Rule 4 - Lumen

MATCHING PJS ON THE FIRST DATE? RED FLAG.

T he oven beeped, signaling that the next batch of cookies was done. I left the garland I'd been hanging up and went to the kitchen to remove the cookies and put another batch into the oven.

Billy had mentioned that he had no favorite cookie, so I was making him all sorts. I'd been following my favorite streamer , Witchful Drinking , all month long while she baked for the holidays. She and her boyfriends were so fun to watch, and she made following along with her recipes so easy. I plopped peanut butter cookie dough on a cool tray and slid it into the oven.

Returning to the living room, I glanced at the TV and smiled when a commercial announced that the A Christmas Story 24-hour marathon would begin soon. Which meant...

My doorbell rang, and my heart simultaneously sped up with excitement and terror. I hurried to the door and peered out the peephole. I breathed a sigh of relief as Billy's face showed on the other side, slightly warped but smiling. I waited until my heart settled to put my hand on the doorknob and turn it to welcome him in.

"Merry Christmas Eve!" Billy shouted, startling me only slightly. He thrust a metal tin into my hands. "My mom made a Christmas Cake. She's not much of a baker, but I promised I'd bring it." He stepped inside, and I froze.

This was all happening so quickly. I stared with my mouth half open as Billy took his coat up and hung it on the rack. He stomped the snow off his boots, and every step caused me to jump. It was a lot of things all at once. He turned and smiled.

"You going to shut the door? It's a bit cold." He chuckled. I shut the door, locking it. I then unlocked it and locked it again. What was I doing? This wasn't me. I hate the fearful person I'd become over the last year. I took Billy in and relaxed.

"Those are adorable." I grinned, taking in his holiday pajamas.

"You like? Good, because I got you a matching pair." He dug into his coat and pulled out a small red and green shimmery bag.

"You did?" I gasped, as I opened and found the matching teal PJs with snowflakes all over. "Oh, Billy, that's so sweet! Thank you." I went to hug him, but hesitated. There was a moment of awkwardness as we took in my fumble. I stepped back and looked to the floor. "Well, I should go change into these then."

"Awesome." He inhaled deeply just as my oven went off again. "Is that cookies I smell?"

"Yes!" Relief over the distraction of my awkwardness took over, and I hurried to the kitchen. Billy followed and exclaimed when he saw what I'd done in here.

"Wow! You did all this for tonight?"

I blushed as I took the last batch of cookies out of the oven and shut it off. "Yeah. I figured, go big or go home."

"I am honored, Lumen. Truly."

My heart soared. Maybe inviting a friend in wasn't so bad. This was a step in the right direction. Suddenly, Billy's phone started ringing and it brought me back from my thoughts. I lifted my bag.

"I'll go change."

Billy took out his phone and scrunched up his nose. "I'll take this real quick." He flashed the screen, and I saw the name NEVE pop up. My eyes widened, and I lost my breath.

I turned away quickly and ran to the bathroom.

No. It couldn't be the same woman. Could it? No.

I tried to force the intrusive thoughts as I changed into the matching PJs. I returned to the kitchen and found Billy admiring the gingerbread village I'd made.

"The detail on these houses is incredible, Lumen." He looked up from the gingerbread post office. "I mean, I knew you were cooking something up, you know, since I'm the one delivering your groceries, but I never imagined this! It's all edible?"

"Every piece! Although it might not taste good. Gingerbread houses aren't exactly made to be the best thing you have all Christmas. If you want something tasty, try one of these." I went to the counter and grabbed the tray of no bakes. He took one and took a bite.

"Oh, wow. This is delicious. I haven't had one of these in ages." He walked around the kitchen, continuing to admire the spread.

"I have cocoa too. I have lots of things to add to it. Marshmallows, syrups, whipped creams, even some adult adding. Just take your pick." I motioned with a sweep of my arm at the counter covered in sweet treats and mini bottles of liquor. Billy nodded appreciatively and then paused.

"Is this your house?" He pointed to a gingerbread house. I joined him at the island.

"It is. Was it the faulty Christmas lights that gave it away?" I laughed.

"The detail is uncanny." He shook his head. "Well, everything but these." He pointed to the thick, oversized candy canes sharpened to a point that surrounded the perimeter of the property. "I don't remember seeing these."

I tried to laugh it off, but failed miserably. "It's to keep the gingerbread bears at bay."

Billy grew quiet, and his happy face fell into one of sympathy.

"Lumen..."

I looked away. "I know, it's silly. It just… it made me feel better." We both knew that the candy cane spikes were a representation of the walls I built up around myself. "I know there's no gingerbread monsters here."

"There's no human ones here either," he whispered. I raised my head and saw Billy smiling softly at me. He reached forward, cupping my cheek. I jumped but forced myself to relax. "You're safe with me."

Politely, I pulled away and went to the cocoa station. "Let's get our treats and start our movie marathon." I picked up a tiny bottle of peppermint vodka and shook it excitedly, drawing his attention from my ominous gingerbread house.

"Now that's my favorite kind of ingredient for cocoa," Billy said. I offered him a large tray and took a matching one for myself. We filled them with cookies, cakes, cheese, crackers, brownies, and other treats, and then made our cocoa and went to the living room. I set a bunch of pillows on the floor and we plopped down, and I grabbed the remote, turning the TV up. We settled in just in time to see Ralphie's mother warning him that he'll shoot his eye out if he got the Red Ryder BB gun he wanted. We watched silently for about twenty minutes, until Billy turned to me, propping his head on his elbow.

"So, Lumen. I've seen you every day for the better part of this year, and I feel like I hardly know you."

My heart tightened, and I gulped. "What do you want to know?"

"Well... what's your favorite movie?"

All of this anxiety felt so absurd. Since the moment he got here, my alarms have been going up, only to be instantly dropped.

"Ooh, that's a hard one. Maybe West Side Story ?"

"The new one?"

"Hardly." I rolled my eyes. "Rita Moreno supremacy. I was kind of a theater nerd growing up."

"Oh yeah? Tell me about it." He took a sip of his laced cocoa and offered me a mini bottle of the caramel-flavored vodka. I hadn't had alcohol in a long time. I'd only bought it for Billy. But...

I took it and emptied it into my hot cup. Bravely, I took a sip. And then another.

"Well, it started with Grease . I was obsessed with Rizzo. I used to put on my mom's shirts and stuff a pillow under it and pretend I was her."

We spent the rest of the movie getting to know each other. Billy had gone to school for computers, but dropped out to help take care of his aging grandparents. He had a DnD group he met with every Sunday night and played with for hours and hours. And his last relationship didn't exactly end great.

"She left me for a musician. I was too boring for her." He shrugged.

"Well, I think you're great," I said, my words running together. We'd both had more than one cup of adult cocoa. Mini liquor bottles were strewn across the floor. "And she thinks you're boring? Hell, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" Billy blinked rapidly.

Just then, we heard a sharp shattering sound come from the other room, and I leaped up. "Was that a window?" I swayed, trying to catch my balance.

"It was." Billy stood and snatched my wrist, clamping down on it so tight I gasped. "Merry Christmas, bitch."