13. HOLDEN

HOLDEN

I spend the rest of the week working on the 1947 Knucklehead that I inherited from Cole’s father before he passed away. A project I’ve been trying to finish for years, but a good stint in prison put a delay on my plans.

Some days I miss prison. Three square, although horrible, meals a day, a bed that didn’t reek of sweat and alcohol–I really need to clean my place up–and endless time to read whatever the library had to offer. I didn’t have to sit with the constant ache in my chest that I have now or the idea that everything that has happened to me and Becca has been the result of my careless actions. I don’t regret going to prison. I regret that I ever had any amount of trust in Stokes and that it took so much time away from Becca and the club. Not even twenty-four hours after getting out my life fell apart. It was supposed to be one meeting. One meeting with Stokes was all it took to lose the one person I loved more than anything in this world. I should have been there, I shouldn’t have let her leave the compound, not while we were away. I feel a hand grasp my shoulder, pulling me back to reality.

“You okay, Holden?” West asks as he rounds the table. Wyatt West, the youngest prospect the Hounds currently have, and even though he is young, the kid is smart. I like to give him shit, but I do like the kid. I wouldn’t have done prison time if I didn’t.

I glance out at the parking lot, realizing that the sun has now turned the sky a deep shade of orange.

“Yeah, West. I’m good.”

Wyatt nods, shoving his hands into the pockets of his cut. “You’ve just been really quiet today. Scottie told me not to bother you, but you look…” His voice trails off, making me furrow my brow.

“I look what?”

He shrugs. “Sad…”

Did I really look that pathetic? I think as I stand, wiping my hands against the already grease-covered rag. After the blow-up at the laundromat, I’ve kept to myself. I’ve avoided the office as much as I can because now, I have no idea where I stand with Kadence. I shouldn’t care but there’s something deep in my chest that does.

“I’m fine, West.”

Wyatt shakes his head “Forget I said anything… Are you going to Marlowe’s?”

“Yeah,” I grumble, tossing the rag onto my workbench.

“Okay, well I’ll see you there then.” Wyatt flashes an awkward smile before jogging out of the shop.

I watch as Wyatt makes his way across the parking lot. West is a good kid and lives with his Aunt. Like me, Wyatt had to grow up fast in order to survive. I see the good parts of myself in him, I just hope that he doesn’t share the bad ones.

“Shit.”

I hear muttered from the office.

“Stupid thing, just work!” Another soft hiss.

Kadence must still be working. No one is left in the shop other than the two of us and I figure Cole would have told her to quit working once the guys did. I should have expected it though, I think every day she’s been working here she never leaves early or before the sun goes down.

“Goddamnit.”

I hear again, another slew of curse words behind it. I try to bite back a chuckle listening to her fight with whatever has pissed her off. In the back of my head I know I should just leave it and let her take out her frustration on whatever she’s cursing, but my feet start to carry me to the door. I’ve done everything I can to keep my distance this week and now I can’t help myself.

Kadence and I have been circling each other all week. I steal glances at her whenever I get a chance and it’s not lost on me that this is the first time in weeks that I’ve spent more than ten minutes actually working in the garage. I tried to make a connection and it blew up in my face. I still have no clue what happened between dropping her off and going back to the laundromat. She tosses me looks whenever she catches me watching her, which unfortunately is often. I feel distracted and the most focused I have in a while.

I lean against the frame, watching her inspect the ancient air conditioning unit in the window of the office. Smacking it with the palm of her hand as it sputters and whines back at her.

“You were working not five minutes ago. What the hell…” She bends over, trying to look at the bottom of it, but as she does, my gaze falls to the curvature of her hips and the way her shorts ride up just enough to see the cusp of her ass. The sight makes my heart begin to hammer against my ribcage and the traitor in my jeans alert.

Get it together, Nash.

I clear my throat, causing her to stand upright, almost hitting her head on the unit.

“Everything okay?” I muse, trying to bite back the grin on my face as she looks back at me, her brows furrowed in the exact way I pictured and her cheeks pink from the heat.

Kadence rolls her eyes at me. “Clearly not,” she grumbles. I know she’s pissed, I can see it on her face and it doesn’t help that I find it cute.

“AC go out again?”

“It was working five minutes ago!” Kadence smacks it again with her palm, wincing slightly as she hits the corner of it. I grimace, watching her. “Stupid thing just won’t fucking work now,” she mutters as she begins twisting and turning the knobs.

“Okay, Okay… Hey–” I say, stepping into the shop behind her.

My hand falls over hers to get her to stop before she breaks it even more. Kadence’s entire body freezes under my touch, her gaze piercing my fingers that are currently wrapped around her own. I fully expect her to pull away from me, but she doesn’t.

“You’re gonna break it, tough guy,” I whisper leaning into her slightly. Her skin is soft and my hand feels like it’s on fire against hers, the heat of our bodies fighting for control.

