Chapter Twenty-One: Aspen

Staring up at the cloud-covered sky, I listened to the birds chirping as they made their plans to head south for the winter and the leaves rustling. Autumn in Ashfield had always been one of my favorites.

It had been a family joke that since my sisters and I were all named after something to do with the seasons that I would love winter, Autumn the fall, Aurora the spring, and Alexandra the summer. The latter, I wasn't quite sure how they were related, but my mother insisted. And one thing I learned at a young age was to never argue with a southern woman.

Owen had been gone almost a month now, and I would be lying if I didn't say it was a struggle. Despite the gifts, calls, and random messages, it wasn't the same as having him close. I had no idea how anyone with loved ones in the military got through it. My mother had at one point, but we were still walking on eggshells around her, so I hadn't had it in me to ask for her advice. Since my father's heart attack, she'd been a bit more withdrawn than usual. Of course, we all understood. She'd lost her first husband at war, and now her second nearly lost his life as well.

Now that it had started growing colder and the sky was darkening far earlier than I liked, I refrained from heading to my ledge to think unless it was the middle of the day. Soon, the small creek that crossed through the path would freeze, and I wouldn't be able to go at all until the spring.

Instead, I usually drove one of the UTVs over to the property, where a fence used to separate the Ramsey farm from our own. We had the natural waterway on our side of the property, and Mom had set up a gazebo just under an old oak tree. When I was little, it was one of my favorite places to play, even though it would always scare her when she couldn't find me.

I used to lie across the bench and watch Owen play baseball in his backyard. I envied how he could play sports and use his free time to be a kid. I rarely got the luxury. My sisters had all attended dance classes, or art, something to keep them busy, but my only hobby had been tending the garden.

Funny thinking back to how I coveted Owen's freedom, when all along he'd been in a worse prison than me. Mine was of duty; his was his father.

I jumped as my phone rang, and I found myself giddy with anticipation, my hands shaking as I pulled it free of my jacket, only to sigh in disappointment when I saw it was my eldest sister calling.

"Hi, what's up?"

"Well, I was kind of hoping you could run by the bed-and-breakfast and grab my hospital bags."

"Why?" It felt like Autumn had been pregnant forever. Thankfully, she was due anytime now.

That's when it all hit me.

"Oh my gosh, are you in labor?" I jumped from the gazebo and ran toward the UTV parked close by.

"I think so, but my doctor said it could take a while for the first baby. So, I'm in no rush to head to the hospital, but I'm over at Alex's cake shop with the twins right now. You're probably the closest."

"Sure. Where can I bring them? Did you want me to drop them off at your house? Where's Colton?" I asked frantically. As the father, shouldn't he be the one running around in circles, getting everything together, and—like in all the funny movies—forgetting the most important part: his wife? Instead, I could barely get the keys to the UTV into the ignition, dropping them three times before I was successful.

"Colton is with Nate right now. They were practicing with the rec hockey team. He's on his way, but he needs to shower and everything."

"Why is he not panicking? Why aren't you panicking? Why am I the only one panicking?" I questioned as I pressed my foot to the accelerator and flew across the field.

"No need to panic, Aspen. We have plenty of time. Mom labored for forty-three hours with Andrew. I'll meet you at the BB and take a nice relaxing bath until I think I need to go to the hospital."

"All right. I'm on my way. Thirty minutes tops."

Autumn chuckled as she ended the call, and I soared across the farm. To the workers, I probably appeared like a madwoman. My loose hair looked like a blonde cape as it flapped behind me in the wind. The UTV caught air as it hit a particularly high bump in the dirt path.

"Fuck," I muttered as she landed back on the ground with a thunk. I was certain something broke underneath, but I didn't have time to waste.

I got to the barn faster than ever before, dropped off the UTV, and ran to my house for my car keys. Before leaving, I glanced down and noticed I was still wearing my dingy jeans and jacket. Quickly, I stripped down to my bra and panties and grabbed a clean pair of jeans and a black long- sleeve shirt from my dryer. Tugging on my trusty boots, I was out the door in record time.

