15. Fifteen

15

FIFTEEN

I wasn’t in my bed when I woke the next morning.

I felt as if I’d gone through a tsunami— how much did I drink last night?— and I had to roll to orient myself.

I recognized Zach’s bedroom ceiling right away. It was ornate—tin accents that made it seem fancier than a standard hotel room—and yet it still felt welcoming even in the midst of all that ostentatious energy.

The previous night’s events came flooding back in a wave of scenes.

Zach and I grinding on each other on the dance floor. From the outside, it might have looked relatively innocent. It was twenty minutes of foreplay, though.

The hurried walk down the strip. Normally, I took the time to watch my surroundings—there were pickpockets and gropers everywhere—but my only thought had been Zach. Every gesture he made as we speed walked back to the Stone was imprinted on my brain.

Once in the casino he’d been friendly, even waving at people. His expression somehow said “it’s great to see you but try to stop us and die” though. Under different circumstances I might have giggled. In the moment, things had felt dire.

Once on the private elevator—thankfully nobody else from the upper three floors had been going up at the time—we’d stood on opposite sides staring at each other. It was almost a game, and neither of us could drag our eyes away from the other. The first who broke eye contact lost.

Nobody lost.

Then it had been a hurried walk—more like a jog—down the hallway. Zach already had his keycard in hand and was flashing it before I could register what was happening. Then he whisked me inside the room and … well … that was another flurry of images.

Wild eyes.

Wild hair.

Wandering hands.

Wandering tongues.

Our clothes were still in the living room—unless he’d gotten up to take care of them sometime in the late morning hours, which I doubted—and he’d carried me to his bedroom after the grinding and moaning right by the front door had gotten out of hand.

Once in his bedroom, I’d expected a filthy extravaganza, and it started that way. Somewhere around the third time, though, things had turned soft. The gasps weren’t needy as much as greedy. The sex wasn’t desperate as much as delightful.

We’d both been exhausted at some point. I didn’t even remember falling asleep. One minute I was in his arms, listening to his heart rate return to normal. The next I was dead to the world. It had all happened in a matter of hours and yet it felt as if it had taken years to come to fruition.

Next to me, Zach was shirtless. His hair was a wild mess from me running my fingers through it. His face was peaceful for a change, however, as if he’d finally gotten the sleep he so desperately needed.

I propped myself on an elbow as I regarded him—he looked better shirtless than should’ve been legal under the law—and leaned in to get a better look at the fine lines at the corners of his eyes. So often, he looked troubled when he was awake, as if he had a million things on his mind. Now, though, he looked as if he didn’t have a care in the world.

I was so intent on my staring, that I almost came out of my skin when his eyes popped open and he focused on me.

I yelped because I hadn’t been expecting it, too lulled by the sight of his beauty. Rather than asking what I’d been doing, he grinned at me.

“Morning, Shorty.” His smile did funny things to my heart.

Then I registered the nickname. “I hate it when you call me that,” I muttered. I did my best to appear agitated—it wasn’t hard sometimes with him—but his smile was my undoing. “Why do you look so smug?”

“Oh, don’t kid yourself, Livvie.” His fingers moved to my cheek so he could brush his thumb over my flushing skin. “You look smug too.”

I wanted to argue with him—that couldn’t be true—but a smile lifted my lips, unbidden. “It wasn’t that good,” I said, mostly because I didn’t know what else to say.

His knowing look said otherwise. “Is that how you’re going to play it?”

“It was perfectly acceptable sex.” I decided to embrace this tack wholeheartedly, even though it was a vicious lie. “Total seven out of ten.”

“Seven, huh?” His grin grew even wider. “I guess I have something to work toward.” His arm snaked around my waist and before I realized what was happening, I was being gathered to his chest. “What will it take to get a ten?”

The fact that he was willing to work harder—didn’t he need food to refuel?—had my mind spinning in a million different directions. It wasn’t as easy to ignore reality in the bright light of day, though. “We need to talk.” I blurted it like the wet blanket I was.

Rather than argue, or try to kiss me into a different discussion, he nodded. “We do. I was thinking maybe we could do something else before we get to the serious stuff, though.”

I had to press my lips together to keep from grinning. “What sort of something else were you thinking about?”

“It will lose something in the telling. I’m going to have to show you.” He rolled me to my back and slid on top of me. “Let’s see if we can hit an eight, shall we?” His mouth covered mine before I could respond.

What the hell, I thought. An eight sounded good.

AN HOUR LATER AND WE’D MANAGED TO drag ourselves out of bed. We didn’t bother with clothes, both donning robes instead, and we sat at the dining room table to peruse the room service Zach had ordered for us.

