Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

AXEL

W e'd finished eating. Then we cleaned up our dishes. I felt unsettled. I never shared anything about my upbringing or my family. But with Luna, it felt natural.

I hadn't thought about the effect Mom's death had on me and my siblings in years. It was something I thought I'd dealt with and moved on from when I enlisted.

Now I wasn't so sure. There was this overwhelming sense that I didn't know who I was without the military. Was I a Calloway who grew up on a farm with my siblings and a dad who did the best he could? Was I just a soldier? And more importantly, who was I now?

I didn't know what I wanted beyond spending time in this cabin and getting to know the woman who stayed next door. Our time was limited. She was leaving in a few weeks, and by Christmas, my family would know I was home.

They'd want me to move to the farm, probably in the garage apartment where Jameson lived for so many years. Just the thought had my chest tightening.

When the last dish was washed and set out to dry, I turned to find her bent over her tablet, one side of her hair tucked behind her ear.

She looked up and caught me watching her. She smiled. “You want to see?”

I moved around the island to stand next to her. Standing this close, I couldn't avoid her tropical sent.

She turned the screen so I could see the rendition of the kitchen. The cabinets were a natural wood, the walls a soft gray. It was bright and clean. “I know everyone's doing white cabinets, but I think you need the wood feel for a cabin.”

“I like it.” I kind of loved it. She'd captured my style when I didn't even know what it was. I hadn't realized I was so worried about her suggestions. If she'd wanted to make everything modern or on trend, I wouldn't have liked it.

“Really?” She glanced up at me. Her eyelashes were long, her freckles spread over her nose and cheeks, and her blue eyes drew me in.

I nodded. “Yeah. It's new but still—” I couldn't think of the word.

“Rustic?” At my nod, she continued, “That's what I was going for. Something new and modern but still said rustic cabin.” She turned her attention to her tablet. “For the floor, we could do a ceramic tile that looks like stone.”

She zoomed in on the floor. “Or we could do wood to match the rest of the cabin.”

Right now, it was linoleum, and I couldn't wait to rip it up. “Let's do the stone look. It's different.”

“Then you don't have to worry about it getting wet. A lot of new builds are moving toward the engineered vinyl plank because of that. But we'd want to keep real wood to match.”

“You think we can salvage the floors in the rest of the cabin?” I asked as I moved toward the living room.

“I'll need to look under the rugs, but I think so. If not, we can replace the planks that aren't salvageable, then sand and stain them to match.”

“What were you thinking for in here?” I asked about the living room, eager now to hear her suggestions.

“New furniture. Let me know if you need recommendations. I don't know what your budget is, but I love these large sectionals.” She showed me an option on the tablet. “They're functional, comfortable, and last forever.”

“As long as it's comfortable. That's all I care about.”

Luna stood close to me, her shoulder almost touching my chest. “These are like sitting on a cloud. I recommend this brand to everyone. If you get sick of the fabric, you can just replace it. Pricey though.”

I had money saved up. I'd never bought anything except for the truck. “Your proposal will include prices?”

“Yeah, I just wanted to go through the options first. Then I'll work up an estimate.”

The best thing was that Luna had probably done this a million times before. I wasn't working with someone who was new to the business. Even though her brothers treated her like she was.

“You could do some built-ins for books and knickknacks.” She looked up at me with a sheepish expression. “I mean, you don't look like a knickknack kind of guy, but maybe you have some memorabilia for your time in the service you'd like to hang or display.”

We were all given a flag, but I didn't want to put that up. I didn't want any reminder of what I'd been through. I wasn't sure why that was. “Not really.”

“Oh. Okay.” She turned her attention back to the tablet as if she was worried she'd misspoken.

I cleared my throat, wanting to rid the awkwardness of the moment. “I like to read though. It would be nice to have bookshelves.”

She looked up at me, her lips parting in surprise. “Are you good with wood?”

For whatever reason my blood drained south. I was lost in the fantasy of lifting her in my arms and pressing her against the nearest wall. How easy would it be to peel those leggings off and be inside her?

She winced. “Sorry. I meant are you able to make things with wood? Some people are handy, and others aren't.”

I cleared my throat in an attempt to clean out the dirty thoughts. “I am actually. I'm good with my hands and with wood…all kinds.”

Her cheeks pinked. “Oh.”

I'd flustered her, and it was nice. I wanted to taste her lips. Would they taste like beer, lasagna, or a combination of both?

“Then adding a built-in will be no trouble at all. I thought we could add them on either side of the fireplace.” She gripped the mantle. “This is nice though. I'd recommend keeping it.”

