Chapter 31

The second Nightmare released me from the iron grip of her command, my legs went from under me. I landed beside Darya, blood soaking into the knees of my jeans, the red damning and bright. All I could do was stare at the knife buried in my friend's stomach. The knife I'd put there.

Oh god.

Oh god, I killed her.

Nightmare brushed her fingers over my head as she walked past, her fingernails ripping out strands of hair. I barely felt the sting; I couldn't take my eyes off Darya, off the knife driven into her middle, the blood pouring from the hole I'd made. I'd stabbed her in the heart.

I choked on air, my wheezing the only sound in the clearing except for the slow drip of blood hitting the grass.

Darya was dead. I killed her.

I really—oh god—

I twisted aside as vomit sprayed up my throat and hit the ground, acid burning as I retched miserably. My stomach cramped, and my eyes stung, but the rest of me was starting to ice over.

Fingers caught my chin, but other than pressure I couldn't tell if they were warm or cold, smooth or calloused. They tipped my head up, and then I was staring into piercing gold eyes that watched me so sharply I felt the look scour my very soul.

"I'll get the others," Miz said, a frown tugging at his beautiful mouth as his fingertips traced the shape of three lines on my cheek. The scratches Nightmare made.

I just stared, my chest hollowed out, my body covered in what must be a rime of ice, as he stood and vanished in a cloud of shadow. Darya's blood was on my hands. It soaked into my jeans. Stained my skin beneath the denim.

Another rush of acid and bile poured up my throat and I heaved, doubled over, but then there were hands pulling my hair back and others stroking up and down my back, and Miz was crouching in front of me, carelessly stepping in Darya's blood.

"This is Nightmare's doing," he said, looking beyond me. "I can feel her here."

Her name triggered another spasm of retching, and I curled over myself as my stomach cramped painfully.

"Get rid of the body," Tor said, his gravelly voice easily recognisable. I felt better for hearing him, and for hearing Death's murmured reply. The hand stroking my back vanished, and darkness wrapped around Darya's body. When I blinked, she was gone, only a pool of blood and the knife Nightmare had put in my hand remaining. Miz picked it up to inspect it and dropped it instantly, flexing his hands.

"She made this knife," he said, eyeing me with an expression I couldn't decipher. Nor did I care to. "It has your signature on it," he said. "And you have blood on your hands. She forced you to kill, didn't she?"

I dry-heaved again, tears squeezing out of my eyes. I didn't speak, didn't want to say it out loud.

"Such misery," he breathed, fingers returning to my cheek where Nightmare had slashed me. "So much suffering."

"Don't be an asshole, Miz," Tor muttered.

I swallowed hard, my mouth dry as I rasped, "Take it away."

Miz took my anxiety away when we first met. He could do it again.

Misery stared at me for a long moment, his golden eyes flickering with thoughts I couldn't guess at, but after a moment he leaned closer, soft lips brushing over my forehead. The crushing grip bruising my chest lifted, and I could breathe. The tightness in my stomach eased. The headache that had begun to pound at my temples faded. But I was still sickened by what I'd done, still ashamed, still crying.

"I can only remove the physical misery," he said, leaning back and watching me uncomfortably closely. "If I took it all away, there'd be repercussions."

I frowned.

"With an event this big," he explained, gazing at the pool of blood with a frown, "it becomes a formative event. To take away your misery would be to change who you are, or who you'll become. It could make you someone who kills without feeling remorse."

I shied away from the possibility, leaning back into Tor who released my hair to wrap his arms around me. "I don't want to kill anyone. Ever."

Miz's mouth flattened, something like sympathy in his bright eyes. "Your wants rarely come into it," he said and pushed to his feet, glancing over my head when Death returned, his boots trampling grass as he came to my side.

"What happened, little one?" he asked gently, crouching in front of where I'd collapsed in the clearing. His smoke-grey eyes were unbearably soft; I glanced away, convinced I didn't deserve his softness. Not when I'd just killed my friend.

Oh god, what if Nightmare ordered me to hurt Byron or Honey? I couldn't live with it. I couldn't bear it.

"Cat," Death prompted, still in that soft tone. It made my entire chest hurt.

I opened my mouth to tell him, to tell all of them, but I choked on my tongue. Pain wrapped like a chain of thorns around my throat, and my bloody hands flew for my neck.

Panic erupted like a star through me. I opened my mouth to gasp out a plea, to confess how terrified I was, but that chain dug deeper into my skin.

Nightmare lured me here. She compelled me to bring Darya to the woods and then kill her.

The words were on the tip of my tongue, burning in intensity, but when I reached for them, only air gurgled up my throat. And after it came the bitter copper of blood.

"Stop!" Miz said urgently, rushing across the distance he'd put between us, pale hands reaching for me, his beautiful eyes wide with panic. "Stop, Cat, you need to stop speaking."

I swallowed blood, hot tears falling down my face.

"She gagged her," Miz told the others, each word bit out, harsh and short. "Nightmare fucking gagged her."

"Shit," Tor said softly, holding me tighter. "We'll figure this out, Cat. We've beaten her once before, remember."

Death's mouth pressed thin, his nostrils flaring. It was the same rage he wore when he saw the bruises on my shoulder. "We need to get you home. You're staying in our domain tonight, Cat."

"But—my friends—" I complained, and realised I could speak again. I wilted in relief, more tears scalding my cheeks.

"I'll get a message to them," Death offered. "Let them know you're safe but spending the night with us."

Honey would be supportive of that; she'd told me to go after my three husbands after all. Byron might be a little more suspicious, but I could come up with an explanation by tomorrow. Right now, I just wanted to curl into a ball and cry somewhere I knew I was safe.

My hands shook as I brushed tears off my cheeks and nodded, wincing at the sting from the cuts. I remembered the veil of darkness Death had spread across the gates of his home, and how Nightmare had shouted in rage that she couldn't get through. The castle was the safest place for me right now. And the safest place for everyone else, where I couldn't hurt them.

"Thank you," I rasped, and tasted blood.

"Don't try to talk about what happened," Miz said seriously, his brow knotted as he watched me climb weakly to my feet. "Or even mention Nightmare's name. Don't write it down either, or your fingernails will fall off."

"How do you know this?" I asked, my throat closing up.

He just stared at me for a beat longer than was comfortable. Had she… done those things to him? Did she make him kill, too?

I covered my mouth in horror, my breathing quickening. Miz glared at my reaction, hatred changing his face so drastically that I only now realised it had been absent since he found me here.

"Let's go home," Tor said gently, turning me so he could pull me into his arms, my face to his chest. I dragged his woody amber scent into my lungs, my breath hitching. "This won't ever happen again, Cat. We won't let it."

I let that promise wash through me like safety and relief even if I didn't quite believe it.