Moments like this, when my car started immediately, made me thankful Owen bought me the SUV. My old car would have sputtered for a solid fifteen minutes before she decided if she wanted to start or not. In that amount of time, I was already halfway to Colton and Autumn's house.

I used my copy of their key and let myself inside the house, then headed toward the nursery. She'd sent me a text while I was driving, letting me know that room was where I'd find the two bags and a special pillow.

Moving at a speed to rival Marvel's Quicksilver, I tossed the bags in the far back of the vehicle and headed toward the bed-and-breakfast. It was a twenty-minute drive on a normal occasion, but as I arrived, I felt oddly proud that I made it in thirteen.

Bags in hand and pillow tucked under my arm, I used the tips of my fingers to open the back door to the bed-and-breakfast, cutting through the side deck where I joined Owen and his mom for lunch what seemed so long ago.

"I'm here!"

Beverly came around the corner and greeted me first. "Oh, there you are, sweetie." She kindly helped me set the bags down.

"Is Autumn here yet?"

"Yes, she just arrived."

Weird, I hadn't seen her car anywhere, although maybe she parked out front. I tended to use the staff parking area in the back.

"Okay, great. Is she feeling okay?" I asked as we walked toward the main living space. I wasn't paying any attention as we turned the corner, until I came face-to-face with the majority of my family. The only people missing were Rory's husband Talon and my twin nieces. Talon was down in Miami with his grandmother Gigi—arguably one of my favorite people on the planet.

They stood in a semicircle together like we were in a freaking intervention.

"What's going on?" I asked the room collectively, then set my eyes on my eldest sister, who stood with a gentle hand on her belly as if she hadn't told me she was in labor. "I'm sorry. Aren't you supposed to be having contractions or something?"

With an air of confidence I'd never felt myself, she waved a hand in the air. "They're bearable."

"So, what's everyone doing here? What in the hell is going on?" I felt like the kid in the school play who had suddenly been given a role they never prepared for. The spotlight was on me, and all I felt was stage fright.

From behind me, a gentle but familiar hand landed on my shoulder. "Why don't you have a seat, and we can chat? Okay?"

Turning to face my father, my eyes narrowed. Though he'd been feeling better, it was clear he was still trying to keep from overdoing it.

"Okay."

He gestured to the couch, and he and my mom followed me over to it. The rest of my siblings, their spouses, and Beverly found chairs of their own that seemed to be brought in from random rooms of the house. A couple of the rocking chairs from outside were parked beside a dining chair.

And everyone stared at me.

"I feel like I'm inside a fishbowl, and y'all are just waiting for your chance to tap the glass but haven't decided who gets to go first."

"Well, I'll take that honor," my dad said, much to the relief of my siblings, who all sighed and relaxed into their chairs.

My dad reached toward me and placed his hand gently on my knee. It was something he'd always done when he wanted to make sure he had my or my siblings' full attention.

"I can never thank you enough for all you do around here, Aspen. You may have thought it went unnoticed, but I saw. I witnessed you sacrificing your personal life to carry this place, and that was never fair to you. I'm afraid I put too much pressure on you from the start, and you never got the chance to grow your own wings. Instead, you stayed in our safe cocoon, waiting."

"Dad, I—" I tried to interrupt, but he gave me that fatherly glare that had my lips sealing together.

"All I want to say is… I'm sorry you felt like you had no choice but to take over."

Mom quickly chimed in. "And I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't talk to one of us about how burned out you were, when none of this was what you wanted in the first place."

"But I love the farm, and I'm happy to take over."

"Sweetheart, we're not the only ones who've observed the amount of time and effort you put into this place. You're doing the job of five people. You can't sustain a life like that."

"Dad did it every day."

"I did," my father said. "And look where it landed me." He gestured to his chest.