“I added it when I first moved in. I found a downed tree, cut it up, and brought a piece home for the mantle. The old one was one of those white prefab ones.”

“Wow. Yeah, this is a million times better than that and fits perfectly with my design for the cabin.” She ran her hand over the rough wood, and I wondered what it would feel like for her hands to be on me.

A surge of pride ran through me. She was complimenting me on skills I hadn't developed in the military. It was nice to be known for something besides my time in the service.

I adjusted myself in my jeans. I couldn't think about what she looked like in the hot tub. She was here on business. I had to be professional. But if she went into the bedroom, that might be another story.

The image she'd created for the living room was warm and cozy, yet still maintained the cabin vibe we were going for.

“Now for your bedroom, I was thinking we'd get new furniture. This is fine, but it's heavy.” She looked over her shoulder at me with a slight grimace, as if she was worried about my response.

I leaned a shoulder against the frame and crossed my arms over my chest. “I can see what you mean. It's what was here.”

“I bet there's someone who can make furniture in the area. I was thinking a natural wood to match the kitchen cabinets with antique black hardware.” She moved closer to show me the design, and it was difficult to draw in a deep breath.

The colors were navy, white, and gray. I wasn't offended by them. In fact, they looked nice.

She eased back to see my face. “What do you think about a navy-blue feature wall behind your bed?” She switched the image to another, and it transformed the space with blue square paneling. “I know it's trendy, and you didn't want anything like that.”

“It's great.” I wasn't sure if it was me, but it seemed more like the guy I wanted to be: cool and sophisticated with a mountain vibe.

Her brow raised. “You really like it?”

“I don't lie about stuff like this. If I didn't like it, I'd tell you.”

Luna nodded. “Yeah, okay. I believe you.”

“My friends say I'm blunt.” I wondered why I'd shared the criticisms from the guys I worked with. I wouldn't even call them friends, but maybe they thought of me as one.

The skin around her eyes crinkled. “You don't say much, but when you do, you make it count?”

“Something like that.” But when I was around her, I searched for more words to give her. I wanted her to know me, not the gruff guy who couldn't be bothered to say much more than the obligatory greetings.

“I'm so excited to get started. I really didn't think you'd go for the feature wall, and the navy is the epitome of masculine.” She walked over to the wall by the bed. “It's going to look amazing.”

“I have no doubt.” I wanted to show her that I was a man. I wanted to fuck her in the worst way. Bend her right over this bed and test how sturdy it was. She'd run out of the cabin scared if she knew the thoughts I was having about her in my bed. I couldn't risk it.

She slowly lifted her gaze to mine. “You believe that I can make this happen.”

“I'm going to help. You won't be doing all the work.” I had a feeling ripping up linoleum and creating new fixtures for my cabin was going to be satisfying.

“I'll be taking you up on that. Now for the bathroom. I don't have any hands-on knowledge of how to do tile.”

I nodded. “I helped out my buddy before, and we can figure it out.”

She tipped her head to the side. “Yeah? We could hire someone if you want.”

“I'll do some research. See if it's feasible. Besides, didn't you want to learn the construction side?”

“I'd love to flip houses.” She moved to sit on the bed. It was so high she had to hop up a bit to get on the mattress. I'd made the bed already, so she rested back on the pillows, her hair fanning over the material.

What would she look like naked? Tan skin, her hair streaked with blond, her tits on display, her legs spread. Fuck. I was losing control.

“There is a need for construction work on the—” her gaze flashed to me”—I mean in our town, but there aren't a lot of contractors. It just doesn't get done, or it's a long wait. There are houses that won't sell because they need updates. I've thought about buying a house, renovating it, and selling it.”

“Why don't you?” She'd obviously given it a lot of thought. There was a need, and she wanted to capitalize on it.

Her nose scrunched. “I'm not sure I have the money to purchase the home and renovate it the way I'd need to.”

I had the money, but something told me she wouldn't want me to help her. She was independent. “It's an investment.”

Her eyes filled with anxiety. “It's so scary. What if I buy the wrong house, the renovations are outside my budget, and I sell without a profit? What if I don't sell at all?”

“It sounds like you've given it a lot of thought, and those are all good considerations. But sometimes we focus too much on the bad what-ifs, and not the good ones.” I moved closer to her. “What if you buy the right house, and the renovations are cheaper and easier than you thought? What if you sell right away for a fat profit?”

Her expression was a mix of excitement and nerves. The look I'd want on her face if I was about to fuck her. “That would be amazing, but it sounds a little unrealistic.”

