Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

AXEL

S leep wasn't my friend. I couldn't seem to relax to get some rest. I had all this restless energy. I wanted to march right back over to Luna's cabin and show her how much I wanted her. Which was crazy because I wasn't sure she felt the same.

I was the worst kind of guy for perusing her naked body when she was unaware. I should be protecting people, not making them feel unsafe.

Most likely, I'd imagined the flicker of interest in her gaze after the fear and shock subsided.

I needed to focus on something else besides what my sexy neighbor was doing. Had she jumped in a hot shower after being outside in the cold? I forced myself to notice what was in front of me: the worn couch, the scuffed floors, and the dated kitchen.

I hadn't made any changes since I moved in. Even the furniture had been part of the sale, since they'd mainly used it as a rental cabin.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with the place: make it my permanent residence, rent it out to tourists, or even sell? Whatever I decided, I needed to make some updates. The least I could do was raise its value and my comfort level by doing some improvements. Right now, there was a wall blocking the view from the living room.

The entire space felt closed in and dark. After seeing the flash and spark of my neighbor, I wanted to let more light in.

I had some construction experience working with a buddy of mine, so I knew how to test if the wall was load bearing, and it wasn't. I could easily take out my frustration with a sledgehammer to the wall.

I told myself I was far enough away from Luna's place that I wouldn't disturb her, and even if I did, would she come over here to tell me to keep it down? My heart quickened at the thought.

I almost welcomed that challenge. I wanted to see her cheeks flushed, the memory of her naked body in my mind while she told me what was what.

I didn't even care what she'd say. I just wanted to kiss those plump lips and run my hands over her body. I wondered if she was wearing sweats, a T-shirt with nothing else underneath, or silky lingerie. I wanted to know what kind of woman she was.

I had a feeling she wore a T-shirt to bed. She seemed like an easy-going girl. Or maybe that was just because I'd met her when she was naked. She couldn't hide from me.

But I wanted to know more. I adjusted myself in my jeans, slipped on eye protection, and grabbed the hammer. I easily fell into a rhythm of swinging, making satisfying contact with the wall. Each thud felt better than the last.

Why hadn't I thought of this before? I loved moving my body, feeling the burn, and wiping the sweat from my forehead. Which only reminded me how much I wanted to get physical with Luna.

I wasn't sure why a woman was alone in a cabin in the woods. Was she running from something? A bad ex? Or something else?

I wanted to find out. That caused my skin to itch because I never cared about a woman beyond the physical.

After my mother died, and I saw what my dad went through, I vowed never to give my heart to anyone. I didn't want to be that torn up inside. I didn't want to worry about someone else because it sucked when something happened to them. It was difficult when you were the one left behind to pick up the pieces.

I'd enlisted to escape from it all: the obligation, the guilt, and the shame. In the military, no one knew me as the kid who'd lost his mother. I was anonymous, and I liked it that way. I could be someone else, and no one questioned me.

I portrayed the image of a strong loner. If they found out I'd grown up on a Christmas tree farm with a big loving family? I never would have heard the end of it.

I couldn't be myself, but that was okay. No one wanted to know the real Axel. I didn't even know who that guy was.

I kept my mouth shut, did what I was told, and worked hard. I'd become someone else. Someone reliable. I was a rock. But now that I was home, I didn't know who I was anymore. Was I the soldier? Was the Axel before Mom died still inside me somewhere?

I had a feeling someone like Luna would help me get to the bottom of it. But she was so sunny, so pure; I couldn't dirty her with my thoughts.

She was probably going through what she thought was a bad breakup. In a few weeks, she'd be gone, and I'd be alone again.

Unfortunately, that prospect didn't sound as satisfying as it did a few hours ago.

I lost myself in the steady rhythm of striking the wall. When I was finished, I hauled the debris outside. In the morning, I'd move it to the bed of my truck to haul to the dump. I was sweating, and my muscles were sore, but I felt good.