Across the room, Alex surprisingly spoke up. "We want you to have a life too, Aspen. Owen let it slip that you want to travel and write about the places you go. We had no idea. We're all sorry we never saw… you."

Any hope of suppressing the tears that threatened to spill over was lost. They fell onto my flushed cheeks as I sniffled.

From over in the corner, I made eyes with Beverly. "Did Owen have something to do with this?"

"Not at all, sweetie. Though he might have been given a hint that it was going to happen."

"So, what do you want me to do? I'm confused. I have a business degree but nothing else I can do with it."

"We'd love if you still wanted to work on the farm, but we want you to take a step back. See if this is really the kind of life you want. Ask for help. Hire help. You have great ideas for ways to utilize the land when we're not in harvest. But don't make this your life, or you'll regret it when the time comes to an end," my father said.

"I'm also really thinking about moving back soon, if that helps at all?" Andrew added casually as he rested back in a recliner.

"Really?" I prompted. We talked about it before, but he hadn't mentioned it since then, so I didn't think he was seriously considering it still.

My brother hadn't lived in Ashfield since he graduated high school. He immediately moved away for college, then Knoxville. He visited on the weekends, but that was it. We had a feeling an incident with his ex was the source of his departure.

"Maybe we can talk about some changes? All of us?" I asked the room. Whether they worked here or not, Sunny Brook Farms was our family legacy. Someday, one of their children might take over, and they deserved a say in everything that took place.

"Now that's what I like to hear. Anywho, if we're done here, I should probably make my way to the hospital."

I glanced over to Autumn, who had a distinct line of sweat beading along her forehead.

"Beverly, I owe you a new chair," she added as she pushed herself up, using the armrests. "My water broke about five minutes ago."

Pandemonium broke out in the blink of an eye. Siblings rushed around the room, trying to figure out who was doing what, while my parents sat quietly on the couch. Me? I quickly made my way over to Autumn and helped guide her to my SUV out back. Beverly followed with her bags I brought inside earlier.

"Beverly, can you run tell Colton I'm heading out with her now? I think he should follow in his car, since that's where they installed the car seat for the baby."

"Yes, dear. Good luck, Autumn. Please keep me up to date," she replied as she hurried back inside.

I carefully helped my sister into the passenger seat as her husband rushed out to take over the task, speaking to her in a soft, loving tone. I did my best not to overhear, but neither of them seemed to care that I was next to them, buckling myself into the driver seat.

The journey to the hospital was uneventful except for a tractor trailer accident that brought out the demon buried deep inside my sister's soul. But the moment we broke free of the traffic, she calmed right down.

Colton must have called ahead, because once I parked the SUV and helped Autumn inside, they already had a room prepped for her. Since we were alone, I got to go into the room with her and watched as they poked and prodded her. I felt myself squirming, but the smile never dropped from her face.

"He'll be here soon," I said calmly as she squeezed my hand through a contraction. Autumn had every intention of getting drugs for the birth, but she wanted to go as long as she could without them, forsaking my fingers in the process.

"I'm not worried. I have my incredible baby sister with me."

"Stop, you'll make me cry." She shrugged and mumbled something like "better you than me," but I could barely hear her over the incessant beeping in the room.

"So, are we going to talk about why you're here and not with your boyfriend?"

"Did y'all have a family meeting about this?"

"Maybe, but I want to hear it from you."

I pried my fingers loose from her grip and tucked them into my pocket while staring out the window. "You know… we weren't actually dating. Not in the beginning, at least."

I glanced down to witness her eyes widening, but then she wiped away the expression in the blink of an eye. "But it turned real?"

"It did."

"And you love him?"

"Yeah."

I went on to tell her about his tattoo, the reason we started fake-dating, and even why he antagonized me so much in school. Autumn nearly swooned her way off the bed as she clapped and giggled.

"What are you still doing in Ashfield, Aspen?"

"He… never actually invited me to join him."

"Do you think he wants you there?"

