15. KADENCE

KADENCE

“ K adence?”

Holden’s voice is muffled by the sound of my blood rushing in my ears. How can my mother do that to me? Act like Jeremy is her best fucking friend and enjoy a meal with him. I want to be shocked but a part of me knows I shouldn’t be. Jeremy has a way with words around my mother and the more my mind begins to spiral the more my stomach churns at the thought of them breaking bread at my expense.

I can feel Holden moving in on me, doing what any normal person would do and trying to console whatever terrified look is plastered on my face. All I can feel is anger and betrayal brewing in my chest as I shove my phone back into my pocket.

Warm fingers graze along my cheekbone, causing me to flinch back slightly. When our eyes meet, I see his are wide and wild, a concerned look dripping from them. His brows are furrowed and looking deflated as I realize I’ve pulled away from him.

I part my lips, wanting to apologize, to explain my movement but instead my face crumples. There isn’t any explaining this to him. My past is my past and it isn’t something I want to relive over and over again. Or re-hash like some old war story.

I expect him to press me and question my reaction but instead, the concerned and slowly hardening look, softens.

He inches forward, taking the smallest step I’ve ever seen a six-foot-four man take. Slowly reaching his hand back out for me. The gooey man in front of me is a drastic comparison to the one taunting me in the office ans fighting with me in the middle of a laundromat. A tiny piece of me wonders what changed.

It doesn’t stop me from stepping towards him, giving in to the pull I feel once again. His fingers gingerly wrap around my wrist, intertwining our fingers once more.

“I’m right here, Kadence,” he whispers. “You don’t have to say anything or tell me the truth but,” his head tilts slightly, catching my gaze, “I’m here.”

“We don’t know each other,” I whisper back as if to lull the night air.

The corners of his mouth turn upwards slightly again. “Maybe it’s better that way.”

First, he wants to know about me, and now he wants to be my stranger.

“Princess?”

I flinch again, my stomach turning. “Please don’t call me that,” I choke through a harsh breath.

My gaze drops, avoiding him as tears begin to pool in my eyes. The word stings more than he knows. Before it was a way for him to irk me, but hearing it now makes my skin crawl. Jeremy would call me that to appease me. Make me feel special after he tore me down with threats and cruel words.

I never want to hear the name again.

“Hey, hey, hey,” his voice coos, dipping his head once again to catch my eyes. I can’t look at him, I don't want to look at him. If I can see the pain and hurt in his eyes, I’m sure he can recognize it in mine. “I won’t call you that.”

The glass door behind me slides open, a soft gasp leaving my lips as his hands fall from my face. Holden’s eyes fill with guilt as I turn away, wiping the remaining tears that stain my cheeks.

“You know, if you guys wanna kiss again, the tree around the gazebo is much more secluded.” Blake’s voice appears from behind me. “Scottie started explaining the birds and the bees to West and you should have seen how red his face got, Nash. It was hilar–”

“Blake.” Holden interjects, his voice firm.

“I know, I know, I shouldn’t have been watching, but you really know how to just–” She gestures with her hands as if taking something.

“Blake!” He says through a clenched jaw.

I can’t help but laugh softly, turning back towards Blake even though I can feel the blush creeping up my neck.

The grin across Blake’s face tells me everything I need to know. She gets enjoyment out of torturing the men in this Club and being the only other woman I’ve seen so far that has been treated as more than just a quick fuck, I respect that. Boys’ clubs aren’t easy to meld yourself into. They’re crass, rude, and sometimes just plain mean. But even then it never compares to the cruelty of the men I know from home.

“Hey, your secret is safe with me.” She holds up both hands in front of herself in defeat. “But if you two don’t want the entire club knowing, then you should probably know that Cole is on his way to find you.” Blake points at me.

Holden lets out something between a growl and a sigh as he glances over at me, “It’s now or never darlin’.” He holds out his hand for me.

