Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Valentina

“So…any interesting men at work?” Eve poured wine into her glass, but I held my hand over mine, stopping her from refilling.

“You asked me that a week ago when we went to lunch.”

“I know. But you were sulking still. I was hoping you’d notice some once you started smiling again. And why don’t you want more wine?”

I shrugged. “The smile is still fake. I’m getting good at it. And I don’t want more wine because I just feel worse after I have too much to drink.”

Tonight was movie night. Eve and I hadn’t had our regular monthly get-together in a while. First I’d been in Montauk all summer, and then when I was finally back home, I’d had a ton going on the first few weeks of work. Between open school night, preparing lesson plans, and settling back at home, the only thing I seemed to find time to do was pout.

It had been my turn to pick the movie, so I’d rented some sappy, sad drama about a dog dying.

“My mother used to have a saying. Pain makes us strong. Tears make us brave. A broken heart makes us wise. But wine makes us forget all that crap.”

I’d attempted to shake off the heavy feeling of melancholy, but I just couldn’t get past it, no matter how hard I tried.

“When Ryan and I split up, I felt lost. I wasn’t sure how to be just me when we’d been a couple for so long. But thinking back, I never really longed for Ryan as a man. I longed for the comfort of who we were. It was almost like quitting smoking—you know it’s not good for you…but yet when you stop, you feel like you’re missing a big part of your life. It’s just hard to get over the habit. It’s different with Ford. I miss him…not a routine or coupledom. I miss sitting around talking at 2 a.m. I miss the way he looked at me—like I was something special, the way he cupped my cheeks before he kissed me. The way he made me laugh. When we were together, everything just felt super easy and natural, and he made me feel…I don’t know…safe. Even though I’d been cheated on and hurt, I felt like I could trust him. You know?”

The hopeful spark in Eve’s eyes fizzled out. “You’re really in love with him.”

I nodded. “I don’t even know when it happened. One minute I was minding my own business and getting by each day, and the next I couldn’t wait to wake up in the morning. I thought it was safe to have a good time with him because I never expected it to be more than just that. You know? I just didn’t expect it to be him.”

“I get it. I really do. I didn’t expect the love of my life to be a man in his fifties who wears a Mister Rogers sweater and goes to bed at nine o’clock. But that’s how it happens—with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. When we looked forward, we couldn’t see anything. But all of a sudden we look back and shake our heads—how did we miss seeing this is what would happen when we looked at him the first time, because suddenly it’s as clear as day.”

I sighed. “I need to move on.”

“Are you sure that’s what you need, Val? Maybe you should talk to him. Maybe there’s a reason you can’t move on. Sometimes you need to follow your gut and fight for what feels right. He might be feeling the same way.”

“No. It was only supposed to be a summer fling. I’m being silly.”

“You’re not being silly. You should have time to grieve the loss of someone you care so much about. Just don’t let it be two years, like after the divorce. Okay?”

I nodded. “Anyway, to get back to your original question, there is a nice-looking guy at work. He’s in my department. Italian is his first language, so he has a sexy accent.”

Eve sipped her wine. “Go on. Tell me more.”

I shrugged. “He’s been a teacher for fifteen years, but just started this year because he moved to New Jersey from Connecticut. He’s a widower at only forty.”

“Wow. How did his wife die?”

“I’m not sure. He hasn’t said. He just mentioned that his wife died three years ago, and he moved back to New York to be closer to some family. He has a teenage daughter.”

“How’s his ass?”

I chuckled. “I didn’t notice.”

“What’s he look like?”

“I don’t know. Italian—dark skin, dark eyes, dark hair. He’s nice looking.”

“Nice looking. So is my dad. He’s not hot?”

“What can I tell you? It’s hard to compare to the last man I saw naked.”

“Oh, God. Sweetheart, you can’t compare anything to Ford. He’s gorgeous and young. If you let that be your standard, you’ll die an old maid. Comparison is the thief of joy. Don’t do it.”

“I know. I really do. It’s just going to take some time.” I got up and refilled the chip bowl, setting it down on the coffee table in front of Eve. “Mark called me last week.”

“Oh yeah? I liked him. He seemed like a nice guy.”

“He is. We actually talked on the phone for over an hour. He said he’d been going back and forth for two weeks on whether to call or not. But he wanted to check in and see how I liked teaching. It was really good to hear from him. He had some pretty funny stories to share about his first few weeks. He’s teaching in a tough neighborhood in Brooklyn.”

“And…”

“He asked how things were going with Ford and me. I said it had ended. He suggested we get together to catch up soon. But I think he knows things between us are only ever going to be platonic.”

“Why? You should go out with him. Get back out there.”

“Oh my God. The last time you pushed me to go out with someone, I got my heart broken.”

“Yes, but you got yourself back out there. It had been twenty years since you spent time with a man. Actually, you’d never spent time with a man because back then they were just boys. This was just a summer. It will be easier to get back out there this time than it was after a two-decade marriage.”

I wasn’t so sure Eve was right about that. “I’ll think about it.”

She smiled. “That’s my girl.”

***

“Hey, babe.”

Ugh. Does he ever listen to anything I say? I should’ve gone with my first instinct when I’d seen my ex-husband’s name flash on my cell.

“If we’re going to call each other nicknames, I’m going to use the one I favored after you moved out.”

He ignored my comment. “Listen, about the summer place.”

Great. I get to talk to you and be reminded about my summer with Ford all in one conversation. “What about it?”

“The piling fix will cost about thirty grand. But that’s just a Band-Aid. We need all the stilts replaced in the next five to seven years to repair it correctly, and that’s almost twice the price.”

Wonderful. And I’m responsible for half of that, according to our divorce settlement. “I don’t have that kind of money. You know I just went back to work.”

“Yeah. I don’t have it either. That’s why I think we should dump the place.”

“What? No!”

“The market out there is hot right now. We could get almost five times what we paid for it fifteen years ago.”

“Yes, but then what? Neither of us would be able to afford a replacement.”

“You might be able to pick up a small place up toward the lighthouse that isn’t on the beach. I don’t really even like it out there anymore, so I wouldn’t rebuy.”

“I love our house. We can’t sell it.”

“Well, if we don’t do something, it will fall into the water within the next few years. That’ll solve our problem.”

God, he really was always a jerk. “We do need to do something—pay for the repair.”

“So you’re gonna come up with sixty grand, then?”

“Sixty? Thirty would be my half.”

“Told you I don’t have the thirty either.”

“But our divorce agreement requires us to each pay half.”

“Can’t pay what I don’t have.”

Ryan made a good salary. Although, he was paying me alimony and paying college tuition and still had to foot the bill for his own house. I wanted to argue with him and say that was his problem, but it was actually our problem, and it became my problem if I wanted to keep the summer place.

“What if we take a mortgage on the Montauk house to pay for the repair?”

“I can’t afford another payment, Val.”

“I’ll pay it. I have a job now. You only have two more years of alimony. When that’s done, you can help me pay it off.”

“See if you can even get a mortgage, and we’ll talk about it. Otherwise, I don’t think we have a choice but to sell it.”

Great. I’m sure the bank will love my one month of employment history.