40. HOLDEN

HOLDEN

C hurch is already buzzing with the guys when I walk in. A few of them stand in a group by the end of the table, laughing and clinking beers together. Wolfe, Trey and Cole are all gathered around the head of the table though for a barbeque that seemed to be going well, even Wolfe's normal scowl looks deeper.

That unsettling feeling returns to my gut as I make my way over to the three men. We need to figure out a way to protect our runs from Stokes but we also need to figure out a way to protect the club from him as well.

I plant a hand on Cole's shoulder, pulling my brother's attention from the group. He glances at me with that worrisome look only I know the meaning of while Wolfe and Trey argue.

"Splitting up the club right now is dangerous, Falcone. How do you not see that?" Wolfe growls low enough that only the three of us can hear him.

Trey shakes his head, folding his arms across his chest. "It's the only shot we have to make sure we keep our deal with the Skulls."

I raise a brow and glance over at Cole. "Rollin' Skulls? They reached out?"

Cole sighs with a nod. "Yeah, while you were taking care of Kade." A knowing glint in his eye has me grinning for a brief moment, remembering the feel of her coming undone around me just minutes before. "Layla left pretty pissed," he trails off, "wouldn't have anything to do with what she found in the girl's room is it?"

I shrug. "She should have knocked."

Cole huffs out a laugh and shakes his head. "You're evil."

"Trust me, it was worth it."

His face screws up in disgust as he pushes past me. "Gross." He pulls out his chair at the head of the table and bellows across the room. "Sit your asses down so we can figure this shit out."

Just like every other gathering at Church, Cole lifts the gavel sitting just to the right of him and pounds it against the table. The high-pitched thud rings through the room, letting the new recruits know it's time to sit down and shut the fuck up. In here you don't speak unless spoken to and you only spoke freely if you were at the end of this table.

I glance across the wood, my gaze catching Trey's. His brows are furrowed and that tick in his jaw is back. Wolfe huffs next to me, shaking his head. The two of them rarely go at it, but when they do it always has to do with the safety of the club. Trey doesn't mind being devil's advocate. He doesn't seem to give a shit that when the two of them are split on decisions, it affects the whole group.

It came with the responsibility of being club VP. He has to keep Cole level-headed when his anger, which he fully denies having a problem with, takes control. It's a hard job. I know that. I was that person for ten-plus years, standing with Cole in these leather cuts. Though they used to hang off of us when we were teenagers, now our vests were road-worn and like a second skin.

"Havoc called," Cole states, his voice level but even I notice the white around his knuckles from his tight grip on the gavel's handle. "He wants to meet and discuss the terms of our agreement with the Skulls."

"You think they're gonna back out?" I ask.

Cole shrugs and works his jaw. "I highly doubt it, but Havoc hasn't been the most sane club pres to deal with."

"Why call a meeting in person? The RS don't typically deal with club business in person unless it's serious," Wolfe states. "This has trap written on it."

"Oh would you shut up?" Trey barks. "Not everything is out to get us, Wolfe."

"Tell me to shut up again, Falcone," Wolfe leans forward, his forearms resting on the table while his voice drops to his ‘ I'll kill you where you stand’ voice. "I dare you."

The sound of the gavel echoes through the room again as Cole attempts to wrangle the two idiots. "Both of you shut the fuck up. We're taking the meeting. Havoc didn't say anything about Stokes, but he's gonna have questions on why you assholes keep getting picked up and why our runs keep getting intercepted. We owe him an explanation, one that we haven't given before."

"This is a bad fucking idea, man," Wolfe groans leaning back into his seat.

"It's either that or we lose the money coming in from the runs. We don't know what Havoc wants. If meeting him will show that we still have interest in the deal that we have with his crew, then so be it. We can't afford to lose the income that comes from running for them."

I glance over at him. "Cole's right. Now more than ever, we need other crews with us, not against us. If appeasing the Skulls means meeting with them, then why not do a show of good faith."

Cole gives me an approving nod, glancing around the room at the men sitting at the table. "Stokes has to go," he finally says after a moment of silence, "and we need every ally we can get when shit hits the fan."

"When is the meeting?" Wyatt asks from the back corner. "Blake’s going to want to go and so will I."

The corner of my mouth turns upwards at his words. I had seen Wyatt's longing glances at Blake while the girl rambled on about bullshit that half of the time doesn't make sense at all. Still I knew the look.

"Nash, Wolfe, and I will head the meeting with him. Falcone will stay here to keep an eye on the club and the women."

"I'm bringing Kade," I say firmly, leaving no room for argument. "No offense to Falcone, but with the silence from Jeremy, I'm not giving him an opportunity to strike when I'm not here to protect her."

Trey shakes his head and holds up his hands in front of himself. "No offense taken, man, it's the right call."

"So," Cole starts. "Kade's with you. Wolfe and I will lead, and Wyatt," his eyes glance over to the kid. "Grab Blake. I want you both in the van following us." He raises the gavel giving every one of us one last look. "We leave in two days." The gavel sounds through the room again as he stands followed along with the rest of us.