“Who needs four full breakfasts?” I demanded as I sent him a dumbfounded look.

He shrugged, seemingly unbothered. “I need to carb load if I’m going to keep up with you.”

I grinned, then remembered who we were and what we were supposed to be doing. “Are you going to keep up with me? Is that the plan?” My legs felt suddenly wooden as I landed in one of the chairs. “What exactly are we doing here?”

He looked as if he was expecting the question. “Well, I wouldn’t mind repeating last night again.” His devilish grin did weird things to my stomach. Teenage Olivia, the one with the braces and the stupid notebook doodles, was pumping her fist somewhere in time right now. It was obvious he was interested in more than a roommate situation.

That didn’t mean we were compatible.

“Last night was great.” I opted for honesty. “It was … there are no words. My little nerdy teen self is giving me a standing ovation in my head.”

“I’m giving you a standing ovation in my head too.”

I smirked. I couldn’t help myself. “This isn’t supposed to be a real marriage,” I reminded him.

That was enough to have his smile slipping. “I know.” He took the top off a plate of pancakes. “What do you want, Olivia?”

The question threw me. What did I want? “I … don’t … know.” We were being vulnerable with one another, so I decided to be as honest as humanly possible. That was the only way we were going to get out of this mess. “I would be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to you.”

“Same.” Zach bobbed his head as he reached for the syrup. “Eat while you’re breaking it down,” he prodded. “You have to be running on empty. I know I am.”

That was one of my problems. I was running on empty … physically. Emotionally, I’d never felt so overstuffed. I yanked the top off the nearest breakfast tray and found an omelet with hash browns and juice waiting for me. My stomach let loose a ruthless growl in thanks.

“What do you want?” I asked him.

He paused with the syrup container halfway over his pancakes. “I’m attracted too,” he admitted. “Like … really attracted. I’m so attracted that they need to come up with a different word because that doesn’t do what I’m feeling justice.”

I nodded, waiting for him to finish it out.

“You don’t want this world, though,” he continued. “It’s not enough for you.”

“You realize the world is what you make it, right?” I made certain the question came off sounding gentle and not harsh. “You can still run the casino and choose your own world, your own house. You don’t have to live in the penthouse forever. You don’t have to live life like your father. You can be your own person and still be the businessman your father wants you to be.”

He looked momentarily thoughtful. “My father won’t allow that,” he said finally.

I wanted to shake him and yell “it doesn’t matter what your father wants” directly in his face. He didn’t see it, though. He didn’t realize that the one thing his father was waiting for him to do was become his own man. He was too close to the issue.

And you can’t solve that problem for him, I silently reprimanded myself. He had to come to terms with who he wanted to be himself. I couldn’t be the one to set him on his true path. It had to be a personal choice.

“You’re right that I don’t want to live in a casino for the rest of my life,” I agreed as I slathered strawberry jam on a slice of toast. “It’s fun and all, but I’m going to want my own house to decorate at some point. A casino can’t be a home.”

“But?” he prodded.

“But, we have a problem.” Running from that problem wasn’t going to do either of us any good. We had to start dealing with things. “We’re staying married for the next eleven months or so. That means we’re going to be on top of each other. Itches will have to be scratched.”

His lips swished. “That’s an interesting way of phrasing it.”

“I didn’t realize how hard it was going to be until we were constantly in each other’s space,” I admitted. “Like … I thought I might accidentally get a look at you in the shower or something and I would get a little thrill from that.”

“A little thrill, huh?”

I chuckled. “Very little.” I held my thumb and index finger an inch apart but kept my smile in place so he would know I was joking. “It’s way harder than I thought, though.”

Zach shifted on his chair. “Don’t say ‘hard’,” he admonished.

I burst out laughing. “Are you thirteen or something?”

“I kind of feel that way around you.” He tapped his fingers on the table. “I know what you mean about it being difficult, though.”

“It’s easier for you.”

“How do you figure that?”

“I had a terrible crush on you when I was a kid. Like … it was painful. I used to doodle your name in notebooks. Whenever Rex had you over at the house for a sleepover I would try to spy on you guys. It was horrible.” I sipped my coffee. “I probably shouldn’t have told you that. Now you’ll use it against me.”

“I already knew,” he replied.

I froze halfway to returning my coffee mug to the table. “Did Rex tell you?” I was horrified.

“Livvie, I had eyes,” Zach replied. “It was obvious you had a thing for me. Your cheeks would turn red whenever I was around. You would get a dopey look on your face sometimes when I was sitting across from you at the dinner table. It wasn’t exactly a secret.”

I. Was. Horrified. “Oh, no.” I buried my face in my hands. “You and my brother must’ve laughed yourselves silly about it.”

