29. Kale

Tearsslicked down Christian's cheeks, and I knew if I were to remove the blindfold, more would spill. He was a masterpiece on the cross, hard and trembling and so very submissive. I squirted lube all over my hand before reaching down and taking his erection into my fist. He was beyond hard, the skin around his shaft stretched taut and burning hot against my palm. His knees wavered when I made a fist around his dick and the clips on his cuffs rattled against the wood. It was one of my favorite sounds in the world, and paired with Christian's perfect little whimpers, I wondered if I was going to be able to keep my word and get to fucking him before I came all over myself.

I hoped that by keeping my clothes on, keeping my own cock tucked behind the uncomfortable confines of my underwear, it would buy me more time, but every cry and groan that fell out of Christian's mouth tested my determination.

His balls were so tight against his body, it took work for me to get my fingers around them. With a slow tug, I yanked them down and his entire body jerked, fighting against the cross and the restraints. Christian thrashed his head side to side, nonsense mumbles landing against my ears when I tightened my fist around his cock.

"You're so close," I said to him, an observation, not permission.

He nodded quickly, fingers scrabbling around the chains at the tops of his wrist cuffs. I released his balls and let go of his cock, which slapped against his stomach with a wet splat. Precum mixed with the lube I'd covered him with, making his engorged member look even more pained than I imagined it felt. My cock ached, and I had to give in, unzipping my pants and shoving my hand behind the waistband of my underwear in search of relief.

I was close.

Too close.

I moaned, giving my shaft a long stroke, and Christian's body pulled off the cross, instinctively leaning toward me.

"You've made me so fucking hard, princess. Your body and your mouth. The sounds you make…" I took a beat to appreciate the man on the cross in front of me.

Christian was handsome by anyone's standards, but naked and covered in sweat and tears, he was perfection. I wanted the world to see this side of him, but I also wanted to keep it all to myself. Let them continue to abuse him and underestimate him, because it was that treatment and misjudgment that had brought him right to me….to his place at my feet.

And what the hell was I doing, anyway? Getting more and more involved with a man who could never truly belong to me. At least, not in the ways I wanted. I loved Christian and I didn't doubt him when he said he loved me back, but I could never ask him to give up his life for me. I refused to do it, and if he made that decision on his own, I would fight him.

I was a good man, a deserving man…but I wasn't sure I was deserving of that level of sacrifice. No matter how much I wanted it, how much I'd told him I'd take it from him. I had no idea what was going to happen after our time was up and Christian returned home. After he left, all I would have were these memories and my dreams. I supposed I would have to make them count.

With one hand still tight around the base of my cock, I took his erection back into my other hand and gave him a slow stroke from root to tip. His cry vibrated down to my bones, dripping with desperation and arousal in a way I'd never heard before. I stroked him until he was right on the edge again, then let go.

He shouted at me, muscles going tense and locking up before he went limp and pliant against his restraints. God, he was perfect. He was perfect for me. And maybe it was no wonder that I'd been fine with casual things and fleeting flings up until I'd met him, because this was what I'd spent my whole life waiting for. This kind of blind submission and trusting commitment was like a drug, and I was in urgent search of my next hit.

Releasing my cock, I curled the chain on the nipple clamps around my finger and gave it a tug. I'd expected another cry or a scream, but Christian moaned with pleasure, still leaning weakly against the cross. I twisted the chain and pulled, watching the way the black rubber-covered clamps stretched his nipples away from his chest.

"Gonna," he murmured, chin angled down toward his chest.

His hair was sweaty and matted against the top of his head. Fisting my fingers through his hair, I yanked his head up, needing to see him, needing more.

"Hold this," I said, tucking the balled-up chain into his mouth. He tried to lift his chin back toward his chest to release some of the tension on his nipples, but I made a quiet and disapproving noise in the back of my throat. He righted his head, and I rewarded him with a quiet, "Good boy."

A tremor wracked through his entire body, and I made quick work unclasping the cuffs around his ankles and finding a condom and rolling it down my length. I studied the tension in his jaw, the chain snug between his teeth while I slathered my cock in lube. I was still dressed, and there was no way I was going to stop course to strip out of my clothes. As much as I wanted to feel all of his trembling and sweaty skin against mine, the biggest regret of my life was that I wouldn't be able to fuck him bare before the end of his trip. The mere thought of shooting my load into his hot and hungry asshole was enough to shove me even closer to the brink of my own release, and I clenched my jaw to fight past it.

I should have been easy with the plug, but I wanted him gaping and stretched when I pushed my cock into him. With a gentle enough twist of my wrist, I reached between his legs and pulled the toy out of him. That earned me a shocked cry that turned into a wail when I replaced the plastic plug with my latex-covered cock. I slid into him with no resistance, shivering when the muscles of his channel tightened and closed down around my shaft.

"Put your legs around me," I said, reaching back and helping him hitch his thighs over my waist. I was so deep inside of him, and the shift in his position helped me push even deeper into him. He fought against the chains, and I imagined it was because he wanted to wrap his arms around me. Because he was as desperate to be close to me as I was to him.

