting his gaze back to hers and says something that gets him to quirk his lips in a side smile before he sits down at the counter. Maggie goes back to work behind the counter, setting a cup of coffee down in front of him before heading over to me, sliding my cup across the table.

“Your food will be up shortly, love,” Maggie says softly, her demeanor having lost a little bit of the sunshine she had before.

“Kadence…” I say softly, giving Maggie a reassuring smile.

Maggie smiles, it doesn’t quite reach her eyes, but a glimpse of that warmth comes back. “It's nice to meet you Kadence.” She taps the top of the booth once before stepping back to the counter.

I grab two packets of sugar and one creamer, stirring them into the dark liquid before taking a sip. It’s definitely not the Cuban coffee I’m used to, but it's caffeine and my body desperately needs it. I set the mug back down, going back to my book as a shadow casts itself over my table.

“I see you found the only good place to eat here,” Cole's voice teases as he leans against the pleather, the smile that was plastered on his face is now back. I laugh softly.

“Uh… Yeah, I guess you could say that.” I smile up at him.

He nods, taking a sip of his coffee. We stare at each other for a moment before I gesture to the booth across from me.

“Would you like to sit?” I don't know why I offer, but now that it's daylight he doesn’t seem so intimidating to me anymore. The sharp angles of his face are softer now, almost lighter and, though his frame still towers over me, his presence doesn’t feel anything like Watson’s.

He smiles and slides into the booth across from me as I slip my notebook back into my bag.

“How did you sleep? I hear the beds at the motel are questionable,” Cole teases. He’s walking on eggshells but I can sense the curiosity behind those ocean eyes.

“I slept alright. I’ve slept on worse,” I laugh and it’s a little hollow.

Cole notices and nods. “Well, hopefully we’ll have ya back up and runnin’. Now that it's daylight, I’ll be able to find the issue better.”

I take a sip of my coffee as Maggie brings over a plate of food that is still steaming and the smell almost instantly causes me to drool. Fluffy scrambled eggs, two sausage links, two bacon strips and hashbrowns that look to be just the right amount of crispy.

“You two know each other?” Maggie asks with a smirk.

Cole rolls his eyes as I take a bite of my food, my own eyes rolling back into my head as the eggs practically melt in my mouth from all the butter.

“Kadence’s car broke down on the highway last night, I just helped her get towed back into town. I’m looking at her car later this morning.”

Maggie nods and leans into me. “Don’t let those blue eyes fool ya. He’s a rascal as much as the rest of them.” She grins as I smirk with a bite full of hashbrowns in my mouth, cocking my head to the side as I glance at Cole. His cheeks are pink with embarrassment as he hides behind the mug in his hand.

“Good to know.” I tease.

“Alright, alright. Since when is this pick on Cole time?” He says with a brow raised up at Maggie.

Maggie stands tall, patting him on the shoulder. “Sweetie, it's always pick on Cole time.”

I bite back a laugh as his mouth drops slightly watching Maggie walk away, taking another sip of my coffee. Cole sighs, leaning back into the booth as he watches me. I go back to focusing on my food and when I feel his eyes on me again, I freeze. My eyes meet his, suddenly self-conscious eating in front of him. He notices and downs his coffee as Maggie sets his order onto the bartop.

“You finish up here, I have a stop I need to make but how about I swing back by and pick you up from here? We’ll go back to the shop then.”

I swallow the bite of food in my mouth and nod. “Y-Yeah that sounds good,” I stammer slightly as he nods once before setting his mug on the counter for Maggie to take.

“See you in a bit,” he says, grabbing the bags of food. “Maggie, tomorrow mornin’?”

“It’s a date, handsome!” Maggie yells from somewhere in the back.

I watch as Cole heads out of the front door towards the tow truck. He climbs inside, tossing me a wave through the diner window as he pulls out of the parking lot. A tiny part of me feels like this place is gonna stick with me when I leave.