34. Christian

I jerked off every day,thinking about Kale telling me how to jerk off. With my eyes screwed shut, holding back what felt like an endless supply of tears, I shot load after unsatisfying load across my chest and then went about my day. Phillip had gotten me a proper cell phone, but the temptation to call Kale and beg him to come steal me away was too strong. I needed to deal with the disaster of my life and my legacy before I could go to him and, worst case, I knew Parrish was letting him know I was alive.

I spent a lot of time thinking about not just the games we'd played together in the bedroom, but also what all of it meant. There were more than a few sleepless nights when I stared out the window at the familiar crisscross of the garden trellis, wondering why it was okay for him to tell me what to do and not anyone else. Why I wanted him to tell me what to do. Why it made me hard.

The only conclusions I'd reached were that he was right—it was because I made the choice to give him that power, when in the other parts of my life that option had been taken from me. It didn't hurt that Kale was one of the sexiest people I'd ever met in my life, and I didn't just mean that in regard to his looks. It was his personality and his heart, the way he carried himself and moved around the world too. I loved all of it, wanted all of it.

A soft rap at my door reminded me it wasn't time to daydream about Kale, though.

"Coming," I hollered toward the door and to Niko on the other side of it.

My brother hadn't been back to see me since my first day home, except to give me the phone. He used Niko as a guard—and as a messenger. It was finally time for the monthly council meeting, and my brother had strongly encouraged my attendance. With one last check of myself in the floor-length mirror tucked into the corner, I adjusted the cuffs of my blazer and twisted tight the knot on my tie, then joined Niko in the hallway.

"You don't have to walk me there." I rolled my eyes at him and set off down the hallway. "I know my way around here better than you do."

"If you think I don't know about the tunnels, you're mistaken, sir." Niko's face remained unflappable, and he pressed his finger against the black monitor in his ear, walking behind me toward the council rooms without another word.

I had no idea how or when Niko learned about the tunnels. It wasn't like I was staging extravagant escapes these days or anything, but it was still an interesting piece of information to have. Maybe I hadn't been as clever with my escapades as I'd imagined. Knowing now that Phillip had all but condoned my jaunt to America, I wondered how many other adventures he'd had oversight on. The thought of it put my nerves on high alert. Another choice I thought was mine, having been taken away from me without my consent.

By the time I reached the chambers, the meeting was already in session. They didn't wait for me, and why should they have? It wasn't my place to attend, but it was my right. When I pushed the door open, a dozen heads swiveled in my direction, none of them looking pleased to see me, save for Phillip, whose mouth only twitched up from a frown for the blink of an eye before turning downward again.

"We'll be with you when we're done, Christian," my father said dismissively, "this doesn't concern you."

To his right, Parrish's father stood, one hand pressed flat against the buttons on his blazer like his fingers were the only thing holding him together. He glanced down at Phillip, then back at my father. The only thing that betrayed his loyalties were a slight shift of his weight toward my older brother. It appeared Phillip really had been busy behind the scenes.

"I just need a minute, Daddy," I said, striding toward the table and yanking out the chair farthest away from where all of them sat. Phillip gave me a tired look. This wasn't the script we'd talked about, but I'd had too much time to myself over the past two weeks to think, and even though his plan was a good one, it was his.

Not mine.

"Mind your manners," Phillip warned me, shooting daggers down the length of the table.

"Quite right," I agreed. "My manners have always been an issue, haven't they?"

After meeting Kale, something inside me had shifted. It was a subtle thing at first, but now sitting in this room where I used to play hide and seek, I'd never felt more rooted in the truth that this life wasn't for me. Phillip had hatched a plan that would effectively force my father into an early retirement, and with my brother's ascension to the throne came a whole wealth of freedom for me, but…I'd go from being under my father's thumb to my brother's. And while Phillip was the lesser of two evils by far, he was still…

Not Kale.

Not me.

"Christian."

"I know we've talked, but—" I gave my brother an apologetic look at the same time my father sent him a scathing one.

"Have you now?" my father said, directing the question to my brother and not me. "You had your orders."

More of the same.

More of the same.

People talking about me like I wasn't even in the room.

"Christian needs more allowance than you've given him," Phillip said to my father. Bless him, for going to bat for me even though I'd walked into the room and ruined his grand plan. All I was supposed to have done was come in and pretend I was interested in whatever was happening, take the lashing from my father, tuck my tail between my legs, and retreat. Rinse and retreat until my father believed I'd really decided to fall in line… and then Phillip was going to make his move.

I was tired of waiting. It was time for me to make my own moves.

