25. KADENCE

KADENCE

One Week Later

“ O h come on, you can’t possibly still be mad at Cole?” Blake asks, shoving another disco ball dress into her arms. “Stokes let Dex go. Like six hours later.”

“That’s not the point, Blake.” I shake my head, hanging up the dress Blake has so graciously shoved at me. We’ve been moving from one boutique to the next trying to find something for me to wear on this ‘girl’s night’ that she insists on us having. Something about me spending way too much time with the men.

Blake shakes her head and runs her hands over the rack once more, finding a few more dresses that I’m sure she is going to hurl at me. “Dex knew what was going to happen, Cole called him Kade, you can’t be mad at him when Dex agreed to it.”

I sigh. Blake’s right. As soon as we left Holden’s, Dex had gotten a phone call from Cole asking where we were. It was only after Dex told him that the hard-set line in his jaw had reformed as he stared off into space listening to Cole’s instructions. Twenty minutes later Cole, Trey, and Watson pulled us over. I was fuming, not only at the fact that Holden was still missing but that Cole had freely given up Dex.

“It’s for the best, Kade. I have to keep Stokes happy.” Cole ushered me to his bike as I turned to watch Dex get shoved into the back of Watson’s patrol car. “He’ll be fine.”

As soon as we had returned to the shop I went straight to the office, pissed off, confused, and in need of something to distract me from everything happening. Paperwork was easy for that. Working through the numbers and scheduling repairs. It was something I could do in my sleep. Scottie and Wyatt checked on me throughout the rest of that day but when it came time for them to convene around the table, I went to bed. Even with how exhausted I was, I stared at the ceiling for hours. Running through every worst case scenario, Holden hating me, Jeremy finding me–hurting me or any one of the guys.

I don’t want that. I want fucking peace, but it’s my own fault for not being honest the first time Cole asked me.

A little while later, I heard the sound of a bike pull into the parking lot. I had sprung from the bed to peek out of the window in hopes that Holden had come back but instead was met with Dex and Cole arguing outside the clubhouse.

“What about this one?” Blake’s voice cuts through my mindless shopping as I turn to my new-found friend. She holds up a lilac satin dress. I have to admit, for a woman who mainly wears torn black denim and black tank tops and spends most of her day covered in motor grease, Blake has a sense of style.

I run my fingers along the hem of the dress, the satin is soft between my fingertips and I really do like the color.

“I don’t know Blake…” I don’t want to go back to Moon , let alone have a girl's night there, but she assures me that both Layla and Jane will be off that night. It’s also the only place that Cole trusts us to go without bringing half the club with us. Even though I have a suspicion that we’d be around club members anyway.

“You’re getting it,” Blake shoves the dress in my hands, “because if you don’t get it, I’m going to get it for you anyway.”

“You know you really sound like Cole sometimes,” I tease, folding the dress carefully over my arm.

Blake scrunches up her nose and narrows her eyes. “That was just mean.”

I laugh as we begin moving through the store before going to purchase our items. I appreciate the time I’m getting to spend with her. She’s a breath of fresh air compared to the testosterone-filled shop even if our outings were because Cole asked Blake to keep an eye on me.

“What the hell is he doing here?” Blake asks suddenly as we head towards the exit of the shop. I glance up from my bags, seeing Dex leaning against his bike just outside.

“That’s a good question,” I mutter, pushing the door open. Dark eyes find mine as I raise a brow at him. He raises one back and straightens himself, stepping up onto the sidewalk. “Did you come to find a dress too, Wolfe?”

Dex shakes his head, “Skirts aren’t really my style kiddo.” He grins folding his arms across his chest, “Sorry to cut the shopping spree short ladies, but I have something I want to show Kade.”

I tilt my head regarding him with narrowed eyes.

“That seems very suspicious, Wolfe.” Blake laughs as he shoots her a look. “Alright, fine. Here,” Blake reaches for the bags I’m holding, “I’ll take this back to the shop.” I reluctantly hold onto them and glance back over to Dex.

“I don’t have an option here, do I?” I ask.

He shrugs, “‘fraid not, mama .”

I let out a sigh and hand the bags to Blake. “Thank you, I’ll see you later?”

Blake nods with a grin, “You bet your ass.” She turns to Dex, pointing at him with narrowed eyes. “Have her back no later than six. We still have to get ready for tonight.”

He chuckles and nods. “You got it, Porter.”

With a satisfied grin, Blake spins on her heel and heads back towards the shop. I watch her for a moment before turning back to Dex, who’s already on his bike leaning against the handlebars and holding out his helmet for me. I take a few steps towards him, glancing down at the helmet before looking back up at him.

“Do I even want to know what you have planned?”

“You’ll find out.” A mischievous grin spreads across his face as he tilts his head when I still haven’t reached for the helmet. “C’mon, Andrews, live a little.”

I shake my head unsure of what he has in store for me but still take the helmet and slip it over my head before climbing on his bike behind him. He waits till I’m situated before pulling away from the curb and heading to a part of the town I haven’t been to yet. Run-down buildings and a train track separate us from the bustling sidewalks of Pine River.

