Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

ROSE

N eely Kate and Jed were already at Ned’s X-mas Tree Farmpozium when we pulled into the lot, not that I was surprised. I suspected they had arrived at least fifteen minutes early due to Neely Kate’s excitement. They were pointing out an animatronic reindeer to Daisy who was in Jed’s arms.

“That reindeer’s new,” Joe said. “A whole lot of this stuff is new.”

I hadn’t seen the tree farm in a few weeks, but Joe was right. Ned had put a lot more effort into making it more Christmasy. There had been a portable shed on the property, but now there was a food cart off to the side with a few people standing in line in front of it. Christmas lights had been strung from tall poles, giving the place a cozy vibe, and multiple inflatable Santas, reindeer, and elves were scattered around the lot, along with multiple animatronics. A tractor with an attached wagon was pulling up to the shed. Several people were sitting on hay bales in the back of the wagon and when it came to a stop, a guy pulled a Christmas tree out of the back.

“I know most of this stuff wasn’t here a couple of weeks ago,” I said. “One of my clients told me how boring this place was, not that it dissuaded Neely Kate.”

“Maybe Ned had a lot of people sayin’ that, so he spruced up the place,” Joe said as he pulled into a parking space, then he shot me a cheesy grin. “Get it? Christmas tree lot. Spruce?”

I groaned good-naturedly. “Don’t you think you’re too young for dad jokes?”

He laughed. “I am a dad, though.” His gaze softened as he glanced in the backseat in the direction of Hope’s car seat. “Sometimes I can’t believe this is my life. You and Hope …” His voice tightened as his eyes turned shiny. “A year ago, I never thought this was possible.”

I reached over and snagged his hand. “I love you, Joe. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” But even as I said the words, part of me felt like a traitor. Joe wasn’t Hope’s biological father—that man was sitting in a federal prison in eastern Arkansas waiting for his trial. He’d given up a plea deal to save me and Hope last spring, and some days my guilt was overwhelming.

Joe studied my face, recognizing what I was thinking. “Skeeter Malcolm wanted that, Rose. He chose it for you and Hope.”

Tears filled my eyes. “But?—”

“No but,” he said gently. “Besides, he’s guilty of everything he’s been charged with, and you know it.”

He was right, but it still didn’t feel right. I swiped a tear from my cheek.

“I always thought he was a selfish bastard,” Joe said, but there was no malice in his voice, “especially how he treated you after you told him you were pregnant, but then he proved he really does care about the both of you.” The corners of his lips lifted in a sad smile. “He gave up his life for yours and Hope’s, and while I still don’t like the asshole, I respect the hell out of him for it.”

Joe had only seen the bad parts of James, but James had shown me that, deep down, he was a man trapped by his circumstances. I’d brought out the softer side of him, the part he hadn’t known he was capable of, and I couldn’t help feeling guilty about that too. The man I met several years ago wouldn’t have given up his freedom for anyone, possibly not even Jed, his previous right-hand man and ex-best friend. Yet, he’d done it for me and a baby he’d claimed he wanted no part of. “I can’t help thinking if I hadn’t gotten involved with him, he wouldn’t be where he is now.”

“By your own admission, he was an asshole when you met him. The way I see it, he redeemed his soul. He would have never done that without your influence.”

I didn’t respond, because while I suspected he was right, I was still racked with guilt.

“Hey,” Joe said, stroking the back of my hand. “I didn’t mean to dredge this up. I was just feeling overwhelmed with gratitude.” Leaning closer, he pressed a gentle kiss on my lips. “I’m a very happy man, Rose.”

A wry smile twisted my lips. “At Ned’s X-mas Tree Farmpozium? That’s a very sad statement, Joe Simmons. It’s a far cry from the Simmons family’s fancy Christmases.”

He made a face. “Don’t remind me. And besides, there’s no Simmons money left after the FBI took it all, not that I wanted a penny. I was glad to be done with it.” After his father’s death nearly two years ago, the FBI had raided the Simmonses’ house in El Dorado and his mother had been tossed out penniless. Joe had told her he was done with her and their messed-up family, and she’d moved in with her elderly parents who weren’t people of means.

A loud bang hit the passenger window next to me. I jerked in surprise and turned around to see Neely Kate rapping on the window.

“You all can make goo-goo eyes at each other when you get home,” she said through the glass. “We’re burnin’ daylight.”

I gave Joe a grin. “Let’s make this the best Christmas tree cutting excursion ever.”

“As long as it doesn’t resemble the scene from Chevy Chase’s Christmas Vacation , I’m good.”

