Chapter Two WILLOW

The morning air is downright crisp as I head for the auditorium where the first day assembly is being held. A breeze sweeps through the trees, making the leaves rattle, and I shiver inside my jacket, thinking of the other first days I’ve experienced at Lancaster Prep. They were always warmer, with the August sun blaring down, making all of us sweat.

Starting school a few weeks later than we used to is already bringing plenty of change, and I try my best to accept it.

Iris is walking beside me, keeping up a constant stream of chatter as she waves and speaks to almost everyone around us, but all I can do is nod and smile. I’m the quieter Lancaster, the more observant one. Iris is the social butterfly while I need to test someone out before I give in and share bits of myself.

Some may think of me as secretive or worse, aloof, but I can’t help it. I’m not about to blab my business to just anyone. Having the Lancaster name makes it hard for me to trust people. I always wonder what their motives are when they try to get to know me.

“Where’s Alana?” Iris asks, her question breaking through my thoughts.

“I haven’t seen her yet.” Alana Kirkpatrick is our other best friend. The three of us have hung out together all through high school and I can admit to myself that I was jealous when Iris would send photos and Snapchats and share stories of her and Alana laughing and screaming over something trivial and silly throughout the school year while I was gone. They looked like they were having fun—without me.

I missed them so much sometimes my heart would physically ache.

“How weird. She texted me last night asking me what I was wearing.” Iris laughed. “I told her, ‘um, the uniform?’ Like we have a choice. But she was talking about accessories I suppose.”

“She didn’t text me.” I’m frowning. That’s what Alana and I have in common—a love for fashion. I was always her go-to when she needed an opinion on what to wear.

I’m almost a little offended she didn’t reach out.

“Did I tell you that you look amazing this morning?” Iris is smiling at me and I can tell she’s trying to change the subject.

“No, you didn’t. And thank you.” I do a quick twirl, my uniform skirt flaring out. I have the waistband rolled up because that’s what we all do and Iris’s skirt is even shorter than mine, so I don’t feel bad.

“What was your inspiration?”

“I found this scrapbook my mom made a long time ago and the pages were filled with photos of my mom and dad. Polaroids mostly.” I remember some of the photos that shocked me. Of my dad shirtless with lipstick kisses all over his back. His chest. His face, his neck. Mom’s face turned red when I brought the scrapbook to her and asked about it and she even took it from me, stashing it in her closet.

I won’t mention those particular photos to Iris.

“Oh yeah? Your mom is such a fashion icon.”

She still is and she was as a teen too. “The uniforms were pretty much the same back then, but she’d always wear a bow in her hair and Doc Marten Mary Jane shoes.” I kick out my feet. “You can’t find them in that style anymore, but I thought these Mary Jane’s were cute.”

They’re Chanel and they’re adorable because of course they are—Chanel is my mother’s favorite fashion label.

“Cute. Love the knee-high socks too.”

“My mom didn’t do the knee-highs. I had to put my own spin on it.” Instead of wearing my hair down, I have it in a high ponytail with a white satin ribbon tied in a bow at the base. “I wanted to rock the same vibe, but make it my own.”

“I’m liking the red lip too.” Her smile is knowing as she points at my mouth. “You never wore such a bold color before. Are you trying to get Silas’s attention?”

I press my red lipstick-covered lips together, hopeful I’m not blushing. Finally, she says his name out loud. Silas. Silas Fortner. My sixteen-year-old self was madly in love with him. Well, maybe not love because that’s a strong word and emotion, but I definitely had a huge crush on him for almost the entirety of our sophomore year, and I thought he felt the same way about me.

Oh, at first he was completely oblivious. I don’t know how he didn’t see it because I pretty much followed him everywhere, laughed extra loud at his jokes and always tried to sit next to him during lunch, during class, in the library, any chance I could get.

Eventually, he started to notice. We would talk. Conversations in the hall, or in class. Sometimes after school. We started hanging out together during lunch sometimes, which Iris barely tolerated because I don’t think she likes him that much. We’d even message each other at night, especially toward the end of our sophomore year. We’d send each other funny memes or videos, but it never went beyond that. We weren’t confessing any sort of feelings toward each other, and he never asked me to do anything with him, like a date. I’d hoped he was into me, but nothing ever happened.

Like … nothing at all.

He’s nice. Polite. Handsome. Comes from a good family and that’s important to me. For whatever reason, I always found myself clamming up every time I was around him though. Like I would stutter and everything, which Iris thought was just hilarious.

I can’t wait for her to fall head over heels for some poor soul. She claims no one interests her, but I don’t know. I think she likes to throw up walls and pretend nothing affects her because she wants to protect her heart. I might do that too, but in a different way—she’s bold where I’m hesitant. Loud where I’m quiet. I let some people—a particular person—get too close, and then he disappeared. Iris wouldn’t have let him get close in the first place.

“You think it’s too dark?” It’s a classic red shade from Chanel that my mother has always worn, and since we have the same coloring, she told me it would look good on me and I believed her.

Now Iris is making me self-conscious. I’m not one to wear such a bold color so this feels like I’m making a statement, which I guess I am. I haven’t been here for a year and now I’ve returned. Iris and I plan on fully ruling this school, but I don’t know. Maybe I’ve lost some of my power because I’ve been gone. People might’ve forgot all about me.

“I love it. It looks good on you.” We both pause as she reaches for me, rubbing at the corner of my mouth with her thumb. “You had a tiny smudge.”