"Maybe. I don't know. We always just talked about the time we'd have together during his off season. Five months is enough time. It has to be," I whispered at the end.

Regardless of what my family thought, I didn't want to give up my place at the farm. It was all I knew up until this point. Leaving it all behind would be a giant leap of faith I wasn't sure I was ready for. Or if I ever would be.

Thankfully, Colton arrived, and I moved to the waiting room, where the rest of my family gathered. I messaged Owen to let him know what was going on, and five minutes later, he sent me a screenshot of a receipt for flowers and chocolates he had sent to her room.

It was around 10:00 p.m. when I walked out of the waiting area in search of coffee. I knew it wasn't going to be great, but it was better than nothing at the moment. Colton had popped into the room a few times to let us know the baby had turned over and they were working to get the little troublemaker back into position. Then he updated us when Autumn got her epidural and was finally sleeping.

I watched enough medical dramas that I knew we could be here for the rest of the night and the next day. Mom and Dad already ushered most of our crew to a hotel close by to get some sleep. I was hopeful they'd do the same soon too, but as for me, I was invested in this birth at this point. As the person who got the honor of being the official escort, I was staying.

"Hey, getting a coffee?" Andrew called out as he exited the restroom.

"Yeah. I think the cafeteria is open for another hour or so."

"Great. I'll join you."

We boarded the elevator and headed toward the cafeteria on the third floor. Thankfully, they had a twenty-four-hour coffee shop, so I didn't have to settle for the nasty stuff out of a tap.

I grabbed a tea for Mom while Andrew dressed a decaf coffee for Dad. He'd been laying off the caffeine since his heart attack.

"So, I was serious about helping more with the farm."

"Really? I thought you decided against it when you never mentioned it again, after we talked a couple of months ago. I figured you didn't have any interest in it."

"No, I mean, I've always been interested. I just found another passion for a while. But I'm not twenty anymore and need to look toward my future."

"Is that why you're moving back home?"

"Partly."

"Can I ask why you've always been so… I don't know… distant, when it comes to talk about the farm? If anyone should have taken it over, it should've probably been you and your kids."

"Yes, you can ask," he joked.

"Andrew—"

"It's hard to take over a family birthright, when you never felt like you truly belonged. Nash isn't my father, Aspen, and the farm belonged to his family. It felt…"

As we stepped into the elevator to return to the labor-and-delivery floor, I wrapped my arms around my brother's waist.

"You are just as much a part of this family as any of us. You're my brother, and Dad has always viewed you as his own flesh and blood. And don't you ever forget it." I poked his chest as I pulled back in mock anger.

"Yeah, okay, squirt. Calm down now."

"But anyway, I would appreciate your help. It might be nice to have some sort of social life. I'm sure Jenna would really love it." My best friend had a massive crush on Andrew when she was younger and made sure he knew about it back then. Thankfully she was very happy with her new beau, Derek.

Back in the waiting area, we handed off the extra drinks to our thankful parents just as the nurse popped her head in and told me we were nearing the end. It seemed a little bit of drugs relaxed my sister enough that the baby was making its entrance into the world.

At 1:30 a.m. my nephew, Elijah Henry Crawford, was born. He was the most precious baby boy I'd ever seen, and I wasn't just thinking that because I was destined to be his favorite aunt, but because he truly was. Even the nurses were talking about how cute he was while gossiping in the hallway. Thankfully, security for Colton had arrived a few hours before the birth to keep the tabloid photographers at bay, but that didn't mean a couple of shots hadn't been taken of us all waiting inside the hospital.

As my siblings returned and took their turns holding the precious baby, I nestled onto the bed next to my sister, who was a rockstar by all accounts.

"How are you holding up?" I asked her. She had this glow about her, even with the tired eyes and sweat-drenched hair. Autumn had never looked more beautiful.

"I'm good. Really good."

"I'm happy for you, Fall."

"Thanks, Winter." We smiled, using our childhood nicknames for each other.