"I need more than you'd offer me too, Pip," I said, barely loud enough for them to hear at the other end of the massive wooden table. Flattening my palms against the wood, I yearned for the small and unfinished table in Kale's kitchen where we'd spent so much of our time. I missed his coffee, the way his brow furrowed when he read the newspaper. I missed how important I felt when he was next to me.

"Just wait."

"I've waited my whole life."

Behind me, Niko moved closer, like I was a flight risk. In a way, I was. They just didn't know that the next time I flew would be the last.

"Christian." My father rubbed the bridge of his nose, shoulders sagging under the weight of how bored my abstinence made him. "Now really isn't the time. There are important matters on the table."

I didn't know what came over me, but before I could talk myself out of it, I climbed up onto the table and folded my legs together. Sitting on my ass and facing them both with my head cocked to the side, I begged the question, "Then what's one more?"

"Christian, get off the table," my brother said, voice low.

"Christian, get off the table. Christian, go away. Christian, this doesn't involve you. Christian, Christian, Christian." I snapped my fingers against my thumb, making mocking hand puppets of them every time I repeated my name. "There's nothing here for me, and I'm ready to make that official."

Phillip stood up so quickly, his chair almost fell over. "We talked about this," he reminded me.

"You talked and I agreed," I countered. "My whole life that's what it's been. Other people saying how it's going to go, and me agreeing because I didn't know any other way. But now I do."

Kale had taught me I could say no.

That it was my right to say no.

"Pip." I swiveled toward my brother, using the childhood nickname because I hoped it would soften the blow. I knew my abdication wouldn't ruin any of this plans. If anything, it would throw our father far enough off-balance that it would be easier for Phillip to make his move. "I appreciate everything you've done for me, everything you were going to do, but it's still…"

He pursed his mouth, a long and slow exhale deflating his chest, and then he nodded. He was conceding his place to me, but even without his approval, I would have carried on the same course.

"I want to move to America," I said, before correcting myself. "I'm going to move to America."

"I can carve a role out, Christian," my brother hedged.

I shook my head, smile tight. "I know you could."

"Like hell you could," our father interjected.

"I'll deal with you later," Phillip warned him. Parrish's father took one more step closer to my brother, so slight I didn't think either of them noticed.

"Please, just let me cut these ties and go. It'll be easier for you and it's the only thing I've ever asked for."

"It sounds like you're demanding."

"I want to go," I said. "I don't want to lose my brothers and my nephews in the process."

"You won't, Christian," my brother promised.

"This isn't a life someone can just walk away from." My father's face was red as a beet. If we were cartoons, steam would be shooting out of his ears.

"You sure?" I stood up, heels clacking against the wood of the table before I jumped down onto the floor. My landing echoed around the room, and I gave everyone on the other end of the table a haphazard shrug. "Because I'm about to."

"Are you certain?" My brother stood, which caused me to stop.

"I am."

"Alright," he said with a solemn nod. "Take Niko with you, though."

"I don't need security. There's not even room for him."

"Take him, and we'll figure out a long-term solution before the end of the month."

"Phillip." My father shot him another horrible look, but Parrish's father was already behind the right side of my brother's chair, and just like that, the alliance had shifted.

"We'll talk soon, Christian. This isn't cut and dried."

"I know."

Phillip nodded, then turned his stare down toward my father. "Now that that is out of the way, we can move on to those pressing matters you alluded to earlier, starting with the duration of your time on the throne."

"Is he staging a coup?" I whispered to Niko, suddenly very interested in whatever the politics and the arguments were about to devolve into.

"Let's take our leave, sir." Niko placed his hand against the small of my back and ushered me out of the council room, closing the door behind us with a heavy thud.

"It was never fun before." I pressed my ear against the door, trying to listen in. "I'm not in such a rush if it's entertaining."

Niko had been tired of me since the first day he was hired and put on my detail, and it showed in the lines around his eyes and the way he had to work to fight from smiling at me.

"Sir." He gestured toward the hallway ahead of us.

"I don't think you have to call me that for much longer." Reluctantly, I peeled myself away from the door and set off after him, back toward my apartments. "I'm pretty sure I just told them I didn't want to be a prince anymore."

"Well, until then."

I pulled the cell phone from my brother out of my pocket and dialed the only number saved in the contacts. Kale answered on the first ring, his voice full of confusion and also the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard—hope.

"Christian?"

Hearing my name come out of his mouth after so much quiet between us was enough to take me out at the knees. I stumbled and pressed my back against the wall, clutching the phone against the side of my face and humming like a lovesick teenager for how excited I was to talk to him again.

"Princess," he purred into my ear, and I swallowed, closing my eyes and diving in head first.

"It's done," I whispered, tears thick in my throat, even though I wasn't sad. In fact, I'd never been happier. "I'm coming home."