Chapter Twenty-Nine WILLOW

The JV team won their first game and it was so fun to witness the pure joy on Row’s face when they ran out onto the field to celebrate their victory. When they all stood in a line in front of the stands and held their helmets above their heads, shouting, “Thank you, fans!” we jumped to our feet and cheered them on. I swear Mom even had tears in her eyes.

I understand the feeling. I was proud of Row too.

Once the teams were off the field for good, the clock on the scoreboard switched to thirty minutes. The countdown is on for the varsity football game to start and it’s so weird to feel this way, but I’m anxious. Nervous.

I just want Rhett to do well. I want them to win.

Desperately.

I’m bouncing my knee, making the entire bench we’re sitting on vibrate and rattle, and Iris finally settles her hand on my thigh, forcing me to stop. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I’m nervous. I want them to do well.”

“They’re going to be amazing,” Iris says with all the confidence I don’t feel. “You haven’t even seen them in action yet.”

She’s right. I haven’t. I have no idea just how good they could possibly be, but the opposing team is out on the field running through some drills, according to my father, and they look huge.

Intimidating.

Granted, Rhett is pretty tall and broad, but I’ve never thought of any of the other boys who are on the team as particularly intimidating. Well Brooks is tall as well and even broader than Rhett.

I glance over at Iris who’s wearing this serene expression on her face, like nothing is bothering her and I envy that.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asks, frowning.

“You seem perfectly at ease with yourself.”

“I am,” she says with zero hesitation. “I love going to football games.

“They make me anxious.”

Iris laughs. “First one you’ve gone to and now you’re an expert on how they make you feel.”

“I’m sure I sound ridiculous but seriously. Can’t you feel the anticipation in the air?” I glance around, noting how much fuller the stands are now. And there are so many people flooding the walkway down below, all of them wanting to come sit in the stands as well. I don’t know how they’re all going to fit.

“The anticipation is a good thing, Willow. It’s exciting, watching them play! This is what Westscott was talking about on the first day of school. Making the football team that much better brings a sense of school spirit that Lancaster Prep has never had before. It’s so much fun.” Iris circles her arm around mine, tugging me in close, our heads bent together. “I had a great time at the games last season, but I was always missing you.”

I give her arm a squeeze and rest my head on her shoulder. A part of me likes to hear that I was missed and the other part always feels guilty for being gone. It’s like I can’t win. I do wish I was here last year and could’ve experienced what it was like, the campus changing. How exciting it must’ve been with the football team doing well and everyone getting caught up in it.

But I wasn’t here. I don’t regret going to Italy either. It was a great experience and I learned so much.

“I don’t mean to make you feel bad,” Iris admits, as if she can read my thoughts. She probably can, we spend so much time together. “I’m just really glad you’re back and we get to experience our senior year together.”

“Like that was ever not going to happen.” I press my head to hers, making her smile. “You going to talk to Brooks after the game?

She practically leaps away from me, glancing around like she’s afraid someone overheard my question. “Do not bring up his name right now. Anyone could hear you.”

“Oh, please.” I shake my head. “You’re being dramatic.”

“I’m always dramatic. You should know this by now.” She’s smiling, but she’s also serious. I can see it in her eyes. “And I already told you I won’t talk to him. I don’t want to get his hopes up.”

“Pretty sure his hopes are completely dashed and burned into the ground after you treated him like this for so long,” I point out. “Not that I’m trying to make you feel bad but—”

“No, I get it. You’re right.” She shrugs, staring off into the distance. “I’m not ready for a relationship.”

I say nothing. She’s admitted this to me countless times before and I never understand why she feels that way. Her parents are still madly in love after all these years and she comes from a loving, thoughtful household, just like me. Her dad can be a jerk sometimes, but it’s mostly out of love for his children—he’s way too overprotective.

Though from what my dad said earlier, I’m thinking he’s been talking to Whit too much lately. Talk about an over-the-top reaction.

What if Rhett and I do become … a couple? I don’t want to jinx myself and think it’ll actually happen.

It’ll probably never happen.

But what if it did? How would my father react? Would he even like Rhett?

These are all concerns I can’t even wrap my head around right now. There’s no point in worrying about something that hasn’t even happened yet.

“We should go grab something to eat,” Iris declares, leaping to her feet. She wags her hand at me. “Come on. I want pizza.”

“Isn’t the game starting soon?” I ask, my voice weak. I’m not sure if I want to walk around right now. “And isn’t the line probably crazy long?”

“We still have almost twenty minutes on the clock, and there are two snack bars open. We’ll go to the one at the top of the stands, it’s always got a shorter line and they’re pretty fast.”

“I want a hot dog,” my dad says, reaching for his wallet.

“Grab me a bottle of water, would you, sweetie?” Mom asks me.

Guess I’m going to the snack bar.

I take Iris’s hand, snatch the cash from Dad’s fingers and head up the stairs toward the snack bar at the top of the stands, just beneath the game announcers’ box. I say hi to a few familiar faces as we walk past, and once we’re in line, I breathe a sigh of relief.

I’m worried we’ll run into Silas or Alana or the two of them together, and I really don’t want to deal. They’ll only make me more anxious and I’m dealing with enough.

“Your dad eats hot dogs?” Iris sounds surprised.

“He likes them.” I shrug. “Not like he gets them much.”

