Chapter Eight

Brandon

“Online shopping is the best thing in the entire world,” Brandon declared as he pushed a big box against the wall. “But boxes are stupid!”

“I’ll get that,” Dane called. “Don’t hurt yourself.”

He rolled his eyes. The box wasn’t heavy—it was just big.

“I saw that,” Dane warned.

There was no way. Was there? No. His Daddy didn’t have eyes in the back of his head. Brandon narrowed his eyes at Dane’s back before he pushed the box with his foot. Just to check.

“Brandon!” Dane barked.

He quickly stepped away from the box. Okay, Dane was getting really good at the whole Daddy thing. Now he could even see when his back was turned.

From the floor, Ezra laughed.

Brandon turned to scowl at his friend.

Shaking his head, Ezra pointed up to the mirror that faced Dane and allowed Dane to see where Brandon was standing.

Brandon huffed. Not fair!

“Boy…” Dane turned, the tangled lights in his hands. “If you want to decorate this tree, then you need to find some patience.”

Brandon knew that he was acting like a brat. He’d been so excited all day to decorate the house for Christmas, had pulled out the boxes, even made some homemade eggnog, finished his custom stockings for everyone, but the stupid lights were all messed up. It wasn’t fair! He stomped his foot. “I want to decorate now!”

Ezra sucked in a sharp breath.

Very slowly, Dane turned around.

Fear filled him. Damn, shit, fuck! Why had he done that? Brandon knew better than letting his little side take over when he was frustrated.

He took several steps back when Dane gently put the lights down.

“It’s okay,” Dane said quietly.

It was? No. Brandon shook his head. He was sorry but he knew that saying sorry usually got him in more trouble.

Dane walked around the couch before he sat down. He…wasn’t coming after Brandon. Didn’t yell. “Pretty frustrating when you’ve had to wait all day for us to get home and when you think the fun will start, the lights are tangled up.”

Yeah. That was right. But—

Brandon eyed Dane where he sat calmly on the couch. What was Daddy doing? He didn’t even sound mad. Just soft and sweet. This was even more confusing than if Dane had thrown something at him. Then Brandon would know he needed to hide. He didn’t, did he?

“Would you like a hug?” Dane asked. He opened his arms out to Brandon.

Well now Brandon sort of did want a hug. But he’d been bad.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Dane said. “I’m not mad or upset.”

This seemed like a trick.

Dane didn’t look mad though.

His ex…his ex would always look mad.

“You don’t have to come to me. If you need your space, that’s okay too.”

Brandon hugged himself. He much preferred Dane’s arms around him though. His eyes filled with tears. He didn’t know what to do.

“Don’t cry, baby boy,” Dane cooed. He dropped his arms to his sides. “No one is mad at you. You are not in trouble.”

“I was bad,” Brandon hated to admit. “Got mad.”

“And that’s okay,” Dane told him.

And that was okay. Emotions and feelings were okay. His therapist told him that. Eric told him that. Now Dane.

He took a deep breath.

Dane hadn’t lied to him. Hadn’t tricked him before. Sometimes his own brain played tricks on him but not Dane.

“You…not mad?” He just needed to make sure.

“No. I’m not mad. No one is mad.”

Brandon shuffled forward. A few steps at a time. If Dane was going to break his promise, would it be now? Was the other shoe about to drop? He froze.

“You don’t have to come to me,” Dane repeated. “I’m just going to sit here and give you space. And time. We have all the time in the world.”

Time and space.

Brandon could go to his room.

The playroom was downstairs.

Hell, Eric and Ezra were in the house. Ezra…Brandon looked down to see that his friend was smiling at him. He nodded encouragingly. Ezra wasn’t mad. Dane wasn’t mad.

He took a deep breath. Then another. Brandon started to count. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. When he still wasn’t completely calm, he counted again.

Dane never took his gaze from Brandon’s. He was breathing too. Bobbing his head like he was counting.

Oh! Damn, mini freakout.

As the buzz in the back of his mind faded, Brandon realized that the Christmas music was still playing softly in the background. He could hear Eric playing ball with Maverick since Eric had stomped off in frustration with the lights. Dane seemed to be the only one that had the patience to deal with them. And maybe deal with Brandon.

He huffed while rolling the tension from his shoulders.

“Good job, baby,” Dane praised. “You did very well.”