She looks up at me through her lashes, each of our hands still lingering against the other. I flick my tongue over my bottom lip, catching her eyes as they dart down towards the movement and then back up to meet mine again.

My own gaze falls to the way she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. It doesn’t help the fire growing in my stomach as we stand here, almost in our own tormented game of chicken, each waiting for the other to break first.

Kadence slides her hand out from mine and takes a step back from me as she sucks in a deep breath. Disappointment floods me for a moment and I clear my throat again to shake it away.

“If you have any other ideas, be my guest,” she says, plopping herself down onto the couch and resting her head back against the edge of it.

Her eyes slide closed and she takes in a few more deep breaths.

“You just have to–” I grunt softly, kneeling down to unplug the AC unit and plug it back in.

Her eyes slide open as I lean back, waiting for it to kick on. After a few seconds, we hear the fan start to whirr again, and I flash a grin her way. I stand up, holding my hand out in front of the vent feeling the cool air blow against my still-heated palm.

Kadence stands and quirks a brow as she holds her hand out next to my own. Her eyes going wide for a moment before looking back up at me. “That’s it? Just unplug and replug it back in?” She says, her voice littered with skepticism.

I nod, taking a step back and leaning against the desk. “Been doing it for years. Cole refuses to buy a new one until this one goes to complete shit.”

She glances back at the AC unit, folding her arms over her chest. “At least I know what to do now…” Kadence smiles softly, her eyes still on the appliance before they flicker to me. “Thanks.”

I feel the blush creeping up my neck, hearing the honesty in her voice. The tension from last night has dissipated and has been replaced with something else, though I can’t quite tell what it is.

“I should–” She starts, pointing back to the desk. I glance down at it, the stack of papers that was there before is now sorted into separate piles and there are boxes that she’s organized with new folders.

“Right,” I say, stepping away from the desk as she goes to move past me.

Kadence gives me a smile. It's small and doesn’t quite reach her eyes, but it's an improvement from the coldness she gave me earlier so I’ll take it. It’s not until she turns away from me that I notice a scar on the back of her left shoulder. It's jagged and the edges are pink from where it's scarred over. It looks like the one I have, only mine is smaller and more round.

I hear footsteps behind me, causing me to break the stare I have and realize she’s been watching me the whole time. I go to open my mouth when Cole brushes past me, taking a guarded stance between me and Kadence.

“Everything alright?” Cole asks, glancing between the two of us.

Kadence is quiet, her brows furrowed again but this time not in anger. She knows I’m staring and I know I’ve been caught.

“Everything is fine,” she says, her eyes never leaving my own. “Holden was just fixing the AC.”

“Yeah, Pal. I think it's time to get a new one.” I agree, finally breaking our stare to look at my friend.

Cole shakes his head. “If you fixed it, then I don’t need a new one.” He smirks before turning to Kadence. “We have a few members coming back tonight and we do this dinner every time a member comes back from a ride.” He smiles gently at her. “I’d like for you to come, if you want that is. You’ll be able to meet a few of the other members.”

Kadence glances at me again and I shrug. “I don’t know, Cole…”

“No pressure, okay? I’m gonna head out in about an hour, so if you want to come, just meet me outside.”

She nods. “Okay.”

Cole smiles again at her and for some reason I feel like punching the smile right off of his face as he turns to leave. “Nash, you ridin’ with?”

Our eyes meet again and I nod. “Yeah, I’ll ride with.”

Cole claps me on the shoulder. “Good,” he says with a smile before heading out of the shop.

I watch my friend leave before turning back to Kadence, the air around us filling with thick silence.

“I don’t have to go…” She says softly after a moment, glancing at me. “These are your people Holden.. I don’t want to wedge between that and it's clear that you aren’t my biggest fan.”

I’m taken aback for a moment, it surprises me that she’s giving me the option. My brows furrow at her words. “Do what you want, Princess.” I shrug, “It’s not gonna hurt my feelings either way.” I lie.

Truth is I can’t stop thinking about her. It makes me angry that a woman I’ve barely known for a full week has driven herself so far into my head that I can’t even be in the same room with her without wondering how her skin feels. I’m treading in dangerous waters and I know it, especially now after my call to Fisher. He hasn’t gotten back to me on her information, which makes me cautious of her and intrigued by her. What is she hiding that’s so damn bad not even Fisher can find the info easily?

Kadence scoffs, shaking her head as an empty chuckle leaves her lips.

“Alright, Holden,” she mutters, sitting back down in the desk chair, the cold demeanor that she only shows to me slowly icing her over again.

My stomach drops, watching the slight progress I made thinking that she might not fully hate me, completely escape the room.

I turn, heading towards the door before glancing back at her. “Just… don’t work too late. This paper pile will still be here tomorrow mornin’.” My voice trails off as she looks back at me, her eyes narrowed. I sigh, shaking my head before turning to leave. It’s no use now trying to get on her good side again. I ruined that the minute I opened my mouth with Cole in earshot.