“True.” Iris nods. “The pizza here is good. They bring it in from that one Italian restaurant in town.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever had their pizza before, though their food is always good.”

“You’ll love it. Get pepperoni though. The cheese slices are a little bland.”

I’m about to answer when I see them. Silas and Alana. Together.

Ugh.

My stomach sinks and I turn to the side, hoping they don’t see me. I don’t want to get pulled back into their drama yet again.

“What’s going on?” Iris asks. “You’re getting all weird.”

“Alana and Silas,” I say out of the side of my mouth. “They’re right over there.”

“Together?” Iris glances around me, making a face when she spots them. “I guess that little fight was no big deal, huh?”

“Looked like a big deal to me.” I scoot closer to Iris and keep my back to the line, and hopefully to Alana and Silas if they happen to pass by. Which they do.

Only to get in line directly behind us.

I share a look with Iris, unsure of how to go about this. Talk about awkward. But then Iris gets this determined look on her face and I know she’s going to open her mouth and say something. I brace myself, waiting for the damage.

“Hey, Silas.” Oh, Iris’s voice is so so cold. “Alana.”

“Hey, Iris.” This comes from Alana, her voice just as cool. “Hi, Willow.”

She greets me deliberately and extra loud and I barely look in their direction. “Hi.”

We all four go silent and I pray the parents working the snack bar are as quick as Iris promised they would be. I heard the people who work the snack bars during games are parents. I wonder if my parents did that last year, and would they do it again next year? I can only imagine Dad plating pizza while Mom collects the money. It would probably be funny to watch them.

Iris nudges me and I send a glare in her direction, scowling when she has the nerve to look like she’s about to burst out laughing. The tension among us is ridiculous. I just want them gone.

“If you want to leave, I’ve got this,” Iris whispers in my ear. “I know they’re torturing you.”

Sending her a grateful look, I grab her hand and squeeze it. “Thank you. I do need to use the bathroom real quick.”

I take off, not saying a word to Alana or Silas, desperate to get away from them. I only breathe easier when they’re out of the vicinity and I slip into the bathroom to use it, relieved to find it’s mostly empty. But when I’m in a stall, a bunch of giggling girls enter the restroom, talking so loudly I can’t help but overhear their conversation.

“Did you see him? My God, he’s so hot. You think he’ll notice me?”

“Maybe if you flash him your tits, he’ll notice you.”

They all burst into laughter.

“I’m not wearing a bra. Hopefully that’ll catch his eye.”

Oh God. Who are they talking about?

“Like I said, lift your shirt and he’ll definitely pay attention.”

“I’m not about to get busted. I don’t want Rhett’s attention that badly.”

More laughter accompanied by running water and shuffling feet. Someone must pull out a perfume bottle because the scent is so strong, it makes my nose twitch and I eventually sneeze.

The girls go quiet and they don’t speak until I finally flush the toilet and emerge from the stall.

I don’t recognize any of them. They all seem really young and their faces are covered with heavy makeup. The moment they notice me, they completely dismiss me, chatting amongst themselves once again as I go to the sink and wash my hands, contemplating if I should say something to them or not.

“You don’t have to worry about trying to get Rhett Bennett’s attention,” I finally say, the words leaving me without thought.

One of the girls makes a huffing noise. “What do you know about Rhett?”

“I’m his girlfriend,” I tell them with a blissful smile, tossing my paper towel in the trash before I exit the bathroom, the door slamming behind me just as I hear them erupt into loud conversation.

Oh my God, it felt good to say that. Even if it’s not quite true. What does it matter? Who are they going to tell? They look like a bunch of freshmen anyway.

I make my way back toward the snack bar when I spot Iris standing just ahead of me, her arms full of snacks and drinks, a cheesy grin on her face. I rush to her and take some of the load she’s carrying.

“Want to hear what I just did?” I ask her as we start making our way back to the stands.

“Please tell me.”

“I told a bunch of freshmen girls who were talking about flashing Rhett their boobs that he was my boyfriend.”

Iris bursts out laughing, which makes me laugh too. “You did not.”

“I did. And it felt good to say it too. Shut them right up.”

“Look at you.” Iris shakes her head.

“What do you mean?”

“I feel like you’re making your way back.”

“I would’ve never said that sort of thing before. I don’t even know what possessed me.” Which is the honest to God truth.

“Maybe you’re manifesting it. Putting it out into the world could make it come true,” Iris says.

In my dreams.

“Look, there’s your boyfriend.”

She inclines her head toward the field, and I see that our football team is out there in two lines, running through drills just like the opposing team did during the JV game. My gaze immediately finds Rhett, not that it’s difficult for me. I’ve come to recognize the shape of his body. His height. The breadth of his shoulders.

Helps too that I remember his jersey number. One. Because of course it is.

“We should hurry,” I tell Iris, and she laughs when I shoot past her and slide into our aisle. We settle in as the announcer begins to speak, my dad taking a greedy bite of his hot dog while Mom sips on her water. Iris and I split a slice of pizza since they’re so huge and I eat my portion but slowly because my appetite has faded, replaced once again with nervousness.

By the time the team is out on the sideline and the national anthem is being sung by a student standing in the middle of the field, I’m giddy with excitement. And when Rhett glances up in the stands, his gaze locking with mine, he holds up his hand, pointing at me.

My heart stutters to a halt before it seems to trip over itself. I smile at him.

He smiles back.

Oh God.