Brandon hadn’t panicked. Run away. Or curled up in a ball.

He smiled. He had done good.

“Th—” He had to clear his throat. “Thank you. For staying calm. For not rushing me.”

“Boundaries, baby. We all have them. I will always respect yours.”

Boundaries, limits, and safe words. Brandon hadn’t seen the need, for all the long conversations that he and Dane had every night. Brandon accepted Dane as his Daddy. Dane would never purposely push him or trigger Brandon’s fight-or-flight response. And he hadn’t. Brandon had done it to himself.

Had been doing it to himself for a while.

All those late-night talks had meant something to Dane, so Brandon had obliged his partner.

This was why.

The lightbulb went off.

Dane had known this might happen.

He closed the distance before he fell to his knees in front of Dane. “I…was scared.”

“I know.” Dane leaned forward still not touching him. “It’s okay to be scared.”

“Do you get scared?” Brandon whispered his question.

“I’m…I’m just gonna go…outside with Eric and Maverick.” Ezra made enough noise that Brandon knew when he was through the kitchen and out the back door.

“I do get scared,” Dane said. “I watch you sleep sometimes and get scared that I’m going to mess this up. I’m afraid every time that I go into a store and pass the alcohol aisle that one day I’ll buy something.” Dane took a deep breath. “I’m terrified that I’ll turn into my father.”

Brandon’s fingers shook as he placed them on Dane’s knee. “Your father?”

Dane covered Brandon’s fingers with his. “My father raised me. I guess you could call it that. My mom left before I even turned two and it was just the two of us.”

Brandon winced. “Not good?”

“I wasn’t abused,” Dane said. “There was always a roof over my head, food in the kitchen, and I was clean. I went to school. He went to work. I washed my own clothes when I turned seven. Made my own meals before that. I made sure the house was clean in case I had friends over. He wasn’t a bad man. He wasn’t a good one either.”

The trauma that parents who shouldn’t have had parents was so common now a days that it amazed Brandon sometimes.

“He just didn’t care,” Dane told him. “It didn’t matter if I was a straight A student or made every team I tried for. He didn’t care if I was running the streets at night or in my room studying. I was on my own even though he was just down the hall.”

“Dane.”

Dane shook his head. “He never attended one game I played in. Didn’t come to my high school graduation. Wasn’t there when I boarded the bus for basic training. Or when I graduated and became a soldier. I didn’t go home on my breaks.”

“Where did you go?” He had never known this about Dane. Brandon felt like he knew the older man well but maybe he should have paid closer attention. There had to be a reason for the drinking, right?

Dane shrugged. “Nowhere.”

“Friends?” Brandon asked.

“Didn’t make friends. I never got close to anyone until I joined the department here.”

“I always thought there was a strong bond between military brothers,” Brandon said.

“There was. Between everyone but me. My father had damaged something inside me. Why didn’t he love me? At least pretend to anyway? I was jealous of my friends and their families, so I stopped having friends. I didn’t bond with the guys in my unit because I didn’t trust them. If my father didn’t want me around, why would they? That was how I thought.”

“Something changed,” Brandon pointed out.

Dane snorted. “Your brother. And Remi.”

Huh. Really?

“After I joined the department, we were all put together on a team,” Dane explained. “They invited me to dinner. Or out for drinks. I always turned them down. I expected them to stop asking. Just like everyone else in my life.”

“They didn’t,” Brandon knew. Neither his brother nor Remi would have given up on Dane. Not if they saw something that they respected.

“Of course they didn’t,” Dane said. “Those fucking stubborn bastards. They did stop asking. Instead, they just showed up at my place with food or beer. Eventually, I just gave in and we became friends. They stuck with me.” He smiled. “That’s how they became my people.”

“I’m glad you ended up with them,” Brandon said sincerely.

“I am too, even more now that it brought you to me. The first time that I saw you.” Dane laughed. “You’d only been with Eric for a few days when I’d stopped by to check on you both. You were watching me from under a blanket. Your eyes though. I could see the pain that was there but there was so much strength too.”

Eric’s old apartment had been tiny. Barely enough space for Eric and no room for Brandon. They hadn’t been in the apartment long before Eric bought them this house. The first days that Brandon had been there had been scary. He didn’t know how long his brother would want him around. He was terrified of being on his own again. “I don’t remember,” he admitted.

