Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Valentina

It was now or never.

Ryan had just turned in for the night, and I’d taken a shower.

This was it. The moment of truth had finally come. A summer fling.

That’s what it was supposed to be. Get my one under the belt, stick my toe into the pool to feel the water before diving in. But somewhere along the way, it had turned into more. I tried to pretend it hadn’t, that the smile on my face was from just a good time—but that wasn’t the truth, was it?

I’d started falling for Ford before we even met. We’d connected with just text exchanges. He’d made me laugh, made me be myself—a person I’d oddly forgotten how to be. And that was before the physical connection, which had been undeniably intense from the first touch. The man could light up my body in a way I didn’t even realize I could shine. But he did more than that—he lit up my insides. I hadn’t felt as alive as I had this summer in…well, forever.

For weeks I’d been questioning how I was going to walk away at the end of the summer. But as the last days ticked away, I’d started to wonder if I could walk away. Of course I physically could, but if I did, would I be leaving a piece of my heart behind?

I looked in the mirror as I swiped on some lipstick and had a little heart-to-heart with myself. “What are you so afraid of? You’ve already fallen for him.”

I closed my eyes, realizing the answer. You’re afraid to get hurt again.

That was the truth in a nutshell. I’d made every excuse in the book: You’re too young for me. I’m not ready for a relationship. I need to find myself. But they were all defenses I’d put up to avoid being smacked in the face with the truth.

I’m terrified.

Then there was the fact that Ford seemed to have stopped pushing for anything more lately. I suppose a person can only take so much rejection. Perhaps he’d warmed to the idea of a summer fling and no longer wanted anything more.

There was only one way to find out. It wasn’t like I could put it off any longer. This was it.

Now or never.

He could go back home and jump into the dating world in a few weeks. I couldn’t imagine he’d stay celibate for two years like me.

And maybe he’d meet someone he liked.

Sometimes you don’t get a second chance.

So what if it didn’t work out? Maybe he isn’t my forever. I might get hurt. But I could also regret not taking a chance.

And I’d rather have memories than regrets.

I suddenly felt a little out of breath. I wasn’t ready for things to be over, and I needed to let him know that tonight.

I smiled at my reflection in the mirror. Oh my God. You’re really going to take a chance.

Making my decision, the feeling of impending doom I’d had the last few days turned to giddy anticipation. I grabbed my phone, still smiling, and sent off a text.

Valentina: Meet soon?

It felt like the longest wait in my life.

Shit. What if he fell asleep?

What if I don’t get to talk to him.

What if…

The tiny dots started to jump around, and my pulse raced.

Ford: Ready when you are.

Thump-thump-thump.

God, my heart was pounding.

Valentina: Meet you on the beach in five!

I found a blanket in my bedroom closet and gently opened the door. Ryan’s bedroom was right next to mine. Not hearing a sound, I tiptoed down the stairs, thankful I’d decided to put a carpet runner over the stairs so they wouldn’t creak. In the kitchen, I left the lights off while I grabbed a bottle of wine and swiped two glasses from the cabinet before sliding the back door open. I’d have to remember to thank Ford again for ridding the door of the loud squeak the other morning while I was sleeping.

The moon was bright tonight. It lit the beach enough to see and made the water, which was unusually calm, glisten majestically. At the bottom of the stairs, Ford held up a blanket, a bottle of wine, and two wine glasses.

I laughed. “Great minds think alike.”

He reached around to his back pocket and pulled something out. Holding up a bottle opener, he smiled. “Where’s your opener?”

I hadn’t thought of that. I chuckled. “Okay, you win.”

We left my supplies under the stairs and took Ford’s with us for our walk. He took my hand in his, and it felt so natural. “There’s a dune about a quarter mile up ahead and no houses in the area.”

“Are you planning on something happening that we need privacy for?” I bumped my shoulder to his.

“It’s our last night together. I’m planning on something happening at least three times.”

He’d been teasing, but hearing him say it was our last night together made me feel anxious. My fears all came rushing back. What if he’d changed his mind? He’d been so persistent up until recently. Had he decided a summer fling was all he wanted? My nerves got the best of me as we walked, and I grew quiet.

When we arrived at the tall section of the dunes, Ford stopped, brushed some sticks out of the way, and spread out the blanket. He uncorked the wine, poured two glasses, and we sat side by side, facing the ocean.

It was such a serene night. The water washed against the shore fifty feet away, and the sound was almost hypnotic. The moon illuminated the ocean, casting a wide streak of light across the sparkling, dark water. We both stared. We’d just gotten here, and I already wanted this night to never end.

With that thought, I took a deep breath.

“Val, I….” Ford spoke at the same exact moment, I said, “Ford, I…”

We both laughed.

“You first,” he said.

“No, go ahead. Really,” I stalled. “I was only going to comment about how we should’ve done this earlier in the summer. Come down to the beach, I mean.”

Ford nodded. He picked up a twig—a small one, a few inches long—and broke it in half, tossing part of it. Then he broke the small piece a second time and did the same.

“Is everything okay?” I turned from the water to face him, tilting my head.