"Don't come, Christian," I warned him, pushing the blindfold up and off his eyes. It slipped off his forehead, tangling in his hair as he squeezed his eyes closed against the light.

"Need," he mumbled, giving his head a gentle shake. Each twist yanked on the clamps and he dropped his head forward to ease some of the pain in his chest, but there was no way I could allow that.

I pressed the side of my finger against the underside of his chin, tipping his head back until the chains were stretched and his nipples were once again pulled away from his body.

"I know it hurts, princess," I whispered, waiting for him to open his eyes. "But keep your eyes on me."

Slowly, Christian blinked me into focus and I found myself overwhelmed at the look in his eyes. His irises were nearly obscured by the blown black pools of his pupils, and just like I'd expected, his eyes shone with a wall of unshed tears that immediately spilled out and over his lashes.

"I see you," I told him, bracing one hand under his left thigh and stroking the other back through his hair. I was grateful to the cross for leverage, and I gave a short pump of my hips to fuck into him.

Christian blinked, more tears spilling, and he nodded at me, pulling the chain tight without a care in the world. Between our bodies, his erection burned hot as a fire poker against my stomach, even through my shirt. Fisting the hair at the back of his head, I gave a rough tug and pulled his head up even further than he'd shifted when I told him to look at me.

He was gone.

I knew I didn't have much longer, so I made quick enough work of fucking him against the cross, crashing our mouths together and fighting past the chain with my tongue. He didn't close his eyes as I kissed him, blinking slowly at me and letting out quiet and needy noises into my mouth.

I slammed into him once more, cock thickening as I shot my release into the waiting tip of the condom. Breaking the kiss, I pressed my forehead against his so I could breathe, and he used his teeth to pull the chain deeper into his mouth.

He was so perfect.

He was so…

"I want you to come while I'm inside of you," I said, reaching between our bodies and making a fist around his dick again.

His legs tightened around me, one of them slipping over my hip as he came almost immediately. The orgasm rippled up through his body, from his feet to the top of his head, rattling against me as it washed over him. I knew the cross would support both of our weights, and I went for the clamps, letting them off of his nipples in quick succession. After a beat, he opened his mouth, jaw quivering but no sound coming out. Hot spurts of cum splattered across my hand, and I yanked the chain out of his mouth so he didn't choke on it.

The clamps fell at my feet and Christian kept coming. Without sound and with as little movement as I'd ever seen, save for the tight clamp of his ass that milked even more cum out of my shaft. And then he was crying, well and truly crying. His forehead dropped against my shoulder and his chest heaved with a sob.

"It's okay," I promised him, managing to get one wrist unclipped from the cross and then the other. "It's okay, princess. I've got you."

I took us both down to the floor, cradling him against my chest. Scooting us both until I could prop myself against the couch, I smoothed sweat and tears off his face, brushing his hair back and leaving soft kisses against every part of him I could reach.

"You're okay," I assured. "You're better than okay. You're safe and you're mine, Christian. Do you hear me?"

I'd spent my entire life being selfish, and apparently I wasn't going to stop now. I knew that no matter how much I loved him, if Christian tried to continue a relationship with me, it was going to hurt and it was going to be hard. I wanted him as much as my next breath, but I'd always known in the back of my head that I would have to let him go. No matter what I felt, no matter what I said, I'd known that I would hurt myself to make it easier for him…at least, in the long run.

But with him naked and wet in my lap, trembling and flying, that piece of resistance I'd been clinging to vanished into thin air. Christian was mine. He was mine, and I was going to fight for him. I knew it would hurt, whatever would come of the arguments he'd have after returning home, and I knew he was going to have to choose.

It didn't matter if I knew I didn't deserve him.

I wanted him, and that was enough.

I would send him home because I'd promised his brother I would, but as soon as the wheels on that jet were up, I'd find a way to get him back to me. Consequences be damned. And I was going to tell Christian as much after I cleaned him up and tucked him into bed.

"Christian," I said again, wrapping my arms around him, "answer me."

He muttered something into my chest that sounded like an affirmative, but the words were slurred. I knew he still wasn't back in his head, flying off in some new and unexplored depth of subspace, and it would take a while for him to come around. I stretched my legs out, doing my best to ignore the cold stickiness of the used condom still on my cock, and adjusted him on my lap. Another unintelligible series of sounds stuttered out of him and I stroked my hands down his back, soothing and shushing him in one motion.

"I've got you," I told him again. "I've got you, princess, and I'm not going to let you go. You are perfect, and you are valued, and you deserve this. You deserve it, Christian. Do you believe me?"

To my own ears, my voice sounded desperate, and I bit the inside of my cheek, blinking back tears of my own for how much I wanted him to believe the words I said, and also for how much I wanted to believe them for myself too.

Words were still lost to him, but he untangled one of his arms from my lap and reached up, pressing his hand flat against my heart, and it was as much of a yes as he'd ever given me.