I stand and wait for Cole as the others filter out of the room. The chorus of I Wanna Dance with Somebody blares through the Church every time the door opens. We give each other the same questioning look and head out into the main room. My eyes land on my girl. Dancing with a beer bottle makeshift microphone in one hand and Blake's arm wrapped around her shoulder as they sing off-key to each other.

A warm feeling spreads through me while I watch her. Laughing, singing, as if the shit we've had to deal with still isn't lurking in every corner of our relationship. Kadence is more resilient than she gives herself credit for, and it shows every time a genuine smile spreads across her face and when she still looks at me with that glint of adoration in her eyes. I half expected her to run by now, leaving the car, leaving me and yet, here she is weaving her way into the only family I've ever known. An ache spreads through my chest knowing that she would never get the chance to meet Becca. That my sister would have loved her.

A hand wraps around my shoulder pulling my attention away from Kade. Cole holds out another beer for me and we settle into the closest table. The one tucked back in the corner of the room that allows us to watch over everyone. The men are laughing, drinking, and looking happier than I've seen in a while. Marlowe was right, we needed this. We all needed the reminder that no matter what shit we got pulled into, this club is still a family.

"Thanks," I mutter as my gaze finds her again. They move on to a Queen song but are still laughing and dancing together. I can't help but smile watching her.

"She seems like she's doing better," Cole says from beside me.

I lift the bottle to my lips, taking a swig of the cool liquid. The soft burn spreads down my throat and it isn't lost on me that this is the first night I let myself drink without pain. Hell, it was the first time I drank any alcohol since Kade had shown up. I couldn't remember the last time I had drunk myself into a blackout.

"The bruises are mostly gone now," I say softly glancing over at Cole, "but I know she's still freaked out about Jeremy. She hasn't turned her phone on for weeks."

"Maybe that's for the best." Cole shrugs. "She's lived in fear of this asshole for too long."

I nod in agreement as my gaze catches hers. A soft drunken smile spreads across her lips before Blake pulls her back into singing. "We'll need to turn it on at some point to see if he's contacted her again."

"Wolfe's already getting her a new phone," He says with a nod, "and we will. But," I glance over when he pauses, "she needs some happiness first."

"I second that," I say, tapping the neck of my beer bottle against his.

We both drink to the idea but I know something else is bothering him. I knew Cole. On the outside he looks relaxed, the baseball cap he wears does a good job of hiding his furrowed brows but even I can see the way his jaw ticks every so often.

"What?" I finally ask.

"You're in love with her," Cole states after a moment.

The words hang in the air between us. I have no idea what it feels like to be in love but I also never gave myself the chance. I was always so wrapped up in my career in the military and, when I got home, the club. Making sure Becca had everything she needed and giving myself over to the deals the club had made with other crews. I lived and breathed this life. At least until Becca's death and at that point I turned into a shell. Numbed with whiskey and secluding myself from everyone that cared about me.

My eyes drift over to Kade again, always searching for her. I always know when she's near. Like some magnetic pull gravitates me towards her. I never want to know what it would feel like not having her in my life. She makes me never want to go back to what I was before.

I knew one thing. I would kill anyone that tries to take her from me.

"Yeah," I mumble. "Yeah, I am."

Cole chuckles. "At least you finally admit it."

I look over at O'Neil. "What the hell does that mean?"

"C'mon man, you've been glued to that woman since the night you met her." Cole grins. "I've never seen you go caveman with any of the other girls. Kade spends two days here and you're pulling her pigtails any chance you get." He nudges me when I don't respond. "You serious about her?"

"Fuck man," I groan, "it's been a little over a month." I trail off and then sigh knowing Cole is right.

"What happens when her car is fixed?" He asks.

"She said she doesn't want to leave." I grin. "And I don't want her to go."

He nods. "Right, so what's your endgame with her?"

"Why does there have to be an endgame now?" I ask.

"Because a girl like Kadence deserves a happy ending, Pal, and you do too."

I look back over to Cole who shoots me a pointed look. I never imagined myself with a happy ending, let alone settling down into a white picket life with a woman I loved. But as the music swells and I glance back at my girl, my Sunflower, the clearer that picture becomes. I can start over with her. Be the man my father never was and have my own family, one that I grow with the love of a good woman.

"Maybe it's time I clean up Becca's house," I blurt before I can stop myself.

"Nash, it was always your house too," Cole reminds me. "And as much as that place is haunted with the reminders of Becs..." he lets out a long, heavy breath, "whatever you need help with, I'll be there. The real question is are you doing it because it's time for you or because you want to give her something more?"

I consider his question. "Both."

"Don't fuck it up then," Cole chuckles.

I reach over and squeeze his shoulder, realizing that he is also still dealing with the loss just as much as I was.

"Kade was right." I chuckle. "She called me a sap earlier but, man, I think you're right there with me."

He shrugs me off, throwing his head back to laugh. "Jesus, we are fuckin' sappy tonight."