Chapter 40

FORTY

Joanna was already out of her seat and walking back to ITU as she picked up the call. ‘Hello?'

‘Hi Joanna, it's Jenny. Just wanted to let you know that the consultant has been called away to an emergency, so the follow-up scan is going to be rescheduled for two days' time.'

Two days? She couldn't wait that long to know that Eliza was going to be okay. ‘Is there no one else who can do it?'

She was out of breath, her heart racing, and she forced herself to slow her pace. Sending her own blood pressure through the roof wasn't going to help anyone.

Jenny's voice was calm and kind. ‘She's the top consultant we have. She's the one you want looking after your baby. Also—' she paused, lowering her voice ‘—I thought you might want to know that Eliza's other grandmother is here.'

Joanna almost dropped her mobile on the hard blue floor. ‘I'm on my way.'

At the door to ITU, Joanna shifted from one foot to the other, desperate to be buzzed in. What the heck was Annabelle doing there? She hadn't mentioned a word about visiting Eliza when she left the canteen.

It was Jenny's voice on the intercom, confirming it was Joanna, and she was waiting for her on the other side. ‘I hope you didn't mind me mentioning it. We didn't know who Annabelle was, but there was a call from admin to say she should be allowed in for a visit.'

Joanna could just imagine. Annabelle would've had her expensive lawyer ensure that she was admitted. In retrospect, it was surprising that it'd taken her so long.

Approaching her from behind, Joanna noticed again how easy it would've been for Charlotte's neighbour to assume she was a young man. All this time, she'd been looking for a mystery man and it was this woman. She wanted to throw her to the ground and rain down her anger on her. But here, among the fragile babies and their anxious parents, was not the place.

‘You didn't mention you were coming here.'

Annabelle didn't even turn her head. ‘She's tiny.'

Joanna followed her gaze to where Eliza lay, arms like little wings about to flap, her chest rising and falling. To her, Eliza was growing and changing each day. ‘You've seen her before. I showed you a photograph.'

‘I know, but…'

She wasn't taking her eyes from the incubator, but it didn't seem as if she was transfixed by the baby. She looked more…scared?

Jenny touched Joanna on the elbow. ‘Just wanted to confirm that the brain scan is all booked in for the day after tomorrow.'

Joanna breathed a sigh of relief. At least they'd get answers soon. ‘Thanks for letting me know.'

Annabelle turned her head at that. ‘A brain scan?'

She didn't want to tell her anything, but her solicitor would only get the information anyway. ‘There's concern about a shadow on Eliza's brain.'

Annabelle paled. ‘Her brain? What does that mean? Is she…I mean, is she going to be okay?'

It was difficult to read her reaction. ‘I hope so. But she's a premature baby. There's always going to be risks.'

She'd been living with this since the moment of Eliza's entrance to the world. Every time there was a beep from the machine, or she took extra time between breaths, or the eye doctor or audiologist would frown when they were checking her sight and hearing, she'd think: This is it. This is the thing. This is the issue we'll have to deal with.

‘What kind of risks. I mean, could she be brain damaged? Could she be disabled?'

Joanna herself had had concerns and worries and asked questions of the nurses. But the look on Annabelle's face made her angry and defensive. Sitting in this room, watching Eliza – watching the other parents with their tiny miracles – she'd known that she would cope with anything she had to, as long as she had to, in order for Eliza to be well enough to come home. ‘She seems absolutely fine. But this scan is a worry. We just have to hope and pray.'

She stepped forwards and opened the hatch at the side of the incubator, reaching out for Eliza's hand to hold. Annabelle watched her in silence. With her thumb, Joanna stroked the back of Eliza's tiny hand, her veins like threads of silk. Annabelle coughed. ‘When will you know? If she's…if she's normal ?'

There was no longer any confusion about her tone and what she meant. Joanna turned to look at her. ‘Are you saying you're not interested if she turns out to have complex needs?'

Annabelle met her eye with steel in her own. ‘I'm not sure I'd be equipped.'

Despite her anger, Joanna had to laugh. She lowered her voice so as not to offend anyone nearby. ‘I don't think any of these parents are equipped. You love your child and you do what needs to be done to make their life as easy as possible. If Eliza needs extra help, I'm here for her. Are you?'

Annabelle pursed her lips. For a moment, she looked as if she might say something. Then she turned on her heel and left the room.

Joanna stayed for another hour, but she was desperate to get hold of DC Lineham. On the way back to the car, she called again and left another voicemail. Once she'd slid herself behind the steering wheel, she called Sally, who picked up straight away as always.

‘Hello. I was hoping to hear from you but I didn't want to call if you were on the ward. How's Eliza?'

‘She seems okay. I have to wait to speak to the consultant. In two days' time.'

‘Flipping heck. I know how scary this must be, Jo. Waiting for results is the worst part.'

Sally had been in this position many times with Harry over the years. This is parenting, she'd wanted to say to Annabelle. Being there for all of it.

‘Yes. But I've got so much more to tell you. I know that Freddie didn't do it. He didn't push Charlotte.'

‘What? How do you know? Who was it?'

As quickly as she could, Joanna told Sally about her visit to the prison and her conversation with Annabelle. When she was done, there was silence at the other end. ‘Are you still there?'

‘Yes. Sorry.' Sally let out a deep breath. ‘It's just quite a shock. How can she walk around knowing what she's done? And letting her own son stay in prison for it?'

‘I can't understand it either. I'm waiting for the police to get back to me. But what if Freddie doesn't back me up?'

‘You can't worry about that. Just tell the police what you know and let them do their job.'

There was more to tell. ‘And Annabelle came to see Eliza for the first time today. Her reaction was weird, but she said earlier that she's going for guardianship. She threatened me, Sally. She knows about me not being able to pay the mortgage and she says she'll tell the social worker that Charlotte and I weren't speaking. And about my father being in prison. I'm scared. She has this powerful solicitor and all that money on her side. What if they listen to her? And oh God, even if she decides not to apply for guardianship, if she tells them everything, they might put Eliza up for adoption instead!' With each new possibility, her stomach clenched tighter.

As if she were reaching a calm arm around her, Sally's voice was firm. ‘We're not going to let that happen. Go home. Get some rest. I'll meet you at the hospital in the morning after Harry has left for college and we can talk it all through. I can come back with you tomorrow night if you like and help you fill out those forms for your solicitor so that they're done. I can also drop off a spare key to your estate agent and they can do their open house thingy at the weekend.'

The relief of a problem shared was palpable. ‘But what about Graham and Harry and all the stuff you've got going on?'

‘It's all okay here. I'll tell you about that when I see you. But get some rest, Jo. You're no good to anyone if you make yourself ill.'

As soon as she ended the call to Sally, Joanna's mobile pinged with a voicemail from DC Lineham.

‘Hi Joanna. Tried to call a couple of times. I'm going home now, but I have some good news. Freddie has confessed. His solicitor has changed his plea to guilty. I've got an early start tomorrow with another case, but I will call you as soon as I can tomorrow.'

Joanna let her mobile fall into her lap and brought her hands to her face. Confessed? His mother can't have spoken to him this soon. She must've rattled him during her visit earlier. But she couldn't let him take the blame for this. If he wasn't going to stand up to his mother, she would have to. But how?