“That’s okay,” Dane told him. “I remember. It was that night that I went home and threw out the liquor.”

He gasped. Because of him.

Dane frowned. “It wasn’t the last time I drank. That was harder than I expected. Alcohol is so readily available. I told myself that I could have one beer with the guys. I couldn’t. I’m an all-or-nothing guy, I guess.”

Brandon nodded. “But you did seek out help.”

“Eric and Remi once again. They got me into rehab. A couple of times. Went to meetings with me. I’d been hiding my problem from them for a while. I couldn’t have done it without their support.”

“That’s why you wanted to support me. For Eric.”

“At first, yes. Eric was struggling with guilt for what happened to you. That he hadn’t known or been there. It was eating him up inside.”

Brandon knew this. “It wasn’t his fault.”

“We know that. He does too. There is only one man at fault and he better be rotting in jail for a very long time.”

With Brandon’s connections, he had no fear of his ex coming after him. He had very scary but good men in his corner. He’d have to tell Dane the story someday. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Thank you for listening. I just wanted you to know that I get it. How your mind can play tricks on you. Even if you believe in your heart that I’d never hurt you, there’s a small part that’s still scared.”

“I don’t want you to get tired of my reactions. My triggers.”

“We all have them, baby. You are working harder than anyone I have ever met to get your life back. It might have been your eyes that drew me in but it’s your strength that snagged me and refused to let go. I fought my attraction for so long.”

That had him smiling. Brandon told himself over and over that he wasn’t broken but those were words that didn’t always ring true. He did feel broken sometimes. But he was a brave boy too. He fought back the fear and insecurities. He might not be completely healed, maybe there would always be fear, but he also wasn’t giving up on himself.

“I think I would like that hug now,” Brandon requested.

Dane leaned back against the cushion while opening his arms. Brandon climbed to his feet before he draped himself over Dane’s lap.

“Can I hold you?” Dane asked.

Brandon slid his arms around Dane’s middle. “Yes, not too tight right now.”

Dane’s hands were gentle as he was cuddled close. The warmth of his chest against Brandon’s cheek.

He could hear the steady rhythm of Dane’s heart. Smell the soap from his shower earlier.

“Mmm.” Brandon closed his eyes. “A little tighter.”

Dane complied.

The Christmas music still played in the background. Brandon couldn’t hear Eric and Maverick any longer. Ezra probably told Eric about Brandon’s little freakout. Not that he minded. At least he wouldn’t have to talk out his feelings with his brother. Dane had taken care of that part.

The evening was ruined and that hurt Brandon’s heart. How much time had he lost because of one horrible man? It was not fair! Brandon had been a good partner. He loved fully and fiercely. He’d raged and cried and screamed about his past but that had never helped. Being surrounded by the people that loved him? His brother, his new friends, Dane, Maverick—that was what filled him with peace.

“Would you still like to decorate the tree tonight?” Dane asked softly.

“I already ruined it,” Brandon complained.

“Ruined what?” Dane asked. “We had a moment where we spent quality time talking. That doesn’t mean that everything you worked for is ruined. We can still make this a fun night.”

“What about the stupid lights?” Brandon asked. He hated those damn lights.

“Never fear!” Eric said, strolling into the room. “I made a call to a hero.”

Brandon lifted his head.

Eric had Ezra tucked into his side with his free hand on Maverick’s collar.

“Hero?” Brandon asked.

“Remi will be arriving here shortly with new lights and tacos,” Eric replied with a grin.

Tacos? What did tacos have to do with the Christmas lights? That was weird, right?

“Everything good here?” Eric released Maverick, who quickly came to Brandon’s side. Maverick nosed Brandon’s knee.

With one hand buried in Maverick’s thick fur, he peered back at Dane. Dane was chuckling. Yeah, they were good. Brandon kissed Dane’s jaw. “Perfect.”

“Good.” Eric clapped his hands. “Because you really are the one in charge of this endeavor. How about we start with hanging the stockings while we wait on the lights? The ones you made should be dry by now.”

That was a good idea. Brandon should have thought about that before. He’d spent the afternoon making stockings for everyone he cared about. Dane, Ezra, Annabelle, Maverick, Lake, and Dom.

“Dada!”

Both Eric and Ezra turned toward the hall where the little voice called out.

