Chapter 38

THIRTY-EIGHT

Sometimes the truth is so obvious that your brain can't take it in. Joanna heard what he'd said, but she still couldn't make sense of it. ‘What did you say?'

Freddie lowered his voice still further. ‘It was my mother. She was the one who did it.'

That didn't add up. ‘But the neighbour said it was another man who'd visited. A man who looked like you?'

Even as she said it, she realised that she, too, had mistaken Annabelle for a young man when she first saw her. The clothes she wore, the way she held herself. She could see how that might've happened.

Freddie frowned. ‘I don't know anything about that. But my mum was definitely there that night. She didn't mean to hurt Charlotte, I think she just wanted to scare her, or she just lost control with the push. But she caused the accident.'

Was he defending her? ‘It was hardly an accident. The police said there was evidence of an attack. And she didn't just push her; she shoved her hard enough to make her lose her balance.'

He winced. ‘I know.'

‘Why? Why would she do that?'

His shoulders slumped. Secret out, he seemed to deflate in front of her eyes. ‘She was angry. She thought – she always thought – that Charlotte was trying to take me away from her. Away from the family.'

That was ridiculous, wasn't it? Like an episode from a third-rate soap opera. ‘What happened?'

‘There was an argument. A few days before we'd told her that we were expecting a baby. Well, I'd told her. Charlotte wanted to keep it a secret until we'd told you.'

Joanna's hand went to her chest to press against the pain piercing her heart. ‘She wanted to tell me first?'

He looked surprised that she'd ask. ‘Of course. You were everything to her, Joanna. She told me that she wanted to be just like you as a mother.'

Tears filled Joanna's eyes. Had she really said that? If only she'd been better. ‘I still don't understand why she'd push her.'

He sighed. ‘My mother can be…pretty physical. Even when I was growing up. And there've been issues before with Charlotte, when she'd grabbed her arm.'

The bruises. The ‘evidence' she'd believed had been a result of Freddie's temper. It was her all the time? ‘Why didn't you stick up for her?'

‘I did. I told my mother that if she touched Charlotte again we were done. But that day, there was a huge row. I don't know how it started, but it ended with Charlotte telling her that she wasn't going to control her child's life like she tried to control mine.'

She could imagine Charlotte saying that. A surge of pride in her daughter's strength almost distracted her from the real questions she had to ask. ‘You're saying that your mother shoves your pregnant girlfriend, she hits her head and is left in a coma and you tell the police nothing?'

He dropped his chin to his chest, shame hanging over him like a dark cloud. ‘It's complicated. You don't know what it's like.'

She certainly didn't. ‘Then tell me.'

‘It's just been me and my mum since I was ten. My dad was only ill for a short while, but he made it clear to me that I was to look after her. Everyone did. You're the man of the house now, Frederick .'

She could understand that to a point, but this was another level. ‘You shouldn't have to take the fall for her though!'

Freddie sighed, looking far older than his twenty-three years. ‘She was strong for me, when she had to bring me up on her own. There's a family accountancy firm and she took my father's place on the board, kept the seat warm for me, as it were. I owe her so much. And it's not just that—' he paused and rubbed his face ‘—she's my mother. And she wouldn't survive a minute in prison if she got convicted. Even if she didn't. Her reputation would be in ruins. The business…well, it could ruin everything for us. Everything my father worked for.'

The way he spoke, she could imagine that this was exactly the way Annabelle had put it to him. ‘But you have to do it, Freddie. You have to do what's right.'

He shook his head. ‘If I thought it would bring Charlotte back, I would do it in a heartbeat. But what difference will it make? It was an accident. And my mum might go to prison for a couple of years and then be out and I'd have lost my whole family.'

‘Not your whole family, Freddie. What about Eliza?' His logic was baffling but another question ran through Joanna's mind. ‘How can your mother do this to you? How can she let you go to prison instead of her?'

It went against every instinct she had as a mother. Even when she'd got it very wrong, her instinct had been to protect Charlotte. Always. It was impossible to understand that Annabelle wouldn't feel the same. Freddie merely shrugged. ‘You'd have to ask her that.'

Though she'd never expected to feel sympathy for Freddie Knight-Crossley, that's exactly what was happening. All the things that Charlotte had tried to tell her – he's different from his family, he's a good man, you just need to get to know him – flooded her mind. Charlotte had wanted him to come away from them, to start a new life with her, with their baby. And she'd paid a terrible price.

But Eliza wasn't going to pay the same price. She'd lost one parent. If the other one needed Joanna's help and support – the same help and support that Charlotte had tried to provide – then she was going to give it to him. ‘Eliza needs you, Freddie. She needs her dad.'

Pain creased his face. ‘God, I need her, I would give anything to see her, too. I've been trying to get permission to come.'

Joanna's face was hot with the shame that she'd tried to do all she could to persuade the police to prevent that from happening. ‘I don't just mean for a visit. You need to get out of here. You need to be there for her. You have to go to the police about your mum. Or I will.'