We got out and Joe leaned into the backseat to unstrap Hope from her car seat.

“What were y’all talkin’ about?” Neely Kate asked, bouncing Daisy on her hip. Daisy was wearing a red and black flannel dress with black tights, and a red and black hat on her head, covering her wispy blond hair. The collar of the dress and the brim of the hat were bedazzled with silver gems. Neely Kate’s outfit matched Daisy’s. I would have looked ridiculous if I’d worn it, but Neely Kate pulled it off beautifully. She and Daisy looked like they belonged in a Hallmark movie.

Before I could answer, she looked me up and down and made a face of disapproval. “Is that what you’re wearin’?”

I glanced down at my lightweight Christmas sweater and jeans. “I didn’t know there was a dress code.”

“We’re gonna get pictures.”

“We can take pictures, Neely Kate,” Joe said as he lifted Hope out of the car. “We followed the theme and wore Christmas clothes.” He pointed to his long-sleeved black T-shirt that had a Santa leaning back and laughing while holding his hand against his belly. Minions dressed as elves surrounded him.

Neely Kate sent him a scowl. “That’s a T-shirt with Minions. ”

Joe shrugged. “Hope likes it.” His gaze dropped to her face. “Don’t you, baby girl?”

She babbled in response and waved her pudgy fists.

“Your family is the one getting photos, Neely Kate,” I reminded her. “Not us.”

“You don’t want a family photo?” she asked with a frown.

“We had professional photos taken before Thanksgiving to send out with our Christmas cards.” Mike’s parents had been furious when they found out we’d included Ashley and Mikey in the photo session, then they were even more furious when they realized we’d sent them out in our cards. I’d considered just sending a photo of me, Joe, and Hope, but they were part of our family, whether Mike’s parents liked it or not. Besides, Ashley had been so excited about signing her name in the cards, there was no way I was telling her she wasn’t included.

“You can’t have too many Christmas photos,” Neely Kate protested. “Besides, I thought we could all get photos together.”

“We’ll take photos with you if you want. We’ll make y’all look good.”

Joe laughed as Jed walked up, carrying a band saw and an ax. He was wearing jeans and a red and black flannel shirt. The sleeves were rolled up to expose his forearms. “Ned says the biggest trees are out on the far south side.”

“How tall are we talkin’?” Joe asked as he opened the tailgate with one hand while holding Hope on his hip. “Seems like those trees can’t be more than five feet.”

“I want a big one,” Neely Kate said. “I want it to touch the ceiling.”

Jed laughed. “I know. You’ve told me about ten times today.”

“If you want a seven-foot tree,” Joe said, “I think you came to the wrong place.”

I walked around and took the baby from Joe so he could get the stroller out of the back.

“Don’t worry,” Jed said. “Maybe we can put it on a box,”

Neely Kate glanced around the parking lot. “I wish there was snow.”

“Not to worry,” Jed said with a wink. “Ned’s got a backdrop with snowy mountains, and a hay bale covered in cotton to look like a snowbank. He’s even got a plastic snowman and reindeer.”

Neely Kate frowned. Jed walked over to her and pulled her into a sideways hug.

“I just want it to be perfect,” she said wistfully.

“It will be,” Jed assured her. “As long as it’s us three, it could smell like dog shit out here and it would still be perfect.”

She smiled up at him.

“Unlike Jed,” Joe said in a teasing tone, “I won’t call it perfect if it smells like dog shit, but you can make it up to me later.” He set the stroller on the ground and popped it open before he closed the tailgate. “You ready to go find the tallest tree on the farm?”

“Jed’s right,” Neely Kate said. “No matter what happens, it’s gonna be perfect.”

I wasn’t sure about perfect, but I suspected it would be entertaining.

I put Hope in the stroller, strapped her in, then handed her a teething toy.

We headed through the parking lot toward the farm. Several families were walking out into the rows of pine trees, and Neely Kate was antsy to get out to the perfect tree. She got irritated when Joe and Jed stood at the edge of the lot, discussing their plan of action.

“All the good trees are gonna be gone,” Neely Kate said, shifting Daisy to her other hip.

Jed handed Joe the ax and saw, then took his daughter. “Okay, fine. We’ve got a plan. Let’s head out.”

The guys took the lead, leaving me pushing the stroller and Neely Kate to follow.

“Joe,” I called out to them, “don’t you need to get an ax or a saw?”

“We’re only gonna cut one tree down at a time,” he said, glancing over his shoulder.

“You could have a tree cutting competition,” Neely Kate said. “See who chops their tree down the fastest.”