“I’ll get her,” Eric offered. “You two boys can get busy.”

Brandon reluctantly climbed off Dane’s lap. “Tacos?” he asked.

Dane shrugged.

“That might have been my suggestion. I’ve been craving the street tacos from that one food truck down from the station. Remi would have to pass it anyway,” Ezra stated. “They’re so good.”

“Tacos sound good to me,” Brandon agreed. Now that the adrenaline was leaving his body, he could eat. “The stockings are drying on the kitchen counter.”

“I’ll get them,” Dane said. “You two decide where they’ll go.”

Brandon found himself alone with Ezra. Had that been by design? It wouldn’t surprise him. “Sorry.” He shifted from foot to foot. “About earlier.”

“Why are you sorry?” Ezra rushed over and yanked Brandon close.

He hid his internal cringe. Yeah. Boundaries. He needed to talk about those with Eric and Ezra as well. They meant well but sometimes being touched was too much. Brandon gently extracted himself. Maverick whined before nudging his back. Brandon went back to petting his furry canine. “For my mini freakout.”

“I’m sorry that it happened,” Ezra said. “I never thought about how lucky I am. I can be a brat. Throw a tantrum. But I don’t have any fear that Eric will hurt me. I’m sorry that it isn’t the same for you.”

“It’s okay.” Brandon shrugged. “Or…you know what. It’s not okay. That asshole deserves to burn in hell for what he did to me. But I don’t feel like I’m missing out or anything. I like knowing that Dane really understands me. Better than anyone else ever has.”

“He was amazing. At no point did he lose his cool or get mad. Dane handled it perfectly,” Ezra said.

“Yeah, yeah, he did,” Brandon agreed.

Dane reentered the room carrying the stockings that Brandon had spent most of the afternoon on. “Take these. I think Remi is here.”

“Lights!” Brandon bounced as he clapped.

“Tacos!” Ezra danced in place.

“Alright, silly boys. I’m going to go help Remi. Where’s Eric?”

“Here.” Eric walked in with Annabelle on his hip. “The little lady wanted to change into her elf onesie so she matched her Uncle Bran.”

“My angel!” Brandon strolled over and stole Annabelle from his brother. Maverick danced by his side. The doggo loved the girl as much as Brandon did. If Maverick wasn’t with Brandon, then he could be found close to Annabelle.

“Hey!” Eric complained.

“Nope!” Brandon carried his favorite girl over to the tree. “I haven’t gotten to spend any time with this little lady since she started going to school full-time.” It was daycare but Annabelle was convinced she went to school every weekday. It made her happy so no one minded what they called it.

“I make tree stuff at school!” Annabelle told him.

“You did?” Brandon asked with excitement. He widened his eyes for her. “I bet you made the best tree stuff ever!”

“Yes!” She clapped herself.

Maverick barked, agreeing with her.

Huh, she might pay too much attention to them when they were little. Really that was an Ezra and Eric problem though. Brandon got to be the fun uncle.

“I have come to save the day!” Remi announced as he entered the living room carrying two plastic bags filled with food containers.

Dane walked in behind him carrying six boxes of new tree lights. Six? Why would they need six boxes? How big of a tree did Remi think they had?

“That's a lot of lights,” Brandon commented as he walked over to the coffee table. The food did smell good. It would be better to trim the tree with a full stomach.

He passed Annabelle to Ezra, who had already settled on the floor.

“I see the doubt on your face,” Remi told him. “Only two of those boxes are for your tree. The others are for the roof and front window. If you’re going to do Christmas, then you have to do it right.”

Brandon glanced at Eric. They hadn’t decorated the outside last year because Eric refused to be one of the houses that had lights up in the New Year and his schedule was unpredictable enough that he might not have time to take them down. Brandon had said he would, but his brother hadn’t wanted him on the roof either.

Eric grunted. “Dane and Remi both said they would take the lights down before the New Year!”

“Before the New Year,” Dane and Remi repeated in sync.

Eric flipped them off.

Ezra covered Annabelle’s eyes as he cleared his throat.

“Shi…shoot,” Eric said. “Sorry, baby.”

Dane and Remi snickered openly.

Brandon settled on the floor across the food and patted his side for his furry partner. “Who are the adults here?” he asked Maverick.

Two short barks were his answer.