Colton strolled over with the tiny bundle in his arms. He was a massive man who usually had to bend a bit to enter doorways, and with Elijah, it looked like he was holding a small melon or something.

"Ready for your turn, Aunt Aspen?"

"Really? You want me to hold him? What if I drop him? I've never held a baby," I asked as I stood and put my arms into a certain position I thought would help.

"You won't," he assured me as he placed the small human in my arms.

"Oh my gosh, he's so precious," I murmured through my tears. It was one thing to look at him in my sister's arms, but it was an entirely other thing to hold him close to my heart.

"Quick, take a picture," I gestured to Rory, who was closest, poking out my hip for her to snag my phone from my back pocket. As she positioned the camera, I smiled down at my nephew, and a deep yearning built in my chest. It was a feeling I never imagined having, and suddenly I knew it was something I wanted for myself one day.

"Here," Rory said, and I took the phone from her.

It was late, and I was sure Owen was asleep, but I maneuvered my thumb over the screen and tapped his number without waking the baby. I was a pro already.

I was surprised when he answered the video call. The dim light on his nightstand cast glorious shadows across his bare chest as I held the screen up.

"Wowza," Autumn cooed from her bed, ignoring Colton's eye roll.

"Sorry to wake you," I said, "but I wanted to introduce you to my nephew, Elijah. Eli for short."

I held the phone just far enough away so that Eli and I were on the screen together and you could make out his chubby cheeks and button nose.

"He's beautiful. Congratulations, Autumn and Colton. I can't wait to meet him in person."

"Hold on," I said to Owen as I carefully handed Eli to my sister. I stepped toward the door of the room while the rest of the family continued their excited chatter.

"Sorry, I know it's late, but I had to call."

Owen stretched his long limbs, and I found myself hoping the sheet around his waist would fall just a few inches lower. Since he'd taken my virginity and the couple of weeks I got to enjoy afterward, I'd been missing our intimate moments together. I'd made good friends with the vibrator he purchased for me a week after he left. The only stipulation was that I could only use it if I filmed it for him or while we video-chatted. Those were some of my favorite nights, but it still wasn't the same as having him with me.

"I'm glad you called, cricket. I'm always happy when I can talk to you."

"How's training going?" His coach had asked him to host a workshop for a few of the new players, and Owen seemed to be excited about it. The first sessions started yesterday. It wasn't just about how to play the game but how to present yourself to the public amidst the fame and fortune. He'd also brought in a financial advisor to set the new guys up with a team, so they didn't spend their million-dollar contracts right away.

"It's good. We have some real potential this year to make it to the championships again, and the guys are really open to listening to my advice. For whatever reason."

"Because you're their idol, baseball star."

We laughed together, and then a comfortable silence blossomed.

"I miss you."

"I miss you too, cricket. I'm sorry about the holidays. It's just easier to fly my mom out."

I'd been hopeful he'd make it home to Ashfield for Thanksgiving or Christmas, but he was recruited to host a charity marathon on Thanksgiving—a Turkey Trek. And on Christmas, he'd be participating in a local food drive with a guest spot on the televised New Year's Countdown. It was less than ideal, but at least I'd get to see his pretty mug on TV.

Beverly was ecstatic to join her son for the holidays. They'd really made headway in healing the rift caused by Owen's father. It took a while for Owen to understand that his mom had his best interests at heart, but I knew it would happen eventually.

"It's okay. I understand." I yawned uncontrollably and felt my jaw ache when my mouth closed.

"You should get home and rest. Seems like you've had a big day."

"You're probably right. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Text me when you get home or I won't be able to sleep."

"We're staying at a hotel across the street. Dad insisted."

"Good. I love you."

"I love you too, Owen."

With my hand on the door handle, I glanced at my sister and her husband curled over their newborn son, looking like they were in the most blissful dream. My family stood by watching, and it was in that moment I knew something I wasn't ready to admit yet. Not to myself or anyone else.

And my chest ached as I made a decision.