“Thank you,” I murmur just as we approach the double doors that lead into the auditorium. Plenty of other students are ahead of us and we’re all in a line, shuffling inside. “I hope this assembly doesn’t last too long.”

“They’re not dry and boring like Matthews’ speeches were, so don’t worry. It’s going to be fun.” Iris hooks her arm through mine and we eventually enter the cavernous auditorium. She drags me to the senior section and we settle into the front row, dead center, practically having to crane our necks to see the stage directly in front of us.

“Couldn’t we sit a couple of rows back?” I glance over my shoulder, doing a double take when I spot Silas ambling down the walkway, heading straight toward us.

I quickly face forward, my cheeks going hot, my heart starting to race.

“What’s wrong?” Iris glances in the direction where I just saw Silas, but she keeps looking, not really saying anything at all.

“Stop staring at him,” I practically hiss at her, embarrassed. “Please.”

Her gaze shifts to mine and I see the uncertainty there. Alarm bells start going off in my brain. “What is it?”

“Um … you’ll never believe this, but.” She bites down on her lower lip for a brief second. “Alana just appeared at Silas’s side and now they’re … holding hands.”

I whip my head around to catch Silas and Alana walking side by side down the aisle, my gaze dropping to their connected hands. Their interlocked fingers clutching tight. I lift my gaze to their faces, noting the way Silas is staring at her, a dazed expression on his face. As if she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever witnessed in his life.

My heart crumbles into a million tiny pieces. Seriously?

Seriously?

“Did you know about this?” My voice squeaks. My heart pounds. God, if Iris knew all this time and never told me …

“No, of course not! You know I would never keep something like that from you. I had no clue. She pretty much ghosted me the last month of the summer, but I figured she was out of town. I only just heard from her last night.” I glance over at Iris to find her staring them down with narrowed eyes. Her Iris-is-pissed expression is in full force. “Did she conveniently forget you had a massive crush on him and that you two were talking?”

“I’ve been gone for a year.”

“Doesn’t matter. She stole your man.” We both turn in our seats and face forward. “If she even dares to sit close to us, I’ll—”

“You’ll what?” I rest a gentle hand on Iris’s arm, noting how tense she is. “Are you going to beat her up for me? Come on, Iris.”

“It’s such a bitch move on her part.” Iris shakes her head. “What kind of friend does that?”

I barely look over my shoulder just in time to watch them sit to the right of me, three rows back but still in the senior section. She won’t even look in our direction, though I’m sure she saw us. Silas is oblivious, too enamored with Alana to care. He’s currently reaching out to touch her cheek, but she bats his hand away.

My heart hurts for him, which is dumb. But I would never push away his touch. I would welcome it. Revel in it because that’s all I want. To find a great love like my parents did when they were in high school. To find someone who falls so madly in love with me, he can’t see anything else. And I’d feel the same exact way. Just completely gone over him. That’s what I want more than anything else, and I believed I could find it with Silas. I guess I was wrong.

Silas being with Alana doesn’t necessarily feel like a betrayal. No, it’s more like a revelation. It’s obvious he wasn’t the right guy for me. My heart still aches at the loss though.

“It’s okay. I’m not going to blame her,” I say as a sense of calm settles over me. “Like I said, I was gone. I didn’t expect him to wait for me. He was fair game. He didn’t even know I had a crush on him.”

“She knew how gone you were for him, though. You wasted all of your sophomore year wishing he’d notice you,” Iris complains, crossing her arms and slumping in her seat.

Some of this past year too, even while I was in another country, but I can’t dwell on that now.

“What’s done is done. I wish them well.” I straighten my shoulders and lift my chin, hoping I appear as if I don’t have a care in the world. Doing my best to hide the turmoil currently swirling inside me.

If I’m not going to spend my senior year with Silas as I’d hoped—oh what a silly little girl I was, and that’s a difficult realization to have—then I guess I’ll spend it with friends, which isn’t a bad thing. And it’s not that I need a boyfriend to make me happy. I’ve never had one in the first place, but it would be nice …

Disappointment floods me and I mentally push it aside. I don’t need to get depressed over Silas’s new relationship with my friend. I should’ve known nothing was going to happen between us. He never contacted me when I was in Italy beyond the occasional like on a social media post. Once I was out of sight, I was out of his mind.

It does hurt though, what Alana has done. I thought we were friends. She was my closest friend after Iris. Now I’m not even sure I can trust her, let alone remain friends with her.

Iris starts talking to the girl sitting next to us and while I smile and nod and pretend to keep up with the conversation, my mind, and my gaze, are wandering. Scanning all of the male faces that fill the auditorium, trying my best to stick to the ones closest to me since they’re in my grade.

While I see a few familiar ones, there aren’t a lot of boys sitting with us, which is … odd. Where are they?

“Where is everyone?” I whisper close to Iris’s ear just as the curtains start to pull back, revealing the new headmaster standing behind a podium, a giant smile on his enthusiastic face as he throws his arms up at the same time loud music begins to blare through the giant speakers flanking him on the stage.

“If you’re meaning the boys, just wait,” Iris tells me out of the side of her mouth when she starts to clap. She even yells along with everyone else. The entire auditorium erupts into cheers, which I don’t think I’ve ever seen happen at Lancaster before.

I guess she wasn’t lying.

The school definitely has a new vibe going on.