I enjoyed the endorphin rush from physical activity. It wasn't the same as a sexual release, but it was the best I had at the moment.

I'd hoped that Luna would have heard the noise and come over, but she hadn't. All the lights were off in her cabin. She was probably sound asleep.

I wondered if she'd be gone tomorrow. Probably wouldn't want to stay next to someone like me. I'd never hurt her, but she didn't know that.

I finished hauling the junk into the yard. I'd clean it up tomorrow. Then I jumped into the shower. I turned the knob so that the water was on the cooler side. I was used to showering in worse conditions.

At least I didn't have to share this bathroom, the bedroom, or the cabin with anyone else. No one was keeping me awake or rousing me early in the morning.

It should have felt great, but seeing Luna only reminded me how lonely I was. The military was a job. I wasn't there to make friends. If I was close to anyone, they'd want to know my story, and I hadn't let anyone in.

Even when Mom died, I told Dad I was fine, and he'd left me alone. He was busy with my youngest siblings, Jameson and Daphne. They needed him the most. Wes and Teddy had to grow up to help out, and I was just in the middle.

I had to be strong. No one had time to deal with my issues. I'd covered up the emotions, and I was fine. Now I was discharged, and I had no idea who I was or what I wanted out of life. I’d thought I'd stay in the military longer, but something had been missing.

I could be surrounded by people but feel more alone than ever. That's when I decided I needed to get out and figure out my life. The military hadn't fulfilled me or healed me.

For now, I had some time alone at the cabin, then after, who knew? I let the water rush over me, beading on my skin. It felt good on my sore muscles.

In the privacy of my shower, I let the memory of Luna's naked body come to the forefront of my mind. Dusky rose nipples hard as pebbles, large breasts, curvy hips, and a nipped-in waist. Legs that seemed to go on for miles. Although it could have been an underwater illusion.

I could jerk off to just the memory of her breasts alone. She was a woman who was curvy in all the right places. I could imagine my hands gripping her hips as I drove into her from behind. I bet her ass would be large, just how I liked 'em. Her breasts would sway with the force of my thrusts.

I gripped the base of my cock hard. I had a second when I wondered if thinking about her was wrong. Then I dismissed it. No man could have seen what I had and not gotten hard.

Since I wasn't going to find a woman to lose myself in, and Luna wouldn't want anything to do with me, there was nothing else to do but take care of it myself.

What if she came over here to yell at me about the noise, but with one look at me she sank to her knees and sucked me into her mouth? Her perfect red lips wrapped around my dick, her throat working as she swallowed around my tip.

I swayed on my feet. I braced a hand on the tile, starting to jerk my cock to my favorite fantasies of Luna. No one had to know. She was my fantasy, my dirty little secret.

She might be gone tomorrow, but the image of her body would live in my spank bank for a long time.

I couldn't regret walking over to her cabin, not when I'd seen what I had.

Fuck. I couldn't think of anyone who'd ever gotten me hotter faster. The tingling sensation was building at the base of my spine and quickly took over my body. I spurted over the tiled walls as I shook from the effort.

She was hot as fuck. I wouldn't be able to live next to her and not rub one out every day. I told myself that it was because I hadn't been with anyone in a while. I'd lived with guys for so long, I didn't even have privacy to do this.

Luna wasn't anyone special. She was the first woman I'd seen after years of only hooking up with women I knew didn't want more from me. The last year or two, that had gotten old. So I was bound to lose it, and it wouldn't be fair to her if I unleashed myself on her.

She deserved a man who'd be careful with her. Who wasn't imagining her lips around their dick or with her ass up, waiting for me to fill her.

I was still hard. It hadn't worked. I still wanted her. I had a feeling no matter how many times I rubbed one out, it wouldn't be the same as being with her for real.

Since that was out of the question, I got out of the shower and grabbed a towel. I rubbed my skin until it was red and raw. Luna was off-limits. She deserved someone better than me. Someone who knew who they were, and what they wanted.