That sounded like an ER trip in the making. “Maybe let’s not.”

We trudged up a small hill meandering through the crooked rows, and I couldn’t help thinking how the trees should have been planted and how I would have done it differently.

After about five minutes, we reached the back part of the lot and reached a section of barely five-foot trees. This section had several families picking out trees, and there were several spots where trees had already been cut down.

“I knew we should have come last weekend,” Neely Kate groaned. “All the good trees are gone!” She shot me an accusatory look.

“I’m sorry,” I said, lifting a hand in surrender. “But we promised the kids we’d take them to Little Rock.”

She made a face. “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry.”

I gave my friend a worried glance. I knew she was all keyed up about having the best Christmas ever, but she seemed anxious about it, like finding the perfect tree was a life and death matter.

“You okay?” I asked her in a worried tone.

Her eyes widened. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

“Well … you just seem …” I hesitated, looking for the right words. “On edge.”

Her head dropped and she studied the ground as we walked. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem fine.”

She lifted her face and offered me a smile that looked as fake as a three-dollar bill. “I’m just hangry, is all. I didn’t eat much for lunch.”

I’d seen firsthand how surly she could get when she skipped a meal, but this seemed deeper than that. Like her soul was heavy. Was all this perfect Christmas stuff making her think about her mother? “You know,” I said carefully, “Christmas is about the people you’re with, and no matter how big or short your tree is, you’ll have Jed and Daisy.” I grimaced. “Sorry. I didn’t mean for that to sound so preachy.”

“No, you’re right,” she said, her voice breaking. She darted a glance to Jed and Joe who were about ten feet in front of us, then turned back to me. “I can’t talk about it here.”

Now I was really worried. She obviously didn’t want the guys to hear her, and I was pretty sure she didn’t keep secrets from Jed. “You’ll tell me later?”

“Yeah. Sure.” She picked up her pace and caught up to Jed, grabbing his free hand in hers.

Joe glanced over his shoulder at me. “You doin okay back there?”

“We’re good.”

But he slowed down until we reached him then started talking to Hope, telling her he’d try to make sure we didn’t bring home a tree with a live squirrel.

“Mikey would like it if you did,” I said with a grin. “ Alvin and the Chipmunks is one of his favorite movies.”

He grinned. “I was keeping with the Christmas Vacation theme. I’m sure a squirrel in the tree would top his grandparents’ sad ceramic Christmas tree that they stick on a table in their living room window, but I think I’ll make sure the wildlife sticks to their natural habitat.”

“I’m all for leaving the wildlife behind.”

When we reached the end of the farm, Neely Kate walked around the trees in that section three times, before she finally picked out what she called the “nearly perfect” tree. While it was full, it was barely five feet tall.

“Jed’s right about the box for a stand,” Joe said. “I can build you one when I get home. I have some spare lumber out in the garage.”

Neely Kate sighed. “It still won’t be tall enough.”

“What about a tall tree topper?” I suggested. “Maeve ordered some in for the nursery gift shop. There’s one that’s over a foot tall and it’s pretty too.”

“There you go,” Jed said. “Problem solved.”

It obviously wasn’t what she’d wanted, but she seemed to accept Plan B, then moved on to the tree-cutting part of the expedition. “Do I get to watch you chop down a tree now?”

Jed laughed. “You know it.” He handed Daisy over to her and winked as he took the ax from Joe, flexing his muscles. The veins on his forearms stood out.

I pretended to clear my throat. “Uh … maybe Joe and I should go find our own tree and give you two some privacy. Want us to take Daisy?”

Jed burst into laughter. “I think she’s safe with us. We’ll keep it PG.”

Shaking his head with a grin, Joe then nodded toward the opposite direction. “Rose, what do you say we head over there?”

“Good idea.”

We started walking in the opposite direction, and Joe fell into step beside me. “Got a particular kind of tree in mind?”

I shrugged. “Not really. We don’t have a lot of space in the living room, so something not too bare but not too fat either.”

He wrapped his free arm around my shoulder. “Now you sound like Goldilocks.”

“Too bad I don’t like porridge.”

Since we weren’t nearly as picky as Neely Kate, it only took us about thirty seconds to find a tree we agreed on.

“What do you think, Hopey?” Joe asked her as he pointed to it. “It’s a pretty good tree for your first one, don’t ya think?”

Hope looked up at him and waved her arms, excited that he was giving her attention.

Joe laughed as he squatted next to the tree with the saw. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

I glanced back at Jed and Neely Kate. Jed was swinging the ax at the tree trunk while Neely Kate watched his every move. “I bet you’re wishing you had your own ax now.”

