Chapter 44

FORTY-FOUR

Within twenty-four hours, Freddie was released from prison and the first thing he did was come to the hospital. As Jenny had predicted, Eliza had been moved to HDU that morning and Joanna met him just outside the ward.

‘Come and meet your daughter.'

Joanna hadn't realised how comfortable she'd become around all the medical paraphernalia, and how used to Eliza's size, until she saw Freddie holding her like she was made of the finest bone china. ‘She's so tiny.'

She smiled at the amazement in his voice. Though he'd been sent photographs of the baby, they couldn't convey just how fragile she looked. She resisted the temptation to tell him that she looked far more robust now than when she was born. He didn't need to be reminded of what he'd missed. ‘Can you see Charlotte in her?'

He dragged his face away from a moment to look at Joanna, before being pulled back to look at Eliza as if mesmerised. ‘She does. I'm almost expecting her to tell me to change my shirt because this one makes me look like a banker.'

He knew Charlotte so well. This was an unexpected, and wonderful, bonus to sharing these moments with him. Someone who would help to keep the memory of her wonderful daughter alive. ‘She was a bossy boots.'

‘No, Joanna.' He held up a finger and made a comical face at her. ‘She just had high standards.'

His smiled wobbled at the edges and he returned his eyes to his daughter. Joanna could almost feel the vacuum where Charlotte should be standing beside him. Still, hearing him repeat the ‘high standards' phrase that she'd heard Charlotte say so many times made her smile through inevitable tears. ‘Oh, Eliza. Your mummy was a one off. Are you going to be bossing us around like she did in years to come?'

Freddie's voice was thick as he gazed at the precious bundle in his arms. ‘I hope so. I really do.'

Watching him with his daughter shifted something in Joanna. This whole time, she'd seen him as her enemy, as Charlotte's mistake, as somehow incidental to the relationship she had with her grandaughter. For the first time, she was forced to see him for what he was: Eliza's father. But there was so much more to that than sharing the same beautiful blue eyes.

Would he be the kind of father that Steve had been for Charlotte? Would he be the one who told her she was his favourite girl in the world, teach her to ride a bike, to tie her shoelaces, wield a saw or a drill? Would he be there the first time she grazed her knee, failed an exam, broke her heart?

Though every inch of her wanted to be that for Eliza, seeing the way Freddie looked at his daughter – how much care he took to hold her exactly the way he'd been shown, his awe at her beauty and fragility – she had to accept that this was not her place to take. She'd spent the whole of Charlotte's life believing that she knew what was best for her. But now she had to accept – however hard it was – that Charlotte had known what was best for herself and would've known what would be best for her own child.

And that was the man in front of her. That was Freddie.

Fear crept over her at the very thought of this. She'd done nothing to make this man warm to her in the entire time he and Charlotte were together. If he were the one to be granted guardianship of Eliza – which, as her father, would surely be the only right decision – would he be inclined to give her any access to her grandaughter at all?

One of the nurses who she hadn't seen since the first couple of days on the ward broke into her thoughts. ‘She's doing so well.'

A swell of pride made Joanna's chest ache. ‘She's like her mother. As soon as you tell her she can't do something, she'll do whatever it takes to prove to you that she can.'

Freddie nodded at her with a smile and the nurse laughed. ‘At the rate Eliza's going, she'll fly through HDU and be discharged early.'

Joanna froze for a moment. ‘Early? I thought the babies stayed in until their due date?'

The nurse felt along the tube feeding oxygen into Eliza's tiny nose, checking for kinks or creases. ‘It's usually about then. But sometimes babies take a bit longer and sometimes they are ready to go home earlier.'

She'd grinned at Joanna who was forced to respond in kind. Although her heart was thumping in her chest.

It was good news – wonderful news – that Eliza was doing so well. But if she was ready to be discharged before the social workers had run all their checks, neither she nor Freddie would have any hope of being awarded guardianship in time. Would that mean that Eliza was taken into care? She couldn't bear to think of her with strangers, however kind they were. She belonged with family.

She belonged with her father.