‘No.' His voice was firm. ‘I know you don't understand why, Joanna. Charlotte couldn't understand why things were the way they were, either. I thought for a while, when we found out that she was pregnant, I thought I could…but she's gone now. I'm not going to the police and, if you do, I will just confess and the case will be done.'

A bell rang like it was the end of school and a guard called ‘Time'. All around them, bags rustled and goodbyes were said. She had to think of something to make Freddie change his mind. But her own mind was blank. She rose to go.

‘Joanna?'

She turned to see his eyes – the same clear blue eyes that Charlotte had fallen in love with – beseeching her. ‘Look after Eliza, Joanna, please. Make sure she stays with you.'

She left the prison in a fog. Heavy drops of rain sank into her hair as she walked across the tarmac to her car, still reeling in disbelief. Like a montage in a Saturday afternoon film, she replayed all her conversations with Annabelle: the way she'd let her in, almost warmed to her, seen her as another mother in pain. Instead of kicking herself, she booted the front tyre of her car. Hard.

There was no confusion about what to do this time, though. Whatever Freddie did or didn't want to say, there was no way she was letting that evil woman get away with what she'd done. She might've been wrong about Freddie, but she hadn't been wrong about needing to keep Eliza away from that family.

By the time she got in her car, her hands were trembling. She fumbled in her bag to find her mobile to call DC Lineham. But, as she was scrolling for her number, the phone rang in her hand, it was the hospital.

Her heart fell through her to the car seat. ‘Hello?'

‘Hello? Joanna? It's Jenny. You need to come to the hospital. Can you come now?'

How she got to the hospital without crashing her car she would never know. Running down the corridor gave her the most horrific déjà vu. Not again. Not again. Not again.

When she got to ITU and pressed the buzzer, the wait for someone to answer was interminable. When it opened, she practically pushed them out of the way to get to Eliza.

A young doctor she'd never met before was at the end of her crib, speaking to Jenny. Joanna's legs felt as if they were moving through treacle. She was terrified about what she was going to find out.

Two of the babies on the ward had needed less care in the last couple of days and had graduated to the High Dependency ward. Of the two other babies still on the ward, there was only one other mother in the room. In her peripheral vision, Joanna saw the nurse who'd opened the door, speak to her quietly and ask her to leave the room. It was all she could do not to fall on the floor.

Jenny smiled at her as she approached. ‘Dr James. This is Joanna, Eliza's grandmother.'

Dr James held out his hand for her to shake, his hand felt cool against hers. ‘Thanks for coming in.'

Inside her cot, Eliza was sleeping. Nothing was beeping and her little chest was rising and falling as normal. An initial relief swept through Joanna. ‘What's going on?'

The doctor was a lot younger than the ones she'd seen before. He looked nervous as he cleared his throat. ‘It's the first time I've met Eliza today and I noticed that one of her eyes takes a little longer to open. We've just done a scan and seen a spot on the brain, which concerns me a little. I'm going to refer it to my colleague, but Jenny wanted to call you, just in case you came in and she wasn't here.'

A mark on her brain? Her eye not opening? She hadn't noticed that. Had she not been looking close enough? She lay her hand on the top of Eliza's crib. Had she let her down? Had she let Charlotte down? Again.

Jenny reached across the crib and lay her hand on Joanna's. Ignoring the doctor, she had her eyes firmly on Joanna. ‘I'm finishing my shift soon and I wanted to be here with you when the doctor explained all of this. I hope you didn't mind me calling you?'

Mind? She was beyond grateful. ‘Of course not. Thank you. I want to be here. What happens now?'

‘When my colleague comes, we can scan again and she'll be able to talk you through the next steps. It may just be a wait and see situation.'

Wait and see? ‘Surely if it's her brain, it'll be urgent?'

Jenny squeezed her hand. ‘Let's see what the consultant says before you worry.'

That was asking the impossible. Sometimes it was only her worry that kept her alive. ‘Can I be here with Eliza when she's having the scan?'

The doctor shook his head. ‘No. We'll ask you to stay outside. Or, if you want to go home, we can call you?'

She almost laughed. ‘No, I'll be right here. Can I hold her until the other doctor arrives?'

Jenny opened her mouth to speak, but the doctor answered. ‘She'll be here any minute.'

Jenny smiled at Joanna. ‘You can open the side of the crib and hold her hand, though.'

Joanna took her usual seat and reached in to Eliza's crib. Nothing else mattered than making sure she was okay. Jenny tactfully drew the doctor's attention away for a moment and Joanna brought her face close to the crib. ‘I've been to see your daddy today, Eliza. You need to get big and strong so that you can meet him. He's going to love you so much, I just know it.'

Freddie's revelation about his mother had coloured this picture very differently. She hadn't listened to Charlotte when she'd tried to tell her about him. Hadn't believed her. Hadn't trusted her. But she was listening now and she would do whatever she had to do to make this right.

As soon as the second doctor arrived, Joanna had to leave the room. Her first thought was to call Sally and tell her what was going on. Her second was to call DC Lineham and tell her what had really happened to Charlotte.

But when she was buzzed out of the ward, she was shocked to find there was someone looking for her.

‘Hi Joanna. I was hoping to find you here.'