“Why do you believe the worst-case scenarios and distrust the best ones?”

Luna shrugged. “I don't know. It's easier to believe the worst, I guess.”

“I've had to believe in the best-case scenario to go out and do what I did. If I believed the worst, I never would have gotten out of bed.”

“I've never thought of things that way.” Luna stood, moving to stand in front of me, clutching her tablet to her chest like it was a pad of paper. She was probably eager to get out of my bedroom and my cabin. I'd overstepped, given an opinion that she didn't want.

But I wanted to pull her between my legs and touch her. Run my hands up and down her body, getting to know how she felt, not just how her bare skin looked under the water. The image was getting blurry, more and more out of focus. I needed a hit of the real thing soon, or it would disappear forever.

“I hope it gives you a different perspective.”

She moved toward the door, and I reluctantly got up and followed her. I doubted she was having the same mental gymnastics about me touching her. She was probably focused on renovating my cabin, and my brain was in the gutter.

“You want to sit on the porch for a bit? That's what I usually do at night.”

“You don't watch TV?” Luna asked, putting her coat on.

“I have trouble sleeping at night, so I stay away from screens. I can make hot chocolate.” My mind raced for evidence that I'd bought the necessary ingredients. I had cocoa I used to make pancakes and waffle and milk. I think that was all I needed.

She took off her coat and sat in the chair. “How can I refuse?”

I interpreted that to mean she had nowhere else to be. Ever since she'd gotten here, she'd stayed in the cabin. She hadn't even run to the store for food. Maybe she was lonely too.

I quickly gathered the ingredients with shaking hands, hoping I could make something that resembled hot chocolate. It wasn't something I made often. It was easier to grab a beer from the fridge and nurse the bottle for an hour or two.

From the way Luna slowly slipped her beer during dinner, I got the impression it wasn't her first choice.

“You're here to decompress after being in the military for years.”

I nodded as I poured milk into the pan. “That's right.”

“You didn't want to visit your family and friends?”

“The friends would be from high school, and we lost touch. I messaged the guys from my unit here and there.” Try almost never.

“Do they live close?”

“They're here in Maryland.” It was best to be vague. She was from Florida and only here to visit a friend. It was unlikely that she knew my family. But I didn't want it to get out to my family that I was hiding from them. That wouldn't go over well. Their feelings would be hurt, and I'd be unable to smooth things over.

I heard her unspoken question. She wanted to know why I was waiting to see them. “I want to make sure I'm okay first. They have all these expectations about a perfect reunion with me home. Everyone lives here now, and everyone but my oldest brother is paired off.”

“You're worried you won't measure up or fit in?”

“Yes to both. The family has evolved and changed since I left.”

I kept one eye on the warming milk and the other on Luna. She looked good at my kitchen table. Is this how it would be if you lived with someone? You'd clean up from dinner together and make hot chocolate. Sit on the porch and talk to them as night fell. It sounded nice. Something I never allowed myself to dream about while I was in the military.

I was afraid to grow any attachments but also to dream about the future. I might not have one. What was the point of longing for it? I saw the other guys latch onto a woman, even marry her, have babies, then stare at their pictures, worried they'd left them behind forever.

I didn't want that, but now that I was out, I wasn't sure I deserved it. What did I have to offer anyone? This run-down cabin in the middle of nowhere?

When the milk boiled, I poured it into the waiting mugs of cocoa, then stirred it. “Hopefully this is edible.”

Luna moved so that she stood next to me, sending my heart racing in my chest. “I'm sure it will be good.”

“Let's take these out on the porch and find out.” I grabbed both mugs. “Can you get the bag of marshmallows? They're in the pantry.”

I nodded toward the narrow door, and her eyes lit up. “You have marshmallows?”

My lips twitched. “I have a sweet tooth.”

“Good to know,” Luna murmured as I led the way outside.

I wondered if she'd taste sweet.

On the porch, I set the steaming mugs on the table between two rocking chairs and sat down. She'd pulled on her coat and was dropping minimarshmallows into her mug. “You want some?”

“Sure.”

I waited while she put the same amount in my mug, then closed the bag and sat next to me. The night was quiet.

When the hot chocolate cooled, we sipped it, content to enjoy the evening without filling it with conversation.

“I don't think I've ever just sat on a porch to gaze at the stars.”

I looked up. It was clearer than it had been in a while. “There's a first time for everything.”

“I usually walk on the beach.”

I wished that we could do that here. I wanted to see Luna in her element, and something told me she was beautiful on a beach. I bet she thrived in the warmth and sun.