Guilt trickles through me like a tormented waterfall as I make my way over to my bike. I see Cole on the phone, his brows furrowed and shaking his head. I’m not quite close enough to hear the conversation, but when I reach earshot, Cole glances at me before hanging up.

“What was that about?” I ask, pulling the pack of cigarettes from my vest.

Cole lets out a sigh. “Stokes wants to meet. Says he wants a bigger cut from the club.”

I snort. “‘Course he does.”

“Says that Wolfe got into some trouble on their run and in order for us not to be ‘pulled into an investigation’, he wants a bigger cut.” Cole takes the pack from me, pulling one out and lighting it before handing the pack back. I watch with a raised brow. Cole only smokes when he’s stressed, otherwise it's all greek yogurt and that birdseed he calls granola.

“Fuck,” I sigh. “Well, if it’s Wolfe, it's probably warranted–bad–but warranted.”

Cole chuckles, taking a long drag. “Far as I can tell, no one is dead. It can’t be that bad.”

“I’ve seen that guy do unspeakable shit without killin’ someone. Trust me, it's bad.” I light my own, pulling the smoke into my lungs and relishing the burn.

The first few drags off a freshly lit cigarette are my favorite. Something about the feeling hitting my lungs for the first time in a while and the way it smells when I first light it. That's the addicting part to me. I remember the first cigarette I had after Mosul. I will never forget how good it felt to have something other than artillery smoke fill my lungs.

“Fuckin’ hope not.” Cole pats my arm. “You and Kadence seem to be getting along this afternoon.” A slight grin spreads across his face as we watch her head up the steps to the apartment. “Don’t think I didn’t notice the staring contest.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “What are you implying?”

“Nothing.” Cole takes one last drag before stubbing his cigarette out onto the concrete. “For someone who says they don’t trust her and has a piss poor attitude about new people, you sure were quick to help her. Even last night…”

“Don’t.” I warn with a look.

“What? All I’m saying is you threw a prospect out of the club for her.” His hands find his hips as he shrugs.

“He deserved it. Kadence isn’t the first girl Quinn pushed too far. It was time for him to go.”

I see a flicker of anger in his eyes. It’s no secret Quinn had made his way through the girls at Moon. None of them were ever brave enough to stand against the club and he kept his… indecensies behind closed doors. But we all knew the rumors, and catching him with Kadence last night was just an excuse for a long-overdue punishment. It had nothing to do with the burning rage in my chest seeing her with someone else.

“You did the club a favor…but Kadence…” He starts. I know what he’s asking and I don’t like it.

“That office turns into a sauna if it’s remotely hot.” I shrug, “I'm just saving you from a workers comp claim.” I wink, pulling from my cigarette.

Cole cackles, shaking his head. “Whatever you say, Holden.”

I grin at my friend. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to see Cole laugh, really laugh at something I’ve said. The sound is a nice change compared to the scolding Cole has been doing recently. When we were kids, I could make him so mad that his entire face would turn bright red like the tomatoes from Marlowe’s garden. Cole has a temper that he’s tried hard to hide for years. But when I see that familiar shade of red begin to fall over his features, I start cracking jokes. Just something stupid enough to make him smile and that red fades away.

“You’re coming!?” Cole suddenly yells, a wide smile spread across his features.

I follow his gaze, seeing Kadence walking towards us. She’s traded in the shorts for a pair of jeans that look like they’ve been painted onto her and her tank top is now covered by a lived-in black denim jacket with random patches that I can’t quite make out in the twilight. I watch as her bottom lip finds home between her teeth again, something I’ve noticed she does whenever she’s anxious.

“Figured it was probably a hell of a lot more fun than a pile of papers,” she remarks, throwing a quick pointed look at me and, in a split second, the fire in my belly is replaced with annoyance. Two can play at this game, I think, realizing that she’s only going to piss me off.

Cole laughs, climbing onto his bike and holding out his helmet for her. “Well, your chariot awaits.”

I follow suit, climbing onto my own bike and kicking up the kickstand as I watch the hesitation wash over her features. “What? Scared of messing up the hair, Princess?”

Kadence purses her lips together as her eyes meet mine. Her fingers wrap around the edge of the helmet. “Is that why you’re not wearing one?” She quips, sliding the helmet over her head. “Too afraid of split ends?” She snarks, waving her index finger at my head.

I hear a snort come from Cole as he helps her buckle the chinstrap. I roll my eyes, the annoyance in me stacking like wood on a campfire as my bike roars to life. The rumble of the engine vibrates against my ribcage as I watch her climb behind Cole, gripping the leather of his cut, her hands resting at his hips as his own bike comes to life.

I push off the concrete, twisting the throttle enough to get me rolling and, like kerosene, my jealousy is lit on fire when I hear her laugh as Cole’s bike lurches forward, pulling up next to me as we head out of the shop gate. I want to be the one to make her laugh. The smile she flashes me as she turns her head in my direction makes my stomach flutter and though I know it's not for me, I’d do anything to see it again.

I’m fucked and I know it.