Chapter 46

FORTY-SIX

Freddie drove home from the hospital so slowly that Joanna was seriously concerned that they might get pulled over by the police for causing a traffic jam.

In the back with Eliza, so tiny that she was only just big enough for her car seat, Joanna couldn't believe that she was finally coming home.

‘Is she okay, back there?' Freddie called over his shoulder. ‘That was quite a big speed bump.'

‘She's absolutely fine.'

At the house, she waited for Freddie to slide the car seat out before getting out the other side, not wanting to let Eliza out of her sight for a moment. Then she let them both into the house.

It'd been impossible to get the house sold before Eliza came out of hospital, but now she was glad that they had a few more weeks here. It felt right that Eliza should see the home that Charlotte grew up in. She followed Freddie through to the lounge where he placed the car seat in the middle of the carpet and looked at her, then at Joanna.

‘What do we do now?'

She had to laugh. ‘Get her out of her seat and show her around.'

Memories assailed her of the day she'd brought Charlotte home from hospital. Steve carrying her from room to room, introducing her to every ornament and picture frame.

Freddie crouched down beside his daughter and clicked her harness open, reaching to lift her out of the seat as if she were made of bone china. ‘Are you waking up, little Eliza?'

Her fingers itched to reach for the baby, but this was his moment; she was grateful that she got to share in it. He'd let her indulge herself in choosing an outfit for Eliza to travel home in. Knowing Charlotte had never liked pastel colours she'd chosen a navy blue striped sleepsuit, with feet that looked like little blue boots. ‘Shall we start upstairs?'

Freddie climbed the stairs so gradually that it took them twice as long to get to the top. If only Charlotte could see the care he was taking with their daughter, how precious she was to him, how much he wanted to get it right. Touring her around the landing, the bathroom, and stopping to show her the picture of the seaside in the hall.

Her smile turned down at the edges when they entered Charlotte's bedroom. Freddie had been staying in the guest room, so it was still unchanged from when Charlotte had slept here every night.

‘This was your mummy's room.'

The tremble in Freddie's voice made her heart ache. She'd learned just how much he'd loved Charlotte over the last few weeks. He'd told her all about how they met and how – he devoutly believed – he'd fallen in love with her at first sight. She'd told him stories from Charlotte's childhood and he'd lapped them up like an eager puppy. He was still so young. They'd both been so young. It was difficult not to torture herself with thoughts of what might've been if she hadn't been so stubborn about getting to know him when Charlotte had wanted her to.

She stepped forwards and slipped her finger into Eliza's little hand. ‘If these walls could talk, they'd tell you all about your mummy and the things she got up to.'

Freddie wiped away a tear with the back of his free hand. ‘I wish she could be here. I wish she could be bringing her home with me.'

They would both be wishing that forever. Every milestone, every celebration, every ordinary day. It would never go away. ‘We'll make sure that Eliza knows all about her. She'll know how wonderful her mum was and how much she would've loved her.'

Freddie's watery smile squeezed her heart. ‘She did love her. From the moment we knew she was pregnant.'

‘And that's what we'll tell Eliza.'

Freddie nodded, then turned and left the room to go downstairs again, Joanna lingered, her hand pressed to her chest. Soft enough that Freddie wouldn't hear her on his way back down, she whispered into the air,

‘I've got them, my darling Charlotte. I'll make sure they're okay.'