I wasn't the man for her. No matter how much I wanted to be someone deserving of her.

W hen I woke, the sun was shining through the window. I couldn't remember the last time I'd woken after the sunrise. I was used to waking up in the dark and going for a run. Would I run into Luna?

My heart shouldn't be jumping at the idea. I should be avoiding her. Nothing good could come from me seeing her again. I'd just be remembering what she looked like naked.

I scrubbed a hand over my face. I'd stayed up late reading a paperback, and I must have fallen asleep because the book was buried in the covers. I uncovered it, searched for my page, and slipped in my bookmark, the one that Izzy had made for me in first grade, between the pages to save my spot.

I had a soft spot for my nieces, but I didn't allow myself to develop much of a relationship with them. I'd seen things they couldn't comprehend, that they should never have to see. It was better if I stayed away from everyone.

At first, it was because I was leaving again anyway. What was the point of developing a relationship? But now, I was scared to even go home.

I wasn't ready. I wasn't sure I would be, even though my family wanted me home for the holidays.

They didn't know who I was, and I didn't know my nieces, other than through their ramblings and pictures. I was no good for them, and they had plenty of uncles. They didn't need me, but I hadn't gotten rid of any of the letters and drawings Izzy and Faith had sent. I got up, made my bed, then brushed my teeth, ran a hand through my hair, then threw on work out clothes.

I was sticking to my routine morning run no matter who lived next door. I tied my shoes, grabbed a water bottle, then stepped outside. The air was cool, but I'd warm up quickly. I wasn't hoping to see her.

I didn't even look in the direction of her cabin. I didn't need to know if she was drinking her coffee on her deck or naked in the hot tub. I. Would. Not. Look.

I grabbed my foot, bending my leg back for a quad stretch. For balance, I rested my free hand on the railing, then looked up at the cabin. It was empty. There was no one in the windows or on the deck. The hot tub was covered.

I switched to the other foot, telling myself it didn't matter. She was probably already gone. At sunrise, she'd packed her bags and left.

I couldn't blame her.

I finished my warm-up, then took off for the trail in the woods. I ran for fifteen minutes, not passing anyone else. The terrain next to me dipped to the stream that eventually led to the lake. I picked up the pace, my lungs filling with cool air. I leaned into the endorphins rushing through my body to pick up the pace.

The trail was a thick bed of leaves, but I still needed to look at the ground to ensure I wasn't stepping on the occasional tree root or rock. The last thing I needed was a sprained ankle.

When I tried to slow down, everything came back to me. How I didn't know what the hell I was doing with my life. How I was lying to my family. How I was nothing without the military.

I worked to clear my head of any thoughts, focusing on the steady inhale and exhale of my breath.

I ran into a body, something compact, maybe a woman, sending us both careening off the path and rolling down the hill.

I hadn't counted on a person. I managed to wrap my arm around her waist so that we rolled together, and I absorbed some of the impact with the rocks and other debris.

When we finally came to a stop at the base of the hill, I eased my grip and sat up. “Are you okay?”

I pushed on her shoulder until she was flat on her back. My hand landed on the dirt next to her head so she was effectively caged in.

Luna's eyes flashed as she ripped her ear buds out. “You weren't looking where you were going.”

“I was focusing on not tripping. But you would have heard me if you didn't have these in.” I tapped her ear buds.

Luna growled.

“Are you hurt?” I scanned her body, my hands probing the thin material of her leggings, my dick twitching to life in my basketball shorts. Now that the flight part of the panic was dissipating, my body had other ideas about being pressed against Luna's body.

I cupped the globe of her ass and squeezed.

Luna growled again. “I'm not hurt.”

“I want to make sure. I have some medic training, you know.”

Her entire body softened. “My knee hurts. I must have hit a rock.”

I'd sheltered her back but not the front of her body. When I touched her right knee, she winced. “Let's get you up and back to the cabin. You need to ice and elevate it.”

“Good old RICE treatment, huh?” Luna asked.