Other than Blake, Dex has been around the shop more than I figure he has in the past. Even Scottie seemed shocked that he was doing ‘actual work’. It makes me laugh, but every time I go quiet in the office or stare just a little bit too long at the air conditioning unit when it randomly goes out, he’s there bringing me coffee or asking for something mundane that would pull me from my thoughts.

I feel fine being around people, around the guys and Blake, but those moments of quiet in the shop and at night are the hardest. The look on Holden’s face just before he left haunts me. The sadness, the anger that had weaved through the speckles of silver and green in his eyes, tears me up. All I want is to see him, even if he hates me I have to know if Layla is lying and I need to know whether the promises we made are true.

Dex parks outside of a small building, the windows are boarded up but it still looks as if someone has been caring for the building. He climbs off the bike before helping me off. I slide the helmet from over my hair and set it on the handlebars.

“What are we doing here?” I ask following him to the door. He doesn’t respond, only pushes the door open for me. The room is open with workout mats covering the floor. In one corner there are a few weight benches and in the other a punching bag hanging from the corner of the ceiling. I turn to him with a raised brow.

“You brought me to a gym?”

Dex locks the door behind us “Yeah.”

I hold my arms out to my sides, shaking my head. “Why?”

He moves past me without a word and stops in front of a row of lockers. Dex opens the doors, pulling out a set of boxing gloves and a set of padded gloves. I huff, frustrated that once again he’s ignoring me.

“Dex!” I all but yell. “Why are we here?”

Turning to look at me over his shoulder his eyes trail my features, narrowing for a split second before turning back to close the door to the locker he had opened. “Because that temper of yours is short-fused right now, Andrews, and it doesn’t hurt to learn how to defend yourself.”

I cock my head to the side. Temper? What fucking temper?

“I know how to defend myself,” I say plainly, pinning back my shoulders and crossing my arms over my chest.

He turns to me, holding a roll of tape in his hands. “Humor me?”

I stare at him for a moment before dropping my hands and holding them out for him. I tried to take a few boxing classes back in Florida but the moment Jeremy found out I was forbidden from taking them again. He canceled my membership, which I didn’t find out till I had tried to attend the next class. I still remember the embarrassment that flooded me as the coach walked me to the front door.

Dex takes my right hand and begins wrapping it in tape before moving to my left. “You might be fooling Blake and Cole, Kadence, but you’re angry.”

“I’m not angry,” I mutter as he helps me slide the gloves over my hands. He glances up at me through thick dark lashes and shakes his head.

“Prove it.” He challenges. “You’ve been sulking around the shop for a week. You haven’t said more than a few words to Cole. Prove it. ” Dex finishes tightening the gloves around my wrist before slipping the padded gloves over his hands and moves to step into the middle of the mats.

“Dex–” I stare, turning to him.

“What do you have to lose Kade? A wasted hour? C’mon, hit me.” He grins.

“I’m not doing this.”

“Why not?” He pushes as I try to pull the gloves off and miserably fail with the lack of my fingers.

“Because I’m not angry!” I snap at him, the frustration finally spilling from me.

His brows shoot upward towards his hairline as he cocks his head to the side again, “Then. Prove. It.”

I give up on tearing off the gloves, wanting to prove my point. I’m not angry. At least I don’t feel angry. Frustrated? Sad? Yeah. I gave up on anger a long time ago and learned to shove it deep down because it’s easier than taking it out on people who don’t deserve my anger.

I position myself in front of Dex and hold up my hands in front of me. He watches as I pose myself and shakes his head, tapping my elbows with the pads. “Tuck’em in and protect your chin.” I adjust myself and glance up at him, waiting for more instructions but he only nods. “Now hit me.”

He holds up the pads in front of him. I focus on them before laying a punch onto the one covering his right hand. My eyes flicker to his as he nods in approval.

“Again,” he urges. I let out a huff and swung again, hitting his left hand. Dex stands straight again. “Turn your hips a little more–there you go, again.”

I suck in a breath before swinging, landing one on his right hand letting out the breath I’m holding. He shifts on his feet before shaking out his hand with a pointed look.

“You can do better than that, Andrews,” he taunts.

“I’m not going to hurt you, Dex,” I huff, pushing the hair that has fallen into my face behind my ear with the glove, “this is pointless.”

He chuckles. “Man, you are stubborn as hell, aren’t ya?” Slowly he pulls the pads off of his hands and tossed them to the mat. “You wanna tell me why you’re hellbent on ignoring O’Neil?”

I stare at him before shaking my head. “How can you not be pissed off at him?”

“Why are you?” He counters as he walks over to the punching bag in the corner of the room. Dex turns and crosses his arms over his chest.

I follow him and stand on one side of the bag as he rounds the other side, holding it in place with his hands. “He gave you up, Dex, isn’t that some huge no-no for you guys?”

“A huge–?” He tilts his head back and laughs. “We can handle ourselves, Kadence. Stokes needed to showboat for the town to keep us in his good graces. I’m lucky I’m not sittin’ in a cell over in Stockton right now,” he nods towards the punching bag. “Now hit.”