I glance at Blake. The grin on her face turns proud as she nudges her chin towards Holden’s hand. “What have you got to lose?”

My heart thuds in my chest. I can hear Cole’s voice muffled against the glass and it’s getting closer to us. As much as I appreciate everything he’s doing for me, it doesn’t change the fact that he handles me with kid gloves. At least until dinner. I know Cole’s curious about me and he seems to understand when I avoid his questions. But tonight, letting Wolfe press me planted a tiny seed of doubt.

I’ll find you.

The words replay in my mind like a broken record. Fast and warped like a nightmare as my eyes meet Holden’s.

I hate myself for taking his hand and intertwining our fingers. I hate that I’m going to use him as a distraction tonight. But I need it and by the way he kissed me earlier, he seems to need it too.

A wide smile meets those ocean eyes, making me mirror it back to him as he tugs me towards the edge of the house.

“Hey Nash?” Blake’s voice stops them once again as he spins around. “Scottie and West don’t know.”

I watch his brows furrow for a moment before realizing that Blake is messing with us. He tosses her a wink. “Thanks kid.”

A laugh bubbles from my chest as he once again smiles down at me, bright and glowing. Flames lick the inside of my belly at the sight. He looks younger, his eyes crinkle and his nose scrunches up slightly. A part of me wonders how long it’s been since he’d smiled like that.

Holden stops along the edge of the front of the house, peering around the corner, checking for other members I assume. Secrets seem like a far-fetched thing with these men. Though I’d have to explain to Cole how I got home in the morning, it’s just that. A problem for the morning.

I want to focus on nothing more than the man in front of me. The way his lips feel against mine. The way the slightest touch from him lights my skin up with tiny bursts of fireworks. I relish the fact that even though he gets under my skin, he also makes me feel alive. More alive than I’ve felt in a long time.

“Do you always sneak out of these dinners?” I ask softly, pressing my body against his back as I try to peer around him.

He shakes his head. “I never used to.” Holden glances down at me. “Come on.”

Used to?

He leads me over to his bike, the black paint sparkling in the moonlight as he grabs Cole’s helmet. A knowing smirk plays on the corner of his lips as he helps slide it over my ears. He dips his head as his fingers fumble with the chin strap and presses his lips to mine. So soft and sweet that I can feel the tears threatening to pool around my eyes again. The twist tie around my heart only tightens as he leans in slightly, closing the distance between us before pulling away, taking me with him.

He stands up straight, his tongue flicking over his bottom lip as his eyes search my face. Holden’s testing the waters, dipping his toes into my pond to see just how far I’d let him wade and with the way he’s beaming down at me, I’m ready to see just how far he’s willing to go.

My fingers wrap around the lapel of his cut, pulling him back down to me as I kiss him again. This time forcing myself to take a step backwards away from him. Almost taunting him to reach for me.

“We’re going to get caught,” he chuckles.

I can feel my cheeks start to hurt with the way I smile at him. “You better get me outta here then, huh?”

The text messages still sit in my stomach like an iron ball. Even as I watch him swing a thick jean-covered thigh over his motorcycle and settle into his seat, I can feel it weighing on me. It’s a stark contrast to the way I grin as I climb behind him. My fingers trail along his waist to his stomach.

I swear I feel him shudder as my fingers intertwine and my chest presses against his back.

He brings the bike to life, letting it roar beneath us, and the familiar vibration spreads through my body. My toes curl in my boots as he glances over his shoulder, a smile plastered across his pink lips.

“Hold on tight, Darlin’.” Holden revs the throttle, swinging the bike around as he speeds through the trees.

A gasp escapes me at the movement causing me to tighten my grip around his waist. I can feel his shoulders shake with laughter as he follows the driveway out to the main road. Barely slowing down, he turns left away from the direction we had come.

“Where are we going?!” I ask, yelling over the sound of his engine.

Holden turns his head slightly, his lips curling. “Somewhere away from here!”