“You know it?” I asked as I stood and held out my hand to her.

“I played softball,” Luna acknowledged as she placed her small hand in mine, and I gingerly lifted her so she stood on one foot next to me.

“Can you place weight on it?” My voice was rough, a throwback to not having much time in the field for chitchat if someone was hurt.

She stepped down, nodding. “It's not so bad. Probably just a bruise.”

“We'll see about that.” I looked around us, gauging the distance to the cabin. “We're pretty far out. Can you walk back?”

I let go of her hand when she attempted to put weight on her leg. “I think so.”

I held onto her arm as she took her next steps. She leaned into my arm slightly, so I took that as a good sign.

The problem was we were at the bottom of a steep hill. “I'm going to carry you up the ravine. Then I'll set you down on the path.” It wouldn't be good for her to attempt to go up this incline.

“I don't think that's necessary.”

Before she finished her sentence, I'd easily swung her into my arms. She must have been shocked by the move and didn't say anything until I'd reached the trail. I set her down carefully, almost reluctant to let her go. I hadn't held a woman in longer than I cared to admit. She was soft and curvy, and my fingers itched to touch her everywhere.

Luna tested the weight on her feet. “You didn't have to do that.”

I cleared my throat. “I didn't want you to further injure your knee. We have a long walk back.”

Luna nodded tightly.

I grabbed the water, taking a long pull to ignore how she'd inflamed my body by her proximity. “What were you doing out here?”

She shot me an irritated look. “I'd imagine it was the same thing you were doing.”

“Running?” I asked, taking in her black tank top, hot pink sports bra, black leggings, and running shoes. Her sweatshirt was tied around her waist.

Luna nodded. “More of a slow jog but yeah.”

Silence fell between us for a few seconds, and I wondered if I should tell her what I was thinking. I usually didn't bother to speak much, especially to people I didn't know well, but we had a long walk back, and I didn't want things to be awkward between us. “I thought you'd be gone by now.”

Another sharp look came my way. “Why would you think that?”

I shrugged off the tightness between my shoulder blades. “After last night. I wouldn't have blamed you. I was out of line.”

She blinked. “My brothers would have told me to leave, but I didn't feel unsafe.”

I shook my head. “You should have. Anyone could have been standing there.”

Luna shrugged. “You don't give me bad vibes.”

“You can't always trust your intuition,” I grumbled, irritated that she wasn't more concerned for her safety.

She raised her brow. “Can't you, though?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, more as a way to keep her talking.

“If you're tuned into that feeling in your gut, you should be able to trust it, good or bad.”

I thought about the times in the field when I'd had a visceral response to what was going on. I was usually right when I followed those instincts. I'd thought it was something I'd developed as a result of training, but maybe it was simpler than that. “Maybe.”

I still didn't like that she wasn't more wary of me. Not all guys would be good.

We walked slowly down the trail we'd just run. I wondered how I hadn't sensed her presence. I was usually more aware of my surroundings. But I'd assumed I was alone out here, that she'd gone back to wherever she came from.

“How long are you here for?” I asked, remembering her saying something cryptic about being here for the foreseeable future, but that wasn’t an exact timeline.

Her gaze narrowed on me, and I sensed this was a test. “Why should I tell you those details? Shouldn't I be more careful?”

“Yes?” I said cautiously.

“You don't know the answer?” Luna asked, her shoulders tensing.

I had a couple of sisters, and the familiar uncertainty came crashing back into me. “I think you should be more careful, but I'm not trying to tell you what to do.”

She gave me a dubious look.

“I can be overprotective. Or at least that's what my sisters say.”

That must have been the right answer because her shoulders eased and the lines on her forehead smoothed out. I wasn't in tune with women, especially since I spent the majority of the last ten years with men.

I didn't know the best way to interact with Luna. I was fumbling around in the dark, doing my best. I just hoped it was enough that she wouldn't run away from me as soon as we got back to the cabins. She was the first woman to intrigue me in forever.