“Nope, I’m more comfortable with a saw.” I believed him after all his home improvement projects.

He sawed away at the trunk, while I squatted next to the stroller and told Hope what her daddy was doing.

It was a warm day for Christmas tree chopping, but it was better than being cold, and I enjoyed people watching as much as I enjoyed watching Joe make quick work of cutting down the tree. There were a lot of families at the tree farm. Some were enthusiastic about the excursion, but others had reluctant members in their group. Particularly, a family with a teenage girl and two younger siblings. The teenager spent most of her time on her phone until her father took it away and told her she was there to spend time with her family, not text her friends.

I wondered if Ashley and Hope would be like that someday. I supposed it was part of nature’s way of making kids leave the nest, but I hoped they’d still love being with us.

One of the wagons was making its way up the hill to pick up customers and their trees, and I could see at least two families who looked ready to load up theirs.

“If we hurry, we might be able to get on this wagon,” I said. “Unless you want to drag that tree back to the parking lot.”

“Yeah,” he grunted. “I’ll pass.” He put a little extra effort into sawing and the tree fell a few seconds later.

Joe set the saw on the ground as he lifted the tree, holding it upright at his side. I pulled my phone out of my jeans pocket and took a photo. “Do you feel like a lumberjack?”

He grinned. “I feel like a thirty-year-old guy pretending to be a lumberjack. I suspect I’ll be sore tomorrow.”

I laughed then bent to pull Hope out of the stroller. “Let’s get a picture with Hope. Can you hold the tree upright and your daughter?”

He reached out his free arm and wriggled his fingers at me. “Bring her here.”

I handed her to him, then stood back and took several photos, trying to get her to look at me, but she kept reaching up and grabbing Joe’s ear. He couldn’t stop laughing as he tried to convince her to look at Mommy, but she was more interested in him.

After we realized that was the best we were going to get, I walked over to them, held up my phone, and took a few selfies.

The wagon was approaching, so Joe handed Hope back to me and flagged them down. The driver, who was wearing a dirty Santa hat, hopped out and helped load the tree in the back, then Joe collapsed the stroller and loaded it too. The two families were already on the wagon, and the teenage girl sat with her arms crossed over her chest, her lips pressed into a thin line.

We got in and rode the short distance to Jed and Neely Kate, and after they got their tree on board, the driver declared the wagon was full and headed back to the entrance. Joe narrated everything we saw to Hope who kept grabbing at his face, and my heart felt close to bursting.

The wagon rocked and bounced down the hill then stopped next to a sign that said Christmas Tree Lane . The lane was only about twenty feet long and six feet wide, with the shed at the entrance on the right, and several canopied tents scattered on the left. Christmas lights glowed overhead, attached to tall poles. Animatronics and inflatables lined the lane, but I could see the food truck farther down and at the end was a portable shed with a sign that read Santa’s Workshop .

The driver turned around on his seat and patted his belly. “Ho, ho, ho. You’ve reached the North Pole and the end of your journey. Get your photos taken with Rudolph and Santa, while I take your tree up to the office to be wrapped up. The line for your photos is to the left.”

Sure enough, on the left, past the inflatable angel, was a photo backdrop of snowy mountains. A four-foot-tall plastic Rudolph stood on one side with a family standing next to it. The father pretended to be feeding the reindeer his hat. Three more families stood in line, waiting their turn.

“Come on, Jed,” Neely Kate said, moving to the end of the wagon. “Let’s get in line.”

Jed started to say something but then stopped and grinned. “Whatever you want, NK.”

Joe glanced at the plastic reindeer, then tilted his head and pursed his lips. “Um … I think I’ll go to the front office with the trees. You know, to make sure we get the tree we cut down.”

“Good idea,” I said a little too quickly. “Hope and I’ll go with you.”

“What?” Neely Kate said. “You can’t go, Rose! Hope has to get a photo with Rudolph.” Then she added, “But it makes sense for Joe to go. Rose, if you don’t want to be alone in your photo, we can take one with you.”

I didn’t want to be in any photo with a plastic recreation of Rudolph that looked like it had been stored in a barn for fifty years, but I wasn’t going to say so. For some reason, this was important to Neely Kate, and I was sure it was something other than her “Perfect Christmas” wish. But making such a big deal over a photo with a plastic reindeer seemed odd. This was further proof something big was eating at her. So, I smiled, and said, “Sounds good.”

But I gave Joe the evil eye as the wagon pulled away.

Of course, he just laughed.