I glare at him for a moment before readying myself. “And what? You all just jump and don’t ask how high?” I hit the bag once and then twice, shaking out my hand as he steadies the bag.

“It’s the way things are.” He confirms though the words are strained and through gritted teeth. I glance around the bag at him but he pushes on it, letting it swing towards me until I stop it with the fists of the gloves. “Again.”

I let out a low growl and ready myself again. Clearly I’m not going to get an answer other than that. I hate the fact that they’re tied to assholes like Stokes just as I’m tied to Jeremy. It seems like the people I’m supposed to run to are the ones to be scared of the most. Every cop I see sends a chill up my spine as if Jeremy’s hold on the Sheriff's office in Florida is larger than I could have imagined. That one would stop me and shuck me in the back of a van and take me back to hell and now, with the new junket still making its rounds, the worry is further rooted into my nerves.

I throw a few more punches at the bag, the frustration climbing its way to the surface again as I focus on duct-taped ‘x’ in the middle of the bag.

“Why are you angry, Kadence?” He says from beside the bag, still holding it for me as I punch it over and over.

“I’m not angry,” I bite again for the third time, “stop asking me.”

“You are. You’re angry.” He shoves the bag at me again. “Why are you angry?”

A breath releases from my lips as I catch it and shove it back at him. “I’m not angry!”

Dex steadies the bag and nods at it again, silently urging me to keep going. At this point I should stop but it feels good, the release. I hit it again and he shoves it back at me.

“Why are you angry?” He repeats, though this time I miss stopping it as it smacks into my side, forcing me back a step. I glare at him with a snarl before moving to hit it again, punch after punch, I suck in breaths and let them out quickly. Now he’s pissing me off.

“I’m not fucking angry.”

Dex shoves the bag at me again, this time knocking me on my ass as it hits me.

“What the fuck is your problem!” I yell, shuffling to my feet with the stupid gloves still on my hands. He stares at me, not moving. “Fine!”

I march toward the bag and punch it again until my hands start to hurt. “I’m pissed off. I’m fucking angry that I tried to get away, I ran. I gave up my entire life in Florida to start new and somehow, even three thousand fucking miles away, Jeremy is still haunting me. Still trying to dig his fucking claws into me so I can’t live a normal fucking life!” I stumble back when the pain starts to climb up my wrists, even more angry now that the tears have started to sting the corners of my eyes. Fucking traitors , I think as I wipe my upper lip clear of the sweat that’s formed there.

“I’m angry he left,” I finally say. “I’m angry that I didn’t just tell him on the bridge that night. He asked. He gave me every fucking opportunity to tell him the truth and I didn’t.”

“Why?” Dex’s voice finally cuts through the swirling tornado of thoughts that swarms me. I don’t miss the flash of surprise in his eyes at the mention of the bridge and it only makes my heart ache that much more.

My gaze finds his, “because I was scared that he wouldn’t want me.” Dex takes a step towards me, shaking his head, but I hold up my hand to stop him. “I didn’t want to be looked at the way you, Trey, and Cole looked at me when I told you what happened.”

I let out a breath, that familiar tightening in my chest returning. I don’t want to break down in front of him, I don’t want to break down in front of any of them but yet, he’s right. I know that there’s still anger flowing through my veins like a sick poison.

I begin ripping at the gloves again, they feel suffocating, and I can feel the tremors start to worry my hands. He steps forward again, this time holding out his hand for me to give him. I hold them out so he can pull the gloves off of me. As soon as they hit the ground I spin from him, shaking out my hands.

“Kadence,” Dex follows me as I work my way toward the door, remembering it’s locked, I stop. “You’re angry for good reason,” he says after a moment of silence.

I turn to him. “I don’t want to feel like this, Dex. I don’t want to feel…” I pause, taking a deep breath, “weak.”

He makes his way to me, his hands resting on my shoulders. “ Mama , you aren’t weak. If anything, you’re probably stronger than half the club.”

I shake my head as if his words don’t carry any weight. He’s only trying to make me feel better.

“Hey,” Dex dips his head to catch my gaze. “You did what you had to do to survive. That don’t make you weak. You could have run the moment that news report came out. Could’ve lied your way through it, and you didn’t.” His tongue runs over his bottom lip as his eyes search my features. It’s difficult trying to keep the tears from falling under the weight of his gaze. “You know what you did instead? You stared at three men you didn’t owe an explanation to and spoke your truth.” He taps my nose with his index finger. “You are the furthest thing from weak, Kadence.”

My eyes flicker between his own, searching for any sort of deception or lie but I find none.

“Use the anger you have to take back your life and quit being angry at O’Neil for club business, yeah?” His hands drop from my shoulders as he takes a step back. “The man feels like an asshole already for having to do it. He doesn’t need you giving him the cold shoulder, even though he probably deserves it.” He chuckles. “Let me handle that.”

I stare at him. The shakiness in my hands has disappeared as he speaks. “Thank you.” My voice is a whisper but he doesn’t seem to mind it.