“Rex didn’t know.”

“You didn’t tell him?”

Zach shook his head. “No. I saw no reason to tell him. It was a harmless crush. I think it’s a little sister’s job to crush on her older brother’s friends. Plus, I thought it was cute.”

“No, you didn’t.” I shook my head. “You hated it when I was around you guys.”

His expression turned surprisingly stern. “You’re remembering it wrong.”

“No, I’m not. You guys couldn’t get away from me fast enough.”

“That was your brother. I was fine with you being there.”

“Um … I remember you taking his side.”

“Only when he made a big deal about it.” Zach was firm when shaking his head. “That was all him. I liked it when you were around. I mean … who doesn’t love it when a girl literally drools over him.” He winked to lighten the mood, but it was too late for that.

“That was the braces,” I growled.

“Ah, the pink rubber bands.” He smiled at the memory. “You were freaking adorable.”

“Nothing about that situation felt adorable to me,” I argued. “I yearned for you in such a way that it could’ve been a teen movie and people never would’ve stopped laughing.”

“Don’t be embarrassed about it. I have fond memories of that time.”

I sipped my coffee, considering. “Just out of curiosity, did you ever develop crushes on your sisters’ friends?” I was hopeful he would say yes. When he shook his head, my stomach shriveled.

“No, but only because their idea of spending time with me involved makeup and forcing me into dresses. In my mind, those girls were vapid and a bit sadistic. I happen to think I was much more mature and giving when it came to your crush on me.”

“Yeah, that’s not how I remember it.”

“Well, that’s how I remember it.” He was firm. “I refuse to let you turn this into a thing, though. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. We need to focus on the here and now.”

“Okay. Do you think we should get a divorce?”

He looked legitimately shocked by the suggestion. “No. Is that what you want?”

“Actually, no,” I replied. “I like having the time to figure out my next move. I just … if this is too hard…”

His eyes flashed. “What did I say?”

A giggle erupted, and there was no stopping it. “Difficult,” I corrected. “If it’s too difficult, maybe we should try to get ahead of it.”

“Or we can split the difference.”

I bit into my toast and waited for him to finish it out.

“We have an attraction,” he said. “I think the one thing we learned last night is that we can’t go a year without scratching some itches as you put it. What if we make our entire relationship about that?”

“Sex? You want to be sex buddies?” My voice was way squeakier than I was expecting.

“That’s kind of a guttural way to put it, but you’re not entirely wrong,” he hedged. “We both agree that a long-term relationship probably isn’t going to work. We have different expectations from life.”

“I want a family and a home and you want … this.” I gestured at the penthouse.

For a moment, I thought he was going to argue with me. A darkness stormed his eyes, as if I’d somehow offended him by stating the truth. It was gone as fast as I saw it, though. “Right.” He sighed. “What if we embrace the hormones but are friends?”

“So … friends with benefits who are married?” It seemed like a lot.

“Basically.”

“What about Rex?”

“Yeah, I don’t want to be friends with benefits with him. Just friends is good.”

I made a face. “He thinks this is a marriage in name only,” I reminded him. “I’m not sure he’s going to take a friends with benefits situation all that well.”

“No, he’ll explode,” Zach agreed. “The thing is…” He looked pained as he pulled himself together. “You’re his sister. He’s going to choose you if it comes to that. I would like to ensure that it doesn’t come to that.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning that I think we can do this as adults. We’ll have sex because we’re both going to need it. We’ll be friends because I think we’re both going to need that too. Either one of us can pull the plug on the sexual relationship if things feel as if they’re getting too heavy.”

I considered it long and hard. “I guess it does make an odd sort of sense,” I hedged. “It’s not as if we can date other people during the marriage. That will get back to your father.”

“Yes, and there’s no reason to torture ourselves either,” he said. “The truth is, I think we’re mature enough that we can have sex for a year and not develop feelings. Well, other than feelings of friendship. At the end of the year, we’ll get our divorce, and we’ll still be friends.”

I tried to picture what that would look like. Would I really be able to smile and wave him off as he fell in love with some statuesque blonde who would be perfectly happy raising his kids and living in a casino? Probably not.

The alternative wasn’t something I could fathom either. We were stuck in this arrangement, for better or worse, so we might as well try to make it as comfortable as possible. “Either one of us can pull the plug if it becomes too much?” I challenged.

He nodded. “I think that’s a necessity.”

I tilted my head. “And we don’t tell Rex.”

“Definitely not.”

“What about Tallulah?”

He hesitated. “I’m going to leave that up to your discretion. We have to be careful who knows what, though.”

I nodded. “Okay, let’s give it a shot.”

Relief flooded Zach’s features before he recovered. “Awesome. That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.”