“Yeah. I’m just tired from my trip.”

“Oh. Okay.”

He shifted to face me and spent the longest time just studying my face. Finally, he brushed a piece of hair from my shoulder and began to speak. “This summer has been incredible. When we first met, you were looking to find yourself. But something happened over the last few months. You stopped trying to find the person you were, and let yourself be who you are now.” He swallowed. “I’ll never forget this summer.”

That sounded an awful lot like goodbye. A lump in my throat made it difficult to speak. “I feel different than I did when I came out here. I’m not mad at my ex-husband anymore. I’m not as worried about what people I don’t even know think.” I smiled. “Though I don’t think I’ll be shopping for anal beads by myself again in the near future.”

He smirked. “That’s a shame.”

“But seriously. You’re right. I feel like I’ve started to find who I am. And a lot of that is because of you. You made me stop looking back, stop clinging to my fears, and just be. It has been a really long time since I just lived in the moment.”

I took a deep breath and looked down, gathering the strength to say what I’d been thinking about for a while. “I know I said this couldn’t be more than a summer fling. But it was. It is. And…I don’t want it to end, Ford.”

Our eyes locked, and I saw so much turmoil swimming in his. He broke our gaze to look out over the ocean for a long time, and when he looked back at me, a pool of tears had built in his eyes.

Oh my God. Those don’t look like tears of happiness.

He took my hand and squeezed it. “You were the one who was right. I was wrong. You need to go live a little and experience things. I’m happy we had this summer—but that’s all it could ever be.”

It felt like an elephant sat on my chest. My heart snapped in half like that twig he’d so easily broken a few moments ago. Even though I’d known this was a distinct possibility, I wasn’t ready for how much it hurt.

I’d opened myself up for this, and it made it that much more painful to be rejected. I don’t know how I held in the sobbing, but I definitely couldn’t speak. So I simply nodded.

Ford took that to mean I agreed and pulled me to him for a hug. Silent tears ran down my cheeks as I clung to him. We rocked back and forth and held on tight. The way he held me so close, if he hadn’t just said what he’d said, I might’ve thought that he was holding on because he didn’t want it to end, either.

After the longest time, I discreetly wiped away my tears and pulled my head back to look at him. I was glad we were in moonlight and not daylight so he couldn’t see the color of my face—I knew it had to be red and blotchy.

“Make love to me, Ford.”

I wanted to get lost in him at least one more time. He looked into my eyes, as if making sure that was what I really wanted. And in that moment, it hit me hard. God, I’d fallen in love with him.

I nodded, even though he hadn’t asked a question, and whispered, “Please.”

Ever so slowly, Ford wrapped his hands around my cheeks and started to kiss me. I poured everything I was feeling from my mouth into his—sadness, longing, love, desire. I wanted to show him with my touch how I felt about him, because I knew I’d never get the chance to say the words now.

The kiss was so passionate and tender, and my heart beat so fast in my chest. When he guided me to lie down on the blanket, our lips separated, and we stared into each other’s eyes. It felt…I don’t know…monumental somehow. Like my life was going to change after this night in some major way, and I wasn’t so sure it was for the better anymore.

But I needed him inside of me. I needed to feel the connection one last time. Reaching up, I cradled his neck and pulled his lips back down to mine. The feel of his weight on top of me was almost crushing, but it was exactly what I needed.

Ford took it slow, kissing down my neck and across my collarbone. He kissed along my jaw and up to my ear. “You’re so incredibly beautiful, Valentina. I’ll remember this summer forever.”

I was never so lost in a moment. I heard nothing else, saw nothing else, felt only him. Somehow we shed our clothes and then he was at my entrance, once again looking down at me.

He pushed inside with a tenderness that made my tears begin to flow once more. He kissed me again in the nick of time. We’d always been connected, but this time was different—it felt like our minds, bodies, and souls were all in alignment as he began to move in and out of me. Nothing had ever felt so incredible. I’d heard people say when they made love they became one—yet, until this moment, I’d never actually experienced it myself. But we were one, connected in every way we could be—even if just for those brief moments. It was a heartbreaking yet magical experience.

I wrapped my arms and legs around him and held on for dear life. Though I felt my orgasm building, I couldn’t have prepared myself for the intensity when it hit. Earth-shattering. Or maybe it wasn’t so much the earth breaking to pieces, but my own heart inside my chest. I cried out, letting Ford’s name sing from my lips like a hymn. He tensed and groaned into my mouth as he released inside of me.

We lay panting for a long time, his head hanging over my shoulder with his face in the blanket.

When he finally lifted it, his voice was raspy. “I’m going to miss you.”

I couldn’t return the sentiment because I was too terrified that if I opened my mouth, uncontrolled blubbering and an affirmation of love might spill out.

So instead, I hugged him and thought to myself…

I’m going to miss you, too. More than you’ll ever know.

We made love twice more that night. And the intensity and passion never dulled one bit. After round three, my head rested on his chest, and I heard Ford’s breathing become slower and deeper. He’d drifted off, but I couldn’t. I wanted to savor every last minute we had left together.